Newbies Nest

[mario]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters .

Great to see Nest so active, I am out of my comfort zone with work so not on my laptop, All is good for me & I still fighting the fight.

Just keep safe everyone & remember today can be that day that changes your life for the better.

[Susie45]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you for all those posts and words of encouragement. I did some soul searching this weekend and although my drinking isn't bad - Byrdie, your words rang true. I don't want to get to that point. SO I need to kick alcohol to the curb.
I also have to protect my quit at all costs - even if that means dodging social events for awhile. I need a plan for when the cravings hit - that seems to be a big hurdle for me right now.
Great post Narily - I am going to print out your helpful tips!
I am a work in progress but I am here...fighting the fight. Eyes forward.

[Susie45]

Re: Newbies Nest

Susie- Absolutely, let's do another 3 days!! Susie, I was having such strong cravings just now that I came got on the site. So, please know that I completely understand! Just start again - we've got everyone here and we've got each other. It's a new day, thank you God, every day. Here we go, ok?

YES! 3 days....here we go! I won't let you down!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters,
as planned, I'm happy to say I had a great night's sleep and woke up feeling rested and ready for the day.

Super list, Nar.. thanks for that.
you, too, Ava.
and Lav and Byrdie. and Pav. Everyone, actually.

I know that it's all about taking the option to drink completely out of the equation. And I can do that today. I am 100% sure that I will do whatever it takes not to use drinking as an escape. And I won't allow myself to be fooled into believing that I can "enjoy" a glass.. I will play it through honestly to the end.

I'm looking at the time off work as a time to retreat, to begin to form some good habits. To focus on health and getting hormones sorted.
Not too much to say right now.. off to do some shopping.
I hope everyone has a good, Un-hung Monday..

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning check in, bright and sunny here. No work today, so it's a good day to start the exercise routine as well.
Narily, Congrats on 3 years, and thanks for posting a wonderful its of tools.
Thanks Pav and Kuya for your recent links.
Rahul and Hypernova, mind if I join you for a ride, just don’t drop me, I’m old and slow, lol.
Good to see you LC
Happy sober Monday, all.
Mr V.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nar - great to see you and congrats on 3 years!!! Thanks for the list - so many good reminders.

Ava - sorry to hear of your menopause challenges - I can relate Can't wait until this phase of life has passed, although I'm sure I'll probably want to eat those words at times in the future! Hope your Dr can help you at least a bit

LC - glad your surgery went well. Hold tight to your quit!

Kim - great job coming here when temptation struck. You've got this!!!

Susie - right back in the saddle - stick tight to your quit buddy and to the nest. Yes, a plan for those sudden cravings or temptations is essential. And skipping some social events or other situations might be a good idea until you feel more solid. Most of us have probably done that more than once. I know I have in the past and probably will again in the future.

Lav, Byrdie, Pav, Rahul, Mario, Kensho, Nora, Nursie, Mr V, LS, Roobs, Ne, abcwboy, & everyone else - thanks for your posts and continued presence here in the nest.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Good people. Checking in after a tiring weekend. Beautiful day here, though snow is expected by the end of the week! I love the arrival of spring.

Lifechange, I really appreciated your honest post. I felt similarly for a very long time. I didn't think my drinking was bad enough to have to stop completely. I didn't lose a job because of it, I didn't lose a spouse, didn't call in sick, didn't rage or blackout. I was excelling in my career, had a good home and family and circle of friends. In fact, I don't think another single soul ever suspected I had a problem. BUT I DID. I hated that I couldn't control drinking. I hated that I would allow myself one drink and have 3. I hated that I thought about alcohol all of the time and that it dictated my plans, my driving routs, my restaurant selection. I hated that I was, though not a terrible mom, not a better mom.

It's difficult when there isn't a lot of outside pressure to quit. But it comes down to your exact words: "I hated myself when I drank". That's all I needed to understand. I don't want to hate myself. I want to live life fully and embrace all the good and bad that comes with it. I don't want to numb it. Well, sometimes I do have the desire to escape, but I want to do it in a healthy way. The longer I go without drinking, the more I grow and the more I nurture myself. That self-hate is gone. It really is. I felt so lost when I gave alcohol my power - now I am in control. I think you and I would be classified more as the Stage 1 variety. Like BYRDIE said, why wait until Stage 3? Sending hugs because I understand you, and also well wishes after your surgery. Take it easy and give up the madness - I think you will find some real relief when you get yourself to the acceptance part of this process. :hug:

Happy late birthday AVA! I hope you had a nice celebration.

Great links here. NS and Kuya, I have made great progress with a low-carb diet, and I feel terrible if I indulge in sugar or gluten now. I attribute doing a Whole30 (and completely getting off sugar) to my early success with my quit. I am finding that I feel something is missing though... did either of you experience vitamin deficiencies when you changed your diets?

Susie and Pan - keep coming here. Keep trying. It will click at some point - you will power through the cravings and come to an understanding that sticks. Just keep trying!!!

Roobs, that "in between" makes a lot of sense, right? We have gotten past the need for a drink, and our lives are changing. Now, it's becoming that new person. For me, a lot of it is figuring out how to be with my husband, and remembering how to have fun without alcohol. He has reverted back to his old ways of eating and drinking, and says I don't know how to "live" any more. I know this is a projection on his part - when, in fact, his every definition of letting lose and having fun includes alcohol and indulgent food. I understand his mindset, but we are definitely on different pages right now. It's hard to feel connected when we are striving for different things. I SO appreciate everyone here giving advice about this topic. The point is that I have watched others get through this phase and still stick their quits. It doesn't make sense to revert to ways that I deemed destructive just to be on the same page, so it will have to work itself out another way. Most important is my health and well-being. It sounds selfish, but if I don't have that, I am less equipped to be a good mom, wife, etc. SO, I'm officially a "tweener"., and I give myself permission to be dull, flat, boring and whatever else I am while it passes. I believe you all that good is ahead.

Enough of a rant! Happy day everyone. So glad you are all here!!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well it is snowing out and cold but I am UN Hung this morning so it is just fine.

I started posting here a few days ago not because I had three years under my belt but it was because I was getting drinking thoughts. I came right back here as soon as that happened.

My friend was visiting from out of town on the weekend and she said she was on a 'booze fast'. She said every year she quit drinking for a month and then the rest of the year she drank. She did this to prove she could quit. I then met another friend who said that her friends took 'booze fasts' because they knew they had issues with drinking and that helped them prevent things from getting out of hand. So of course my AL brain starts going- hmmmm...maybe I can do that too! I haven't drank for 3 years so Hey, maybe I can drink now a bit and then quit again. WTF??

Right away, I started posting and reading here. I KNOW I cant drink. I don't want to start from zero again and it would be SO hard to quit again. My tools are only good if I use them!
Thank you again for all your support and help everyone. Thank you for helping me to stay sober.
Let's do this!

Pav, I read that article you posted, it was very good. Now I am following him on Facebook too.
MrV. you are lucky to have sunshine, it is snowing here and a bit cool, but it's ok because I went to a fitness class at 6:15 this morning inside. I was able to do that because I am Un Hung
Ava, My son went to Australia for a few days and now is in Auckland, New Zealand working at a Japanese Restaurant. He seems to like it but says it is very expensive. What a kid!

Nice to see you Wags, Life, Susie, Cowboy, everyone.

btw it is my birthday, and the 3rd birthday in a row where I will be sober and able to really appreciate my life.

xo
Narilly

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Kensho, we were posting at the same time. Nice to read your post. Hang in there with your hubby. I can imagine how hard it is not to drink especially when he is drinking and equates it to fun. I feel the same way sometimes, that I am dull and boring. We don't go out as much as we used to- not even close to that anymore. I really enjoy just hanging out at home with my hubby (or alone) and watching Netflix, reading, taking a bath, drinking tea etc.
I don't think your boring Kensho, maybe we can both be boring together

Narilly

[abcowboy]

Nar!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Birthday Narilly!!!

And great job stopping the notion of a booze fast in its tracks. I know several people who do that as well, and I have done a few in my life. That idea that we can drink normally and then just quit again whenever we want to sure sounds tempting, but as you know, it's a lie. Sure, some people can probably do that, but I'd guess that most (all?) of us here aren't in that category. If we were, we wouldn't have had the problems that brought us here in the first place.

So once again, Happy 3rd-in-a-row AF UN HUNG B-day up there in your cold snowy land!!!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - I hear you about feeling disconnected with your husband. It does indeed sound like you are on different paths right now, and that is probably very difficult. Who knows where that will lead, but I encourage you to stick tight to your new path and protect your quit cuz it's definitely best for you. My guess is that he feels a bit of something, not envy necessarily, but something where he wants what you've now got but doesn't want to give anything up in order to have it. I hope you are able to increase the other ways you enjoy spending time together and/or find new ways. In the meantime, keep coming here and posting. We might not have answers, but we've got great ears

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey, Nest. I don't feel boring - more like peaceful and content. And when you feel that way, there's no incentive to chase a high from alcohol, other drugs, sugar, or anything like that outside yourself in an attempt to feel better. Byrdie talks about 'mindpeace' being the great gift of quitting and I think she is right. Those friends who quit for a month to prove something to themselves probably aren't experiencing that as they (desperately) count down the days to when they can drink again. And given that they've felt the need to prove this, they aren't at peace when they are drinking because they know deep-down there is a problem. Surrendering to the truth that you can't control your drinking gives you greater control over your life. It doesn't need to be a fight or a battle-- surrender and the war with yourself, and the self-hatred, is over.

I'm at a conference where the wine is flowing. Five years ago at this event I sent a desperate text to an MWO friend from a bathroom in a fancy pants restaurant where I was being pressured to participate in a toast --- to the point that I was feeling like by not participating I was ruining the whole celebration. Even in my addled state I knew that was ridiculous but in the early days of adjusting to this new (and better) way of living, everything about alcohol seems so important and overwhelming. And when you're not secure in your new role, it is so easy to default to old behaviors when you feel any stress. That's why it is so important to have a plan in place that will keep you on track when you encounter new situations and challenges. But like with any skill or behavior, it gets easier and easier with time - to the point that it is EASY, almost a non-issue. You just have to stay aware and not let those thoughts of having the occasional drink take hold. I almost guarantee they will pop up but you can just let them go because you know they don't lead to anywhere you want to be.

In my opinion, once the physical dependence is gone, all that is left is to change our thoughts about alcohol -- because it is only whatever we think it is. After romanticizing it for years and then getting to the point of thinking it necessary for survival, that change might take some time. Some people, like ThreeTimesACharm have a eureka moment - in an instant his thoughts about alcohol changed so his feelings about it changed, leading to his behavior changing. For most of us, it takes more work. That is why there's all the encouragement to read and post to change our thinking. And our thoughts literally change our brains. That is why it is such a good idea for Nar to get back here and participate when she noticed that those unwanted thoughts of drinking were getting some traction. It's why some of us who feel pretty secure in our AF ways still read and check in. It's a little "tune-up", reminding us which thoughts we should pay attention to - the ones that make us feel good.

I see the wine around me now and marvel at all the fuss. I no longer think about it in the same way as do the people who can spend 20 minutes discussing the relative merits of the various offerings before they even order. The alcohol is just a fluid -- we give or take away its power with our thoughts.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I had to increase my salt intake when I started eating a low carb diet - you excrete more when insulin is low, which can make you feel pretty wiped out. And, its important to eat nutrient-dense foods so your body is getting what it needs.

[Susie45]

Re: Newbies Nest

I can definitely relate to "not feeling at peace when drinking". That is me. I think I enjoy it for the moment but that passes quickly and anxiety sets in.
Today is a good day. I feel good about not drinking. I know some days will be easy and some will be hard. I just take it as it comes. Enjoy the easy days and be prepared for the difficult days.