depression

[Chillgirl]

depression

Willow - Im so sorry you are feeling this bad, have you got counselling support that you can call? I wish I could send Nelz over.

I too have found the link with sunlight an issue and after 10 years of living in the sun I moved to a country with very little sun and very long dark winters which is definitely contributing to my depression.

In that state of feeling frozen in the headlights its virtually impossible to make any positive steps in any direction. If you find sometimes its less severe, even just slightly, could you cope with trying to get outside even for a short walk? What I'm finding is that if I have only my depression to think about it makes it 100 times worse so the tiniest distraction can help even if its only temporary.

You mention tools for your craft, is this some kind of woodworking? Could you manage just half an hour towards making something? This would be an excellent distraction and could lift your emotional state considerable.

Have you any regular visitors? Isolation again doesn't help and neither will drinking again, please try to take a few small steps to improve something in your situation, however small. Its when we try to tackle the whole picture at once it becomes unsurmountable.

[willowfrond]

depression

Thanks Chill and Nancy. I've been the counselling route to the point that I know the script by heart and I only end up feeling that I have let the counsellor down.
Nancy I know there are lots of alternatives as far as meds go but I need to detox first and after the reaction I also would need quite a dose of courage to try another one. There is no point taking AD and drinking at the same time, you may as well tip the bottle of AD in and flush it.
I definitely will address the AL issue again, I'm not quittting even though the "caught in the headlights" sounds like it. Thank you Chill for understanding that feeling.
My craft is cutting and polishing opal, I have rough that I have fossicked. Also setting it and I have saved up and bought some nice stones ready for that. Also cold glazing on ceramics i.e. painting plates not the pretty florals but strange abstracts that people seem to really like. I can't afford the equipment for the opal but have an old treadle sewing machine mechanism (minus the sewing bit) and a plan to make a manual machine cheaply, it is gathering dust too!
I think being alone has a big big impact, I function better when I have someone else to do things for and with hence my comment to Nelz. We are a good little community here where I live but a community of solitary people if that makes sense.
I have looked for support groups, for interest groups and will keep on looking.

Nelz if you are reading, maybe instead of directly talking about what you have read (the male approach), think about it eg., getting out and exercising, you know your wife what activities does she like? So find a place to do that and invite her and if she wont go well hell you just keep going until she is jealous. Or something "new" and invite her....nothing to do with her condition. Same with anything, you start doing it no pressure.

There seem to be so many people in the world with good advice, given from their position of having sufficient finances, sufficient family, sufficient employment.......and no understanding whatsoever of being lacking in any one of those things. Our politicians have a camp out in the park once a year to "feel how it is to be homeless" PLEASE.
Sufficient hope, you see there actually are situations that are not going to get substantially better without divine intervention and which no person in any mind right or wrong would want to "accept".

[spacebebe01]

depression

Hi Willow, I think I understand how you are feeling, your decription of your room where you live has me remembering and feeling how it was to be that stuck. You are not totally stuck tho, you have had a shower yesterday and may get one tomorrow, so you cant possibly stink, you say you are drinking so do you go out to the shop to but your drink or do you have it delivered. I can remember when the only time I would leave my home would be to buy drink. I would push my hair back and sometimes splash cold water on my face then were a big coat fastened up so no one could see my dirty smelly clothes underneath then put my head down and rush to the shop and back. When I got to the shope I would be very polite to the women working there but I had given up the pretence of not wanting anyone to know I was a drunk, I just accepted that I was and stopped caring about what people thought of me.

It is only over hte past few weeks I have been able to start thinking about actually sorting my home out and cleaning it. I went on a site called fly lady.com and followed the advice to clean my sink, it really has worked and I now believe I will eventually get my home in order.

Look at what you have going for you and start from there. You are not homeless any more, you have a home which you can learn to look after. You have your craft projects which you like so you can start working on that. I am not in the position of having money or employment, I lost my part time job last July because I started drinking again, I have never had much money or a career of any sort, I have just had to take casual part time work when I could get it. I do have children which I love more than anything in the world but they have also brought with them stresses and responsibility that I was not up to for a lot of the time. You say you function better when you have someone else to do things for, maybe you could think about doing some kind of voluntary work in the future when you are feeling better yourself.

[willowfrond]

depression

Yep

Spacebebe,

So much of that....is me.

I was just about to sneak out to get supplies without showering and you have made me think, well hell I can at least do that.

I rang the detox unit today and they still don't have a place, said call tomorrow. I could present at emergency but I am not sick and shaky and really don't want to tie up people who have crisis to deal with.

I'm thinking detox, talk to my doc and try mini dosing myself. Like I said I felt bloody marvelous on the way down from ADs and as a bonus being involved in gemstone I have scales that I can crush a tablet and accurately weigh it for myself. I was having a bad reaction at about one half a tablet, I reckon my good was about one eighth and I can weigh that out.

Chill if you are still around, I'm sorry I seem to have hijacked your thread, please tell us how things are with you?

[Nelz]

depression

I wish I had something to add, just want to say this is a GREAT thread. Just like having shared experiences with AL abuse, its nice to see shared experiences with depression, as I am fairly new to that.

I appreciate all of you putting yourselves out there, and talking about it......its such a completely misunderstood disease, and I have been inspired to go out and research all I can about it....ty ty ty~

I hope you all can either find a way to cope, or keep maintaining however you are, I know how tough it can be.

[Chillgirl]

depression

Willow - You havent highjacked anything, Im delighted you are sharing and hope its helping.
Like Nelz says we all poured out our heart over alcohol so why not about depression.
Just like AL it's a bit of a taboo subject and I would love more people to post about their experiences, its only by sharing that we get to learn and hopefully help each other.

My alcohol abuse was exactly the same as my depression, I was a so called "fuctioning alcoholic" in that I got out of bed and went to work which is what im doing now so I guess that makes me a "functional depressive".

Anyway, its kind of you to ask and Im doing really well thank you. My main problem is the intensity of my suicidal thoughts and it wasnt actually until I spend the weekend recently with Starty that she pointed out to me that its not normal to think this way every day of your life.

Its amazing how when we repeatedly do something we accept it must be "normal"!! I thought planning my death on a daily basis was ok, as was the hours I spend making mental suicide notes. I googled every conceivable method and can tell you that 57% of Japanese suicides are from leaping from a building. Jumping in front of a train is preferable to drowning.... I even knew the type of rope best for hanging yourself with. After Starty drew my attention to this I started to note when I 1st had the thought each day and realized alarmingly that it was usually before breakfast.

Then I hit a wall when for a few days I could think of nothing else and I really think if it had contiuned much longer then I would have carry it through. However, something clicked inside me instead and I saw the depression as something outside of the real me a bit like the alcoholism and that my true authentic self didnt want to be a part of this. I have never taken medication and always opted for natural methods of treatment in everything (i dont even take asprin for a headache) so it was automatic for me to seek the same approach for depression and thats what motivated me to start this thread and share the alternatives that can work.

I totally appreciate my depression is moderate and therefore I have no experience in dealing with severe or chronic mental illness. I come across on a daily basis more and more "functioning" depressives who take AD's and I feel they would benefit far more from taking action to improve their state of mind by some of the holistic options. I had no idea about sugar making us depressed but had already noticed that it had that effect on me and thought it was just something in me, now I find this is a known cause and yet did anyone know about this?!

Im determined to do whatever it takes, as feeling good is the most incredible high in the world and if I can do that by making changes to my lifestyle is will be the most worthwhile think I ever did.

This song was written by a guy i met who suffered from severe depression in his life and who is working hard at changing all that........
http://youtu.be/vA3zsqNqQNc[/video]]"Keep Gettin' Up" by Shawn Gallaway - YouTube

[spacebebe01]

depression

Thanks for the lovely song Chill, I enjoyed listening to it.

I dont think your depression sounds at all moderate when you where thinking of and planning suicide to that extent. You may have something in the functioning alcoholic/depressive thing, I was pretty much a non functioning alcoholic and then non functioning depressive. Its great that we can come on here tho and talk to each other and help each other.

[willowfrond]

depression

suicide

I rarely think of suicide, because every option that would run through my mind would involve awful pain....no no can't cut myself....oooo no don't want that choking thing and so on.
But I have been hospitalised for "suicidal ideation" scary, they strip you of everything like belt, shoelaces, hairclips etc, take your bag, scan you with a metal detector and leave you in a padded room. The reason? Trains!
When I travel to the bush as I do from time to time I catch a train. When I travel in the city I cannot go near trains. As I wait on the platform for a suburban train I start to have thoughts and I get hugely anxious and distressed, if forced to catch a train I wait on the landing of the stairs leading to the platform until the train has pulled in and then rush down to get in before it takes off. I do this to protect myself and any other person who I might accidentally take with me. My doctor and I treat this light heartedly now, I have a coping mechanism, there are lots of alternatives to trains so why stress about it? I "test" myself from time to time and have had some times that it didn't happen. Weird huh?
The reason I can catch trains to the country is that they are sitting waiting at the platform for a considerable time and the bit you approach is the rear of the train its a long walk to get to the front and someone would be bound to ask what the hell you were doing (no passenger bits in the engine car).
I"m not sure if this is part of my depression or a phobia or compulsion or what, it is relatively recent 5 years maybe.
With the natural stuff Chill, when I'm not drinking (red wine is high in sugar) my diet is pretty good, I really don't like sugar. After I have detoxed I will do a list of my things, vitamins etc. I really have anything constructive at all just now, apart from thoughts which I only put here so that if anyone who has similar stuff visits they just might not feel so alone.

[mama bear]

depression

I just want to add that I have battled depression for years, and meds have helped me tremendously. I have romanced suicide as well...but I can't do that to my kids.
I feel all you pain and misery and I am reaching to give anyone suffering from this HORRIBLE disease a HUGE hug....people that don;t suffer from it just don;t get it
I am taking Paxil now....it has helped tremendously, but I battle brain fog all the time and I HATE that

[GingerDust]

depression

This is a wonderful thread. The Gilbert video is amazing! I loved it and will be thinking on it for a long time. I've been puzzling over how much happier children tend to be than adults. I realized when watching the video that children are experts of synthesizing happiness. They do it ALL the time! I am going to put some thought and energy into practicing that.

I would be happy to take AD but none have ever worked for me. I understand the conundrum of beginning to do something. On bad days I think that I would feel so much better if I just took a shower, but I don't do it, so I don't feel better. It's a strange space to be and it is self perpetuating. I hope everyone who is battling depression finds some relief, whatever the method.

[FreeFly]

depression

Just researching Tissue Salts for something else and came across this. Thought I'd share on this thread...

Tissue Salts for Depression

Biochemic tissue cell salts are made from the minerals that are found in the rocks and soil of the earth. These minerals should be present in our food and bodies for balanced health. Due to modern agricultural practices, many vital minerals are leached from the soil and this can cause a mineral deficiency in the human body.

Taking tissue salts is a gentle, non-toxic way of finding relief for depression. Follow the dosage recommendations that come with each bottle of tissue salts.

Kali. Phos., tissue salt no. 6, is one of the most important tissue salts for the over-emotional and will help to elevate the mood during the times a sufferer feels depressed, desperate or anxious.

Nat. Mur., tissue salt no. 9, helps the clinically depressed and should be taken regularly to lessen feelings of despair, listlessness, lack of joy and gloom.

Nat. Sulph., tissue salt no. 11, alleviates feelings of despondency, insomnia and irritability. It is a particularly good salt for those who suffer with manic depression.

Taking a combination of Kali. Phos., Nat. Mur. and Nat. Sulph. is an excellent mood-lifter and natural tranquillizer.

[ThreeDogNight]

depression

Mama Bear-
I've been taking Paxil for about 2 1/2 months now, and feel good. No anxiety, which seemed to start for me about nine months ago. I'd been prescribed Wellbutrin a couple of years ago, then Celexa, but was drinking and didn't really give them a fair shake. But a therapist suggested Paxil when it seemed it wasn't so much depression as anxiety. I started just before heading to rehab in Nov and I have not felt that anxiety since. Of course, the drinking, especially at the level I was at at the end, was contributing to that in a big way.
I haven't seen side effects as such, but do have trouble remembering names at times. Maybe that is part of the brain fog? Hard to distinguish between that and PAWS. Anyhow, beats the brain fog I was in while drinking!
I know that Lavande suggested a natural product, Amoryn, and I bought it last summer. But again, with the drinking, I couldn't feel any effects, and stopped taking it. At some point I may be able to wean off of the Paxil and go for that. For now, I'll stick with Paxil!
Thanks for this thread!
TDN

[ThreeDogNight]

depression

Forgot to add that I do take a number of vitamins and supplements, as well.

[mama bear]

depression

I feel the same way TDN.....brain fog vs a hangover....no brainer here!!!

[mama bear]

depression

and happy husband vs angry husband....another no brainer!!!!