drinking and young adults when they dont want to drink

[treetops]

Maybe I am just venting here but I want to get it out. I have recently returned from the UK and had a lovely time there with my daughter who is 18 years old. She lives in NZ and doesn't drink AL and that is her choice. But as a parent I did not 'introduce' her to AL - unlike some of my friends and some of my family who think it better to start drinking in a so-called civilised way within the family. My partner also supported us not encouraging her to drink when she was younger. Now that she is 18 she can legally drink and go into bars here in NZ and in the UK. If she goes into a bar she chooses something non alcoholic. No peer pressure that I know of - some of her friends drink and some don't. They are not religious or puritanical in other aspects either.

But when we were visiting in the UK some folk (including some family but not all) seemed to think my daughter was missing out or a bit 'strange' because she wasn't drinking at all. Because she is a university student some people seem to think AL must be at the top of her pastimes. She got annoyed about being asked about pubs/clubs/parties and I felt annoyed for her. Whats with this pressure? These days when we are at some family events - she gets the hints about how she 'should' be drinking - although everyone knows I don't drink anymore and just as well they probably think.
Whats even more embarrassing for the poor girl is that she gets compared to me- as in she isn't like her Mum was then.
I haven't explained this very well and my intent might be confusing - but I thought I would put it out there.

[SnoopyC]

Hi Treetops,
The pressure to drink alcohol is intense with some groups of people, those who drink, mostly. Really, whose business is it if you don't want alcohol. However, it is ingrained in us that it is normal to drink, abnormal not to drink. When my nephew stopped drinking, my brother was actually annoyed because it might interfere with his drinking, even though his son almost died. So, I guess other drinkers want everyone to drink, so it is considered normal and does not interfere with their drinking times. Very sad, really.

[Sunbeam]

Part of me is dreading an upcoming family reunion. The hostess drinks regularly, posts online about drinking frequently. Many of my cousins during regularly. My sister will not be attending because she hardly leaves her apartment, she just drinks as far as I know. Ugh, family isn't always this wonderful thing. Your daughter is fortunate to be on the right side of this issue.

[paulywogg]

You have a smart daughter TT my son who's also 18 doesn't drink,smoke cigs or smoke weed even though some of his friends do,I really hope he keeps with it,I think people pushing it on these young folks is just a case of misery loves company, makes me sick!

[IamMary]

Treetops, I think it's so deeply embedded in our culture (Ireland /UK), that this nonsense attitude goes on all the time. I see it with my age group (40s), and if I'm honest, when I was in the thick of it, I would have thought non drinkers (for no apparent reason), were a bit boring and missing out, but I wouldn't be so rude as to say it!!
It's a ridiculous mindset, but the issue is with those people commenting, not with your daughter.
I hope mine turn out the same..