One Step at a Time - August 2016

[Glass Half Empty]

Thanks for your support everyone.

Mama, Pauly, Techie, SK – I’m thinking of you all.

Nora – I know what Casey said has upset you but it’s probably something he rarely thinks about – and if anyone knows how drinking can bring out the tiniest thing from the back of the memory box, it’s us! It’s probably a good time to have an adult conversation about it though, and maybe it’s good that it’s come to the surface.

Liz - I think the transition of seeing our children grow to adulthood is probably the hardest thing we can ever experience. I’m still learning how to do it. I worried myself sick (literally) when mine moved away, and within 2 years they were back. Just come here and bawl if you need to.

Hugs everyone :heartbeat:

[paulywogg]

Hey all, Nora,that's sad but maybe it was just "drunk drama"?how when drinking peeps cry and rant about things they really don't even care about, don't let it upset you,maybe have a talk with Casey, Liz,big hugs to you,that's how I was feeling, so just yucky I couldn't be around myself,dragging ass getting ready for work and hubs has the house so cold I'm wearing a hoodie! I hope today is a better day for us ALL,back later, much love

[Lizann]

Nora, I agree with the others, it probably had something to do with the drinking. I'm sure he knows how much he is loved. I have one adopted niece and two adopted nephews and each one handles the fact that they were given up differently, but they all know they are loved. My niece and nephews are all Korean so the fact they look different is also an issue for them. It's your sons own unique story and makes me who he is. Has he tried to contact his birth mom?

Glassy thanks for your kind words. Will you keep us posted on the blueberry?

Pauly, I'm with you, let's hope today is a better day.

I woke up feeling a bit more positive this morning. Crazy thing is THAT in itself scares me.
Erin is coming by today and of course my mood will depend on hers. I'm sure she'll be fine.
I'm crazy that way. Mark made a comment last night when he came home that there was no use calling me at work and telling me Lucy was sick. They know I'm in a fragile state right now. Makes me feel kinda bad, that I'm not the strong wife/mother I should be.
So Mark had an important work/dinner function at a fancy resturant/catering place. I graduated with the banquet manager there and don't you know he picked my son out of the crowd. He went out of his way to make sure Mark was treated like royalty. He sent me a message this morning. I was really touched by his kind gesture. He was always such a nice guy. Anyway let's make this a good Thursday.

[SKendall]

Nora, I think every adopted child wants to know about their biological parents, it's human nature. Don't let his throw you. I agree, you should have a conversation with him, it doesn't mean he loves you any less, there's just a missing piece in his life's puzzle.

I think if you google the situation, you will get some very familiar advice.

[SKendall]

Glassy, thinking of you and your blueberry.:hug:

Lizz, sweetie you panic when you wake up positive? Relax, you can't worry yourself into the future. Glad there was a great outcome to the banquet.

Pauly, I hope you have a great day.

[actiongirl46]

MAE all . . . just checking in. I am super busy being back at work but it has been a very good thing. I need to remember that. I need structure and purpose to keep me out of trouble!! Just like a toddler, ha ha:exclaim:

So much going on with the fam here. We may need to rebuild the blankie fort into a more permanent retreat. I'm envisioning a bubbling water fountain, a comfy sectional with colorful pillows, and a popcorn machine.

So, one thing my therapist said on Monday that I wanted to share here. She asked me how I felt about myself after I drank. I shared the self-hate, guilt, remorse, shame, etc. Her advice was to try to change that voice in my head. (She didn't mean to keep drinking, as I shared that voice can come up in many different contexts, such as you're no good, etc.) Her thinking was if I could try to have that voice be more compassionate and strong, such as I do with my kids. (e.g. ok, you've got this, you're alright, this will work out, etc.) By building up that compassionate confident voice, the thought is that it will drown out the negative voice and also help me when tempted (e.g. do you really want that? it is not going to make you feel confident and strong . . .)

I think we all know the above, especially the veterans on here have figured that out I'm sure. I just wanted to share the work I'm doing this week and beyond if it is of use to anyone else.

Ok, back to work! Hang in there :hug:

[NoraC]

Hello my family.....I am at work, also. This will be short. I am going to try my best to be online tonight. That is part of my problem - not staying connected here.
AG - love the permanent blankie fort idea. Love flowing fountains - very calming.
Very interesting discussion with your therapist and I have much to say. LOL
SK - you are sound so much better. I hope your pain is easing up.

Love & hugs - be back later nthego:

[mama bear]

Nora - I was adopted. Remember? And when my birth family found me...I was not happy. We can talk more if you like. I agree with everyone else that it was prolly a drunken thing, but you should talk to him.
I am at work and don't have time to comment on everyone, but I will try later. I terminated manager I am replacing effective tomorrow and she actually thanked me. I knew she was dying to leave and would not be upset. I, however, started crying about me coming here and we went to lunch and she was so supportive.
Love and hugs to all.....and I think we might need a blankie HOUSE......more room for all of us. I could prolly hook up as with a mold infested apartment, too!! If I don't laugh, I will cry!
Lizz, Pauly, AG, Glassy, SK, TMH....we got this.
And I hope the blueberry is nothing.
PS....I am getting my new van tonight. I am blessed.
And so are all of you.xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[paulywogg]

A blankie something concrete sounds good to me, seems we spend most of our time there anyways,I just wrote down in great deal this last drinking spell and now I feel the anxiety creepiing in,I just wonder how I can be coasting along in my sober reality and then end up a drunken,crying heap on the couch so quickly and over and over?! It's truly a baffling existence and one that I'm tired of,I really need to change my thinking and attitude towards everything, hope everyone is having a good night

[Glass Half Empty]

Mama I hope your work situation gets better soon.

Just had the tests and my blueberry is only a cyst!

PS - How's this for a blankie fort? I think we could all be quite comfy in there.

Blankiefort.jpg

[paulywogg]

Woo-hoo Glassy!!! Btw,I'll NEVER be able to eat blueberry pancakes without thinking of you haha,cute blankie fort

[Lizann]

Glassy I love the new blankie fort! Glad it's just a cyst too. Does it need to come out?
Anyway just wanted to check in quick. I had a fabulous day! Erin, hubs and I went to a sculpture garden about an hour away. Totally cool place and such fun to explore. Anyway I feel a lot better this evening. Anyway, just wanted to let you know what a happy day it was.
Sweet dreams:love:

[Glass Half Empty]

Awww - I'm so glad you had a better day Liz. I hope you can hold on to those memories and remember whatever happens they aren't over! There will be many more of them wherever your kids are.

The blueberry doesn't need to come out yet - it's only small so I just need to keep an eye on it.

Pauly - sorry about that. Will you guys bail me out if I get sued by the blueberry marketing board? Or at least hide me in the fort?
:rotlf:

[NoraC]

Glassie - YAHOO!!!!! FANTASTIC NEWS!!! And, we can celebrate in style in the blankie fort. I love it.

Thanks for all the kind words. Casey knows how much he is loved and he loves us. I have offered to give him all the information I have to help him find his birth parents. He is not interested at all. He does want the medical history and would like to know his nationality background. But, no interest in seeking them out. Maybe that will change one day - I don't know.
It just hurt my heart when I realized that he felt like he wasn't wanted or loved by his birth parents. We'll talk about it again when the time is right.

I wanted to respond to everyone but sorry - not going to happen tonight. I did want to comment on your talk with your therapist, AG. I truly believe that. The self-hatred and guilt I felt overshadowed everything. That has changed so much in the past year. I am learning to value myself and treat myself with kindness. Once that changed, my life improved. It's really worth working on that aspect. :hug:

[Glass Half Empty]

AG - I'm so sorry I missed you in my reply earlier.

I'm very glad your therapist is giving you wise words about self compassion.

Have you seen this site:
Self-Compassion

It's something I'm working on with my psych as well, so if you ever want to PM me to talk about it please do! :love: