Newbies Nest

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Evening nesters
This time of year is always hard for me. No kids and all the fuss just makes me want to sleep unitl Jan 2nd.
Went to dads today to get the mail and there were 3 messages on his machine. He was calling home to have my mother tell me to come get him...mother has been dead almost 4 years...he sounded so sad and pathetic...My emotions are all over the map. I am stressed to the max...we have a care conference tomorrow...and the support group start next week too.....I need some relief....
Dottie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Dottie...the relief you are looking for is not in a bottle. What you will find there only makes things WORSE. You can only control what you can control, the rest you have to have faith that it will work out. You have done all you can do for your dad, you can do no more and worry doesn't fix a thing. I wrote the book on worrying...it doesn't help. Try and let go of the things you can't control and own the things you can...and not drinking is something you CAN control. Strength to you!! Byrdie

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

thanks byrdie....

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Oh Dottie,

What a heartbreaking situation! My emotions have been all over the map today, too, with a deteriorating family situation I can't control either, that is no doubt going to end in tragedy. Your story has made me cry like nothing else. I think I could keep crying until next week. I hate to cry and will do almost anything to avoid it. I guess it scares me, like it proves I won't be able to deal with things or something. All the pent up emotion and still feeling really shaky and sick, even though I am on day 8, like you. God, I need a break, too, but this has been one of the most hellish weeks, in terms of withdrawal, that I have ever had and I don't think I could endure it again. Hugs and prayers to you!

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Well, Almost Free, Dottie and myself have some great Christmas cheer going on. I'm getting a divorce after this weekend. The final nail was put in the coffin this weekend. I've bent over backwards and now know beyond a shadow of a doubt I'm being used. Would have been nice to find that out before the money pilfering. Don't worry, I'll still be looking for encouragement offerings, Brydie. I'll need for myself more than ever.

Dottie, I can understand how that would break your heart. After my grandfather died, my grandmother would write him a note every day. We found them after she died. I know it's not exactly the same, but love can make us fly higher than anything and sink lower as well and watching people we love suffer is so difficult.

Almost free, you mentioned some bad family stuff going on. Maybe the stress is part of what is making you feel so bad this time around and not recover? I know family stress can really make us breakdown. I'm giving you permission to have a good cry. It won't change anything, but you have to let some of the pressure out. Crying can let us heal a bit more each time. I can't tell you how many times my husband has broken my heart and devastated me. I've only been with him just over two years and this was a huge mistake I made because I was so wrapped up in Alcohol that I didn't heed the warnings that he was just looking for a green card and my money. Now, I have to deal with a whole range of stuff including a big broken heart.

WE can all do this without alcohol. It will, indeed, make matters worse. Hang tough with me, girls!!!!!:l:h:l

Love,

Slay

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Slay, so sorry for your heartbreak and pain. What a great Christmas for all of us! I had a close friend who was used in a similar fashion. The guy made me sick, but she was in love and couldn't see it. Same thing happened to my aunt. God, it's so sad to watch. So many broken hearts!

I'm taking so long to respond because I keep spilling my guts and then deleting it. Too much information........ I'll just let it go...... Let's just hang tough together. Hugs to you, too, Slay

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1424552 wrote: Slay, so sorry for your heartbreak and pain. What a great Christmas for all of us! I had a close friend who was used in a similar fashion. The guy made me sick, but she was in love and couldn't see it. Same thing happened to my aunt. God, it's so sad to watch. So many broken hearts!

I'm taking so long to respond because I keep spilling my guts and then deleting it. Too much information........ I'll just let it go...... Let's just hang tough together. Hugs to you, too, Slay

EVERYONE in my life was against it and kept telling me. I still don't know how he got in other than great sex and an enormous boyish charm. Everyone was shocked because I was a hard case...no dating, men chasing me, no commitment...no interest in a relationship as my first one was 18 years and abusive. I loved my freedom and my fun. So, I met him all alone in an out of the way bar one night and it was off and quick from there because I would have lost him if I didn't marry him. I think being from the Netherlands and different kind of excited my world, also, my messed up AL brain had a big part to play. We were drinking and having fun a lot, so I wasn't in my right mind, and I fell deeply in love with him more and more and he used it to his full advantage. He is one of the best manipulators I have ever met and I HAVE MET SOME big time players. I liked to mess with them, so this one no one who knows me can understand.

This is what I just posted to myself:

"Dear Girl, I think its time for you to let go of him. He has hurt you and me too much. Just let the memories fade. Its time to leave him behind. I know itll be hard but its for the best, trust me. Remember, always follow your heart and everything will be fine. Love always, Your Heart."

As far as losing posts, do you know how to copy and paste? I copy my posts so if I lose them, I can just paste them back into the reply window.

I used to hold back my tears, too. Don't. Let it out. Give yourself permission to just let them flow. It's too much emotional pressure and your body is telling you that.

HUGS and more HUGS!!!

P.S. - As far as spilling your guts...it's cleansing and we are human. I've learned a lot about letting people see I'm not perfect. It shows others that have a heart and compassion that you are just a human being struggling like most of us.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hi Slay,

Well, third time, now, I composed my story, and just deleted it again. I'm so paranoid, I feel I will regret putting out so much personal business. Also, that others will be saying, 'oh boo hoo, like you are the only one with a problem'! I also feel like it violates my family's privacy, even though we are relatively anonymous here.

My last post started: To hell with it, I WILL spill my guts.....wrote paragraph after paragraph, and then deleted it again. God, I'm hopeless......I think I will just settle for a good cry for now......

It hurts like hell when your heart is broken, whether it's a family member, a spouse or a boyfriend or girlfriend. It hurts when those you love are suffering and there is nothing you can do......

Well, at least all this posting has passed a lot of time we might have spent thinking about some kind of relief or escape.......

Isn't there some famous line about the heart having a mind of its own? No one is able to rule it?

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Being able to come here and say what is going on really helps me to cope....Hope I am not too much of a downer but I have a limited number of outlets...
Dottie

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

No Dottie,

You are not a downer. I really care what is going on with you. And I want to hear it. But you are able to express yourself so briefly and clearly. I always find myself going on and on and on.....Like people will say, God, will she ever shut up?!

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Almost Free and Dottie, this place is to help people get and stay sober. Talking about issues and relieving grief or stress here is part of getting and staying sober, so don't feel ashamed or like you are a burden. Those types of feelings lead a person to drink. It's not only a physical addiction, it's a mental one with triggers.

Almost, you can always send me a PM spilling your guts if you need to unload. I understand how you feel. Some others have posted things and then wished they could take them back. As for me, I've come a long way in just saying I did this stupid thing or I'm feeling depressed, etc. Sometimes we drink because we have no other outlet. What good is this place if you can't use it as an outlet to take the pressure off so you don't take another coping alternative. Our hearts are really quite fragile as part of our humanity. Get it out and then try to move on with healing. It will come in waves.

It sure isn't easy for me to admit I was stupid enough to fall for the immigration bs. OMG, I would have pounded people around me in the head. lol We get locked into our own illusions sometimes and can tell ourselves the best lies.

Love,

Slay

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hi Slay,

You are right about using this site for some relief by sharing our problems. What else are we here for? Actually, I don't know how to PM from here. Not very good on a computer. Don't think I'm up to recomposing a 4th time tonight, but I definitely feel better, having shared some with you and Dottie. Thank you both for being here and for sharing. Hugs to both of you.

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Off to bed now ...hope I can sleep so I am able to actively participate in the care conf tomorrow..
Thanks so much for being here...
Dottie

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Good luck tomorrow Dottie. I think I'll call it a night, too. Have a good night's sleep. You, too, Slay. And thank you both for being here for me, too.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Night, girls. I hope you both get a good nights sleep. I'm reading some things about my problem. To date it is only a conditional green card that expires in July of 2013. I need to find out what I can do about this scam artist. I suppose it helps with the pain of knowing someone put one over on you so badly. Now, where is my sword sharpener? Grrrrrr...

How's that for sleep material? lol WE have to keep our sense of humor. It's good medicine.

:lto you both.

Love,

Slay