Newbies Nest

[Nursie]

Good Morning!
Kensho thank you! I know she will get herself sorted on her own time. I'm just very hurt that she did not come to me or her dad about the struggles she was having. She lied and said she was doing ok. She was partying a LOT but as I recall I was doing that in college too.
She let herself go under and she didn't tell us until after she and her mother made the decision that she was coming home. She still hasn't even called or texted me about it at all.
I guess she's hurting.
Off to work guys. Have a good day!

[abcowboy]

Welcome to the Nest SoCali! It's the happening place for newcomers (and oldcomers like me). There's even a few of us Canucks around, or at least there was... wonder where narilly got to again...

[Byrdlady]

Hey SoCali, I'm from NoCaro, so the opposite coast! Congrats on your 10 days! No bout a doubt it, they are THE hardest and now they are in the rear view! :butt:

Well, you learn something new every day....so blackout drunk doesn't mean you passed out on the couch, it means you don't remember what you did? Hells bells, that was me the last 10 years of my drinking. I took to writing things down (like when people called, or putting a mark on the counter with lipstick if hubs and I had a marital moment). I didn't understand how I could realize that it was happening ....I tried my best to burn it in my mind so I could remember it later, but then the next day I couldn't remember for the life of me. As I was beginning to drink earlier in the day, it worried me becaue I was drinking while trying to work and not remembering conversations I had (during business hours!) I started sentences with, I'm not sure if I told you this or not, but.....and usually hubs would say, 'Don't you remember? We TALKED about that???' Ugg, just awful. So I was the kind of blackout drunk that passed out on the couch AND didn't remember stuff. Available, I think I am the one you kept telling yourself that you weren't as bad as I was! There aren't many on here that I wasn't as bad as....if I wasnt that bad, I sure was in the team photo and getting that bad FAST. It all escalated there at the end......I'm not sure why that was, I think it was because I was trying to moderate and when I finally 'allowed' myself to drink I drank like there was NO TOMORROW. So much for that! Just shows you how strong DENIAL is and this disease. Do whatever it takes to break loose! You will NEVER regret one day you spent sober! Happy Thursday! Byrdie

[paulywogg]

Morning nesters, SoCali,I'm your neighbor in Vegas Nursie, that situation is gonna be kinda rough, I swear grown kids can be worse than the little ones sometimes! Dentist yesterday and he replaced my crown so I'm still sore in the mouth,yippie, my fault for avoiding the dentist for my 10 year heavy drinking lifestyle, now there's a lot of make up work to do,wishing everyone a peaceful, positive, productive AF Thursday

[scottish lass]

Morning all - have not checked in for a few days - just busy, not drinking!

Feeling blah - too much going on, and that time of year. Worried about my Dad - trying to work out if I should try and get home to see him, but flights are so expensive.
Girls struggling at school - need to try and finish semester well, but one will not manage that. HS is tough on my two, sad to see them struggling so much, both socially and educationally.

Work is going through more change - I am getting older in the organisation and the young ones are starting to take the lead, feeling that I am getting sidelined. Not a great feeling at all..

So, in a nutshell, feeling sorry for myself - but determined to stay the course. Have to try and get some Christmas shopping done, ignoring all the advertisements and alcohol EVERYWHERE!

Stay strong all, nice that the nest is busy, it will help us all to stay the course...

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

SL - I know that feeling about work - it is funny because I feel like I'm still 30 in all aspects of my life (well, ok, except the achy knees), so I keep getting blindsided by "ageism" that is around. I don't think it is intentional, but I certainly feel like I am ignored more. Sorry you're blah. I am wondering if there is any way you can swing a trip to see your dad? Maybe you could take time off after the holiday when the flights might be cheaper? It seems to occupy your thoughts a lot, and maybe that's yourself trying to tell yourself something? Also sorry about the girls. So stressful to try to figure out teenagers.

You, too, Nursie. Is it possible she didn't tell you because she didn't know how? She was afraid? Anyway - it will certainly change the dynamic of your house to have her back. Good luck...

Lost Soul - my blah is general seasonal blah in combination with my terrible eating yesterday. I sort of have a food hangover today. Going to straighten myself out today and focus a wee bit on me.

Bye, nest. Off to work.

Pav

[SoCali]

Well HELLO all of you! What a TREAT to be so welcomed here (although I'm not surprised - ya'll have welcomed me on the other threads I've been on too!). Nice to know I'm not the only one from this side of the pond and glad I won't always be the last one to post...HA! It will take me some time to learn "who is who" (because after all, I AM only on my day 11 of being AF and the mental fog hasn't quite lifted yet...) so, in general terms for now, I hope you all are having a good day / evening! In my web surfing this afternoon, I found this nugget. Something to ponder for those of you going through tough times at the moment:

Everything in life is temporary.

Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever. It won’t. Nothing lasts forever.

So if things are good right now, enjoy it. It won’t last forever. If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either. Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh. Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. You get a second chance, every second. You just have to take it and make the best of it.

And on that note, I shall get my ass back to work... HA!

Thanks again you all for being so welcoming - I feel like I have a whole new group of friends who GET me and I love it!!! You'll get used to seeing my name around here in the coming weeks and months. And be warned - I'm a goofball so if I say something that makes you scratch your head, just know I'm probably trying to be funny (which is sometimes an EPIC fail...). HA!

[j-vo]

SoCali, it's great to have you here. I love goofballs!!!! In PA here...

Nursie, sorry to hear about your stepdaughter's situation. that's such a tough one. Does her mom live closeby? Will she stay with you and her mom? A friend of mine's son also had a similar situation, he took off a few semesters and got back into it. He was also having some mental issues. He just needed time, and it helped immensely.

Lav, you're way ahead of the game. I need to do lots still, and we're having xmas here. Oh, I'm procrastinating in this area so much. Can't get movitavted to do this stuff. I know it's a normal feeling as one grieves, and we have to keep going, but I wish it were over.

SL, hugs to you lady. Kids that have some struggles in high school (as I did!!!) go on to mature and succeed. It's such a difficult time, especially teenage girls. Awe, wish you were here so I could give you a hug.

Blackouts...I had them all the time, but I didn't really know that they were fragmentary BO as little bits and pieces I could not remember. And how dangerous and scary that sounds and is. I hope my brain heals as well as all of the other damage I did. I hate to even think about it.

Was a different day for me today, and so refreshing. I went to a training at a different school (the high school I graduated from a thousand years ago) and I loved being the student today. I can be so nerdy, and actually, after I'm finished, I need to write some things out from my scribble notes. I'm also the OLD one at work. And you know what, I love it. I love how the youngins need my help or look up to me, even tho I'm only 5'2".

This link isn't an article, but a picture of a woman I've always admired. Heather Locklear. Loved her in all the 80's shows and my favorite Melrose Place back in the 90's. I saw this picture of her, and read a lot of the comments. I'm not judging her, but I know this look. She's always had issues with alcohol and I think prescription pills. The comments from others who are not alkies blame menopause, aging, and other stuff. My opinion is that she's an alcoholic with the bloated face and body. I know exactly, because that's what I look like when I drink. Yuk. She's 54, but a healthy 54 year old doesn't look like this. I only hope she can get the help she needs. Maybe she'll find us on MWO.

Heather Locklear sparks concern as she's spotted with nose injury in California | Daily Mail Online

Have a good night.

[scottish lass]

Got the hug, thanks j-vo. School is being tough - and you would know! I am hoping that they will succeed when out of the institutionalized learning environment...I do appreciate hearing stories like yours.
That is sad viewing of Heather - and I think you are right. I am same age, and looking pretty worn around the edges - but not puffy like that any more....
Pav - I will have to go home at some point - I can't leave the girls though, I really don't think they will fare well alone during school and don't have help. I am aiming to go back in June for a couple of weeks, so hopefully things will hang till then. Some of my blahness is the time of year.
On a more positive note - got a clean pass at dentist, my hygienist was surprised that my gums seem to be improving, which should not be so at my age - didn't tell her why that might be! Our little secret, right??

[paulywogg]

I don't like to shame anyone's looks but yeah,from the redness in the cheeks/chin,puffiness in the face and belly plus reading the article about the bizarre behavior in sharing old pics of her and her ex,seems like she's one of us,I always joked I could pick out"my people" from a mile away just by looking at them,sad

[SoCali]

Getting ready to call it quits from the office and head home. Tomorrow is our big Christmas luncheon, an event that in years past I eagerly awaited because it was filled with wine, cocktails and hob-nobbing in some amazing venues with historic ties to Hollywood and the "good old days". This year...? I almost changed my RSVP when I quit drinking 11 days ago because I thought "what the HELL am I going to do while everyone else is drinking up a storm?". But, I decided I'm going to go, and have a wonderful time, enjoying the afternoon and actually REMEMBERING every bit of it this year!!! I'm not worried in the least that I will be tempted to drink but I do wonder how it's going to "feel" being around 150 people who are used to me sucking down the drinks! I'll probably order soda water with lime so it "looks" like a cocktail, just so I don't have to answer questions about "why I'm not having a cocktail?!?!?". Don't feel like going into the gory details just yet, especially with peers and colleagues!

Anyway, goodnight all!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Looking at that pic of Heather Locklear made me think - she's lucky she just fell on her nose. I actually managed a head injury at one point during my drinking career that landed me in the hospital for a week
I hope she pulls herself together soon.

Hello & welcome SoCali, glad you found us. Congrats on your AF time, you have a great start

SL, I remember starting to feel like the dinosaur at work too, ha ha!
Those young ones were very clear about wanting to take my job. I finally had enough of them & let them have the job, retiring a little earlier than planned. I just didn't enjoy them or the job any more. That's all history now but something most of us will face sooner or later I guess. I hope everything is OK with you

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest. Getting some sort of artic chill here on the east coast for the next few days, oh boy!
Be well everyone!

Lav

[Struggles 106]

Good evening nesters-
Day 53 and doing fine
SoCali-I was reading your post about the social event with alcohol coming up.
I'm no expert, but I think it might be a good idea to leave if/ when you start to feel uncomfortable.
Just speaking for myself, and my experience I was not ready in early sobriety to be around these things. I drank as a social lubricant and to feel less self-conscious so it was not good for me. You might be ok in your own skin (I never was)and confident and have a great time.
I'm so determined this time that I'm not taking any chances right now.
I'm an introvert by nature so I'm not,good at small talk anyway.
I,wish you the best and hope it goes well. Good,lord I loved drinking at this type of function and always regretted it. Especially when the next day my boss would say "So I heard you were singing last night." I was a mess. Never again.
It's so frightening ( in my case) to not know what will happen if I drink. Well, wait a minute, that sounds kind of stupid. Suffice it to say that not one damn good think will happen and that's enough for me.
And the $$$$! I always had to be a big show off and pick up the tab. Just stupid and self destructive.
Sorry for ranting but I needed to get that out

Peace to all

Ann Caroline

[KENSHO]

Hiya peeps. Y'all are sounding good! So glad you joined us SoCali. I agree with Struggles - have an exit plan. It's too easy to cave in situations like that early on, no matter how strong you feel now. Old habits can die hard. I liked you words about situations being temporary. I've found that with cravings - they always peak and then go away if we give them time.

Nursie, I remember age 18 being hard and confusing. I felt like i had to choose the rest of my life and that overwhelmed me. Maybe a little time would be good, as long as she respects your rules. Good thoughts to you!

I'm working late again. It's that time in the project. I'm over this one - can't wait for it to be done. slog, slog, slog. We are taking a train to the mountains with the kids tomorrow morning - for his birthday. Up very early - GOD I miss sleep. Anyway - I need to put in two hours, then I'm hitting the pillow. Though I have cravings sometimes, I realize it's not wanting alcohol and the crap that goes with it as much as just wanting an escape from the slog. So I have to find it other ways that don't kill me. HA! Good night!

[mario]

Good morning nesters from Portugal.
Feeling a lot better today thanks.

Socali welcome to a great forum & thread, You as you notice get a great welcome & support here, as we can all relate to what exactly you are or going to go through, I be of the opinion to that its best to give social meetings where alcohol is paramount a miss, especially in early recovery, I opted out for about three months & even then I only went because it was family & had had a plan to get out asap when the temptation & pressure from others got to much.

Anyway its good to see we all moving along slowly but surely here, life is a rollercoaster so you do have to hold on for the deep descents that deffinally are on our tracks, have a great day all.