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Hi Ya'll!
I was trying to moderate and for awhile thought I was doing great. I would mix a very low alcohol content wine with water so it would be even less alcohol content, and sip one or two glasses. Then I got some real bad news and went on a real bender a few days ago and then had to keep drinking a little each day just to get through the hangover it was so bad. So now I am going for complete abstinence for a good long while and am on day two. I need to get more info before I EVER try moderation if I ever do again. I may add zofran to the topa, and GABA as well. Does anyone know a good brand of GABA? But until more research comes out on who can moderate and who can't, or who needs which meds, I don't think I want to risk it again!

Adria

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I totally understand. I have read the book, had the appointment with a nutrionalist (because I am currently on perscription) and am waiting for my Dr. apt. to see if I can take thetomax. Really am getting anxious about when everything is in place. I plan to start Feb 1 and devout 2 full months of abstinence.

Thanks, this is allnew for me

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Hi all~

This is hard. I got the book on Tues, read it bought the supliments and started them without the topa. No drink on Tues, Wedn, Thur but now it is the weekend: (heavy drinking night) and feel lost. I am scared to ask my dr. for a script, that I have to admit this problem out loud.

So, I have had a glass of wine, normally by now I would be "out" so something must be working at some level. I know I need to talk to my Dr. and fully commit, But! how will my life look after that? I have been here so long, it is so comfortable, everyone knows what to expect....blah, blah, blah. I know it is all an excuse.

I guess tomorrow is always a new day.

Bless you all, I hope we all can find our dreams/self/peace what ever we are searching for.

Niki

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Have been on the program for 3 days, all of it. I still have the cravings but I know it's early in the program and I probably need a higher dose of the topa. I'm going to follow the dosage as outlined in the book. I'm really hoping that with more time with the CDs and when I get to higher dosages of the topa, it's going to help a lot. I don't have any problem going several days without any alcohol, but when I decide to have a drink, I usually have 4 or 5. I'm going to keep working at it, I think this is a good program.

BTW - got my topamax off the internet, no prescription. I couldn't bear to tell a doctor and hope he/she would agree to it. Did a google and found it.

Gracie

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Hey Gracie

I really started to feel a difference around the end of week 2. Hold on. Increase your Kudzu if you need to, busy yourself, read these Boards, it helps a lot. We are all here for you. I know how hard this is. And if you slip, don't beat yourself up. Everyone here has taught me that you can't get better by beating yourself up. One step at a time. Welcome. Write often!

Marie

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Marie,
Thanks. I'm really pleased I found this site and this program. All my years of drinking and keeping things to myself (except a few close friends, but even then, I never shared the whole story), and I finally feel like I have an avenue for making things better. I've read a lot of the discussions on this site ... so many familiar stories. I'm encouraged.

Gracie

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Hey, Guys,
I love reading the discussion boards; they are so encouraging. Even the ones where people share that they have "blown it". I was a member of Weight Watchers for a year (when I was 23 )and one of the major teachings of our leader was, when we slipped, to give our self grace, to get up and start over, and skip the guilt. The guilt and shame is a killer!!!

However, on a personal level, I haven't started with the program. I've gotten all the vitamins...tried the All-One, got it down, and in about 20 minutes threw it all up...but I'm hoping to wait until Topomax arrives. I've been dealing with anxiety attacks for about 2 years, and trying to calm that panicky feeling has been my excuse to let this drinking get WAY out of control. I usually love people, but I've gotten where I don't even want to see people, even dates...takes too much energy to get dressed. I pray that there is hope for me, too.

Warmly,
Diana

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Welcome Diana,

I'm glad that you find some encouragement here. Sorry that your anxiety is so high. Hope that you get comfortable with all of us and can keep your vitamins down . They really help. Hope you visit and post often! We're a fun and crazy bunch! I'm sure there is hope for you. It just takes time. We're all a work in progress.

Kathy

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Re: Not fully on Board

Hi Diana, and Welcome, I'm the one that's been snivle'n all over the boards today! Not taking any Topa tonite(or any s--t from my Honey!) must be feelin' a little more like me! Almost had even me scared for a while...My headache's gone, but I hope my brain grows back(that shouldn't take long!)
Oh & Kathy thank you for the support, don't know if this is the right place for it .... But Very much heart felt Hugs & Prayrs Judie

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Re: Not fully on Board

I read where some of you are having trouble with the All One and find for myself, that if I mix it with about 4 ozs. of Orange Juice with the texture, not the strained, and mix it in with a tiny whisk that it doesn't taste odd or does the texture bother me. I also took it with a couple of ounces of my mocha which has a powdered base, and hence is not entirely smooth in texture. That wasn't as good as the OJ, but bearable.

For some reason, the kudzu is making me slightly sick at my stomach or is the L-glutamine? I began them together and am not sure yet...but, one is. Guess I'll have to try them at different times to see which it is, or if it's the combination.

As each of us struggles, have faith, we are here, and we are being honest and sharing our struggles! Good luck to all.

Hope this hint works with the All One. It's good stuff!

pat

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Re: Not fully on Board

Hi Diana....I have full blown panic attacks...I'm not sure if I have them becase I drink...or if I drink because I have them. It is a struggle everyday. Anyway....here I am...and here you are! Good luck to us.

Lilly

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hey

I am new to this... so hope it comes out ok.

I don't know if this helps at all.. I too am not on the program yet, but I am waiting for the book, CDs and have an appointment with my doctor to talk about the medications... but I read somthing the other day that I wanted to hold onto.. when I read your post it sounded like you might be in a similar place :

"The clouds pass and the rain does its work,
and all individual beings flow into their forms."

That is an image that I'm holding onto.. kind of like a positive affirmation or a meditative image.

I know that who I really am has nothing to do with alcohol.. it was only away to shut out fear.

I know I don't need it any more. I am only afraid of the withdrawals. Hope the meds help with that.

Hope you are OK

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Re: hey

Hey Martian,

Hope you don't mind me calling you Martian, I'm lazy, I admit it!

My biggest fear was just the fear. I don't know how much you're drinking now, and that will determine your withdrawal. I was drinking about 1 bottle of wine a day, more on weekends, and I didn't have much in the physical withdrawal department, and the topa really helps balance your mood, even at low doses (at least it did for me). I mostly felt very tired, partly topa and partly not having all that dopamine flying around in my system.

I had more anxiety and fear, not physical, per se, but just, what am I going to do with myself if I'm not drinking? How will I fill up my weekend? That part is weird at first, but it gets easier as you go on and start thinking about things to do. Remembering things that you had wanted to do but didn't get around to because drinking was more important.......

It will come.... Also, I would come to the computer two or three times a day. It really helped.

Hope this helps!

Hugs,
Kathy

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fear

Thanks Kathy,
I really appreciate your advice and also reading everyone elses posts. My history goes back 23 years.. I was a very heavy drinker when young and it was only really becoming a mother that saved my life and forced me to find a way to moderate. Last 10 years was on 4 per day, but last 2 years has been bad. Some Heavy life events meant my coping dose went up. I would estimate it's around 2 bottles of wine per day a lot of the time now. I can really feel the effects on my health and my kids are aged 5, 7 & 12. I'm turning 40 this year.. and I absolutely have to slow it down.

In some ways I think my weight going up has meant my drink dose has gone up to compensate. 2 years ago I lost weight and my drinking dose went down to 2 per day for about 6 months. I was pretty happy with that but it only took a big crisis to knock me off the wagon.
And lets face it, in life, @#%$ happens. I have to find some other way to cope with life's inevitable slammers.

Still waiting for book & CD's.. but think just finding this site will help me to focus and get motivated.

The biggest difficulty over the years has been that every time I try to talk to someone about stopping I get one of two reactions:
1. the other person tells me I don't really have a problem and it's all in my head - I'm over reacting - surely I can just have a drink and pull myself together, or
2. the other person reacts with fear, disgust & condemnation as though I should be locked up and my children taken away.

It has been a very real fear for me that someone might try to take my children - I'm a single mum and have had some nasty custody battles. The more I was attacked the worse the fear became.. the more I needed my daily dose to keep sane and stable.. keep on working etc.

Now the panic years are over and I'm in a clear space where hopefully I can focus on getting the daily dose out of my life.

Thank you all so much for being here.. being real and providing some in-between space for support and discussion. I will check in regularly.. I have lots of questions.. and hopefully I can be of some help to others.

I definitely think that there is a direct relationship between fear & alcohol. ie: I began because I was afraid.. and it calmed me down.. but then every time I was hit by fear I needed to drink.. so ultimately not having a drink is a scary situation.. It's like if I don't drink then .. WHAT might happen!!!

I've done detox by myself in the past but then I never drank so much as now.. and also I am older.

The last counsellor I spoke to told me fits, seizures, etc.. so I seriously don't want that happening in front of my kids. So I'm hoping to find some meds to prevent that. I hope something like topa is available in Australia.

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Re: fear

Hey Martian,

There's a lot I can relate to in your story, and I'd love to talk to you more. If you want to register, you can even send e-mails for things you want to keep more private. It's pretty easy to do. My daughter is older than your kids, and I only have one, but I've been the whole single mom route, and I know the whole issue of people saying "Well why can't you just have one or two?" My ex, who has lived overseas for many years, has turned a blind eye to my drinking, because that would have meant he would have had to do something responsible about our daughter! It was more convenient for him to ignore it! At any rate, I can relate.

I haven't been posting much in the last several days, because I've been very busy sewing flags for my daughter's color guard. I figure I'll be nuts through Sunday. After that, I'll return to a more structured and sane world. I haven't exactly been keeping my nose clean with drinking either, but I have been keeping my head above water, at least.

Now, yawn, I must go to bed, if I'm to function on some minimal level tomorrow.

All the best. Hugs,
Kathy:lol