Newbies Nest

[enzo'smom]

this weekend has been hard…..not because I have had major cravings (cravings, yes….major cravings, no)
I pretended to have a stomach bug yesterday so I could skip a get together with my girlfriends who I grew up with…I have known them for over 40 years (and I am 51
what has been hard is dealing with the fact that I couldn't see them because the temptation to drink would have been so great, that even if I had succeeded with not drinking, it would have made me absolutely miserable and I would be dealing with the aftermath of white knuckling through the evenings for days following (I learned this from a prior quit) I just don't want that emotional hangover.
So, I stayed home and felt a little bit sad that that old me is gone…..the one who could drink like a normal person, laugh, have fun and share with my dear old friends.
But that old me has been gone for years……..the last few times I got together with them, I got blind drunk. Made a fool of myself (guard down because i have known them for so long)
It wasn't fun….it was embarrassing.
So, the weekend has been hard because I miss those old, carefree times. But I just remind myself that those carefree times of drinking no longer exist, just like my wrinkle free, arthritis free body no longer exists….. I can't push the rewind button. all i can do is stay the course, get healthy and strive to get to a point when I can see my friends without white knuckles!!!!!!

Now, I am heading for the gym…..I will work my ass off for 1.5 hours, burn about 800 calories and feel fantastic afterward…..that is the gift I give myself for staying the course. If my friends COULD understand why I didn't see them, they WOULD…..

[Byrdlady]

Good Sunday morning, all!
I was neck deep in cakes yesterday....there is a learning curve to decorating them!

Actiongirl, Narilly says it about as well as it can be put, "I can have the life I want, or I can drink". Such good points have been made....if you are a scientific person at all, and you look at the data, what does it tell you? If you're like me, ALL of my experiments trying to control AL failed....ALL of them. So I looked at other data, other people's data here. Hummmm, they all failed, too. Conclusion: Once a pickle never a cucumber. We cant moderate addiction, try as we might. I can wish and hope all I want to (like I have wished to be thin and rich) but so far that hasn't happened either. I replaced my wishbone with a backbone and said NEVER again will AL take another precious day of my life. So far, so good! Me and AL dont end well together. Besides, the drinking I WISH I could do, I haven't done since my 20's....where I could just have one or two and NOT obsess about it. Im afraid the Jeannie is out of the bottle for me, I am an alkie. The good news is, over time, this becomes a blessing! Acceptance comes with time.
Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

Edit to add: Paulywogg has 30 days today!!!! WoooHOOOO! Please accept this small token from the nest! Your hat! :guy: We are so proud of you! Here's to the next 30! Great job!

[Fin]

Ya Fin - glad you made it through that rough spot.
You had such amzing support from your friends here, it was really something to witness.

I am not far behind you - so we can have a 100 day party together when we get there!!

Indeed. I feel so fortunate to have been able to call upon you all during a time of weakness that has historically crushed all my previous efforts. There is definitely strength in numbers. Thanks SO much...

[paulywogg]

Thanks Byrdie, I know from my previous 1,827 quits that the real work begins now and I hafta be extra vigilant

[Mstall]

Congrats Pauly! I can relate to those previous 1827 quits! Got a chuckle from that. Happy Sunday! Had a great day and evening with the daughters. Made a weekday date with the oldest and my two granddaughters for sometime this week (waiting to hear what works for them). I take the youngest back to college today, i love that she is close now and can come home now and then.

Thank you everyone, it's still so amazing to me how alike we all are. It's a great comfort to me. Wishing everyone a great Sunday and week ahead.

I should figure out my exact AF SF days, but I don't want to focus too much on it. Loving just knowing that this year so far has been sober and smober.

[Fin]

Something that has helped me the last 48 hours:

Between stimulus and response, there is space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
-Viktor E. Frankl

Yes!
-Fin

[Dutch1988]

Thanks Byrdie, I know from my previous 1,827 quits that the real work begins now and I hafta be extra vigilant

Wow congrats! 30 days is no easy feat, That's the longest I have ever decided not to, and I am really looking forward to getting there.

[LavenderBlue]

Hey guys, thanks for the feedback! I think I was mostly trying to get a reality check that yes, it makes sense for me to be concerned. I felt so much better knowing I wasn't just being crazy. I talked to my mom a little more and explained more WHY it's a bigger deal for me than even, say, just knowing she has hers in the house. We're going to try looking for something else now, and at least she gets why I was so sharp about it. She also thought I might have just been being overly perfectionist (I have a huge issue with that) and didn't understand that it's not just about having it in the food, it's the danger of starting down the entire wrong path.

Soft Focus - That was VERY smart of you to mention having a plan in place if I do want to try cooking with it! A lot of my panic was about not knowing what I was going to do, and my brain just kind of shut down. If it comes up again, I'll work on a plan - maybe make sure I only do that type of cooking when someone else is around. It reminds me that I also need a more solid plan for family events where other folks are drinking; I've been fine so far with sparking water and avoiding but I really should come up with a plan for if it ends up in my face so I don't just freeze. I still think easiest is to not at all, but at least now I can think about plans instead of just "OMG PANIC!"

Londoner - I'm so glad to hear you're staying strong and am sending support to stay that way! You're right that after we clear away the AL, we have to start dealing with the things we were using it to hide from. The good part is, for me anyway, things seem more manageable sober. It's not that they magically get better as much as I feel more capable of handling them. Plus while drinking I don't know about you, but I wasn't even trying to deal with things so no progress was ever made. I also definitely get using the internet itself as a way to avoid things, I do that myself. It's still better than drinking, but definitely something I struggle with.

Hanna - Everyone else has already given such great advice, but I want to thank you for sharing what happened. It really helps to read. And hunger is definitely a huge trigger for me; a little less so now but definitely earlier in my quit. I did keep snacks in my purse for the longest time. I also cleared out all the AL that I had access to even though it took a while and I didn't want to. Little off there since my mother still drinks, but I made sure she knew I wasn't to have any and I knew if she saw any missing she'd know and take it out of the house.

I think the other thing that's helped me is getting my brain to a place where I don't see AL as a reward so much anymore. I'm not saying I've completely cleared that out of my brain yet, it's still in there as a habit; but I've put a lot of time into rewiring myself to see AL as something that hurts me instead of something nice that I "owe" myself, if that makes any sense. Sending support your way, still so glad you're back and trying!

actiongirl - I don't think planning to hit bottom is a great plan, partly because I hit more than one bottom myself. There were *years* that my drinking was having negative affects on me, but I never really tried to quit because I was still "functioning." You can trick yourself into thinking, "well, it's not really THAT bad" for a really long time, sometimes. I got incredibly lucky that something set me off just right to get my attention, and for me it wasn't even the sort of thing that "should" have gotten my attention.

I love what NoSugar wrote because it really is like forgiveness, yes. Acceptance isn't something that just happens one day, but something to work towards because it's something I need. I may not have total control over my brain, but I can decide what thoughts to stew on and what thoughts to try to let go. With the forgiveness comparison, it's like I can have an angry thought about my ex...but then it's my choice to stew on it and feed the feeling OR I can take some deep breaths and focus on something else because that second option is healthier for ME even if it's not always easy.

Fin - So glad to see you here and still trucking!

Paulywogg - YAY YOU!!!!!!!!!! \o/

Running out of time here, but ADP, Dutch, banana, enzo's mom and others - I read everything folks post and I'm always so glad to see people staying with it. Plus it also helps me!

[paulywogg]

You'll get there Dutch never quit trying

[NoSugar]

. Acceptance isn't something that just happens one day, but something to work towards because it's something I need. I may not have total control over my brain, but I can decide what thoughts to stew on and what thoughts to try to let go. With the forgiveness comparison, it's like I can have an angry thought about my ex...but then it's my choice to stew on it and feed the feeling OR I can take some deep breaths and focus on something else because that second option is healthier for ME even if it's not always easy.

You explained what I was trying to say beautifully, LavBlue. Thank you.

[available]

Jenni when i first quit my SIL came to visit and she was staying at a friends. she was my best drinking buddy in the world, we used to talk and get blind drunk and apparently had fun but cant remember! I just could not do it, i could not go and see her, as much as i wanted to. I told her my dog was sick and i had to take her to the vets. I definitely dont regret what i did though i felt awful at the time. I have since told her but to me my quit was my priority and it still is. I wont put myself in any situation that would jeopardise it.

Pauly congrats on 30 days, keep it going. I am up to my 1732 quit with smoking, well soon............

[Guitarista]

Congratulations on 30 days AF Pauly! That is super duper my friend. Keep it going.

Wishing everyone a safe, sober and magical week ahead. G

[actiongirl46]

Thanks all for the words of wisdom, thoughts, and posts on my question. They were all very very helpful. The forgiveness analogy made a lot of sense to me. Have a great week - I plan to!!

P.S. Congrat's Pauly!! So many people wearing some fun hats around here!!

[JACQRABBIT]

Hello all.
It's been a while but I'm back.
I have been lurking for about a week and made a couple of posts on the 'Umpteenth 1st week' site.
I am hoping that the nest will be my home moving forward.
I came back because I had my parents 50th wedding anniversary on the weekend and recognised that whilst I was excited for the event (and it was huge) I was also terrified.
Terrified that I would be loud, say something inappropriate, upset or offend someone, embarrass myself, my husband, my family. And just plain have a 'hoot' of a time and not be able to remember anything after the 1st hour.
This made we look hard at myself and admit that I was out of control, thus the decision to return. I had previously been 3 months AL free when my stupid AL brain convinced me that I could moderate and drink like normal people. ha!!
Needless to say that didn't go well. But I chose to ignore the fact that I was knocking back a bottle of Vino pretty much every night,
I kinda figured that I would start from today and 'enjoy' Saturday evening in the usual way, pissed, loud and don't care.
Not sure what happened but I didn't.
I avoided the wine (and it was good wine) all night. I had 2 glasses of G & T over 5 hours and even told my husband to have a couple (he is a normal drinker) as I would drive home.
So Saturday night was very different to the one I had planned, which leads me to another dilemma.
I had a good night but not great, I didn't drink but I also didn't dance, I didn't sing, I didn't have a 'wow' of a time.
In fact many people who know me well told my husband off as they thought he had made the decision for me to drive.
They wanted me to have a drink and kick back, I'm usually the fun 'party gal' life of the party and I was boring.
One one hand I am delighted that I was able to stay sober on such an occasion but the other hand is resentful that I didn't have a fun night.

[KENSHO]

Hi Everyone. I have a lot on my mind today. I am feeling distance form the pain AL once caused me - so I feel this leaves me vulnerable. The distance is making it harder and harder for me to to feel connected to the process. I also found that I was sharing more of myself here than I was with anyone else in my life. I love that you are all such patient ears and open hearts, but I have been trying to share with my husband and spend more time with him. In addition, I have been really focused on work; trying to get the tail-out completed on old projects as new ones begin. SO I have not been here as much as I once was.

I'm feeling a little ambiguous about alcohol - and that is not good! I've been reading old posts of mine to remind me of how troubled I was with my drinking, but I feel like such a different person than that person who posted and I am having trouble connecting with that as well. I feel so strong that I'm having trouble believing that I'm "broken", if that makes sense. Again - the limbo thing. I so appreciated NS's post on "in-between" and that is still where I am. I know I don't EVER want to go back to feeling controlled by alcohol, and letting it numb me up - I know that is not a direction I will EVER take my life again. I guess this is a new phase in the quit process... not the gruel of the first week, but the sustaining part when flat times come.

I know time is the answer, and that staying away from AL now is 1000x easier than it would be if I drank again. Yet, I feel more on the edge than I have in a long time. I suppose I've been too focused on work, and I need to be posting daily. It's so easy to open up to people with no physical presence, and the support is very real, but I also have to be sure to open to those who are physically near me.

Ramble, ramble... I'm here and struggling with some of my thinking and wobbling a bit, so there you have it.

Hanna, sorry you hit a bump. Good job coming back so quickly. That's the mark of someone who wants to "get this".

Fin, you once told me that your new goal was to make it to 100 days. I'm so glad you made it thought the weekend. I did want to ask you though, what happens at 100?