Paulysville

[abcowboy]

You're going through the grieving process Pauly, perfectly natural. In time this too shall pass, you'll be filled with memories of the good times you shared with him and you'll find closure....

[Glass Half Empty]

Re: Paulysville

I absolutely agree with NoSugar , Pauly.

I simply can't believe a benevolent, loving God would ever abandon someone who did nothing wrong except what he felt he had to do to escape the pain he was in.

[NoraC]

Re: Paulysville

Again - thank you for putting my thoughts into words...........

I absolutely agree with NoSugar , Pauly.

I simply can't believe a benevolent, loving God would ever abandon someone who did nothing wrong except what he felt he had to do to escape the pain he was in.

[NoraC]

Re: Paulysville

Pauly - I completely believe the way that Glassie & NS do. :hug:

[paulywogg]

Re: Paulysville

Kell asked the inevitable question a little bit ago,,"are you wanting to drink?" I told her no and I'm not lying,I told her I don't want to say the same old"I'll never drink again"and then let anybody or myself down,I just told her maybe Jon passed to give us all a little strength where we need it,who knows? I feel like drinking would be shitting on his memory and tbh my mind hasn't gone there...yet, I'm not trying to leave any doors open by saying that but I also know the reality of this addiction and how my mind tends to drift,I'm keeping my guard up tightly.

[empyr3al]

Re: Paulysville

I think maybe its grief stage. There are a number of stages. Kubler Ross actually describes them. Grief.com – Because LOVE Never Dies Five Stages of Grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler Empathy is something crazy to get your head around but if you have it you are normal and this is normal.

Its odd how some of us do not want to drink after trauma. I respect what you consider dishonesty and a shitty memory to place on who you loved. Most people gather in a pub and get wasted. I completely agree and it kept me sober for the longest lengths of time. Respect to you and your memory for Jon.

Wishing you the best healing possible and I'm sorry.

[Pavati]

Re: Paulysville

Hi, Pauly:

I recently had this same conversation with a friend because a good friend's husband recently died of suicide. I am not Christian, but I was among many Catholics. They basically said that part of being a mortal sin is the exercise of will, and that with increased understanding of mental illness, the teachings of the Church are changing. Almost all suicide is caused by mental illness - it sounds as if Jon would be in that category. They are serious Catholics - very thoughtful and earnest in their beliefs. I am glad that we have increased awareness about mental illness to take the stigma away from survivor's families.

I look at it in the same way I look at addiction. There is no way a parent would CHOOSE to leave his/her children if they were of right mind - apart from everything else it isn't biologically sound. Therefore, I believe that at a certain point, the person is no longer in charge - the addiction or the mental illness is (or in this case, maybe both).

I hope you can believe what NoSugar so eloquently said - Jon is at peace.

Hugs,
Pav

[paulywogg]

Re: Paulysville

I wonder why he hasn't visited me,or why I didn't feel he was gone? That Sunday was just like any other Sunday, I didn't feel sad for no reason or any darkness and,, this sounds weird but the night before they found him I was alone in my room and I called out to him several times just in case he had passed,there was nothing, no papers rustling, no presence, no wind gust,no feeling, I asked all of my family while up there,they couldn't feel him gone either, thats why I worry about him and his soul,cripes I need this over,I wish funerals were done two days after death so I could feel more moved on,I just feel creepy,having strange thoughts pop into my head just about what drove him over,irrational thoughts,meh

[NoraC]

Re: Paulysville

(((((((pauly))))))

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Paulysville

Sending continued strength and peace to you and yours, Pauly.

[Guitarista]

Re: Paulysville

Thinking of you and your family Pauly.

[Wildflowers]

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This is so very traumatic Pauly. Thinking of you and praying. I believe God understands and your brother is with the Lord. You will be reunited one day. A place of eternal peace, joy and beauty. A place where illness and tears no longer exist. Praying your all surrounded with love. May this love provide a small measure of comfort for all of you. Hope you all receive a little rest. :hug:

[empyr3al]

Re: Paulysville

Again I will send you love.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: Paulysville

Oh Pauly, I can't begin to imagine what you are going through right now, the personal pain in your posts is tangible. I just wanted to offer any small slither of light to you through this darkness, there are many here who care.

[paulywogg]

Re: Paulysville

They released the backpack my brother had with him,I was hoping it would have notes to my parents,his kids,his siblings to say goodbye, nope..I feel really angry,I dunno if its a,defense mechanism to deal or what but I feel like if he cared so little for us"earth family" as he called us on his computer then why should I be here crying crocodile tears over him? I think my real baby brother died a long time ago inside,I don't know who the person I saw last was anyways, he acted so weird,meh,time to get on with normalcy.