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    #1

    ODAT - Friday!

    Hope Santa was good to all of you!!

    I did "ok" yesterday, drinking just one glass of wine. But, in general, I don't feel I'm doing that well. I feel like I'm losing my resolve... I need to get it back but don't remember how to do that!

    My mind seems to keep turning to the thought of buying some... Right now I don't have any. I know, I know, keep busy, etc.

    Why was it actually EASY at one point a couple months ago to go AF for almost a month? It just kind of happened without me even trying...

    Onward & forward... somehow!
    Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin
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    #2
    ODAT - Friday!

    Hey, Savon--my evening sucked too

    You are doing great, don't stop now. I need you for inspiration. Glad Santa was good to you and hope your day is filled with joy.

    Xmas Eve actually not too bad for me--usually it is a family drunk fest, but neither I nor my husband drank, Mommie Dearest and Pops dran fake beer, sib on call and so could not drink, several DD's ...so it was relatively festive and of those who did drink, most were in moderation. Of course, I ate like a pig in heat. When I got home, I poured a glass of wine, thinking "Oh, it is Xmas Eve and I have been good." Stared at that sucker for ages before pouring it out and making tea instead. But I admit it was a huge battle.

    Xmas morning was good--big breakfast, kids, presents...I sent a bunch of emails and texts and phone messages to family and friends I had not seen. But by 3:00 it was over and everyone was gone. Hubs went to watch sports. I was alone, wanting to DO something--movie, walk, visiting. Sports took precedence--always. Then I realized it was now almost 6 PM, I was feeling sad, realizing no one had bothered to call or message back, and I was crying :upset: and lonely. WHO IS YOUR FRIEND, HONEY? Yep, Mr. Merlot was calling loud and clear and I wanted him baaaad. Went to the cupboard many many times. Held that bottle in my hand. Uncorked and sniffed.

    Made one last attempt at communicating with hubby to no avail. Cried some more and cradled that bottle like it was a lover. :surrender: I was ready to give it up, to say the least.

    Then I actually thought of disappointing all of you     by saying I had slipped--seriousy, ALL OF YOU--not me, not family or friends. I di not want to crash and burn. I took a very hot bath, drank tea, a Benedryl, had a good cry and went to bed with the CD's...hubby did not even notice for several hours.

    Still feeling blue and lonely this morning--hubs back to watching TV, though he did converse with me earlier. So here I am---going to do my thing. :lordhelpme: I can do this----today is Day 10...............

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      #3
      ODAT - Friday!

      savvy, awesome job! Would it help you if you read your previous posts? It sounds to me like it would help you to get angry at your alcoholic side. Would that work?

      upnorth, from one upnorth girl to another...I AM SO FRIGGIN' PROUD OF YOU! roud: I know what it's like to have a husband who prefers TV to me. Mine has fallen asleep downstairs in front of the TV for the past, hmmm, how many days now? I've lost count. He used to come upstairs and get in bed but not now. I understand the loneliness. :l

      But, you're not alone as you found out, you have us, the wacky bunch! We'll always be here for you no matter what. Your strength and resolve is amazing. I'm so proud of you and happy for you for that.

      We have so much crap to clean up I don't know where to begin. I think I'll just hide in my office today and hope some little elves come in and clean it all up for me.

      Yeah, right.

      Well, a totally sober holiday for me, too. I'm tellin' ya, this no hangover thing could get pretty damn addictive. :H

      Take care,
      Be
      "Action is...the enemy of thought." :l Joseph Conrad

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        #4
        ODAT - Friday!

        :lsavvy, i know what you mean. i have moments when i just want it so badly!!! and other times when it so dam easy! why is it that way? i like Be's idea. also, i was reading doggygirl's cocktails of supplements last night. she is really doing well with them. you're doing great. we're here for you! you've come a long way. keep thinking of how much better you are doing without hangovers. what about making a list of things you like about yourself as a nondrinker versus a drinker. someone mentioned that to me once. the other day when i was having a weak moment, i forced myself to write down some things i did in the past drunk that i was really ashamed of and then i wrote down some things that have happend in the past 10 days that have been really positive and i read the positives over and over. then i went for walk/run on the treadmill and went shopping for something new for me! (i will need shopaholics annonymous next!)

        upnorth, you are so strong and courageous. you are my hero!!! you made it through a very difficult time. you are doing so well and i am so proud of you. keep it up, girl!

        yesterday, we had my inlaws over. they don't drink (but know I do/did) so that was a blessing. we were opening gifts and i opened a new set of beautiful wine glasses from my brother in law! my husband and i busted out laughing! my brother in law wanted in on the joke so I said.... um.. I have broken quite a few lately....

        take care everyone.
        Bridget

        " little by little, we travel far "
        - Tolkein

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          #5
          ODAT - Friday!

          :brainfart: savvy - sorry, insteady of doggygirl's supplements, I meant to say Missdoddlebug's cocktail. She posted it under her thread "What's your "my way".
          Bridget

          " little by little, we travel far "
          - Tolkein

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            #6
            ODAT - Friday!

            Bridget, those glasses are a regift if I ever heard of one!
            "Action is...the enemy of thought." :l Joseph Conrad

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              #7
              ODAT - Friday!

              Having a hard time today my self.

              savon, even though you regret having the one glass of wine, try to be proud of yourself for atleast stopping there. I can relate to feeling unable to re-find my resolve, and found my last attempt at AF and making 30 days far easier than the past 4 days...I have been a huge basket case, and honestly feel very emotional, and unable to cope well. This too shall pass.

              upnorthgirl, your post made me cry. I don't know why I am feeling so melancoly lately, but I just can't seem to shake this depression I feel myself sinking in to. You did so amazingly well, you should be SO proud of yourself! Big hugs to you!

              BecomingMe, I also have a hubby who seems to prefer almost every thing to me, as well as TV. It really knocks down my already cracking self esteem, and my feelings of self worth. Also I can relate to the mess...if you happen t find those elves, could you send them to my house please ??!! :H

              Bridget, good job on writing out the list of positives and negatives, as a tool to fight the cravings!
              Striving to live life without ALCOHOL

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                #8
                ODAT - Friday!

                Hello all ---- very late check in, but it's been extremely busy here lately. AF today, but not the last two and have one more party tomorrow night ... at our house, so I have to at least Mod as I have a lot of dishes to get out and company to entertain. THEN, more AF days ahead.
                You all have done so well ..... I really look up to you! Congratulations all and enjoy the rest of the holidays!

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