Re: Paulysville
Shit,I better post this today cuz I always post in the morning and I don't want to get emotional first thing,my baby brother was 29 years old,he's the youngest of 8 kids and my mom didn't know she was pregnant cuz she had gotten her tubes tied so when Jon came she was sort of over it so he became like my baby,slept in my room,I took care of him at the ripe old age of 13,I got pregnant, married at 16,moved out and started my life,parents got divorced 2 years later and my dad took on the 5 kids left at home,he did the best he could,Jon started drinking and smoking weed at a very young age,in and out of trouble with the law,had his first daughter at 19 then a son and another daughter mid-twenties,all the while drinking very heavily morning til night,lost custody of all 3 kids,2 years ago he quit drinking, we were all happy thinking he was finally getting his life together, turns out he traded alcohol for opiates,meth,acid,etc.he sought guidance off the Internet from a "spiritual advisor" man I tell you he got so wrapped up in this lady's bullshit! When I saw him last in Nov all he would do is talk about her on and on,just weird shit,mermaids,fairies blah blah blah,then this shit happens cuz he believed he was gonna be guided after death into some other dimension, the notes he left behind were so muddled and weird it gave me the creeps,my poor little brother just sat in his room in the basement and slowly lost his goddamn mind! I'm so angry at him,no goodbye to mom and dad,none of his brothers, me, nobody. It comes in waves,when I first heard I lost all body control, I was shaking uncontrollably and I've never screamed like that in my life,had to pull everything I had in me to be able to drive the rental car home from the airport I was shaking so bad,left here at 8pm got there at 11:30 and I swear I dont know if I ever slept that night,my mom was extremely drunk with my cousin,I guess I don't blame her,its how she's always coped,the next day seeing my dad cry tire me up! I've only seen him cry once in my life when I was 10 and he was on the roof trying to fix leaks and he fell and shattered both wrists,anyways I hugged him and we cried and he just hugged me like he never has and told me he loved me,this is just devastating, absolutely THE hardest thing I've ever gone through, who the hell walks miles up a mountain with a rifle,hides in a cave and blows their brains out thinking its cuz they're a "superior being" according to his notes,and you can see the exact spot right from my dads house,he's gonna hafta see it every day,I couldn't stop looking at it,its haunting to know that's where he did it,sorry for the long ass ramble if you even got this far but I had to get some of it out,I go from crying, feeling OK,being angry its driving me bananas,I'm happy I didnt drink but I did smoke like a 1983 pickup truck,I couldn't stop smoking! I just hope my family will be OK,I hope i'lI be ok,I hope we'll all be OK,most important too is I hope Jon's OK.
Shit,I better post this today cuz I always post in the morning and I don't want to get emotional first thing,my baby brother was 29 years old,he's the youngest of 8 kids and my mom didn't know she was pregnant cuz she had gotten her tubes tied so when Jon came she was sort of over it so he became like my baby,slept in my room,I took care of him at the ripe old age of 13,I got pregnant, married at 16,moved out and started my life,parents got divorced 2 years later and my dad took on the 5 kids left at home,he did the best he could,Jon started drinking and smoking weed at a very young age,in and out of trouble with the law,had his first daughter at 19 then a son and another daughter mid-twenties,all the while drinking very heavily morning til night,lost custody of all 3 kids,2 years ago he quit drinking, we were all happy thinking he was finally getting his life together, turns out he traded alcohol for opiates,meth,acid,etc.he sought guidance off the Internet from a "spiritual advisor" man I tell you he got so wrapped up in this lady's bullshit! When I saw him last in Nov all he would do is talk about her on and on,just weird shit,mermaids,fairies blah blah blah,then this shit happens cuz he believed he was gonna be guided after death into some other dimension, the notes he left behind were so muddled and weird it gave me the creeps,my poor little brother just sat in his room in the basement and slowly lost his goddamn mind! I'm so angry at him,no goodbye to mom and dad,none of his brothers, me, nobody. It comes in waves,when I first heard I lost all body control, I was shaking uncontrollably and I've never screamed like that in my life,had to pull everything I had in me to be able to drive the rental car home from the airport I was shaking so bad,left here at 8pm got there at 11:30 and I swear I dont know if I ever slept that night,my mom was extremely drunk with my cousin,I guess I don't blame her,its how she's always coped,the next day seeing my dad cry tire me up! I've only seen him cry once in my life when I was 10 and he was on the roof trying to fix leaks and he fell and shattered both wrists,anyways I hugged him and we cried and he just hugged me like he never has and told me he loved me,this is just devastating, absolutely THE hardest thing I've ever gone through, who the hell walks miles up a mountain with a rifle,hides in a cave and blows their brains out thinking its cuz they're a "superior being" according to his notes,and you can see the exact spot right from my dads house,he's gonna hafta see it every day,I couldn't stop looking at it,its haunting to know that's where he did it,sorry for the long ass ramble if you even got this far but I had to get some of it out,I go from crying, feeling OK,being angry its driving me bananas,I'm happy I didnt drink but I did smoke like a 1983 pickup truck,I couldn't stop smoking! I just hope my family will be OK,I hope i'lI be ok,I hope we'll all be OK,most important too is I hope Jon's OK.
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