June Army Thread 2019

[rustop59]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Good morning everyone. So sorry you are going through all that again Satz. Hard to know what to say. Could you get any advice from Al Anon? Or somebody with experience. We are all out the other side and know how much better life is but he is still on the merry go round. Once again you take care of yourself.

Glad you know the weather IS going to get better Mary, I live in hope. Glad I got the bit of sun last week. Putting on the gear and just getting on with it this weekend.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Morning you all.

10pm here and I'm shattered after helping move the boy and the girlfriend out to their own place. I've only got the brother's dog left and then I can change the locks.:goodjob:



JC that's just made me feel very lucky and grateful there. 34 years old. What a waste. That poor family.

Satz, I don't know what to say except time to put yourself first. [MENTION=22365]rus[/MENTION]top took the words out of my mouth. Can you get help and advice for yourselves at this point? That boy is on his own path. It must just be like flipping water dripping on stone for you.

I'm going to have to get horizontal. Aching like God knows here.
[MENTION=22365]rus[/MENTION]top....have a great holi!!!!

[JackieClaire]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Evening from the wet NE of England.
[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION]............I was going to bang out a reply this morning but I was so cross and would have been full of F-bombs.
My first thought and still think that DD should withdraw her offer and put the money back in her pocket. Its immensely kind of her but what will happen if it fails...who's going to bail him out next time. As long as he knows there's going to be hand out then he'll keep on doing what he's doing.
He's got ultra-cheap lodgings, someone to do the gardening why should he get sober.
I do feel for him but when I was in the grips of addicition I would have promised anything to anyone to get them of my back........when all the time I'd be planning my next drink. He's not listening.........he' just making the right noises in the right places.Harsh, perhaps. Realistic, definitely.
It has to come from him.
Its you, Mr S and DD's time for self- preservation and at the moment I can only think of Al-anon. Perhaps have a word with your doctor to see if there's any counseling other than that for yourselves.

Got to go the S&H's here.

[NoSugar]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION], I've been thinking about this ever since I read your post and wondering why most of us, as former addicts, can't understand him. Because, frankly, I really can't. It seems obvious that he needs to quit.

I've finally decided that maybe it all is relative.

Most of us joined MWO before we'd lost our licenses, crashed our cars, or killed someone but other people such as YS must have a tolerance for greater chaos in their lives.

So, we look at him much as non- or normal drinkers may have looked at us, wondering why one earth we wouldn't just quit drinking.

But just as we couldn't "simply quit" until we were ready, he can't either. The only way to possibly help him, and I'm not even sure it is possible, is to help him see he deserves a better life - to help him want to quit.

If his sister has the money, it is so generous of her to be willing to help him. But until he truly wants to be done, it would probably go to waste. If he finally ever is to the point of asking her to help him, I hope the offer is still open.

My heart just breaks for you, Satz, and I know you would love to be celebrating your upcoming 6 year re-birthday with a sober son. I hope one day you can celebrate together. xx

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Evening Loves,
As usual [MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION] you've nailed it.
Especially as a recent wagon jumper I should really have more 'sympathy' for YS. But does sympathy work? I bet your average D and A councellor would say no. Addicts lap that stuff up, speaking as one, then do nothing with it.
Seems to me you've had a double punch there Satz. Dealing with your own alcoholism then having the whole issue slap you in the face again via YS. It's hard to know how good it is on the other side when you're in the grip of it so incentive is low until you bottom out. Sounds like he's getting close to that.
God I hate alcohol. The prohibitionists had it right.

At the moment I am sitting in the winter sun with a bucket of coffee listening to an Indian music sound track surrounded by puppers on my new deck....with the house to myself and a whole weekend of pottering ahead. No hangover, no nausea, happy as anything to be through the other side.

[IamMary]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

At the moment I am sitting in the winter sun with a bucket of coffee listening to an Indian music sound track surrounded by puppers on my new deck....with the house to myself and a whole weekend of pottering ahead. No hangover, no nausea, happy as anything to be through the other side.

Love it Bridge. Enjoy your day, you really deserve it. Good to hear the boy is moving on with his life too.

Now if we knew a magic formula for YS.

Shattered :sleeping:

[stirly-girly]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Good morning Army!!

I know I've been AWOL for a bit lately but things have been the usual madness in Stirly-World. The court and custody battles of younger son are still ensuing which has a direct effect on me. We finally did get rid of one of the stress factors at work - one of our employees - since last June - had simply not been meeting the mark for some time now and finally yesterday younger son fired him. In a nice way of course. It would have and should have been done some time ago but he's a friend of son's and it was difficult for him to do it. I told him that either he did it or I would so that was that. My son is a good person who wants to help people but sometimes you have to put business first. Last week he offered a job to a homeless person begging out in front of a local supermarket. Son gave him his business card and told him to call him the next day to discuss a job. Needless to say, the guy never called. I guess he prefers handouts to actually working for his daily bread...

Which brings me to one of the subjects at hand. YS. Satzy, I know you and Mr. Satz as well as daughter have gone through hell with YS and his drinking and I personally don't know how you have coped so far. But then he's your son and we always try to be there for our kids no matter what. I do have a few thoughts on his situation and as usual, I will be very straight forward in both my questions and my thoughts on the matter. As I've said before, these are my own thoughts and no doubt others will disagree with some of what I will write. So be it. [MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION] has expressed one of our main reasons - perhaps THE main reason - that we quit - to have a better life, to live and not just exist. I think for most of us, although I can only speak for myself, that drinking started as a way to relax, became a habit and then spiraled downwards into dependency and a means of escape. From whatever - an unhappy marriage, too much stress for us to cope with at work, in our personal lives, not living up to the standards others or ourselves had set for us - whatever - we drank to blot out the troubles. When we finally decided to quit, it was for a better life. My thoughts concerning YS are these - what was his life like before he started to "escape" - he had a girlfriend but I'm not sure about a steady job. He did go to NZ for a stint, did he not? Does he feel he has to live up to his sister's accomplishments - I believe she has a successful career, if I'm not mistaken - could that be a factor here - he feels that he has "failed" in comparison to her? I know he's been going to job interviews over the last while. Is there an incentive there for him to stop drinking? To clean up his act so he can hold down the job he's always wanted or is there nothing of great interest to him that would give him a reason get sober? As the others said - his sister is very generous in offering the money for rehab but if he's not ready to quit, then her money will be wasted. I believe that you and Mr. Satz doled out a large sum for his first rehab and he didn't manage to stay sober after that. I have to agree with what the other say - he's still not ready. But the thing is - what does he need to be ready? We all got to the point that we felt we couldn't go on living in the state we were - imprisoned in a bottle. We wanted to get our lives back - to find ourselves again. What does he need to feel that way? I remember that his girlfriend had reached the end of her rope with him. Are they still in contact? Is there any hope there that he being sober could get their relationship back on it's feet again? And how about his circle of friends - does he have mates he can socialize with if he's not drinking - things he can do without having AL shoved in his face every time he's out with friends? Obviously, going to pubs is out of the questions until he gets to the point that he is indifferent to AL. Just some thoughts. I know you are tortured by all of this and especially since you, yourself are sober. I think that the advice here of going to Al-anon or to some counseling might be helpful but you yourselves know best what you need. I don't know how much you discuss this with Mr. Satz and daughter and if you are all in agreement on how to cope with this. I know that lots of times in such situations, we just want to block things out and hope that things will improve simply because we don't have the tools to deal with the situation. I sincerely hope that something will happen very soon to make YS decide to face his issue and get himself sober. For all of your sakes.

At the moment I am sitting in the winter sun with a bucket of coffee listening to an Indian music sound track surrounded by puppers on my new deck....with the house to myself and a whole weekend of pottering ahead. No hangover, no nausea, happy as anything to be through the other side.

Bridge - I meant to address your situation again, some days ago but we kinda got sidetracked by [MENTION=7008]JackieClaire[/MENTION] 's boobie! I just wanted to say that I cannot find the words to express my admiration for you and what you have done for those boys and especially for the younger one during this horrible experience. It warms my heart to see your words above - that you once again sound happy and content and may you continue that way no matter what life sends you. At least without AL, you are able to deal with the issues. Sober truly is the only way to be.

Well, it's a warm day again in Greece - temps will be 32-34C over the next week or so. A bit warmer than usual for this time of year but we have had heat waves in June where we had 40-45 for 4-5 days at a time, so I'm not complaining. The beach is only 10 minutes from here and it that's too much trouble, I've got a lovely patio that is in the shade most of the day. Bliss. It's a bank holiday on Monday so we get an extra day to relax.

Wishing you all a great weekend. inkele:

[JackieClaire]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Evening Loves,
I bet your average D and A councellor would say no. Addicts lap that stuff up, speaking as one, then do nothing with it.

When I volunteered at a D&A place.........more than once I've heard a counselor say 'I might have well been talking to the wall' was a common comment.
I know I did it. I talked the talk, but didn't walk the walk and then went out of my appointments straight into another bottle.
There was an AA lady who 12 stepped me a long, long time ago told me to take the cotton wool out of my ears, shove it in my mouth and listen. At the time I thought she was a knowitall bitch.....but did as I was told ....funnily enough I met her again a few years ago.......talked about how I got sober and she was delighted for me. We're friends now.

At the moment I am sitting in the winter sun with a bucket of coffee listening to an Indian music sound track surrounded by puppers on my new deck....with the house to myself and a whole weekend of pottering ahead. No hangover, no nausea, happy as anything to be through the other side.

Sounds like bliss and you deserve every minute, darling.

Waves to all. Feeling very, very tired today.

[IamMary]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Evening,
A lot going on over there with you Stirls, I hope the custody case gets sorted soon, its not easy and theres rarely a winner.
Hope youve nodded off [MENTION=7008]JackieClaire[/MENTION], I expect the past week has taken its toll.

Few cousins staying over, I am sitting on the bottom of the stairs 'shushing' them.. :livid:

Night all..

[satz123]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Morning all.
I want to thank each & every one of you for your advice & insights.:hug::hug: - you are a wonderful bunch of people....
We all agree this is something he needs to do himself.
I've let him 'go it alone' by shipping him to his Grandmother's house to live alone. I think the speed of his decline in the last month scared us - definitely me.
Who wants to see their son dirty , no money , owing money, a wheelie bin full to the brim of cans & bottles. Letters from court re fines owed.

However he called here yesterday. He is now sober almost a week - has got himself a counsellor - and has an appointment with the aftercare team down at the rehab 'quare place' as Molls called it.
I've told him that he is p*ssing against the wind if he doesn't come clean with how bad his drinking actually is and stop skirting around the word alcoholic.

I reiterated that he has lost solely because of alcohol : Job , house , girlfriend, friends, car, new bike stolen & has been in court twice that I know of ...... i've told him next stop is prison or hospital A&E.
He won't pay the bills in his grandmother's because he has debts so he'll have to leave & we are all agreed that he's not coming back here if he's drinking. All he has left are me & Mr S & maybe his sister ( only if he gets sober) - how sad is that. A life half-lived.

Of course we've been here before but we live in hope that THIS IS IT !!

But it's now up to him. ( that's me being firm)
I'm off to Greece tomorrow for 10 days :yay:

Apologies for the ME,ME,ME posts. I know you all have huge personal issues going on :hug: - but this is my news for now

ps Rosie is the light of our lives - we love her to bits. Best thing I ever did. Funnily enough MrS has benefited most from her arrival. He dotes on her.... so much love in the house now...


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[JackieClaire]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION].......... you me, me, me away, darling.......... its been all about me, me, me and my right boob for the last fortnight. But no more boob talk as I've now got it in writing that there's nothing wrong.
He's got a plan. He'll have the support 24/7. He won't be alone anymore.
The loneliness that comes with addiction is only realised after we get sober. The phone stopped ringing, the invites out got less and less. You had become a liability at parties, dinners etc.
I was wondering a couple of days ago when you were going to. Knew it would be soon. I'll meet you at departures clutching my passport Enjoy.
I :heartbeat: Rosie.

Finally got the decorator coming back to finish the kitchen tomorrow. Not his fault. Hips and life got in the way and we had to postpone him.

Wedding plans are going well. Future DIL is in meltdown and talking to Jenny or me or anyone that isn't her mother.
S&H is 31 on Wednesday. He'll always be mummy's little soldier.
Decided to book a restaurant for Mr. JC's 60th and invite a few mates.....when I say decided .......I nagged him into submission or we'd have sat watching re-runs of Drivers, Diners and Dives with a take out curry.

[IamMary]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Wedding plans are as they should be so [MENTION=7008]JackieClaire[/MENTION]! some going slightly mad
It will all figure itself out of course. My sister has 'the wedding' of the century coming up (on her husbands side) and she breaks out in spots just thinking about it! All very entertaining for us, I'll just be picking up the kids, who are permitted (expected) to the church, then must leave.

Any glimmer of hope is better than the alternative [MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION]. He wants it and that says a lot. Have a fabulous trip, recharge the batteries and hopefully youll be home, fighting fit to support him over the coming months.

Mad busy weekend here, next weekend will be worse. Its the same every June as the kids finish up school/activities and theres a scramble to squash everything in..

[satz123]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

God yes we've a wedding invite for early August. FFS the shagging expense of going to a wedding where we never met the groom & barely know the bride. Madness.
Well they can all feck off. I'm driving home - I'm not staying in a hotel again to add another 150 euro - nope.
That would buy me & Rosie lotsa things ....

Why is your sis in meltdown Mers ? The expense, the boredom, the sheer bullshit of it all ?

[starty]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Morning all,

Sorry not been around much. Been immersed in my impending hip op in 3 weeks today. Having pre op and physio session today so will know a bit more later.

Yes weddings are so expensive for everyone and I must admit I go into panic if I am ever invited to one which fortunately is not often.

Sounds like YS is giving himself another chance which is great. I hope he grabs it and runs with it this time.

[rustop59]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Morning everyone.

Good luck Starty, am sure the waiting is the worst. Bon voyage Satz, glad YS is taking some steps. You go and enjoy and Rosie will be waiting with such a welcome when you get home. Back from weekend away and you would swear my two had not seen me in a year. Pain having to go to work straight away but it is what it is. Better get a move on.