One Step at a Time - August 2017

[paulywogg]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

Morning friends, Liz the pics of the shower were lovely glad lunch with your mom was fun too,I understand why your sisters are angry-they love you but I've found that people being angry at me over it only fuels my self doubt and I feel like even more of a loser so I think that approach sucks! Look how much progress you've made,its very impressive I think Nora what fitbit did you get? I have the original flex which I loved but its going on 3 years and the battery is getting tired,the charge hr Kell got me for Christmas is taking a poop too the band is slipping from the faceplate so I glued it but when we were back home I spilled coffee on it and it went haywire! The next one I buy is gonna be the most expensive one,direct from fitbit but not one of those watchy ones,I take my fitbit serious so I figure I deserve the best haha,Rusty SLC has been hot,my hometown gets their news and it was over 100 when we were watching, hopefully its cooled some Glassie,thank you for the kind words through all of this,Rusty for the emails,Nora for the texts that I didn't answer haha,just in a pity party during that time ugh drinking is for the birds! dunno how I can be so strong then pull the rug out from under me,,makes no sense hi to SK,Techie,Mr.V our little thread has gotten littler,guess they all kind of have oh well we're here,hey Glassie I'm hitting the blankie fort after work,if you have time spruce it up wishing all a happy AF Monday

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

Thank you for the kind words Pauly! Yes I agree sometimes we can be so strong and then, well not. I am proud of my sober time. Maybe you and I just need to tweak our journeys and we'll be totally AF like our beloved rusty and Nora! Trying to get back to some normalcy here, which isn't easy after Friday. I am making tomato soup as we had a ton from the garden.
Nora I hope mom has a better day today. This brightened my dayimage.jpg

[paulywogg]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

Aww,he's getting so big Liz!

[SKendall]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

Very, very sad about Mario.

Glassie, unfortunately I had books stacked on the floor. So much darned laundry. It's just the "tornado" fan running now. I'm sorry I don't have much to say, I'm in shock after hearing about Mario.

[Zenstyle]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

Hi guys! Just a quick note from me - I wanted to make sure everyone had heard about Mario and Rubywillow - and you obviously have. I'm really sad on both counts and Mario's been weighing on my mind terribly. I hope you're all doing well. To those of you that have me on Facebook - I don't always respond to your posts, but I've been keeping up with you all the same... :-) Take care. xxx

Edit: I haven't been using the forum apart from a quick check in every now and then... and there was a PM from Mario in my inbox I hadn't read, just asking how I was doing. So very very sad...

[NoSugar]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

Oh crap, drank last night. CJ bridal shower is today. I'm ok right?

[MENTION=19302]Lizann[/MENTION], your question has been burning in my mind since I read it, which was shortly after you posted it. I started to reply, "Of course you're ok - it's just that for someone who is addicted, choosing to drink isn't". but I was concerned that would sound too cavalier, as if it didn't matter that you drank and that you were over-reacting.

I think it does matter because for a person who in a clear, calm state of mind has decided that it is best not to drink, changing course and deciding to drink takes them away from being the ok, whole, healthy, complete person we are in our natural states. We weren't born addicted to alcohol or any of the myriad substances and activities people become addicted to over time in an effort to feel good again. We were born completely ok :smile:. And because we've been in that state and remember, we try to do something about it when we don't feel ok -- when we're stressed or bored or scared or feel lonely and unloved. We try to use or do something that will make us feel like we "used to" - to feel like we're normal and ok. If we didn't know deep down inside that we could feel calm, complete, and at peace, we would just accept feeling awful as how things are with there nothing to be done about it. When I was exposed to thinking about it that way, some of my guilt dissipated and I felt some compassion for the struggling NoSugar who felt bad, wanted to feel better, and thought she had found a legal, acceptable, common, and even sophisticated :rolleyes-new: way of doing it.

So, we innocently consumed alcohol and realized we felt better or enjoyed a celebration more. It seemed like drinking took us back to how we used to be. And it seems to work for awhile - at least it did for me until without my really noticing what was going on my intake became too high and too consistent. Then, drinking took me far, far away from being ok instead of taking me back to my natural, healthy state. What seemed like the solution became the main source of my problems.

So I'm sticking with my original response - "Of course you're ok". The only thing going on is that you're thinking you need something outside of you (and in our case, alcohol) to be ok. You don't. We all are fine just as we are, even when it doesn't feel that way. xx

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

[MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION], thank you for your response. You hit the nail right on the head. Putting this in my tool box. Thank you!

[lifechange]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

""The only thing going on is that you're thinking you need something outside of you (and in our case, alcohol) to be ok. You don't. We all are fine just as we are, even when it doesn't feel that way.""

Thanks for this Liz and NS.. for me, this is still the biggest obstacle.. figuring out/feeling that I actually am ok, even when it doesn't feel that way. I keep thinking that at some point I WILL be ok with myself.. and that the person I am in calm and clear times will come through and support the poor and struggling woman who can't see the light.. I'm hoping and believing that with time and practice it will come.. thank you for this.

[NoSugar]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

...for me, this is still the biggest obstacle.. figuring out/feeling that I actually am ok, even when it doesn't feel that way. I keep thinking that at some point I WILL be ok with myself.. and that the person I am in calm and clear times will come through and support the poor and struggling woman who can't see the light.. I'm hoping and believing that with time and practice it will come..

@Struggles 106 touched on this in the NN tonight, LC, and wrote:

For example if your parents said you were a piece of shit and you internalized it--then EXTERNALIZE it-

In the same way you can let go of the bad stories you made up about yourself, too. They aren't true anyway.

All through school I saw myself as the nerdy, shy, awkward kid. And once you tell everyone that same story for years, you feel like it must be true and you're trapped. I remember in my senior year of high school realizing I was tired of being that way. It wasn't fun to be shy and never feel free to do things like fast dance, which looked like fun. But I was too self-conscious to be overtly friendly, even when I felt that way, or do something as wild and crazy as actually dance at a school dance. How could I admit that my 12 year story was a lie? I felt stuck in a way of being just because I was afraid to tell a different story and risk the judgement of people who'd only known me to be that way.

So... I told a different story to myself and everyone else when I went to college and few people knew my old one. I was still a nerd, which was ok (and true), but I also was outgoing and friendly, joined groups, and even danced .

I hope you can let go of the stories that hurt you. You made them up and you can make up new ones anytime you like (don't waste your senior year of high school like I did :wink.

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] - good to see you. NS is right - we are ok. :hug:
[MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION] - thank your for your wonderful post. Your posts always hit home with me. :heartbeat:
[MENTION=8209]Zenstyle[/MENTION] - thank you for coming to let us know. I just can't get over it. Such sad news. I do hope that you are doing well though.

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

x-post NS - ANOTHER WONDERFUL POST!!! :hug:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

I love all the really thoughtful, helpful posts around here. So many of these just hit home. Again, thank you all for being on this journey with me.


Sending out love & hugs to everyone. Need to take care of some stuff that didn't get done this weekend. Catch you all tomorrow. :heartbeat:

[paulywogg]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

Morning all,NS great posts as usual Zen,good to see you,my sleep has been sooooo terrible and I'm waking up at crazy hours,I know it'll settle in a bit but right now its irritating me, hope everyone has a happy,healthy AF Tuesday

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

Good Morning, Everyone!

Great posts by NS and LC! Thank you for being here. Stop in again really soon. :-)

Pauly-My sleep was messed up for a while after my dad and brother died. Sorry to hear that...yes, it IS irritating.

Nora-are you still seeing that floater? I have little brown specs that float across my eyes, too. UGH. Off to see the eye doctor, I suppose.

Life here in the Salt Lake area is going really well...such sweet people here, most are LDS in the company of 2,000 people. I do admire the LDS's philosophy of nurturing family life. I sat next to a lovely couple on the flight from Chicago. I have to admit that with all my traveling, I enjoy meeting all types of people. The wildfires of CA have moved into SLC and there has been this white hazy cover here. I miss the sun from last year but not the 97 degree heat!

Liz-how are you feeling today? Any further conversation re: intervention with your sister?

Glassie-how are you feeling??

Skendall-has your place dried out yet?

Hello to Mr. V, Empy, Techie, AG, TMH, Zenstyle and anyone I missed....Happy Tuesday!!!

[sunshine_gg]

Re: One Step at a Time - August 2017

Hi there one-steppers!
I actually logged in today to say how sorry I am about Ruby passing... then saw that Mario had left as well

Very happy to see you guys are still going strong! Much love to you all!