Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters!
Lav, we miss your wake up call!
Like everyone else, I was petrified at the thought of relapse. My quit buddy fell when we were at 6 months and it hit me HARD. "I guess I'm next..." I thought. Until I jerked a knot in my own arse....I am NOT next, I will not BE next, this does NOT have to happen to ME! It was very empowering. Why? Because ( as Pav's avatar says) I HAVE THE POWER! I am not helpless in the fight. As Pinecone pointed out, I now have TOOLS and SUPPORT. There is one catch.....I must USE them. I totally understand that life happens and we get lazy....but I notice what the successful people do, they check in every day! If they cant check in, they check in with someone to let them know they CANT check in. They are accountable! If all it takes is for me to be engaged here a couple times a day and remain connected with my support group....if THIS is what it takes to avoid relapse???? Im all over it.
Over the past 5 years, Ive seen countless people come and go....we all want to get better NOW and stay that way. The only thing is, we forget what made us feel better in the first place....our support system and NOT drinking. Out of sight, out of mind.....no truer words in our world.
Stay connected and learn as much as you can! Knowledge is power! Support is power! Relapse does NOT have to he part of YOUR journey!
Maintaining your quit is 1000 times easier than starting over!
AL improves nothing!!
I HATE ALCOHOL. Xo, Byrdie

[narilly]

http://www.thebubblehour.com/2014/04/special-guest-dr-john-kelly-changing.html

Above is the link to the Bubble Hour with Dr. John Kelly. STL, he talks about brain chemistry and relapse. There is a ton of good information in this podcast. After listening to this back in April I quit for good. What he said made sense to me. He says that being in a group (such as MWO) increases chance of abstinence by a huge percentage. Being part of a group really helps to keep you sober. He talks about dopamine in the brain and AL's effects on it and why it is so hard to quit.
I cannot say enough how much this podcast helped me to stay sober. I still go back and listen to it from time to time.
****HIGHLY RECOMMENDED***

STL, I agree with you on the Vitamin B. I take a B Complex and if I don't take it I can really tell. I am more tired and just don't feel as good. I am not sure exactly why this is but it is the one vitamin I make sure I take.

Ava, I feel for your counsellor, poor guy. I can't imagine being a counsellor and having an alcoholic spouse. That sucks.

Kensho, Yogamom, exactly, just don't drink today.
Lil B, Byrdie, J-Vo, everyone, have a great day

[NoSugar]

I think that's right, Byrdie. "Bad" statistics sometimes worry me when chances are random and it seems like there is nothing I can do to determine the outcome but with this, we can load the dice in our favor and greatly increase our odds of remaining AF. We do have the power!

x-post, Nar. I agree that that particular podcast can be a game-changer. xx

[See the Light]

Thanks Narilly- I bookmarked that for later- I intend to watch after work today.

and on the topic of relapse, I heard some say this about Robin Williams earlier in the week:

"Robin Williams had been clean and sober for 20 years and relapsed. The disease never rests—it is always inside you, pacing restlessly, seeking an opportunity to escape the cage and wreak havoc. You live life on the high wire, one drink or line away from a fatal plunge. You stay steady by always growing and moving toward a goal. You are reminded this is life or death when you see a good man forget."

I know it sounds dramatic. Does hit home anyway though. He is a legend still in my mind

[Byrdlady]

NS, do you think the link to that podcast might be good in your Relapse in Retrosoect thread? I also think that would be great in the Tool Box! If someone can do that it'd be great or I will figure it out when I get home. Great conversations! B

[NoSugar]

Maybe we should start a thread for helpful podcasts, videos, etc. where the person who posts it briefly explains the content. Whaddyall think?

[Matt M.]

Hi all!
Checking in, alive and ok.
Lost a friend this week, and it really brought some emotions to front that I haven't dealt with since before I was AL free.
Sad to loose a friend at such a young age 45.
Sad for his 3 children and wife. Sad watching my own 3 kids grieve and hurt for there friends( his children) etc
At the Funeral, as people were speaking of him I immediately began feeling guilty( only I can make someone else's funeral about ME? Kinda fucked up)osteroops:
Anyway this man lived for his kids and his family, as do I,
~ But this brought a whole new meaning of the word guilt. How much of my children's life have I missed, ball games, family functions that I so selfishly didn't go to, mostly because Al wasn't served it or whatever.
I felt more ashamed yesterday at this funeral than I can remember.
I was thinking" what would they be saying at my funeral? "

Not looking for a pity party, this was tough on me dealing with so many emotions at once. Sober.
The old me would have been in the spirit world long before the funeral started. And for a brief moment yesterday that muscle memory kicked in and I found myself thinking of something mind altering to relieve my emotions. That's really the only way I have ever dealt with problems.. I didn't drink, and for that I'm grateful.
I'm also grateful I have a place to vent and share things like this.



NS~ I love the idea, I often spend a lot of time trying to look back and find videos and links...

[See the Light]

Hey Matt- sorry to hear about your friend ...45 is surely way too young..and seeing someone you know die can both be a sad and humbling experience. No one lives forever, so let's not waste the days we are here.... best wishes

[available]

Matt i am so sorry for your friend and his family. I think its good to have those feelings as it makes us more determined not to carry on the way we were previously. I remember at my brothers funeral, (his organs shut down due to al) and i got drunk. Yep i got drunk. I knew it was not a way to remember my brother at all but thats what i did. I have thought about this a lot. I was so angry at him for dying and not apologising for what he did to me in his drinking days but only now do i realise how powerful al addiction is. It wasnt him saying what he did, he only acted the way he did due to al. I now remember the unconditional love he had for me when we were younger. He would be proud of me for doing what he could not. Be proud that you have stopped drinking and you can give your children your all now. My children are adults now and i have lost that and yes i have regrets and i wish i had my time again but i am making the most of now.

Kensho you are sounding content, i think that is the word. Acceptance does amazing things to our mindset regarding al. I am a firm believer of being on mwo daily. It has saved my life.

Friday here thank god, woke an hour before my alarm went off but instead of being annoyed, i thought "well i had 6 hours good sleep", in my drinking days that 6 hours would have not had me waking up feeling grateful.

[Byrdlady]

Maybe we should start a thread for helpful podcasts, videos, etc. where the person who posts it briefly explains the content. Whaddyall think?

That really is a great idea! Like everyone else, I always intend to go back and check out the links, but they get lost in the shuffle. It would be GREAT to have those all in one place!

[roxane]

like a media toolbox.

[NoSugar]

I borrowed your suggestion, Roxy - thanks! Here it is: https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...=1#post1571577

[j-vo]

MAE All,

It was a brighter day today, and thanks Byrdy for the song, as that started me off on the right foot! And in regards to your post about the tools...Yes, I have them, and yes, I'm guilty for not using them. They're no good if you let them lay in that box. Accountability is key, too.

G, yes, that's what I'm trying to do. Acknowledge the yucky feelings i may have and accept that life isn't going to be smooth, happy sailing all the time. I like how you said "observe" It kind of removes you from it so that you don't get wrapped up emotionally.

Kensho and Yogamom, here's to number 4! Drinking always did make my depression worse. Yogamom, good luck on your trip. Stay in touch.

Moss, thank you, dear.

LB, I hope they were lucky charms! I do take "me" time but sometimes I waste it by thinking about too many stupid things. I need to let go when I have this time and not think constantly.

El, it's good to hear from you. I hope your art classes are going well. I think I'm my own worst critic, and my expectations seem to be above what they should. This is where I need to come down a few notches, and just go with things sometimes. Things don't need to always be on time, done to perfection. I wanna be a rebel! I might not turn in my lesson plans this week!!!!! Ooh, teachers were getting in trouble for that one. Maybe I'll pick something else to rebel about. No drinking, though.

Ava, you've had determination from day 1 and that's admirable. Again, overload is what I do, and I need to learn how to just do a little here and little there. Little exercise, little work, little entertainment tonight. Nope, not sex. That would be too strenuous for this girl here. We got netflix and I'm watching Orange is the New Black and Private Practice. I can get lost in those, which is a good thing for my mind, I think.

STL, I've been seeing a nutritional specialist at my chiropractor. They did testing on me and I'm on several diff supps. I'm on a B vit just don't know which.

Matt, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. You're getting through a really difficult time and you're doing it without drinking. You can do this, for you, for your kids. Strength and thoughts your way.

Good idea about the media link!!

[Yogamom]

Hi all. Don't have much time tonight. Getting ready for trip and getting Halloween costumes together for kids for party tomorrow night. And still cleaning. In the past I might be sneaking a glass of wine before DH gets here. Not tonight. Teavana rocks!

[Yogamom]

Oh, wanted to say sorry about your friend Matt. That is so tough. Especially when it drags up old memories. Focus on what you can do from this day forward.