Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Are you drinking now, Twinkle? If so, please stop now and dispose of the rest. That's what I did when I realized the stupid stuff was calling my name.

Alcohol has taken enough from all of us. Don't let it have any more of you. Like Moss said, call back the people who want to help you. A support system doesn't do any good unless you use it.

All the best, NS

[Twinkle79]

No, not drinking, just feeling so so sad and I just don't know quite what to do with myself tonight. Luckily, I know that an over-the-counter- sleeping pill will shut it down for the night, I just feel so sad that I have to do that to get through this. Sorry men-folk of the website but good god, the hormones make everything 20 times worse!!

[Twinkle79]

Re ringing people. It just freaks me out. I have never rung anyone voluntarily except my mum and my sister. I grew up with a mixed sex group of friends so any phone calls were just practical and arranging where/when to meet. I have never had the kind of friends I would talk to about anything beyond surface level. So to ring/answer to total strangers just seems too much. What on earth would I say? I know that isn't what they are ringing for but if I am not doing anything "bad", am not being mummy, what on earth else could I possibly have to say to them? So I will seem like a total mute weirdo.

[NoSugar]

I am so happy for you that you're not drinking! I'm sorry I misunderstood your post. You might find that the longer you are away from alcohol, the easier social things will become.

[available]

Hi Nesters,

Glad to see sober sober mwoers when i woke today.

Twinkle these people ring because they care and they have been in exactly the same situation as you have. Exactly the same. I know when i first stopped drinking that i thought the old timers didnt get what i was going through but now i am further on i do know that they experienced the same ups and downs and highs and lows. We cant do this alone and we dont have to. Talk to your mum as i am sure she will be fine and it may take her mind off her other worries. You are her daughter and the most important person to her, i know i am to my mum and she is so damn proud of me and what i have achieved. Al likes us to feel alone as then he is needed more and more.

I had a bone crushing need for al last night, the first for a long long time. It was like the need was sitting on my chest sucking the life out of me. Telling me this is it, have that drink, its a year soon, you can have "one", its friday, you have been so stressed and exhausted for weeks and you DESERVE it. Oh FFS, it even wants to take my one year anniversary away from me. HELL NO. There is al in the house and i seen it in the fridge and there was no temptation to drink it just a "need" for a drink. I have my boys at home and they would rather knock me unconscious than see me drink so i knew i was safe and i thought of it as al's last vigorous effort in getting me to drink. Yet again he lost and i won and i intend to always keep winning.

Oko i was like you with the wine and i found i was scared of it so i didnt want it anywhere near me in case i sipped it or drank a glass. One day with my daughter there, and she was having a glass, i said to her i wanted one and she told me i could smell it and that was all so i did. OMG i dry wretched like you would not believe so my subconscious brain reacted to an extent that showed me what i actually thought of al. I wasnt scared of my being around al anymore and happily knew that i was strong enough to be around it and it would not win over me.

Kensho i am so damn proud of you. My son doesnt drink much anymore but when he has a few with his friends and wakes up hungover i just laugh at him and always say "why why why" when you know how good it is not to drink. He is a strong reminder of why i dont drink.

Moss, i wish i had my time over again with my brother and could have reached out to him before he died from al. We cant change the past but we sure can make the best of what we have now. Love your brother and spoil him you will never ever regret what you are doing for him and what he is getting from you, which is total love and support but as Lav and Mr G have mentioned on here, look after you too.

I think the word of the day for me is "support". We all need it so take it guys, if given or offered then take it. If you want it then ask for it. I use my support team at all times, they may not know or realise the help they give but i get what i need and if not i will ask. I sat with my son last night, i didnt ask for anything but i needed to be with someone and that is all it took.

My friend Robert is up and hopefully walking this weekend. We had our first coffee together at lunch yesterday and he looked like he had gone to heaven and back. As he said yesterday he feels like a newborn having to be helped in every aspect of his life after his operation but i certainly dont mind doing my bit whether it is giving him sips of water to a cuddle. All of this i know helps and he also hates to ask for help. How will he get anywhere if he doesnt is beyond me!

Sorry for the long waffly post, i must have needed it.

Take care xxxx

[NoSugar]

Like you, Twinkle, I was used to being pretty superficial with people in my real life. Actually, I knew a lot about them but I didn't let them see the dark sides of me. One thing I've gained from this otherwise difficult experience is the ability to let the real me be seen a bit more -- I've still got quite a ways to go but there's been improvement. Opening myself up here (and seeing that I wasn't hated or shunned or whatever it was that I feared) has given me the confidence to give that a try in real life. Maybe you'll find the same - type out what you're thinking or feeling (good, bad, or indifferent). Just expressing yourself might do you a world of good and might be helpful to others, as well.

Hey, Ava. How weird we both had a nasty flash from the past just recently. Not a bad thing to be reminded not to get too cocky, I guess.

[Pavati]

Hi,

Quick check in en route to another basketball tournament for another kid...

I think the word of the day for me is "support". We all need it so take it guys, if given or offered then take it. If you want it then ask for it. I use my support team at all times, they may not know or realise the help they give but i get what i need and if not i will ask. I sat with my son last night, i didnt ask for anything but i needed to be with someone and that is all it took.

Ava - That is a good meditation for the day. Some of us are perfectionists, and don't want to ask for help for fear of exposing our weakness or vulnerability. As I have read, listened, watched and experienced successful sober people this year, I understand that vulnerability and asking for help are KEY in making this sobriety last. Ask for help, people! Ask for help.

NS, Ava, Okoren - I had that experience yesterday, too. My father in law was going on and on about the champagne and what a nice bottle it was as someone had given it to him for his birthday. A glass was sitting near me, I could smell it, and I nearly had to hold back my arm from taking a sip. FFS, is right. A last gasping breath. Thank goodness I didn't drink because I don't drink.

Sorry you are feeling low, Twinkle. I had a lonely night last week - it stank. I ate and put on some bad TV to distract myself until I could go to bed. Keep posting here, and let as many people support you who can.

I'm off. No doubt I will check in later.

Pav

[Byrdlady]

Hang in everyone. Tis the season. Whatever Al is telling you, it's a lie. Say NO, HELL NO! Al will not take one more day of my life. It's just stuff in a glass. The more you think you NEED it, the more you shouldn't have it. Normal drinkers don't NEED Al. Stay strong you will never regret it. B

[Turnagain]

We had an interesting Thanksgiving. A drunk young women just walked in our house around 9 pm. She was partying at our neighbors and had no clue what she was doing. She said she thought she had walked home. Sadly, it's not at all uncommon for drinkers to end up freezing to death around these parts. I took her to her real home a few miles away and simply told her that I once drank like her and was so relieved to be done with that. Interestingly, she said she hated 'stupid drinking.' Yup. Me too. There's definitely no such thing as 'smart drinking'!

I was just listening to a podcast about the limbic system. Just pile up the cues and triggers and it's no wonder that the thought or craving to drink can seem to spring out of nowhere. That springs out of the part of our brain we don't have direct access to or any control of. Those wild limbic urges seem especially stressful and downright shitty after a long period of abstinence, don't they? Here' the good news about that: All of you successfully battled those thoughts to an impotent pulp. And by doing that, you also fired up a shiny new neural pathway in the chemical soup up there. Great work! That's how we get better and stronger in this process. One moment at a time...one day at a time...one neural pathway at a time.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Chilly here in these parts but Stella & the girls don't seem to mind. Are chickens really that dumb? Not sure even after 10+ years of raising them, LOL

Twinkle, hang in there & yes - it gets better. The longer you stay away from AL the stronger you get & the 'thoughts' are less frequent & much less intense. For me, at this point when I think of AL I just laugh & forget it immediately

Turn, how odd to have someone just wander in like that. I hope she knows how lucky she is & shows you some gratitude!

So glad to hear positive reports from so many nesters today - makes the nest mums happy :welldone:
Wishing everyone a safe & warm night in the nest, hang on :love:

Lav

[MossRose]

Turn - I hope your unexpected guest woke up extremely thankful this morning that she ended up at your house rather than in a desperate situation. Not all people are kind and altruistic. She could have found herself in a very bad place - freezing or even worse. Kudos to you for taking care of her.

[Pinecone]

Hi friends, it has been great to read about all the successes, and the trials as well.

NS, you may recall that just before my 2 yr anniversary I posted about developing a feat that I would drink again. I posted it in the "well that didn't take long" thread (good times!). It freaked me out because it wasn't a desire to drink but a fear, and it began to play and lay in my mind. With some help I snapped out of it. It was just another trick to consume my thoughts with drinking. Cunning, baffling and powerful, I love that phrase. We just can't give it an inch. I'm so glad you posted what happened to you!

[KENSHO]

Our ride turned out to be hot, long and very advanced. I hiked my bike at the hard parts and my hubs rode it and endo'd. He's ok but bruised. We arrived home spent and sore! Hubs grabbed ice, Advil and promptly downed two beers and then a third. I remember when a "good buzz" was good. I'm not advocating his method of pain management, but he stopped at three for the night, and I would have dragged it out fighting with myself to refrain from sneaking another shot or two.

Instead, I drank a quart if water, ate lunch and stretched a bunch. I was moving slow, but I didn't have a desire to be numb. On the contrary, I wanted to bask in my pain and feel ALIVE.

I can't say that the thought of a "bit of wine" didn't cross my mind this week, but having my proclamation out there that I'm not drinking helped, as did seeing the torture the others were putting themselves through. I was never the party drunk anyway. I would just keep up with everyone for the week, and then keep up the nightly habit after that week when others stopped. It's the time alone at home and the working late at night that seems harder now that I got past realizing that others don't care if I don't drink - even the ones I thought would. I phrased it, "I'm not drinking, but please enjoy yourselves!" I think it helped that they knew I wasn't judging them, and that I was happy with my decision.

Sorry to spout so long! I've just had so very few moments to myself!!

ICAN, I'm sorry you drank, but I'm glad you are back here. Please look at how you can approach it differently. Your advice to "find something else to do" when cravings hit was very helpful to me this week, and I hope you know everyone here is behind you and your quit!

Well, off to read, as everyone else is asleep on the couch... Something I DON'T miss about drinking.

[narilly]

Thank you for the great posts everyone. Byrdie your post about a sip turning into a fall was really good. I would quote it but it's a few pages back.

Turn, that was so nice of you to take that lucky girl home. I cringe when I think of all the stupid situations I put myself into. I am so lucky I did not get into more trouble than I did.

Kensho's, the bike ride sounds great. So good you did not have to numb yourself after. I wish I could go for a bike ride. It is snowing like crazy here and has been ever since last night. -36C windchill makes it f'n cold!
It's that time of year when I layer up to do everything. I'm in bed with my long sleeved nightgown, flannel pjs and socks on. Very sexy I know!

Pine, I agree, AL is cunning, powerful and baffling. I worry about when it is going to sneak up on me. It is scary. I keep coming here and you MWOERS help me so much.

Ava, glad you are able to spend some good time with Robert. I am glad you keep fighting that AL beast off. We are going to have a big party Dec 1st!

Goodnight

[satz123]

Guess what, OK? I had/am currently having the same experience. There were a couple bottles of wine open yesterday and I kept thinking that it would be interesting to "just try it and see what it is like now". I didn't, though, and the day was fine. But, I know there is about a glass of red left in the bottle downstairs. I just read a note from a friend who had a single glass of wine yesterday and felt good about that - no compulsion to have more. Reading that fired something in my limbic brain a little bit more. So... the only thing to do is post this and go dump out the rest of that bottle of wine, right? See you later. NS

NS I am tempted to say what is the point of one glass of wine.:headscratch: if you really think about it ? The taste? There are tastier drinks.
So it's the effect. You will not get 'the effect' from one glass - you KNOw that & I know that -so don't even bother
I know one glass would not do it for me-so I see no point annoying myself with one glass.
I think you posted about that very thing last week ?