October Army Thread 2019

[NoSugar]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

I'm also always amazed by the gung-ho happy people in early sobriety, Molly. I was pretty miserable, racked with guilt for having "done this" to myself. I was a hermit for almost 4 months and people on MWO were my main "human" contacts. I really didn't do much of anything other than agonize and not drink (and do my paid work). I admire the people who take up exercise or some other replacement pursuit and wished I had had the energy or enthusiasm to do that but I just didn't. As a matter of fact, I quit exercising which I had previously been doing in a rather addicted way. At the time I felt like quite the sad sack but now appreciate the learning and self-discovery that began during this bleak period. Addiction is a heck of a way to do it but getting out of one can help you become a more self-aware, tolerant, and humble person than the one who got addicted. I'm not sure I'll ever be glad it happened but I know I like myself (and others) more here on the other side. (If only there were a gentler way to learn life lessons...)

Thanks for the explanation, JC. Yeah, we have baseboards. My house has baseboard heat which I love: hot water flows through pipes in the baseboard, radiating heat. Dry forced air heat is much more common here and I am miserably dried out when I'm in that. I'm glad you're not losing hearing!!

[mollyka]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

So are you alright now? Hate appendages. like my glasses and when I had the braces on my teeth... would LOVE not to need glasses

[mollyka]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

I'm also always amazed by the gung-ho happy people in early sobriety, Molly. I was pretty miserable, racked with guilt for having "done this" to myself. I was a hermit for almost 4 months and people on MWO were my main "human" contacts. I really didn't do much of anything other than agonize and not drink (and do my paid work). I admire the people who take up exercise or some other replacement pursuit and wished I had had the energy or enthusiasm to do that but I just didn't. As a matter of fact, I quit exercising which I had previously been doing in a rather addicted way. At the time I felt like quite the sad sack but now appreciate the learning and self-discovery that began during this bleak period. Addiction is a heck of a way to do it but getting out of one can help you become a more self-aware, tolerant, and humble person than the one who got addicted. I'm not sure I'll ever be glad it happened but I know I like myself (and others) more here on the other side. (If only there were a gentler way to learn life lessons...)

Thanks for the explanation, JC. Yeah, we have baseboards. My house has baseboard heat which I love: hot water flows through pipes in the baseboard, radiating heat. Dry forced air heat is much more common here and I am miserably dried out when I'm in that. I'm glad you're not losing hearing!!

xpost NS -- I'm glad I was understood... I tried to say this previously but said it all wrong - and ran away from here! It may also be that so many are sober a good while here and have lost touch with the early days - so when it is said by the odd newbie that does appear here - maybe it just isn't picked up on.. and I do feel it's very very important - if we can't get the first few months right (and pretty much exactly as you described your own first 4 months) and understand what's happening - we will never get to the happy part -- imvvvvho ;-)

[satz123]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

I was pretty miserable, racked with guilt for having "done this" to myself. I was a hermit for almost 4 months and people on MWO were my main "human" contacts. I really didn't do much of anything other than agonize and not drink (and do my paid work). I admire the people who take up exercise or some other replacement pursuit and wished I had had the energy or enthusiasm to do that but I just didn't.

NS I'm so sorry you felt this way and so glad you got through.:hug:
I honestly do not remember being miserable or guilty because I'd quit alcohol ... the worst thing I did was binge watch Breaking Bad - all of it !
Mortification - yes - but guilt & misery - no.
In fact I have to say I have felt nothing but contented in my sobriety.
I have felt shit & discontent about many other things over the last 6 years but none of it was because of alcohol.
Not once have I felt as shit as I did when I was drinking.

The gratitude & pride I felt in the first few months has never waned - it got me thorough & it's still there when I stop and think about it.
With regard to losing touch with the early days - it's remembering the even 'earlier' days that makes me feel sick - I do not dwell on it too much.

So everyone's experience is different I suppose.

[NoSugar]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

Satz, I felt like it was my fault that I had become addicted in the first place and thought I was a weak, amoral person. I spent a lot of time beating myself up for that. I was sort of proud of myself for finally getting up the courage to join here and get help but I had very little energy or enthusiasm. Like I said, though, that turned out to be good. I spent a lot of time on MWO, learned all I could about addiction, and started to really examine my life and what I wanted out of it. I started to explore the consequences of being a perfectionist (or wanting to look perfect and so hiding my flaws and insecurities, not letting anyone know the real me). Those initial months of searching and learning have continued and been very rewarding and fortunately, I’m no longer hiding out and actually am more engaged with others than I have been in years. I know there’s no way I could be doing and enjoying all that is going on now if I hadn’t quit - both because it would be physically impossible but also because I wouldn’t have wanted to.

When I was new, Molly, you often wrote about humility and checking our egos. I didn’t get it at first but your words stuck with me as a truth I needed to understand. It took time but it finally clicked. And what a relief it is to sometimes set that heavy ego down! Thank you. xx

[IamMary]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

Very interesting posts. Sorry Im just in and out again.

[mollyka]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

Morning! Meant to congratulate you on new baby in your family Mary!
Yes NS I deffo concur with most if not all of what you say..it was a confusing challenging time for me ..setting that ego aside was very tricky..and still can be to this day..I didn't want to be that person who had become controlled by a substance..I was full of arrogance really.. had to fight to become proud of myself and that took quite some time
Anyway..here we are!! And we are all amazing!!@:welldone:

[rustop59]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

Anyway..here we are!! And we are all amazing!!@:welldone:

Amen to that Molly. Morning everyone else. Delighted you got the ears sorted JC. Are you on babysitting duties with the new baby’s siblings Mary? Work, kids etc you are super woman, no wonder you do not have a minute. I took a crochet day yesterday. Walked the doggies in the morning and then feet up for the rest of the day. Fed up cooking, cleaning etc. and it was luxury having the place to myself. Threw something quick together for dinner and put on a fire. That was the extent of my housekeeping duties. Today I am meeting two friends for lunch. This week is all about self care.

[JackieClaire]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

Just a wee fly by as I've got to get my prescription picked up.
But I've just noticed the date...............its 10 years ago today since I flew to Belfast to meet up with Opal & our Mario.
The day Mario sidled up to two women in the Europa hotel (who weren't me & Opal) and whispered..............'are you My Way Out?' They nearly died of shock.

We were in the tea room.

Bacinabit.

[satz123]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

Morning all-
Up & about since 5.45 - just chilling now with Rosie thinking what's on for dinner. I'm think stuffed steak....

Addicted to Word Blitz & have dragged Molls with me. I'm shite at it but keeps me focused & I'm sure it has to be good for the brain.
Jacks & Ava are whizzes at it but I'll catch up eventually with practice.

I even play with a girl from in Assos, Greece. She is Greek, speaks greek - and still beats me :hahaha:

YS update:
He seems to be on a good run this time.
Freelance editor work and time to go this morning to play golf with MrS.
MrS is so happy when he acts 'normal' it's sad.
All he ever wanted was for me to act 'normal'. Which, in his view, is no drinking at home : just go out & have a few and that's that.
I'm still 'abnormal' because now I don't drink alcohol at all - :egad:

So twisted logic again : does 2 'abnormals' in this house make us the 'normals' ?

I've a pain in my brain ..............
I want a banana .......

[mollyka]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

Word Blitz wrecks my HEAD.... HATE doing things on a clock -- get all fussy and panicky!!! ridiculous woman I am.. but yeah - it is good fun.. taken over from Candy Crush for the moment!
Talking of 'normal' and 'abnormal' - we have this niece's big birthday party on Fri week - I'll be honest I'm DREADING it -- it's an unavoidable one really - I'm mad about the niece in question - she's an absolute dote and I wouldn't let her down.. but Joe's sister.. OMGG --- 'AH JAYSUS... ARE YOU STILLNOT DRINKING? (insert my maiden surname -- I am married 41 fecking years... I AM a K..... whether you like it or not!!). WHAT DO YOU DO???

Now why oh WHY do I let it irritate me? It absolutely drives me bananas HAHA --- see what I did there -- I WANT A BANANA:congratulatory:

[stirly-girly]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

Word Blitz wrecks my HEAD.... HATE doing things on a clock -- get all fussy and panicky!!! ridiculous woman I am.. but yeah - it is good fun.. taken over from Candy Crush for the moment!
Talking of 'normal' and 'abnormal' - we have this niece's big birthday party on Fri week - I'll be honest I'm DREADING it -- it's an unavoidable one really - I'm mad about the niece in question - she's an absolute dote and I wouldn't let her down.. but Joe's sister.. OMGG --- 'AH JAYSUS... ARE YOU STILLNOT DRINKING? (insert my maiden surname -- I am married 41 fecking years... I AM a K..... whether you like it or not!!). WHAT DO YOU DO???

Now why oh WHY do I let it irritate me? It absolutely drives me bananas HAHA --- see what I did there -- I WANT A BANANA:congratulatory:

Hey Molls - when she uses your maiden surname -just say - "Well *insert her name here* - did you know that for professional reasons I've reverted to using my maiden name and no longer go by the K surname?" Hahaha - that might shut her up and bets is she won't make another referral to AL! Just sayin'.....

Hello Ladies. - I just dropped in for a quick peek. Work is mad here again today. Barely time to have a swill of coffee. Hopefully catch up later....

[JackieClaire]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

Evening from the sickbed............gawd I hate anti-biotics and I'm running a temperature which is making me feel a tad off. Saving a fortune on the heating bill.
Got to get this shaken off before the weekend as Jenny, Ads & Buddy are coming up. The American cousins are landing at the weekend at the the SILs so trying to slap a happy face on.
I :heartbeat: anagrams and word games. Text Twist is my favourite game and I've been playing it for ten years or more.

Yep. Molls with my partial cobalt dentures, hearing aids, glasses........I just need a couple of new joints and there'll not be much of the original me left or I become Robocop.

Been some lovely interesting posts which when I've got my mojo back will address. But got to say if being a non-drinker means I'm abnormal.............bring it on.

[mollyka]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

What's the story Jacks? Did you get an infection from the hearing aids?
Just in from work and gawd I'm tired - I'm tired of teenagers - and old people who insist on using computers and can't - and people who don't know the name of a book but it's blue - just shagging tired.. going to bed - few episodes of Downton will cheer me up ;-) Hope you feel better soon..

[IamMary]

Re: October Army Thread 2019

Sorry to hear your poorly [MENTION=7008]JackieClaire[/MENTION]. My youngest just vomited an hour ago and I am selfishness panicking its not a bug that going to waft through the house for the next 2 weeks (countdown is on, 10 days :egad.
Havnt met the little man yet Rustop. Theyve asked for a bit of space for a few days, and thats fine. Theyre Galway, so might not get there next weekend (then we are away).. bad timing.

Im abnormal too [MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION]! I wish I was bloody normal. I also wish I was taller, richer and could sing, but hey... it could be worse, I could be Joes sister with an enormous chip on my shoulder. What a plonker.