pregnant

[Guest]

pregnant

Re: relief

Nuts, Everyone!

I wish I didn't have all this darn sewing to do! This is a great thread! Just want you all to know I'm lurking around reading and so interested. You are terrific, and I love the depth that you are reaching. I'll be right back in it as soon as I can. This is great! Thanks to all of you for being so open!

Hugs,
Kathy

[Guest]

pregnant

Re: relief

Could somebody please join me in the chat room? I am really new and am needing some support right now. I am shocked that no one is there in the evening. Maybe you guys all have each other's email addresses or something?

Allie

[Guest]

pregnant

relief

Hi Allie,
I haven't even figured out how to register yet, much less get into the live chat room. Sorry I'm such a twit! Will keep trying..
Hi Onoclea,
Thanks so much for your positive thoughts.. And you too Kathy.. I was quiet for a few days.. feeling really depressed. I guess I know what Allie means.. sometimes it takes a while to hear a reply & waiting can make me a bit frantic.
On the positive side though.. by chance I read a magazine article about a woman who was seriously ill and suffering depression who researched and found her own cure in some vegetable oils. I started taking the oils and it has really helped my energy levels & state of mind. It's only been a few days but I already feel heaps better and can fully see how depressed & exhausted I felt.
Thank you guys so much for being there.
The doc says he thinks prescribing topa will be illegal here, he sent me for blood tests & said he'd look into it for me.. I said I'd look up Campral while he's at it. Will see him next week to find out. In the meantime I've ordered All-One and am trying to source Kudzu.
My experience with the oils has shown me Nutrition is ABSOLUTELY the most important thing in all of this. It's a huge battle to overcome an addiction and being in a good mental state is extremely important.
The other thing that got me going was the article on this site about "leaky gut" which is something I've never heard of. I went and did a whole lot of research on healing leaky gut through diet as well. Did you know a lot of the program's nutritional intention seems aimed at that. I've had other health problems with insulin resistance, PCOS etc.. but I won't bore you, but I swear I believe it's all related! So I think I'll go ahead with the program as soon as I get the Kudzu.. with an emphasis on healing nutritional supplements, diet & exercise and visualising feeling better. Every little thing helps. Oh and I forgot.. had to give up wheat & gluten (big one for me because I love pasta & bread - But have a past success story - I once went on the atkins diet (no carbs) and was feeling wonderful.. looking great.. didn't drink for months & months with no cravings!!! I was a whole new person - the Real Me!! Only trouble is how do I get back on the diet.. not allowed to drink in the beginning.)
So as you see I'm thinking HARD and sometimes going round in circles but am determined to get there. Will keep coming back here though.
On the Ganja, yep, I too used to indulge and there's a definite relationship with the alcohol. I quit smoking everything when I first fell pregnant.. so I found keeping to 2 drinks a day was a complete teethgritting, nailbighting, terrifying nightmare. Somehow did it anyway amidst all the fear & angst.
I know other women who quit alcohol when they fell pregnant but kept smoking pot the whole way through. I really can't comment or judge anyone. I think everyone just tries the best they can. I sure wasn't perfect. I know others who couldn't stop with tobacco. It does no good for people on one substance to condem others on another. My way was moderation and that was tough but it worked for me. The very best thing that anyone can do is talk it through and make the best decision you can and then get support to stick with your goal through it all.
These days though, I wish I could smoke! It doesn't agree with me any more.. but like you Onoclea, I can remember how a little smoke meant I would enjoy a glass of wine and then become interested in tea & food and other things like music, the stars and everything else. For some reason alcohol is almost the opposite.. it makes you lose interest in everything except alchol!! And after a while when the alchol starts to effect your health.... you get depression and then you lose interest in even the most important things in life.
Must say though that ganja does not do anything nice for me these days. Maybe because i've made myself ill with the other?
So Good Luck all you Wonderful Souls!!
Thanks for being there for me to blabber to.:rollin
Gotta go cook the dinner now
Love
MFM

[Guest]

pregnant

my drink, my friend.

I woke up this morning and I am ready to deal with it. Many years of truly drowning out my real feelings....I really think that I have not had a successful relationship because alcohol has been my best relationship I've had.
Well, I see you guys talking about getting pregnant...I'm 39 and that's not been an option for me. I was too busy in screwed up realtionships. Choosing screwed up realtionships because I don't have to truly commit. I could commit to knowing that they would end. Last relationship, alcohol was a factor. Never mentioned between us...but it was
Now, I have found a decent guy. I think I owe it to myself to be happy in a relationship and not numbed by alcohol and my own truly unfound insecurities.
advise for starting out???

[Guest]

pregnant

Re: FAS

being in the uk i can say that the"rules" regarding drinking here are different than us when pregnant. here it seems its safe to consume two to three drinks a week! personally i have "had a few" throughout all 4 of my pregnancies in moderation and all my kids are "top of the class"!

[Guest]

pregnant

Are you all still here?

I need to post this right away because I'm not sure that I'm doing it right. But please tell me that you are still here reading this thread! I just read it and was amazed, onclea you said every single thing that I'm going through right now! From the pregnancy and drinking to the sweet husband and hiding it. Well I'll see if this posts correctly then write more.

[Guest]

pregnant

long rant here

well then I suppose I'm doing this right. I have just been browsing the web and had no idea of this site, but then I found this post about pregnancy and I was just amazed that there are other people out there feeling the way I do.

I am an alcoholic. I love beer and wine, and I drink pretty well every day. My husband only drinks very occasionally and very very moderately, and oh how I wish I could be that way! But I'm not. I sneak drinks just about every day. For instance, let's say we'll have a six pack of beer in the fridge. I'll get home before he does, and before I know it I've had five of them! I run out to the shop and get another six pack of the same brand so that I can replace it before he notices! Then I have to fight not to drink the new one. I've been doing this for years. It's not that I get completely schnockered every day (though that happens often enough too) it's that I really cannot cope without that soft relaxation at the end of the day.

I'll move on, sorry. My point is that we are trying to get pregnant. I feel like I'm running out of time and I am so stressed about it. Nevertheless, during the two weeks when I'm waiting to find out, I can't stop drinking! I keep telling myself that the fetus is not implanted yet, ectera, that if I am pregnant, something magical will take over and I will not longer want alcohol because I will be so enchanted with my pregnancy. Now I know that's not true, because here is the other part of the story. I did manage to get pregnant last spring. It was a surprise, but we were very happy. Well when we went for the first ultrasound, to hear the baby's heart at 10 weeks, we discovered that the pregnancy was anembryonic, or in other words, the fetal support system was growing like gangbusters but there was no fetus. Well you can imagine the kind of guilt and agony I felt then (in my defense, at that time we were not trying to concieve, it was a big surprise). Anyway, I told my doctor about how much I had been drinking and he swears up and down that my drinking would have not caused my failed pregnancy. But I don't know, I can't be sure of that. So the miscarriage wouldn't come on its own and I wound up having to have a D&C and the whole thing was just horrible. So that was added pressure and I'm terrified. But I really do want a baby.

I am so terribly sorry to have carried on and on like this, I just wanted someone to talk to. Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far.

[Guest]

pregnant

Re: long rant here

Hi Sylvia

Your post worked fine. Welcome. Keep reading the posts and you'll find we've all been guilty of sneaking drinks at some stage. Can't help with the pregnancy question - never been there.

[Guest]

pregnant

long rant

Hi Sylvia,
So glad you've joined us. Onoclea is a terrific person to talk to. It can be hard sometimes waiting for a reply (i know) but it's always worth waiting for. I can really relate to the fear & guilt you're experiencing around your drinking/pregnancy issues. I would love to offer helpful advice but don't feel qualified.. so can only send you good thoughts. Be kind to yourself.
Love,
MFM

[Guest]

pregnant

Re: long rant here

Dear Sylvia,
I was the one who started the "pregnant" thread. I am now 14 weeks along, and 40 (!) years old. This was a big surprise for me and my husband; not really part of the 'plan' -- he has a 15 year old son from his 1st marriage. We had been on the fence forever -- do we have kids or don't we? So here I am -- happy birthday!! I was terrified -- partly "oh sh**, now what?" but also because I was a daily drinker of at least 6 beers or glasses of wine a night. I'd love to blame the wretched excess on the holidays but we all know that's not true. I had been all set to start the MWO program, then found out about the pregnancy.

I posted my fears and concerns on these boards, and got some wonderful advice from these folks. Most of everything I have read, both here and online, says that most alcohol damage comes from continuing to drink heavily throughout the pregnancy. Before I knew that I was pregnant, though, I was sick with a cold, which usually doesn't deter me from having at least a few beers/wine but might slow me down a bit. Anyway, I really ended up drinking much less -- I just didn't want it, which I thought was totally weird -- very unlike me. I thought maybe my mind, preparing for the MWO progrm, was putting my body in the right place. Now I am pretty sure it was the pregnancy. Since then, I have not abstained totally from drinking -- I might have a glass of wine with dinner a couple times a week, or relax with a beer over the course of several hours. (I don't subscribe to the puritanical views of the medical establishment; there are a hell of a lot of worse things that people put in their bodies.) But it has nothing to do with enchantment! I just really haven't wanted much, and that in and of itself has been helpful. I wondered how Icould possibly get thru 9 months without drinking, or even by cutting down as much as I have. All of this isn't to say that I don't want to crack a beer at 5:00 some days, but I just really haven't done it.

I am sorry to hear about your pregnancy difficulty last spring. The emotional guilt must have been terrible, worse than any physical pain, I imagine. I just went through some prenatal testing last week for chromosomal abnormalities, and should get the results late this week, so I still have some up-in-the-air feelings too. I went thru another blip of a panic when I found out at the 1st ultrasound that I was 3 weeks further along than I had thought. ("Oh no! Could I have inflicted further damage?") But I'm hanging on, and hopefully everything will be OK. I think it's really important to listen to our body; it will tell us what it wants.

Keep reading and posting!
CS

[Guest]

pregnant

re: pregnant

Oh CS I cannot imagine what a surprise that was for you to discover you are pregnant! Well congratulations. How do you feel? Is this your first pregnancy? I think you said you have a stepson.

I completely agree with you on just trusting our bodies to know what they need. Anything done to excess is harmful, and I can think of alot of things far worse than a glass of wine that people do during pregnancy that just doesn't have the same stigma attached. The U.S. is indeed very puritanical about these things. My sister in law has enjoyed a glass of wine several times a week throughout all three pregnancies and all three kids have been perfect. For me, I'm not sure I could limit myself to one glass, which is why when I was pregnant last year (before the m/c) I stuck to those O'Douls beers in big frosty mugs - it really seemed to ease my craving for beer (which I still craved every day unfortunately).

So how are you doing with this? I'm interested to know how you are coping with stress? I'm assuming that like me, you typically (pre-pregnancy) drank to cope with uncomfortable feelings. Have you found anything that is effective for that now, or are you even feeling stressed?

I'm almost to that WAITING period again this month, the two weeks before I can test where I wonder "am I pregnant? I could be, I really should not drink" - then the other part of me says "oh but I'm probably not so why not take advantage of this great drinking opportunity because I will be pregnant soon enough" - I fight myself constantly on it.

I have another confession to make - I am also struggling to quit smoking!! Well sort of. I keep going back and forth. Geez sometimes I feel like I have no right to even want a child given the way I treat myself!

[Guest]

pregnant

pregnant

Oh Sylvia.. Don't be so hard on yourself!! Sounds like you are doing all the right things and trying really hard too. It's hard to quit smoking!! Just keep trying and you'll get there. I know you will. It's what you want, what your body wants and even though you might slip up, eventually over time you slip up less & less. Even 10 years later I can occasionally want a smoke.. usually at a party in association with alcohol. But the disgusting taste aferwards & smell next day make sure I say to myself 'why on earth did I do that?' So I just don't smoke as a habit any more. I have one male friend who quit but still smokes one cigarette before bed every night. Wierd huh. Still, I bet that's a whole lot better than 2 packs a day!!
MFM

[Guest]

pregnant

sorry i've been gone! i've got news...

Sylvia, Martian, CS, Everyone!
hello and i've missed you! glad to read your posts, sylvia! wish i'd been here earlier to respond. here's why i wasn't: i was having a daily date with beer and a few times vodka. i was livin' it up as if i knew that it would soon be over, and i didn't want to post or read because, frankly, i didn't want to share my major fall from grace (ha ha -spoken like a true puritan!) nor did i want to deal even in the small way of reading.

well, lo and behold, i am indeed pregnant. after all that time and all that drinking...

gosh, i relate to so much of what you wrote, sylvia. and i'm thrilled that you relate to my story. i hope you'll read this and forgive my absence. i'd love to be here for you and vice versa.

of course, now i'm beating myself up a bit over my excesses, wondering if the egg was yet implanted on those drinking nights, especially those when i had vodka. argh! that's strong stuff - indeed, that's why i drank it (not to mention, hubby, beloved hubby, wouldn't smell it like he would beer). coming back here to the board and reading the testimonials of healthy children has certainly helped. and i'm thrilled to report that one night early last week (about 18 days or so after conception i'd guess) it was time to quit. i just knew it in my soul. i have been sober since, without the urge to drink. (even if i wanted to, i'd never be able to have just one either!) i know i'll go back to the calendar many times before i stop freaking out, wondering if maybe it wasn't that many days of drinking after conception... then, like i said, these testimonials, and the experiences of a good friend with the same issue, help me let go of the fear and blame. i think we'll be okay, the babe and me. if not, i like to think that nature will take care of it.

shucks, if it were such a dangerous thing to do so early on, we'd have piles more FAS people in the world. how many women don't know they're pregnant and still drink, some very heavily, well past their period being late?! i don't mean to rationalize or excuse myself, yet at the same time i clearly have an alcohol problem -addiction- so what good does it do to add insult to injury??!! i shall certainly carry the babe to term if i am to be so lucky; there's no going back and changing things so what good does it do to add insult to injury? none.

martian, i shall read your posts again and again, and get some professional support to corroborate the fact (NOTE: FACT, i tell myself) that i've done no harm. these are the things that will bring me peace.

sylvia, i wish you much luck on your journey. again, i am amazed at how similar it is to my own! please write and tell how you are. please stop being so hard on yourself (however hard that may be; believe me, it's what i do best so i can relate)!

CS, keep us up to date. sounds like you're doing great.

i'll be in touch more often. this is a great community. i've missed it. good to be back. please wish me luck.

onoclea

[Guest]

pregnant

Re: sorry i've been gone! i've got news...

Oh Onoclea! That is just the most MARVELLOUS NEWS!!! I am so excited for you and I'm absolutely certain that everything will be alright for you & the babe. When I was first pregnant, I used to go to the gym every morning. Well one day I just did NOT want to go! Just being pregnant had a huge impact and even before I knew I was, my body just said NO. So I am sure that's what is happening for you! On some deep level you are already tuned in to what your baby needs. So please don't lose any sleep over it. I have missed yo SOOOOO MUCH! I've looked for you every day and even thought I might start a "Where are you Onoclea" thread.. but anyway, thank goodness you're back. Perhaps you just needed to take a break from all the worries you were having?
I hope the 'no drinking' feeling stays with you the whole pregnancy! Keep in touch.
Lots of Love,
MFM

[Guest]

pregnant

Re: sorry i've been gone! i've got news...

Congratulations Onclea! That really is fantastic news! And it?s very nice to meet you, yours was the first message that I read on this site and thank goodness I did ? everyone has been wonderful.

I have read time and again that there is a two or three week "grace period" during which the embryo has not yet attached and therefore is not sharing your blood supply. That?s why some women have "implantation bleeding" around the time they expect a period. So I am sure that your baby is fine, and I think you have a great attitude about it ? good for you. So you haven?t had any craving 18 days after conception ? that is fantastic news. MFM, how soon after conception did you experience that "knowing" when you didn?t want to go to the gym?

I ask because I really am beginning to suspect that I am pregnant. Sorry if I give too much information here, but I am kind of irregular so I expect my period anytime from this coming Saturday to next Wednesday, and I?m feeling a strange "twinging" or pulling sensation in my abdomen. I?m also starting to get quite afraid. OK more than quite afraid. I?m terrified and I?m going to be completely honest. I have still been drinking beer every day, though not nearly as much as I was before I found this site. It?s not that I really worry that I?ve done anything to the baby (see above), it?s that every time I drink now, I think to myself ? HOW AM I GOING TO STOP. It?s not going to be easy for me! It?s going to be so much struggle and rather than doing it alone, it will now have much higher stakes with an innocent baby involved! How will I manage? If I am pregnant and I suddenly stop drinking, will I fall apart? How will I cope with stress, with boredom, with anger, with spare time for goodness sake? I cannot even tell you how much this frightens me because it has forced me to completely face just how dependent I am on alcohol.

I also hide much of my drinking from my husband, and to be honest with you I just simply cannot admit to him how much of a problem this is for me. He is a wonderful man, but as an almost-non-drinker he does tend to see situations in black and white terms. If I tell him that I have had trouble with alcohol, then he will decide straightaway that I am a raging alcoholic and not to be trusted with myself, let alone a baby. I just don?t think I?m ready for that. But am I endangering my pregnancy with stubborness? Can I do this alone? Oh I am so confused and alarmed. How can I be a mother if I can?t even be honest with my husband or control my own desires?

Anyway, thanks for writing, I?m so happy to hear that you have the pregnancy you dreamed of. Do you mind if I ask how often you drank before you stopped? I think you said your drink of choice is beer and vodka? I ask because for me, the really physical, overpowering craving is for beer. Why is that? I am looking into the "leaky gut" diet that MFM suggested. I may have a carbohydrate problem as well that is contributing a lot of symptoms I have, including ADHD.

I?m so glad to have found this site, but it has been a real wake up call for me. I wake up every morning and I just have no idea how I came to be in this place. As someone so completely obsessed with alcohol that I have compromised almost everything for it. My finances are a wreck due to buying so much alcohol, my career is stagnant, my marriage is not what it could be. And worst of all, I?m starting to get grief from people in my family over not having had a baby yet! (I?m 30) As if I need any added pressure. That bothers me, but what bothers me more is the realization that at least part of the reason I have not had children yet is because I?m too busy drinking. This is just not good.

Thanks so much for reading and Onclea, congrats once more.