One Step at a Time - March 2017

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

AG - how many kids do you have and how old? Seems like you are always on the go. Of course, you have so many activities yourself. Whew!

Rusty - how's the weather? Are you driving?

Ne - I'm reading The Chosen series. I am almost finished with the 4th book now. It's great because I can read without the pages getting all blurry & rereading the same thing over & over and then forgetting what I read. I have always loved to read and it's great to be back at it. Another bonus of being AF. And I'll definitely take reading as my escapism. LOL

WF - you are right that DIL didn't realize the severity of my problem. And I was glad that she hadn't seen all of it. But, it was also a major deal to me that son just immediately saw me as a non-drinker. Hard to put into words but it was like another chapter was closed on this journey I am on.

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Oh - I ordered egg whites at a restaurant once. :sad: Luckily I don't have cholesterol problems because I won't be doing that again. :rotlf:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Judging by a post on FB, son & DIL have been apartment hunting today with no luck. Positive thoughts would be much appreciated. :yay:

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Ooh Nora, I'm in. So cozy! I bought a few snacks I'll bring along. How exciting about the apartment hunting! I hope they find something close by. CJ is spending the night and storm at joes house. Makes me think maybe they'll live there after the wedding too?

[actiongirl46]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

AG, I think one of the most destructive things about recovery is when people blast themselves, or others do it for them, when they slip. I love your attitude, and think it's the only way to really 'get it' when it comes to long term recovery and contentedness. Does that make sense? I mean, we beat ourselves up relentlessly, with shame and guilt and resentment and self-pity. None of that stuff does anything but drive me back into a bottle. I struggle with it daily right now. It kinda sucks. So anyway, good for you!

\\

Thank you Ne . . . one of my "strengths" is beating myself up. I am realizing that it is just not helping. I really don't know, still figuring this out. I KNOW I don't want to go backwards, I have to use what I've learned to move forward (e.g. no AL in the house, distract myself, just get through the 4 - 9pm hours).

Onward!

[actiongirl46]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Hi Nora - they are 15 and 16, a freshman and a junior in high school. I am trying to enjoy every minute!

The blankie fort is JUST how I pictured it. Wow. I'll bring the ice cream!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Liz, your dad’s insistence on shoveling IS worrisome. I hope he’ll get some sense and stay inside, but if he’s anything like my father, he’ll do exactly what he wants when he wants. Age and common sense be damned!! Hope you don’t get the full 24 inches predicted and that you’ll be able to dig your way out quickly. :hug:

Nora, I’ll check out Chosen! Thanks! They figured out a few years ago that cholesterol in food doesn’t really affect cholesterol in the blood. Thank goodness, because I’m with you about the egg whites! ugh. Positive thoughts about the apartment. The blanket fort is AMAZING. I missed the reason for it? Whatever it was, it is brilliant.

AG, I read a lot. Too much. But my recent obsession with self-help and spiritual-type books just reinforces (repeatedly) the idea that our minds can be our own worst enemies. We get to create reality with our perceptions. Beating myself up for things that are done is not just useless, it’s a great way to stay miserable. The books aren’t just books for our tribe, either. And they’re not all religious, not all ancient. My favorite at the moment is called Loving What Is. I haven’t done the work in it, but just the title reminds me to stay present. Not that I’m good at it yet! And there’s a guy in a meeting I go to, who is older than Methuselah. He said yesterday he just decides that everything is ok. It might not be, he said, but he just thinks it is. He’s so damn content and funny, I think he’s on to something.

I’m off to make the donuts. Hope it’s a good AF day for y’all. And me, too.

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Good Morning!
Nora-I think it's fantastic that your son thinks of you as a non-drinker!:sohappy:Another hurtle you have overcome in your recovery. How is he doing with his recovery? Is he still going to AA meetings? Positive thoughts and prayers that they find an apartment. I don't like egg whites on their own, but in an omelet with tomato, onion, green peppers...they're not bad.

NE Reading ANYTHING is better than drinking....so what if it's escapism...it's relaxation, really. Did you ever make blankie forts when you were a kid? You put a blankie between two chairs or the chair and the sofa and you make a fort out of it. The blankie fort is where we go here if we are struggling, hurting, really sad or angry...we seek refuge in our blankie fort. Nora is amazing at posting pictures and she found a blankie fort picture and posted it once. Nora, would you mind posting it again for NE? NE, I am so glad you post here...and I forgot to mention...great job on the weight loss!! I did not know your husband was a chef...COOL. :-)

AG-Good job on having a plan to keep AL out of the house and keep busy/distracted from 5:00-9:00. Yep, the witching hour was a huge trigger for me, too. Beating myself up for things that happened in the past is something I struggle with all the time. BUT, I will say that when it came to my drinking...my family's staged intervention (My sister-in-law's not so brilliant idea) just made my drinking much, much worse because all I felt was extreme shame and then my anxiety went through the roof. The absolute worst part about that intervention is that my sister, whom I love as much as mother, and someone I confided in and trusted...went behind my back to my doctor to try and find out what kind of drugs (prescription) because she knew I had a habit of drinking and driving. I felt that my sister betrayed me. I carried that anger and shame with me for years afterward and this intervention was in October, 2008. Interventions can blow up in people's faces and this one sure did. I think if my sister had just privately pulled me aside and told me she was worried about my drinking, I would have been much better off.

Liz-how far away does Joe Live? I hope not too far as I know you love seeing CJ as often as you can.

I finish work today about 11:00 AM and then I have a 5.5 hr. drive home. It's supposed to snow in WI today so hopefully I'm not driving into another blizzard situation.

Waves to all...have a great AF Hump Day!

[paulywogg]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Morning all,Rusty,careful driving home I can't believe how much snow they're getting back east!AG,yes no beating yourself up,its pointless(even though I'm pretty good at it too) I hafta be hard on myself in regards to AL,at least in the case of the "F-its" feeling, no I will not drink! But in the times I have gave in I try and learn something from it,Nora,I like that chapter being closed in your journey on the egg whites I do 1 whole egg mixed with 2 egg whites when I scramble just cuz I don't really care for eggs as it is but this way I get a nice portion at half the calories (unless I add cheese) NE,I'm exactly the same as you on deprivation!! I tried to go low carb for a bit and started craving carbs that I didn't even care about before..ramen noodles.cereal.slices of bread,etc who craves ramen noodles???? I'll never do that again anyways, sure I lost weight super fast but my boobs shriveled,it looked gross Liz,you stay safe in that storm! I hate daylight saving time,I honestly don't know when to go to bed or get up,waves to Techie,SK,WF,Glassy wishing us all a happy AF Tuesday

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Pauly-

sure I lost weight super fast but my boobs shriveled,it looked gross

Hahah!!

It is TUESDAY, not Hump Day. Sorry!

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

NE-I forgot to add that I think it would be great if you got a part-time job doing something you love. Do you not want to go into nursing since that's why you went to school?

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Morning. Not with it yet today. Should already be on my way to work. nthego:

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Good morning all! It is definitely bad out today. We had snow and now it's hail and wind. I have never heard hail hit the windows like this ever. It's so freakin loud! Crusty snow, should be fun to shovel. I'm just praying the power doesn't go out!

Rusty drive safe. I am paranoid driving in the snow. As far as the intervention, may I ask how it failed? Did they just all get together and confront you? I can imagine how I would feel and it wouldn't be good. I think it would cause me to drink more. Did your doctor talk to your sister about you? Hippa, his much could he have shared. What was finally the thing that made you quit? Honestly, I struggle with my relationship with my sisters. I feel like there's always this dark cloud over my shoulder when I'm with them. Maybe someday!
Rusty, joe lives about 10 miles away. Not too bad. Coincidentally close by my sister.

Pauly, you had me laughing with the shriveled boobs! I buy Egg Beaters, southwestern style and it's actually pretty good! I don't do egg whites!

AG, SK, Nora, Ne, hope you guys are doing ok. Check back with you all later, I hope!

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Hey where is everybody? We ended p with 10 inches of snow with a layer of ice! The snow blower broke about 3/4 of the way through the first run, so Mark and wet out and shoveled some of that nasty heavy stuff. BIL picked us up at around 4 and we headed over to my parents. Literally we had them shoveled out in under an hour. Thankfully it's not a large property but boy are his neighbors nasty people! Long story but she would not move her car which she Had in the middle of the street! I a tired and sore, but happy that we got it all done.
Wishing you all a peaceful AF night!

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Hey all.

Liz - glad you got it shoveled. Too bad about the neighbors though. I don't understand people sometimes.

Rusty - hope you are home safe & sound.

How's everyone doing today? I just got off the phone with my brother. I was shaking by the time I hung up. Talk about giving me anxiety. I won't bore you with all the details. But, he frustrates me. He doesn't see how he can possibly move by June. Seriously - maybe if he started doing something, it would get done. You would not believe what I got done while I was up there. But, then he was talking about when I was going up again and that it wouldn't wait for me to wait until he's almost ready to leave for me to go up there. I told him flat out that I wasn't going up there until he had gone thru his stuff. That I wasn't going to work around it again. This was all a very civil conversation. Not upset at all. But, then he mentioned that it would be easier once I got my stuff out of there. That's when I started shaking. I was so upset. He couldn't be bothered to move his clothes out of my way while I was going thru stuff. But, he thinks it will help once I have my boxes and furniture out. i: The boxes that I labeled with his or my name and piled on separate shelves. I just took a deep breath and said yes, it is really hard to work around it. And once you go thru your stuff, I'll go back up.
Then he said well, he guesses that there's no rush. Doesn't have to be done by June. I had just told him about Mom having a couple of bad days and wandering at night. I said - Yes, it does have to be done right away. It is very quickly getting to the point that I will not be able to leave Mom. He finally agreed that he would get it done by June. I'm not holding my breath - sigh :sad: