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    Newbies Nest

    Hi Mein,
    Wow, it has to be really strange living in an unfamiliar country. I agree on what Roxy said about the "boys" and that's just how they are. They want to fix us! Ha! Good luck with that! If you ever need a sympathetic ear, come and post your thoughts and you'll get great feedback, if you want feedback, or just say "I need to vent." You can also pm me. I don't know if the "chat" works or not. Great job on looking the other way while in town. That's what we have to do. Turn our heads. Literally. It takes a great deal of time to become stronger in sobriety. Check out Spiritwolf's Gratitude thread. Another thing Pav said, at this point, in early sobriety, we have to just "take a leap of faith" and believe what the long-timers say-that life gets so much better without alcohol. I just watched the video Freeby posted, and the guy said it takes lots of time for the alcoholic cloud to lift - another thing Pav said (she's a brilliant girl here!) Give lots of time. Keep pushing through those thoughts. Do anything to get your mind off of alcohol. Here's a part of a post that one of our MWOer's wrote a while back:

    In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

    In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

    Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

    For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.
    Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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      Newbies Nest

      MAE Nesters,

      Freeby, thanks for that video. Every piece of evidence that AF life is better will make newbie's faith stronger. Congrats on your 30!

      Daisy, congratulations on 30!

      Thanks, Pav, for all of the facts that make understanding this disease much easier and gives us hope that things will get better.

      Juja, good luck tonight in couples therapy. I'll echo what Ava said. Get on MWO when you get home and tell us how you're doing. Post!!!!!

      Byrdie, I think you should start this thread - "What have you learned on your AF Journey!"

      Have a great AF day.
      Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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        Newbies Nest

        Byrdie, I second J-vo's suggestion about starting a new thread, "What have you learned on your AF Journey!"

        Today is 38 for me and I can't believe all that I've learned during this process thanks to all of you!

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          Newbies Nest

          Daisy and Freeby - Congrats on 30 days!!!

          Juja - Glad to hear the good news about your blood work, and good luck with the couples counseling

          DD
          - I know you aren't on here right now, but thinking of you and sending you strength

          Everyone
          - Feeling especially grateful for MWO and the Nest today - thanks so much for being here and listening, sharing, advising, accepting, etc.
          Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

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            Newbies Nest

            Jane27, J-Vo and all... thank you so, so much for the support and suggestions. My mind was just stuck on a bottle of wine, but I'm better now after reading your posts. Thank you for sharing your stories. It's so good to not feel alone.
            Would you like you, if you met you?

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              Newbies Nest

              Hi All, i'm having terrible trouble posting here. I've tried for two days and unfortunately either the site crashed or I couldn't gain access at all.

              I'm going to another AA meeting tonight. I still think of AL everyday but I'm still sober, today is Day 18. I still have some anxiety but it's getting better. Work is difficult at present but I'm bitting my tongue as best that I can

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                Newbies Nest

                Hi Jane,

                I can relate very much to your experience with bulimia. I had variations of one eating disorder or another for more than 20 years, and I have loads of empathy for you and what you're going through.

                Thanks for being brave, honest and open about your struggles. Hugs to you. :l
                Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

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                  Newbies Nest

                  I think I have less courage and more shame than you do Jane. I admire your openness and resolve, and hope I reach that point some day. For now, not drinking is all I can handle.
                  Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

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                    Newbies Nest

                    Thank you all for the congrats today - so glad to have reached this point; feel like I am starting a new, different kind of day 1 tomorrow, if that makes sense.....couldn't have done it without you guys!
                    Pav explained it a lot better than me - even if you don't feel it, keep going and trust the words of those who have gone before you - it is doable, it gets better and the longer the quit, the more they stand by what they preach - If you want a piece of that, then trust, believe and keep moving forward.......
                    Thank you everybody
                    IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN
                    Relapse starts long before the drink is drunk!!.Fresh Start!

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                      Newbies Nest

                      Jane, I don't have an addiction that replaces my alcohol abuse. Just the alcohol. I guess the post about replacing one addiction with another was removed. However that is why I am focusing more on my lifestyle and the lifestyle that I want. I don't just want to overcome one addiction to fill that void with another addiction though I know that there are better addictions. (addiction to food, sugar, exercise, etc. ...) In terms of bulimia specifically I don't have first hand knowledge. I only know from the people I've worked with on this issue. (Not as a doctor though that is where I was headed) Filling the void is one of those things that we have to think about and have to ask our self what is that void? Being free from alcohol definitely makes it easier to focus better on that void, what is missing. Right now I'm trying to refine what lifestyle I want to find the fulfillment of me. It sounds like that is where you are at. What gets you up in the morning? What is your passion? Maybe that is a little Anthony Robbins but what is your passion? I think that is really something we all need to ask ourselves.
                      “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                      "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

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                        Newbies Nest

                        Sorry, I don't have that thought quite refined yet.
                        “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                        "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

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                          Newbies Nest

                          Jane and Wag,

                          I wish there were something I could say to help your situation. But I know there's a solution somewhere out there. For me, I quit smoking not long ago. Now, understand that the last 25 years, I've quit a thousand times...just like drinking! So this last smoking quit, I used similar tools as i did for drinking. I used a patch for a few months, then for about a week and half, I've been nicotine free. It feels good, I have to say, but it's still not easy. I'd love to sit in a roomful of smokers and just suck it all in. But these fantasies have to stop or I'll just go right back to it. I guess that would be the same as feeling deprived with the alcohol. I look at someone puffing away and start to salivate. I have to turn my head. I have to change directions, replace those pleasurable smoking thoughts with thoughts of, "hey, both my grandparents died of lung cancer, my aunt," So it's just getting through it one day at a time. I don't know what kind of therapy goes with bulimia, but I'm sure you'll find using the same tools as you use for alcohol might help. Hugs to you both.:l
                          Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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                            Newbies Nest

                            congrats with the smoking j-vo! Still working on that one and it it so closely tied to my drinking as well. So far been looking at the void that addiction of any kind leaves behind. Keep asking what is missing from my life that I've been trying to fill. I spent years addiction free and then something changed that all my meditation, yoga and compassion could not fill. Gave it all up for an alcoholic woman with ADHD. As my Sihifu says somewhere the roots of the tree were rotten or missing. If I understand correctly somewhere in the past I gave up something or couldn't find it and so the tree has fallen in the wind. Something I'm still searching for.
                            “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                            "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

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                              Newbies Nest

                              Orimus, I'm not sure I have totally gotten to the bottom of mine, either, but that's ok. I can let it go now...I wanted something to blame, but alas, I think it was just a perfect storm of events that took place and that's that. Who knows....but I am 1000 times happier WITHOUT AL than I ever was with it....and I'd have NEVER thought that!

                              After I get my bubble bath, I will start that thread about what we have learned! Should be some good reading! Thanks, yall, B
                              All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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                                Newbies Nest

                                Hey Byrdie,

                                Good to be back here :-) Goodnight to all...

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