Grumpy and feel this is pointless

[stepintime]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

lil.michelle;450021 wrote: Seriously people. It's been over 3 weeks and i'm still wanting to drink. I'm really low at the moment, i could just burst into tears. I swear all my posts on here are of me moaning about something or another. There is no reason for me to be grumpy at all.

I thought if i stopped drinking i would sleep better but i sleep like crap.
I thought i'd lose weight... No chance.
I know i'm a better person for this, i know i've stopped hurting people and have saved my family relationship but i don't know. I'm so low right now. Sorry everyone. This is the time i'd be drinking.

I'm praying this will get better. I just need to be able to be grumpy, be upset, be happy, be fine and NOT think about drink. I know i'm not going to drink, i've come to far.

I'll go now.

Do you know something. I am so glad you posted that. I thought I was the only one who didn't experience this 'honeymoon period ' so often talked about. Nor did I feel ANY better ...,mentally OR physically for at least a MONTH! I tell you, it really pissed me off. All I can say to you, is that after that first month I DID start to finally reap some of the rewards of not drinking. I continued to feel better and stronger, with every day that followed for the next 3 months+

It really does get better. I promise you. I know how you feel at the moment. We all seem to get through it differently. I really do believe, that for some of us, it is harder to get going. And it's got nothing to do with how much you drink. I could never string more than 2 days together, so those 3 months are somewhat of a small miracle for me.

Now the crappy stuff. Sadly/stupidly, I picked up a drink again. I wish to god I hadn't, cuz hey,... you just go right back to where you left it, only worse. So here's where I'm at.... a day off it, 3/4/5 days on, 2 days off (ha), 3 days on.....6 days off a month on...etc.. etc... But well, there was a time I never had ANY days off. So I regard this as progress to me. I am getting better, and with the support of my partner, good friends and a healthy balance of AA meetings, I am headed in the right direction.

The thing I want to get across here is, stick at it, don't give up now, cuz you are doing SO well and will hate yourself if you dont give it a bit longer. I know, cuz I do.

Regards

Step

[periwinkle]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

lil.michelle,

You've already gotten some great advice here. You are further along in the AF process than I am and kuddos for that :huggy (cuddle hug for you sweetie). So I can't really add to what others have said regarding that part.

I was having some really rough and tumble sleepless nights when I first cut back and had some AF days too. I can't take melatonin, valerian, and some other natural supplements that seem to really help some people. Try them if you can, they might be your answer. You really need your sleep!

If that doesn't work for you I can tell you some things that have helped me sleep better. I have learned that acupuncture really helps me with sleep issues as well as alcohol cravings. You do have to tell the acupuncturist that you want help with these issues. It isn't perhaps the least expensive option, but neither is drinking when you add it all up.

Another great tool for me has been the hypno-therapy cds. One of the cds is sleep learning. I was struggling a bit with falling asleep a couple nights ago. The sleep cd was playing and I suddenly remembered the hypno dude saying that you could count 0 to 20 to count yourself to sleep. I started counting and by the time I got to 6 or 7 I lost track so I started over. I remember getting as far as 2 my second time through and waking up next morning feeling refreshed. I don't have a baby, I'm just telling you my experience.

Hope that helps! And yes, be grumpy when you feel grumpy, feel the feelings!

periwinkle (((:l)))

[christyacc]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

Hi Michelle....

I'm sorry you are feeling down.....if I could give you a great big hug, I would......just know I am thinking of you and hope tomorrow is a better day.

C

[rubywillow]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

Think about reading up on sleep issues. I swing from no sleep to going nuts without 10 hours, and I've been af quite a while. Don't want to depress you, I have LOTS of medical/pain issues that wake me up. Michelle, al is like a bf/lover who has gone suddenly from your life. If that's ever happened to you, remember how you felt, how you reacted. It took a long time. You grieved the loss. You looked for a replacement. You felt empty. Its the SAME thing. AL takes on almost a human image in our lives, even more important than most people we know. So treat it like a loss. Let the grieving time go for a while, KNOWING it can never come back, and eventually, slowly, other things will relplace it. There will always be a memory, but the time each day will be filled, and your family will have you back. Good luck. This worked for me, hope it does for you. Love for the best!

[gyco]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

hi lil,you have to have patience my dear,AL free is not easy,but it does come with REWARDS,I no,hang in there kid gyco your freind

[Peanut]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

Ruby - I like that analogy - like losing a lover. These things make more and more sense to me as time goes on. I have a feeling that in time, everything I have learned from this site will become fully realized in my brain and things won't look as bleak as they did when I first started on this crazy road to be AF. My mod goals are still a bit shakey, but I have hope for my future.

I recall a total feeling of sadness when I had my last swallow of wine (the last in the house) the night before I really, really made up my mind to go AF in June. It was this real downer feel - sad face and all - didn't understand it at all at the time, but am now seeing why we feel these things, thanks to the advise of all the knowledgeable, experienced people here!

Cheer up lil.michelle - let's try change our mindset about this whole drinking thing, ok???
xoxoxo Peanut

[brittzak]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

I think you will always have some struggle but it does get better....

[planetjanet]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

Hi lil.michelle,

Thank you for making me feel better about not invading your thread "Hello Everyone", phew your kind words really helped me. I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time today but as people have advised you and as I will do the same, it will get better. Try not to beat yourself up and it's okay to be grumpy. I think it's great that you posted your grumpiness and asked for MWO for support, then to resort to old habits and drink, right? I too, was feeling bad today because I have not gone back to my workout and training for my next running event but you know what, so what, the best thing that I need to be right now is happy that I am not drinking today. Besides, the fact that I am taking my puppy out for long walks and the dog park, works for me right now. However, it's been my experience that exercise has helped me sleep so maybe you can take a nice walk or do some kind of exercise before bed.

Congrats on your three weeks of being AF and thank you for posting. Please keep us posted of how you are doing. Here's a hug for you :l and please feel free to ask as many times as you like for a hug, we have plenty to give you.

Big hugs,
Janet

[Guitarista]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

Step. A really cool post. well said. inspiring, thanks', G

[Guitarista]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

Peanut, and everyone, and all to come... Yep, -people's stories/comment's on this site just make you stronger i reckon..and educate..etc..

[Guitarista]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

mmmm. well, missed the action again, being the other side of the world!.lol..gotta get up earlier or something.

[Guitarista]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

Planet Janet. Hello, and i'm a runner too, so can i have a hug?. G....

[Peanut]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

Janet and Guitar! I used to run way more (when I was into Triathlon), but when drinking everyday,smoking more ciggies, everyday tired, running was the first of my exercise activities to go. Then I lost cardio strenght and felt it in the pool. All that everyday boozing did nothing positive or me. Going AF I have more energy for running, and more likely to go out during my lunch hours for a run by the river - maybe another reason I lost weight when AF.
xo Peanut

[planetjanet]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

Good Morning Everyone :h

G - here's a great big :l for ya and this applies to everyone. One thing I plan to do this weekend is look up a running event to do and this might be something you guys should check into as well. Trust me, I am not suggesting running a marathon, start slowly, maybe a 5K (3.6 miles) and you don't have to run the full miles. You can plan to run one mile (or less) then walk, then run and so on and so on. I am sure you guys can agree, it's such a awesome rush when you are at the start line and end at the finish line. Sheesh, it gives me gets me teary eyed just thinking about it. The other thing I enjoy about doing running events is seeing everybody up early in the morning and the positive energy that it brings This also applies to doing other activities besides running, gardening is definitely a nice activity, whatever you used to do but gave up because drinking kept you from it, get back into it!

LM- I hope you are having a better day today. I was very close to temptation last night but didn't and I thank you and Britt for inspiring to stay on the "wagon". Have a great day and/or evening everyone.

Big :l to everyone

Janet
AF Day 6

[vera-b]

Grumpy and feel this is pointless

Hi lilMichelle,

Just wanted to give you a hug across the 'net - you've done what you're supposed to do, and it must be very disappointing not to feel the results you'd hoped for. You've been given some great advice here. I wish I had something more to add, but it's all been said. I would focus, as others like Boss have said, on the sleep issue. Even eternal optimists and non-drinkers are grumpy when sleep deprived! You've done so well - when you first came here, wasn't so sure, but you've erased any lingering doubts. You have what it takes, and the life you're living in the presence of your little girl is the finest gift you will ever give her. She will grow up to know lilmichelle, not some drunk version of her.

Step - that is an honest, beautiful post. I love your avatar. My daughter danced for several years. The pointe shoes remind me of Swan Lake with the black/white. I'm continually amazed at how much we learn from each other. And Boss, you're going to have to create a signature that lets everyone know that you are the official MWO researcher and internist. We have all come to rely on you so.

Vera-b