FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

[sweetpea]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

:welcome: Suki

It is really weird how many of us have had the same problems in life. I had to travel many miles over 10 years for both my parents when they were ill/dying that so many other things got neglected, most of all myself and my own family unit. Then came the self medication - booze - to help me cope with them and all the day to day things that happened in my own life - work stress - family rows - teenage kids - etc

Yes it is very VERY definitely your time now. You owe it to yourself and with our support YOU WILL DO IT - YOU WILL SUCCEED - Hang on in there and post whenever you feel the need and take good care of yourself

Hi Evergreen and Finski 10 days wow keep at it - keep enjoying the smiley things they make it fun

Bye for now

:h Sweetpea :h xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[flutterby]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hello firebuddies,
Day 6 for me and a little more or less for others!!!! We are AWESOME and we are smiley (that's for you Evergreen)!! Suki-- your anxiety will decrease as your heart heals.
Lot's of :h :h :h here to help that along. Just keep the faith ODAT.
Love you guys,
Fby
_____DAYS AF_________
! ! ! ! !

[Suki411]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

good morning everyone!

Thanks for all the kind words of support. Spent most of the morning saturday being out of my condo, so small, 602 sq. feet. As I emptied my mom's house, I'd bring boxes here and stack them in any empty area. Am completely black and blue from bumping into furniture, boxes, walls, etc.!

Would come home from work, look at the clutter, the pile of paperwork, bills from my house and my mom's while trying to sell it, while her house was on the market. Get so discouraged, that the first thing I did when I'd go home, was to make a drink, then another. Then go into the bedroom, so I didn't have to look at the mess. Stopped reading, quilting, cooking, seeing friends, etc. Just closing my eyes to what needed to be done.

I began to associate my home with drinking. I used to love this little place, got some of my mom's and grandparent furniture and stuff after my mom died and thought that I would just love being here! But when I woulf open the front door, would immediately want to close the door and walk away.

So was afraid of this weekend. Yesterday, spent the morning out, then came back and decided to clean and organize. For the first time in a long time, I didn't even think about reaching for a drink.

Had a call from my best friend last night who asked me up to her house for pizza. Four years ago, her husband chocked to death, the saturday after Thanksgiving, leaving her with 3 small kids (one a 12 year old boy who tried to save him, by doing the Heimlich on him). For the year after his death, I 'd stop up there every night because she didn't want to be alone. We'd have a couple of drinks.'

Everytime I stop at her house, the first thing she says is "make a drink".

I was really hesitant to go up there. She did ask me and I told her what I was doing and about the support and understanding from all of you. She said that I could just be moderate about my drinking. I told her that I wanted to try 30 days AF. She was supportive. Had pizza and came home. No thought of reaching for a drink.

I woke up this morning and realized that it was the first day in such a long time that I wasn't beating my self up. The first time in a long time that I didn't feel like a fraud. The first time in ages that I felt a glimmer of self-esteem and hope.

By joining you all, I feel like I'm in a group of friends where there is no judgement, only understanding and support (no one calling me a loser, like my sister).

As I was telling this to my friend last night, we started to talk about my going to my therapist, which I started shortly after my mom's death (for many reasons, including physical abuse, but only mentioned my drinking a few times).

I honestly feel that in the last few days I feel better about myself than I have since I started to see her. It's because of this program and all of you. I can be open and honest and not be afraid of being judged.

I am actually shocked that I've written some much, usually I don't open up about anything.

Going for a long walk today, something I used to do and love.

Thank you all for all of your kind words, your wisdom, your support, your experience. I am excited about finishing 30 days AF, which I'm sure that I can do. Thank you all!!! :thanks:

By the way, my "Boothstars.com" horoscope for today:

November 11th, 2007
Virgo (Aug. 23 ? Sept. 22)
Sunday, November 11, 2007
It?s not always obvious what is or is not an opportunity. A change of circumstance has brought the chance to end a tired and futile arrangement. Everything that is happening now is happening for a reason and a very good one too.

I normally don't look at my horoscope, but every time I check it out, I get inspired.

Hope everyone has a great day

Suki :h

[rustop61]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi everyone

You are having a hard time Suki, hang in there, it will get better.

Have a great AF Sunday

Rustop

[Suki411]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Rustop61

Thanks for your kind words. It means so much. Can't wait to go for my walk. Lots of sunshine and fresh air. Will certainly help.

Hope your Sunday goes well.

Suki

[sweetpea]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Suki well done

All that hard work sorting out and cleaning. Telling your friend about going to try to AF for 30 days and the support of MWO friends was the very best thing you could have done. Obviously she is there for you as no pressure was put on you to have a drink. You in turn were there for her when she nearly needed it after her husband died. So let her give you that extra support to know that you can talk to her as well as all of us. Also that you can go and visit without the pressure of drinking. Also seeing the therapist again could also help especially if you now feel you can open up to her/him

Isn't it a marvelous feeling waking up in the morning feeling good about yourself, knowing that you are not by yourself in fighting the demons and most importantly wanting that feeling to continue. We are all very proud of you and yes what a lovely long post. It does work you know opening up to people who understand because when I look back to when I started this thread I am begining to write more and more. That is the confidence that everyone is giving me. It is a 2 way street so thank you and everyone else for your support as well

Hope you had a lovely long walk

How are the rest of you?

I am now nearly at the end of day 7 AF and feeling really great about it. Will post again tomorrow

:groupluv:

Sweetpea

_____________

******* Put the 7 stars on because I am going to bed now and it has given me a buzz

[Suki411]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Sweetpea

You are an angel! I have never blogged before, and after writing in this morning, I wondered if I had said more than I should have. Too much information.

After getting kind words from rustop61, I felt encouraged. After my walk, spent the early afternoon with my friend, going to farm stands, getting into the xmas spirit (first time in several years). Came home, checked the blog, and found no responses or comments and thought that I must have done something wrong. Went out to the grocery store to get some cat food. Started to drive home, passed the liquor store, stopped in and bought a bottle of vodka. Came home, put the bottle into the freezer and got on to the computer.

When I got on the computer and saw your response, I realized that I need to take control. The bottle is still in the freezer, unopened. This is more difficult than I thought. I am so thankful that you started this challenge and so thankful for the others on this thread.

CONGRATULATIONS ON 7 DAYS, Sweetpea. You are an inspiration. I've got my supplements all set for next week, and am going to listen to one of the cds before going to bed.

Thank you Sweetpea and everyone else!

Suki :h

[Suki411]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

flutterby

I was just checking the thread and realized that I had missed something that you had posted earlier:
Suki-- your anxiety will decrease as your heart heals.

Thank you so much!

It is so unbelievable to be in a community who understands, who offers support . I'm just blown away. Thank you flutterby

[happydog]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi everyone,
Its good to see everyone is doing so well, keep up the good work!!!!!
welcome aboard suki, its ture the more you talk about things the easier it will become for you to heal your body and mind. just like to send you lots of strenght and good luck.
Had a busy weekend on friday helped out at my daughters youth club she goes to, went bowling did feel really tired afterwards but did not touch a drink. saturday meet up with mwo people in covent garden for lunch such lovely people they really made you feel so relax which was really nice. had a great time.
Cant believe i have done 10 AF days and starting to see and feel the benefit out of it. Today is the first day my eyes lids does not feel like lead. beginning to feel stronger in myself. The other day, like other people had said they have had dreams about drinking, well in my dream someone pour me out this nice cold white wine. my body would not let me reach out to grab the glass of wine and before i know it the glass of wine was in a picture. It was too late.
Thanks for this thread sweatpea it making me go onwards and upwards.
Wishing everyone lots of strenght.
Love Teardrop.x

[rustop61]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi everyone

Wow, Teardrop its great to see you doing so well, 10 Days thats amazing. No wonder you are feeling so good.

The reunion sounded great, it must be good to put faces to the names and we all have so much in common. Just reading the boards you can identify with so many people. Thanks RJ, dont know what I would do without MWO.

Hope you all have a great AF Monday.

Rustop

*************

[MissCheryl]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Didn't do so well....

Hi all....

Hope you all had a good weekend... sounds like you did great! Me? Not so much... :sighbubble:

Overall, my shopping weekend with my aunt's/cousins/family was a blast. Got some great things, fabulous deals, and it was great seeing everybody. We had alot of fun. Got there Thursday night. Others enjoyed wine, but I passed. My mom did bring a bottle of Chardonnay for herself, which was fine. She had a glass, but not me. I made some tea. No trouble for me and all was good.

Friday we shopped and toured all day. I even pointed out to my mom at lunch that there were little bottles of wine in the frig case and she got one. I had no desire, just enjoyed my water. That evening we were going to a nice dinner. My mom (and others) had a drink back at the condo before we left. I decided to have "half a glass" of Chardonnay, which actually became a full glass by the time we left. At dinner, I ordered two glasses, shared the 2nd with my mom. Had a bit more when we got back tot he condo... Wasn't thrilled with myself but I didn't go terribly overboard. But, didn't stick to my plan either. :argh:

Saturday, a lot more shopping. Plus, everyone came up with the idea that since there were 12 of us, why not play Bunco that evening. That was probably the worst thing that could happen for me, although I didn't think that at the moment. I've avoided my Bunco group at home the last 3 months because it's just way too much of a drink-fest. Anyway, shoppped all day, out to dinner... more wine, then back to the condo for Bunco and .... MORE WINE. Well, that night I DID overdo it. To the point where I lost my balance in the bathroom and fell, smashed my head and arm on something. Have a huge bruise on my arm and a big bump on the back of my head. uch: Ended up having a long talk/cry-fest with my mom and aunt, who were very understanding and supportive. Worst thing is.... I don't remember most of it. I know I was pissed at myself. Still am...

It was obviously waaaaayy too soon to try to "moderate". And, I am seriously doubting if I will EVER be able to moderate. I still have to get up to higher dosages of my Topamax. I've read how people on Topa can get to where they have 1-2 drinks and can stop there. Well, that certainly wasn't me. I'd gotten to where it wasn't so hard anymore to not have any wine. Sounded good now and then, but I could distract myself away from it with some other activity or treat. But, obviously, once I start, there's no stopping.

So, a fresh start for me... had no wine yesterday and that's how it's going to stay!! I'm going to keep my stars going, they just won't be "gold" - maybe big, black, sad faces or something.

Anyway, again, overall my trip was fun. Loved the shopping and visiting with my family. And can't wait for next year's trip - MINUS the wine!!

Welcome to our new folks since I was here last Wednesday... this really is a great group of people!! Everyone is doing wonderfully, but we're also very human - as you can see from my post here!

Look forward to reading your posts and hearing about everyone's weekends. Have a great Monday!

Cheryl :hug:

[rustop61]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi everyone

Well done Cheryl for getting back in the saddle. Its hard enough staying AF when there is no alcohol around but nearly impossible when in social situations like you were in at the week-end. We have all been there, done that. You came back and started again and thats the important thing. It's all too easy to stay away.

I'm very busy at the moment so thats helping, just popping in to say a quick hello and wish everybody good luck.

Rustop

[sweetpea]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

:h Hi everyone

Cheryl don't be too hard on yourself. The main thing is you are straight back into the AF mode and really want to do it. We are all behind you

I am now into my 9th AF day and still ok. Getting very edgy about everything. Can't seem to settle to anything. But on the lighter side feeling a great deal better about myself and the future. But I have not had to contend with what you have just gone through Cheryl so don't know how I would cope. ODAT is the only way.

WE WILL KEEP TRYING AND WE WILL SO DO IT

Tear drop 10 Days fantastic - well done. It is lovely to get folks updates

Suki well done for leaving the bottle in the fridge unopened - You are going to do it - keep heart

Hi Rustop as like you I am very busy this week but hope to drop in to see how everyone is each day - thanks for your support

Everyone else keep going and drop us a post on how you are getting on


:groupluv: Sweetpea xxxxx

________________________

********

[Suki411]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

I didn't do so well either

I had been AF since Thursday, was so proud of myself, felt great, starting to get my self-esteem back, then Sunday night opened the bottle of vodka that I had bought and placed in then freezer and had several drinks. Woke up Monday and started to beat myself up. Then got on this thread. Just reading the posts from you all gave me hope and strength.

This is going to be a long process for me with ups and downs, but I realize that I am not alone. For the first time in my life I feel that I can be honest and understood.

Rustop, 13 days, that's awesome and inspirational.

Teardrop, thanks for the welcome and thanks for reminding me how great it feels to be AF. I'm starting again to be AF, knowing that there are going to be bumps in this road, but I'll do it.

Cheryl, after only 3 days of being AF I thought I could have "one" sunday night. Instead of just giving up my dream of succeeding with Sweetpea's 30 day challenge, it's just going to take me a little longer. Starting over is not a bad thing, I think I'm more committed now.

Thank you everyone.

[happydog]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi everyone,
Woke up today with a very sore throat and of all days i have taken on to much work that i can chew. Starting over again is not a bad thing, i have start over again quiet a lot of times,and everytime i learn something new about myself. even now i find it hard b'cause for not having a drink brings back the past as a childhood coming face to face having flash backs, having to learn to dealt with it all is hard. But i know i'm not the only one.
Keep up the good work even if you have start again. I have to rush of b'cause i'm running late.
Love
Teardrop.x