Newbies Nest

[Choices]

Saturday morning here, and winter.. thank goodness! I really got over the humidity last summer... And it's a sunny day too. I'm feeling very happy to be on day 3 and not hungover. Bliss. My daughter is 3.5 and her last swimming lesson of the term is today.. I love watching her. My husband and I are on the sideline for half an hour just pleased as punch with her little kicks and efforts. I had a crazy drinking dream last night. What is it about quitting that brings on these dreams?! I never have drinking dreams when I'm off the wagon... Needless to say, yes woke up happy it was just a dream. I hope everyone is doing well, and taking care of themselves.

[tonyniceday]

Hi All

Well it's been a funny old evening here. There's a big event on in our village which left us only about half full in the restaurant tonight. It's also a "home alone" weekend with my wife being away until Monday. Because we were quiet I sent staff home early and I was just sat there putting together some orders for tomorrow, when I started thinking how easy it would be to just have a drink. No one would know. I didn't have one, but I haven't had a thought like that in a few days.

Still, I'm safely away from work and back home with my apple juice and off to bed now.

Have a great weekend everyone & I'll check in again later in the morning.

Tony

[Byrdlady]

Hey all!
Man, what a week. I did make my connection in ATL thank goodness. Tony, Im sorry you lost your MIL in the airport there, it is a biggin! I didnt realize you could take that train in the WRONG direction! I got on it at gate B and thought it would go in a circle and eventually get around to the A gates. It went to C,D, international, T gates and baggage claim, then it went to the end of the line and went in reverse! Good thing I wasnt rushed on that leg of the trip!
Today I was slammed trying to fill out the new forms and paperwork for this new company. I am just lost. I know the one guy I was calling for help all day is glad 5 o'clock came! Heck, I may have caused HIM to drink! Oops! I have so much to learn....and I feel like Im joining a team of people who have worked together a long time and they can shoot out this paperwork like nobody's business. Dont even bring up the Windows 10 thing! I think all of their computers get upgraded this weekend, Bwahahaha!

Everyone is doing just great. Do whatever it takes to getvthru this day AF. Hang in there! Thats what I did! So far, so good! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Choices, it only takes a few days away from the grips of AL to begin to see the light once again & it's wonderful!
Congrats on your 3 AF days & I'm glad to hear you are enjoying time with your little swimmer
Don't worry about the drinking dreams, we all have them at some point. They are definitely weird but helpful reminders I think!

Tony, glad to hear you got yourself home safely!
Being completely honest with myself was a big deal when I first quit because I had spent a fair amount of time in denial of my problem. It's just a good feeling to know that you can depend on yourself & the promises you make to yourself once again. Good for you!

Byrdie, I've only been to the airport in Atlanta once - that was enough for me, ha ha! That place is hugely crazy!!!!
You're doing great in your new job & still hanging out in the nest - awesome

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Choices]

Thanks Lav, seeing the light is so much better.. Nearly 2 pm here and I started feeling a bit ill again. Whew, it takes just to long to recover to make any of it worth it. I think my biggest focus now would be health. I had all my bloods done and checked last week and I am completely healthy as far as liver and kidney go... so need to just honor these organs and the rest of my body. Tony, I always thought my triggers were being caught off guard in AL situations.. turns out it never was those situations that were a trigger... it was actually time alone.. that sneaks up on me. It might be inspired by being around too much drinking... and then when I'm alone.. I make up for lost time... or whatever.. the idea... know one will really know, I'm not sure what it is! But its nice for me to know this about myself because it does put it all in my court and I find that empowering. I love, love the idea of apple juice in a wine glass. and saying I already have a drink when asked in a drinking situation. I'm going to try that one. I love apple juice.

[TJAF]

Byrdie. I was a Delta Platinum member. Been through that airport so many times I can't count but I never took the train the way you did. Ha! nice to see new faces. I pop in from time to time and can promise you all that sobriety is real, it's achievable and it's lasting. I am fast approaching year 3! One day at a time followed by a week followed by a month...you get the picture.

[Matt M.]

Checking in from the beautiful mountains of New Mexico. Elevation @ about 10,000 ft, makes for incredible weather this time of year.
My heart aches due to the senseless, cowardly attacks on members of the Dallas Police department., during a "peaceful" protest by the terrorists group #blacklivesmatter

Being in public safety on the fire side, we consider police our brothers in blue.
This is a very sad and unfortunate time.....

Stay hard my friends
FB_IMG_1468037248921.jpg

[madonmehndi]

Hello, Saturday morning here in the UK and day 6 AL Free for me! I 'survived' my first Friday night without AL for a very long time and I am very thankful for that today, I really feel like I have achieved something and I am proud of myself! Going out to the cinema today and then for dinner which will be a big test for me!
Have a great day everyone

[Beaches1]

Hello all,
It's very helpful to read what you are all going through and the thoughts you deal with everyday. Funny how we think we are all out there alone dealing with the craziness. I am about a month and half AF with the exception to 2 days where I found old stashes.

I haven't had a panic attack in awhile, don't have such horrible social anxiety or the constant belittling of myself because of the drinking. I believe, from what I have read that I can attribute some of this "new" anxiety to cravings. I'm sure it has always been there and I used AL to get rid of the feelings. I never thought I craved AL. I just thought I wanted it because it made me feel better, made me less stressed, made my stomach feel better etc. and it did at the time. Just those things. Now I realize that the other side was not very good at all. Short temper, reckless behavior, self centeredness (although I convinced myself that I was always thinking of others and drinking was the only thing that was "mine"), that drinking made me easier to be around. Being sober is not easy and I have no delusions that I have kicked this.
I am trying to find new things to occupy my time, take my anxiety medications and stop skipping them and figure out what the hell happened to get me to this place. That is probably one of the most frustrating things to me. How did I let this get so out of control over the years. Sure I have had and have many stressors none more than others but that is something I have got to let go of. Knowing I am not alone certainly helps. Knowing I want to be around when my kids become adults, knowing I want to have a peaceful life that also helps.
Have a wonderful day/night. Once I get all my thoughts together and am brave enough to read what I have written I will share it in the other section.

[tonyniceday]

Good morning!

Choices - I've been thinking about triggers. Every time someone has mentioned a trigger either here in the nest or on other threads, other people seem to relate to it. I think, though, that although there are countless triggers and not one of them appears to be only experienced by one person, that we each have a unique "blend" of triggers. Like you, my main one is being alone - I think that that is because when you are alone, it's a bit like having a crafty glug from a hidden bottle (you know, the bottle you always thought you'd hidden well, but it turns out that your partner knew where it was all along!). You do get that thought that "no-one will know". That for me, is the one I have to walk away from quickly (which is why I came home last night when I started getting those thoughts at the Restaurant).

You will also find that those thoughts will diminish over the next couple of weeks. They'll still happen, but less frequently and with every AF day that goes by you'll be better mentally equipped to cope with them.

Mady - Firstly WELL DONE on 6 days - That is fantastic. As to dinner - I would use the line "I'm on medication (true) and I can't drink alcohol with it" - If that is going to lead to questions from the others at the table about what is wrong with you, then I think a little lie can be excused for example "I've had this niggly sore throat for a couple of weeks and the Doctor has put me on antibiotics"

THEN you can enjoy your evening and if the others at the table are drinking you can watch, sober, as they get giggly. If it goes further than that with their drinking you will be able to see one of the reasons why you want and need to stay sober!!!

Love your signature line - I may even download that book!

Byrdie - I'd forgotten about that bloody train in Atlanta - on the same trip with my Mum we had a couple of nights in Miami (love the Art Deco area - and the harbour tour!) and, back in Atlanta, we went to get on the train and I said which way we needed to go and Mum said "oh it doesn't matter it's a loop like the monorail in Miami" WRONG!!!!! so when we got to the end and started coming back I gave her the "look" she used to give us as kids (you know, the "I told you so" look). She just said something along the lines of "I know what you're thinking, Son!")

Glad you got back safe - I'm sure you'll not only get your head round that paperwork soon - but just like here you'll be guiding newbies at work as to how to complete it!

Have a great AF weekend everyone!

Tony

[tonyniceday]

Hello all,
That is probably one of the most frustrating things to me. How did I let this get so out of control over the years.

Hi Beaches - Your post came through while I was writing the last one I did!

You ask how YOU let this get so out of control. This is Al you are talking about. YOU have not let this get out of control at all. Al has TAKEN control and what you now are doing, by being here, by getting help, by whatever other means are now saying "NO" to Al - you have kids - when they are naughty, do you let them take control? I bet not... You just say "no" to them. They may try and do the same naughty thing again... You keep saying no, or put them on the naughty step, or ground them or whatever...eventually the message gets through and they stop doing that thing.

The big difference with Alcohol is that it is so available, in every supermarket, corner shop, airplane, train etc. Not only that but it is glamorised in advertising in newspapers, magazines, billboards, tv, radio etc. It is everywhere and difficult to ignore. I read a book recently, which I will not name as overall it was not particularly helpful to me, but the one thing I took away from it was that Al is a poison, not only that but a legalised poison, a poison that is socially acceptable, and one that is glamorised...It is also one that is addictive, can lead you to doing stupid, dangerous, and embarrassing things, and can cause you immense harm!!!

You say about finding other things to occupy you. That is right on track! I've got a project which is my garden (it was a complete weed filled wilderness and I have only recently started so there is loads to do). I also have other things which I do to occupy my time as well. It's supposed to be the middle of the summer here but it's cold, cloud-covered, drizzling with rain, and the garden is a non-starter today. We also have a major event going on in the village so I am surrounded by the sound of bagpipes! I'm therefore going in to work to do some things I've put off so that I am occupied.

That is a very important part of it.

One other thing from your post is the "stashed bottles". There is a thread on this section of MWO called "where did you hide it" It's quite funny but it lead me to go around the house and get rid of stashed bottles (I still find an occasional one that I forgot where I'd put!) Get them in the recycling bin - that's where they belong!!!

The most important is that you have taken a decision to kick Al into touch, you are on here and getting help.

Keep posting! and have a great day.

Tony

[madonmehndi]

Good morning!

Mady - Firstly WELL DONE on 6 days - That is fantastic. As to dinner - I would use the line "I'm on medication (true) and I can't drink alcohol with it" - If that is going to lead to questions from the others at the table about what is wrong with you, then I think a little lie can be excused for example "I've had this niggly sore throat for a couple of weeks and the Doctor has put me on antibiotics"

THEN you can enjoy your evening and if the others at the table are drinking you can watch, sober, as they get giggly. If it goes further than that with their drinking you will be able to see one of the reasons why you want and need to stay sober!!!

Love your signature line - I may even download that book!


Tony

Thanks Tony, It's actually just going to be me, my hubby and my son for dinner so I won't need to make excuses, just good choices! My hubby is being my conscience atm and reminding me of my vow to be AF till my BD so I won't need to choose really!!

I have downloaded the book and read about 1/2 of it so far and it is really, really good, so much of what she says I can relate to!

[available]

I haven't had a panic attack in awhile, don't have such horrible social anxiety or the constant belittling of myself because of the drinking. I believe, from what I have read that I can attribute some of this "new" anxiety to cravings. I'm sure it has always been there and I used AL to get rid of the feelings. I never thought I craved AL. I just thought I wanted it because it made me feel better, made me less stressed, made my stomach feel better etc. and it did at the time. Just those things. Now I realize that the other side was not very good at all. Short temper, reckless behavior, self centeredness (although I convinced myself that I was always thinking of others and drinking was the only thing that was "mine"), that drinking made me easier to be around. Being sober is not easy and I have no delusions that I have kicked this.
I am trying to find new things to occupy my time, take my anxiety medications and stop skipping them and figure out what the hell happened to get me to this place. That is probably one of the most frustrating things to me. How did I let this get so out of control over the years. Sure I have had and have many stressors none more than others but that is something I have got to let go of. Knowing I am not alone certainly helps. Knowing I want to be around when my kids become adults, knowing I want to have a peaceful life that also helps.
Have a wonderful day/night. Once I get all my thoughts together and am brave enough to read what I have written I will share it in the other section.

Evening nesters,

Still cold in Ausland but have had two days of sun so washing on the line and trying to do the back lawn. Dismal fail, this is where a man would be handy!

Welcome Beaches and a huge congrats on 1 1/2 months sober. When i drank i lived my life for 5pm thinking al would relieve all that i was living. I was up to taking a xanax a day at the end of my drinking career due to anxiety of what i thought was life but was al. It has taken a fair while for my anxiety to lessen and i think this was due to dealing with life sober and figuring out how to cope. I thought life would be so damn boring sober and that was a mindset i had to get rid of. For me i started going to the gym (god forbid), started knitting and just being gentle on myself and taking it day by day. I only had to not drink and the rest would eventually fall into place. If i did nothing then that was fine also. I knew i could not overwhelm myself with activities in being newly sober as then i would be stressed and deal with it by drinking. Being comfortable and in control comes with the more sober time you have. Learning to like yourself again comes with time, living as you deserve also comes with time and forgiving yourself comes with time. I know i wanted it all at once being sober, what i didnt realise that i had to heal inside and out and i have gotten to that place now. I accept that i am an alcoholic and what i did in the past is the past. I have regrets but thats life, everyone has regrets.

For me drinking to the amount i did came on gradually, i obviously was unhappy and did not know how to change it except to drink. I thought i was losing my best friend when i stopped drinking but in reality i have gained so much more by my sobriety.

At the moment i am having trouble at work with a colleague, i have spoken to my boss and told him my mental health is going downhill and i will not let that happen. So he has to sort this issue out. As yet he has not so i did not go to work. Two plus years ago i would never have said a word, i would have drank but i am important. We will see how this pans out but i am strong in what i believe in now.

Hows the garden coming along Tony?

Hello to everyone, its nice to see the nest busy again.

Take care. x

[tonyniceday]

IMGP1735.jpgIMGP1740.jpgIMGP1737.jpgIMGP1735.jpgIMGP1740.jpgIMGP1737.jpgHi Mady and Ava

Mady - you are now personally responsible for me delaying going in to work - I've downloaded that book and started reading... I may be past the 1st 7 days but it's a real "page-turner" I've turned off the Android and am now GOING to work!!!

Ava - the garden mirrors the sobriety - not a lot to see to start with but major steps underneath!! Here are 2 more photos - one of the basically cleared wilderness of "lawn" and another of the huge pile of cuttings I've done over the last week...it may not look much from the photos but in reality it's the worst of the "start". The third photo is of a tree/bush that the previous people here cut back - it has variegated leaves and may be quite attractive if properly trained - anyone know what it is? and if so whether it's worth keeping?

Sorry I seem to have double up-loaded the pics - don't know how to change that!!

Tony

[Lavande]

Good Saturday morning Nesters,

It's warm, humid & foggy in my portion of the nest, yuck. Maybe the air will clear after the thunder storms roll thru later

I love waking up to all these positive reports, great job everyone!
Determination, patience & kindness (to yourselves) will get you to your goals. We can't fix all of our problems overnight, it took much longer than that for them to develop in the first place. Keep moving forward & keep your thoughts positive. We can all do this & we are never alone

TJ, so nice to see you pop in & congrats on your almost 3 years!

Matt, my family, as you know is feeling heavy hearted this week as well. We need less hate & more love here in our homeland!

Wishing everyone a good AF day!

Lav