Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Hanna, the AB works because you believe you will be very sick if you drink. The pill isn't at all stopping you from drinking - you are. The fact is, you will be very sick if you drink with or without AB. Just because the results aren't immediate and potentially violent like they can be with AB, the effects of any drinking on an addict are nonetheless real and can be devastating. AB works like a placebo for most people because they don't run the foolish experiment of drinking while on it. But placebo effects occur because you believe they will - that power is already within you. As soon as you decide you're done, you are.

[Rahulthesweet]

Hello all,

I had Vodka yesterday ! It happened because of a friends wife ... and the restaurant waiter.

And I sometime wonder how and why can she do that what she did ....

We went out for dinner on one of these revolving restautents with another couple. Friend's wife a doctor does not drink, just like me ... So we ordered some Lemonade.

All OK till now ...

Hmm ... Btw I am going to colombo tomorrow. I was there on a conference last year as a sober person. Have so many good memories. I made more friends being sober then I could ever make with a glass in my hand.

Now coming back to the vodka which I had yesterday. I dont feel good at all about it. I feel very bad in fact a bit angry. I mean how can she do this. Doesn't she have brains ?

So the drinks arrived my friend was drinking beer, they even served me by accident when I causally and proudly declined "I don't drink. "

I simmer my leamonade, perfect blend of salt and sugar, cool and also had a bit of fizz in it. It tasted perfect !

"Yuck ! This is so bad !!!" Protested my friends wife , they added something in it. Her husband went on tasting it ... "Its just fine !" He said.

It was so stupid of me to volenteer for tasting ... I tasted it and I tell you it tasted like piss ... Yuck ! They added vodka in it ... The stupid waiter, she was so careless ....

So you can all guess what happened next ...

For me ... I am glad it didn't short circuit my brain, I enjoyed the dinner with MY loemonade and came back home thinking. .. "Man I used to drink that ... Cleaning fluid ... Called Vodka ?"

Woke with a fresh head .. And thought of posting about my encounter with vodka ...

[Dutch1988]

Man good for you Rahul! I can't imagine sipping vodka this early in the game and sticking to lemonade. Really happy for you, it makes me feel like I have a chance of making this lifestyle change permanent.

I know I don't respond to everyone's posts in here but I really appreciate all of them. It really helps reinforce my decision I am doing the right thing. Last Friday I couldn't imagine a Friday night without drinking and had to get a pizza just to get by. today, despite my personal family trouble, I feel like I have a much weaker urge to drink, which is great considerng I would be pounding half a bottle of Long Island back a month ago of if something like this happened. Thanks for being a place I can whine and moan about my life problems instead of using them as an excuse to drink. Good night all!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Dutch - Sounds like you have a lot to deal with. Thank goodness you don't drink, eh?

Overit - I am probably posting while you're at the bonfire or at home asleep (rather than tossing and turning). Sometimes when I get anxious about things like that I make sure I take an extra car so I have an exit strategy, or I make sure someone will bring my husband home if I leave early. It turns out that I rarely do, but it really calms me to know that if I am miserable I can leave. I hope you had fun and enjoyed the moment.

Fin - my kids are 15 and 12 - dang they are hard to figure out. I am really trying to enjoy the short time I have left until they leave home, but they do try my patience. I am so grateful to be going through all this sober, though. My son called for a ride home in a half an hour. Before I would have been half in the bag and would have had to send my husband, or I would be sober and resentful. Now I am happy to pick him up, make sure he is clear-eyed, and enjoy the teenager talky time, usually from 10pm on. So happy for your making it past the dreaded 90 days.

Ava - I strive to have the same relationship you have with your adult kids - it sounds like you have so much fun and really like each other...

Hanna - We're always here. NoSugar has great advice - remember the longer term pain alcohol will cause you. Keep posting and reading.

HBE - I hope you are feeling better.

Off to pick up the teenager. Happy Friday night.

xo
Pav

[jane27]

Rahul, I'm glad you posted about the vodka sucker punch. Please work doubly hard over the next few days and weeks to ensure that the train is back on track with well oiled wheels and safety measures galore. Assume the taste fd with your head/ made you vulnerable. It's so much safer. What a nightmare. Honor your achievement and show us the wise way to handle it. Forgive me for being preachy. I worry, I'm a worrier, and I care. Thinking of you. X Jane

[enzo'smom]

I ran across something this morning that I MUST share with all of you……..here goes this profound quotation:

We thought "conditions" drove us to drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn't to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out of hand and we became alcoholics. It never occurred to us that we needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever they were.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Yep Jennie - the only thing we can change is ourselves, our thoughts & our reactions.
In my case I had to really distance myself from my drinking triggers & raise the defense shields. It worked & I am forever grateful.

Rahul, sorry you had to deal with tasting vodka, yuck. I could never stand that stuff even when I was drinking. This was an opportunity for you to reaffirm your commitment to an AF life

Dutch, you are absolutely doing the right thing. Never doubt yourself!

Wishing everyone a great AF Saturday!

Lav

[enzo'smom]

Just last night I was struggling.,….MAJOR HALT ….hungry angry lonely tired = craving a drink……but I recognized it for what it was, had a nice dinner, a piece of my homemade red velvet cake with camomile tea (yes, I am entitled to indulge every now and then since I don't DRINK all my calories every day) and I made it through my HALT, had a good night's sleep and am back on my feet…. but while I was in HALT, I was sitting on the pitty pot thinking how unfair it was that I could not go out and have a drink just like everyone else in the universe does every friday night…..but is that really true?????? Does everyone REALLY go out on friday night and get hammered simply because it is the end of a work week???? Or is it just those of us with drinking problems……My AB was lying to me, trying to trick me into having a drink by putting me on that useless pitty pot and trying to convince me that everyone has drinks on friday night. go to hell AB….that is where you belong.

and now it is saturday morning, the sun is shining, and I feel as bright and cheerful as the beautiful outdoors….I am so grateful for that!!!!

[Elvis]

Rahul, on a previous quit, I unexpectedly took a sip of something I thought was non-alcoholic but actually wasn't. I did the same thing, identified it as poison immediately, and spit it out. But it played games with my brain for weeks afterwards and I couldn't get it out of my head. I eventually went back to drinking and while I can't blame it entirely on the one sip because there were other factors involved, it certainly messed with me and set me back quite a bit.

Anyway, all I am saying is be extra careful. You might need to step up the vigilance make sure the plan is still secure and all that. I hope this doesn't affect you the way it affected me, but I don't want to see you blindsided and slip back the way I did.

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
Jennie, what a roller coaster! When I was in college, I felt like everyone else could go out partying but me...I had to study all the time. In retrospect, everyone else wasnt out partying.....it would be one neighbor one night, a different one another night, but the perception was that there was a perpetual party going on and I wasnt invited. Same with this. Seems like EVERYONE else is out having fun and getting that great buzz we chased! That isnt the case at all! I was at home snuggled in with my dog, sober...and LOVING it!

Pav, a quick story about Ava's kids...On her one year anniversary, they were immensely proud of their mom. I had the great pleasure of emailing a couple of them and they are in awe of her accomplishment. They have an adult appreciation for what she did...it was amazing. They respect her immensely. If we dont think the kids notice what we do, we are wrong.

Hope everyone has an easy day today! Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. You will never regret it. Byrdie.

[NoSugar]

Some of the recent posts got me thinking about addiction, how it happens, and what to do about it. These are just my thoughts stemming from spending the last 2 years learning as much as I can about the subject and getting to know well many people besides myself who've experienced addiction.

It seems to me that at the core of all this is a inability to cope with the stresses of life - normal ones and extreme events - in a non-destructive way. Many of us have traumatic events, bad relationships, unfullfulling jobs, huge personal losses, financial strain, etc. in our pasts and it seems like those must have caused us to become addicted to alcohol. But, some of us haven't had those experiences and there are plenty of people who have suffered worse and are not addicted to alcohol or any other drug.

Some of us are introverts, some are extroverts; some have other physical and mental issues, others have none. Some are people pleasers and others not. There is no single personality "type" that becomes an addict. Addiction is not limited to any socioeconomic class or race. We are as diverse as any other group. The thing we have in common is the susceptibility to addiction.

Alcohol is a toxic but socially-acceptable substance that is addictive to a subset of people. It does alleviate stress and its use in that context is actively promoted. Going on an occasional "bender" to relieve stress even seems like a normal thing to do. People who are constantly uptight are encouraged to 'have a drink and relax'.

So, it's not at all weird that we were exposed to alcohol and discovered over time that we were able to better handle some of life's stresses (and celebrate the good times) with a drink -- just like so many other people do. But with repeated exposure to this addictive substance, and with the genetic capacity to become addicted -- we did. We all chose to drink alcohol - but I can't imagine anyone chose to become addicted. And because when you're not doing anything that your peers aren't doing and that seems normal, you're generally addicted before you're aware that you're responding differently than other people and that it's a serious problem.

I spent a great deal of time blaming myself for having become addicted and trying to figure out why it happened - where I went wrong and what I should have done differently. I thought if I could figure out the reason, I could "fix it" and make sure it didn't happen again. I had a perverted jealousy of people who wrote about how they were abused as children or lost a spouse - as if their drinking were understandable and unlike me, "not their fault". I'd had some family illnesses and personal losses over the years, experienced the empty nest, suffered some job burn-out - all the typical stresses of life - but none of them seemed sufficient to have caused an addiction. And now I don't think they were. Nothing causes an addiction other than the addictive substance itself in a susceptible individual who has not developed sufficient tools to cope with normal and extreme stress or who upon alcohol exposure, at some level realizes how much more fully and quickly effective it is compared to exercise, meditation, religious practice, etc. And when something is legal and readily available, is encouraged and celebrated, is touted as actually being "good" for you, is considered "adult and sophisticated" and makes you feel good, why wouldn't you consume it?

So, we did. It made us feel good until it no longer did and then we found we couldn't stop. Maybe there was a window of opportunity in there when we could have recognized the developing problem before the addiction was in place but I think it was probably a very narrow window. I've almost forgiven myself for missing it.

The good news out of all of this is, though, is that by learning to handle stress in different ways, we can be free of the addiction. They take effort, time, and planning and they are not as fast-acting as our drug of choice but gratitude, exercise, meditation, service, intellectual development, hobbies, religion, etc. etc. can all offer great rewards and minimize the effects of stress. For me, removing the extreme stress of hunger and low blood sugar with food rather than alcohol was and is one of the main keys to sobriety. Food is not nearly as 'rewarding' as that first glass of wine on an empty stomach but it's my tool that prevents that needy part of my brain from demanding a drink. Yoga doesn't give the buzz that alcohol used to, but the feeling of full body relaxation is similar to that that used to come from a glass or 2 of wine.

These other forms of stress-management aren't as quick and easy as alcohol was before it lost its effectiveness for most of us but they can become enjoyable parts of life that make you resilient to the normal, and even the extreme, stresses that we all encounter. For any of us who made it to this website, the cost of what alcohol so readily provides has become much too high of a price to pay. And the good news is, we can all stop paying it.

[Overit-still]

Good morning! :sendflowers:

Pavati-the bon fire and ALL the parties are ALWAYS at my house. Our house is the only one with no kids so everyone comes to our house to "relax"

Anyway, the bon fire was actually cancelled so it was mac & cheese, chocolate chip cookies (sorry NS) and Diet 7up. :welldone:

Dutch-I slept 12 hours straight! I'm not bummed at all and I know I'm just healing.

Hanna-good to see you. I LOVE my AB and I don't care what's making me not drink. I think I told you last time I took it for about 2 months and would then just make sure there was always one in my pocket for emergencies. Worked like a charm! (well except here I am on day 13 again :happy2 I needed it just to hold me over while I learned and reinforced new habits. Until things just become a new way of life. It's OK, don't be so hard on yourself. Whatever is making you not drink is great!

Thanks to everyone who held me up last night. I realized I did the right thing. I came here. I wasn't tempted to drink at all, just anxious and that would have been a miserable feeling. I would have become resentful at everyone and cranky. I'm glad I came here. You all talked me down, reminded me of what I was trying to accomplish and set me on the right path again. I used my tools!

Have a great day everyone! The sun is shining here. Lots to do!

[ADP]

[ Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. You will never regret it. Byrdie.[/QUOTE]

Hi Nesters,

Congrats Overit on a AF night!! Really good going!! As the quote above from Byrdy says, "Whatever it takes".......and today that was my mantra.
From the word go everything seemed to be pushing the AL voices into my head and things were not going at all smoothly. At lunch time I'd had enough but somehow the thought of loosing my 8 day success to AL again stopped me short. Now on the brink of 9 days and feeling calmer.
I don't know about you guys, but working on small projects in my garden seems to focus me........the garden isn't complaining either, (all 3.5 acres of it!).....so I got all the frustration and anger out today, but now have injured both hands and ache all over......but still not drinking.
Thanks to NoSugar for the post about addiction.....good reading! But to add there are people who I think have addictive personalities and all things they get involved with they do to the extreme, (like I do). I had to quit smoking nearly 20 years ago and now it's alcohol. All because I get the wrong sort of enjoyment from it........I am still making the wrong decisions and bad choices and as you rightly said, I for one need to find new ways to handle lifes stresses.

Anyway, it's about 8pm and that is day 9!!! Wow! So off to get a coffee, watch TV and bed....

Sleep well Nesters and keep the faith!

ADP x

[TJAF]

Elvis. Like only he could, Robin Williams talked about what it was like after a little sip after years of sobriety. http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/7xzghq/robin-williams. Look for the quote about half way into the interview.

[Overit-still]

Great link TJAF