International Army Mayl 2020

[outofchances]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Time for a catch up. Jams and chutneys eh - I need a hobby so why not? On the subject of pets - well I'm not allowed any where I live at the moment, but I'm a cat person. I have a dislike/irrational fear of dogs ever since I was a kid. And my cat was put down last November. (And guess what the family are getting now I'm gone....)

@bybyebridgetjones - I'd love to just sail off into the sunset and start afresh somewhere new to be honest. The chance of repairing my relationship is being dangled before me though and I'm just a sucker for that. Although when I mentioned going to SE Asia I was told I probably would have no chance at repairing my relationship with the kids - I felt that was real manipulative. I say kids, one will be 18 in September and the other 20 in December. In a couple of years it looks like neither of them will be around anyway so I have to ask myself what am I waiting around here for? To be fair, I do have a good job that's very secure and I kinda like living here but a fresh start sounds very appealing. Plus I'm not getting any younger.

Taking it day by day then. I think I'm going to try and get out of my lease in a few months. I'm living outside the city, there's no real life here and the flat is a bit dark. I don't like it. I'd rather be closer to town.

The "loser voice" in my head is winning out. I'm not doing anything to make me feel happy. I'm just wallowing in it really. Time to snap out of it and start treating myself well.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Morning all,
I always laugh my head off at the Satz household with Rosie the overlord dictating everything.

Horses...don't get me started...everyone (cousins) in the family had one except me and I still want one if I had the place. One of the most divine smells there is. I always rub up against them so smell stays on me. Delish. Dogs I am well known for my love of. Adoration doesn't even begin to describe it. Any little animal really.

Thanks [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION] I still can't quite grasp it but have saved the weekend to garden and try to grab hold of it in my head.

Keir Starmer......I SAY!!!:heartbeat:

JC, as for that piece of detritus, I used to work with officers involved in that stuff. The photocopier was a dangerous place to go some days. Can't help but think that they'll get theirs in the end, the rancid bastards. Thank God the poor kid landed on his feet again with the foster parents (who are the real parents)

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Time to snap out of it and start treating myself well.

Good decision.

I always had this convoluted view that treating myself well and with respect equated with selfishness. Not sure where I got it from. Maybe family, maybe nursing background related martyr-ish behaviour. It couldn't be less accurate though. I've learnt that if we treat ourselves well and fairly:
1. We don't become resentful of others, ultimately and ironically taking it out on them.
2. It sends a clear message to folks that this is the way we expect to be treated, bypassing a lot of potentially unpleasant stuff.
3. It sets the expectation for boundaries to be observed. As drunks we are totally shit at boundaries-one of the main casualties of a drinking career.

By the way, when we first stop drinking they think it's hilarious. I had lost all credibility with others across multiple attempts. So they were watching in heightened amusement for me to slip up, especially years ago when I first gave up. It took a long time for them (and me) to realise that I was serious.

Anyway [MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION] I have effectively babbled about nothing there. The only thing I can say in my defense is that it is Friday and I am prevaricating on a boring return.

[rustop59]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Good decision.

I always had this convoluted view that treating myself well and with respect equated with selfishness. Not sure where I got it from. Maybe family, maybe nursing background related martyr-ish behaviour. It couldn't be less accurate though. I've learnt that if we treat ourselves well and fairly:
1. We don't become resentful of others, ultimately and ironically taking it out on them.
2. It sends a clear message to folks that this is the way we expect to be treated, bypassing a lot of potentially unpleasant stuff.
3. It sets the expectation for boundaries to be observed. As drunks we are totally shit at boundaries-one of the main casualties of a drinking career.

By the way, when we first stop drinking they think it's hilarious. I had lost all credibility with others across multiple attempts. So they were watching in heightened amusement for me to slip up, especially years ago when I first gave up. It took a long time for them (and me) to realise that I was serious.

Anyway [MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION] I have effectively babbled about nothing there. The only thing I can say in my defense is that it is Friday and I am prevaricating on a boring return.

Not about nothing Bridget, some very good points and advice given there. Good morning everyone else. Think it is going to rain here, first time in weeks. Have to go do the dreaded grocery shopping so catch up with you all night later.

[mollyka]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Morning all! Hoping for copious amounts of rain Rusters..the garden is like the Sahara...
Have to do the shop later as well..part of me hates it and another part of me likes the 'normality' of it!...I'd rather Penneys tho!
Good advice Bridge...in the early days I didn't really know how to 'be' so I used to listen on here to how others dealt with the real world...sometimes it's common sense and tbh MrChance...sometimes we can't do right for doing wrong...just - as they used to tell me in treatment - do the next right thing...step by step...watch your own back yard and eventually others will see by your deeds and behaviour..not by words...they're cheap

What I would say to you re the job in Asia...don't forget where you go so goes your head...can't run away from that..so be careful of any big change and examine your head carefully..is it truly an opportunity to get a clear run at 'fixing' yourself or is it really just running away?..there are consequences to our behaviour..and we sort of do have to face them....just a thought...these are all questions I had to ask myself back then

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Morning,

Good decision.

I always had this convoluted view that treating myself well and with respect equated with selfishness. Not sure where I got it from. Maybe family, maybe nursing background related martyr-ish behaviour. It couldn't be less accurate though. I've learnt that if we treat ourselves well and fairly:
1. We don't become resentful of others, ultimately and ironically taking it out on them.
2. It sends a clear message to folks that this is the way we expect to be treated, bypassing a lot of potentially unpleasant stuff.
3. It sets the expectation for boundaries to be observed. As drunks we are totally shit at boundaries-one of the main casualties of a drinking career.

By the way, when we first stop drinking they think it's hilarious. I had lost all credibility with others across multiple attempts. So they were watching in heightened amusement for me to slip up, especially years ago when I first gave up. It took a long time for them (and me) to realise that I was serious.

Anyway [MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION] I have effectively babbled about nothing there. The only thing I can say in my defense is that it is Friday and I am prevaricating on a boring return.

It was a very effective babbling.

What I would say to you re the job in Asia...don't forget where you go so goes your head...can't run away from that..so be careful of any big change and examine your head carefully..is it truly an opportunity to get a clear run at 'fixing' yourself or is it really just running away?..there are consequences to our behaviour..and we sort of do have to face them....just a thought...these are all questions I had to ask myself back then

Just think of what Molls, said............just go canny, bonnie lad.

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Just dawned on me its another Bank Holiday...........have a look at the morons squeezing on the beaches.............because it is their hooman rights...........I'm going nowhere.
Anyway its blowing such a gale the trees are bending. I can do snow, ice, heat but wind scares the life out of me.

Might go over to the S&H's for a wave from the bottom of their drive and will be delivering SIL's birthday present from the end of there's.

[fickle]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

[MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION], I have been through one divorce and one protracted breakup. In my mind I called the phenomenon of how my ex was behaving (both times) pushmepullyou. One minute was breathtaking cruelty, the next was using every possible trick to get me back including promises, lies, threats, involving other people in their schemes, socially isolating me by lying to my friends, all kinds of crazy things. Its extremely confusing and emotionally destructive. It took a long time for me to comprehend it for the abuse that it was. With my first husband, I was able to leave with my daughter. Distance meant I was not exposed so much to his rage. We made a clean break of it and were able to cooperate over our daughter and even become friends in the end. With my second, it dragged on and did tremendous damage. I wish there had been a way to just walk away, but we had young kids and he didn’t have the maturity to stop trying to find ways to hurt me so I was stuck with dealing with his destructive vendetta for years. My kids suffered a lot. Trust me, the bad behaviour will continue if you let it and there is no way back from that. Remember your kids will also suffer more the longer it goes on. If you can get away for a while, protect yourself, she will do her raging without harming you. Without you as her target, she will find another outlet. If she is a decent human being, she will regret her bad behaviour later and you might make friends again in time. Right now, your kids are witnessing both their parents grieving the end of the relationship. They will digest the experience and they will respect you more for not being nasty and getting on with your sober life. As for practicalities, it would be lovely if you could leave your current job on the best of terms. They might understand you need a time away because of the breakup. You might be able to take the other job as a temporary contract. The door of your old job might not close behind you if you let them know you might want to come back in 6 months when things settle down. They might offer you leave without pay or you could ask for it. Head up! Consider the possibilities, allow yourself to explore all your options.

[mollyka]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

I suppose everyone knows the situation within their own relationships best.

Not sure when they are closing the site off so just in to say good evening - good night - or goodbye -- haha -- nah -- I'm sure we'll be back

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

[MENTION=8529]mollyka[/MENTION]..............looks like we're got the morning off............might go wild in the aisles at Tescp or not if its as windy as it was today. Didn't dare hand the washing out as I'd have had to retrieve it from three streets away.
Haven't caught a glimpse of the future Mr. JC today...................our Keir. :heartbeat:

Its three years today since the Manchester bombing. That was a horrendous night./


Tired beyond belief so I'll say night night.

[fickle]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Yes you are right Molly I am likely reflecting too much of my own experience into Chancey's. I guess it brings up the past for me reading his posts. No more relationship advice from me!

And now for a laugh. If you don't like swearing, please don't watch. I was raging round the house looking for something the other day and my son said said you are just like that irish guy and reminded me of this clip. Nobody expresses frustration as eloquently as Phadraig, bless him: Irish man can't find his soup, - YouTube

[IamMary]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Night all, reading back took me ages, some great posts. [MENTION=4040]fickle[/MENTION], you have great advise on relationships, keep it coming.

WILD here today, Mr M, with his aversion to any weather that prevents him mooching in the garden, would make Padraig there seem mild :egad:

Im have no longing for a dog, but the kids do. Youngest recently spent days researching and did a series of power point presentations on the most suitable dog for us.
I suspect I will fall into the Satz category one day..

[fickle]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Thanks Mary, x-posted JC
I suppose the other thing that colours my perspective is my parents traditional ‘happy’ marriage. They celebrated their silver anniversary in my teens. The marriage turned bitter shortly after and my father lived the last decades of his life in a deep depression. Even today my brothers and I still ask ‘what if’. My brother is firmly of the belief that he should have left and that we were robbed of knowing him properly in those last years of his life. It is a loss we all still keenly feel and we remember him with great sadness.
I think young adults need their parents to be OK, and be themselves, as much as ever. Bottom line is a relationship is only OK if you can thrive in it.

My eldest daughter turns 27 today so I'm all kitchen madness today. Trying a new marinade for a roast pork and a new salad so will report back if successful.
Hope everyone has a lovely day!

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Morning All,
Going to slip in quickly before maintenaince time.

Mary I laughed my head off at your daughter's PP Pres. That is absolutely hilarious. Dogs are a lot of work for an already busy family. I love them to bits, all of them, but you do have to factor that in.

Sounds like you've been through the mill there [MENTION=4040]fickle[/MENTION] I won't add my relationship history here. I'm sure there is a word limit that precludes it.

We've also got cold windy weather so I'm a bit like Mr Mers this morning but I'm going for it in the garden anyway.

I can't believe it's been three years since the Manchester bombing JC. Hideous thing.

Goodnight Keir:heartbeat:

[brit]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Quick check in --Been asleep for nearly 20 hours! Stress got to me but feel better for that big sleep. Off for a run now!