Newbies Nest

[Susie45]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters - just checking in...waking up "unhung" never gets old. Today is a great day to be sober.

Kensho - my husband and I used to drink together. When I first quit, I think he was sad but never said anything. He got used to my sober lifestyle. It had its perks - he had a designated driver. You just do what is best for you and let the world deal with it. I had friends that were terribly sad I stopped drinking but I was just like, TFB. My life, my body. Everyone got over it!

[Lost Soul]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi All,
Checking in again - so frustrated with myself for drinking again. I am trying not to beat myself up because I know it only makes the struggle harder. I have one choice - to not drink alcohol ever because I am an alcoholic and cannot personally ever have a positive relationship with AL. Why is something that seems so straightforward so hard to do? I know that drinking AL is just slowly killing myself & that I & my loved ones deserve so much better. Why do I not really believe it enough? I need to want sobriety 100% & although it is not always going to be easy - drinking definitely is always going to make everything worse x

If I was at a crossroads & one path was 10 years ahead of being a drunk and another path of 10 years of being sober I know without a doubt which would be more rewarding - I need to give myself a kick up the ass & a good shake because I keep choosing the wrong path.

I really enjoyed reading the sentiments about time, I really agree that what I or any recovering addict needs is time & patience & whilst we do not drink & are committed to staying AF - we are writing a new story.

I have no reason not to start right now. I have everything to gain & nothing to lose.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi Nesters,
I managed to catch a virus and feel like something the dog brought in so this will be short..
I haven't read back too much yet.. but I want to Congratulate Byrdie on 2300 days!!! and ADP on 100!!! What accomplishments..

LS, it is so good to see you back in the Nest. You can do this and like you said, there is no better time to start than right now. I so agree with you, looking down that road 10 years from now! Today is the first step in the direction you want to head.. don't look back.

I'd love to write more, but I've got to go back to bed.
see all you lovelies tomorrow at the latest..

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all, I'm back, glad to see most everyone here. Horrible weekend, 5 inches of rain in an hour on Saturday, clgged gutters, flooded basement, no electric service, etc, etc. Glad to be getting back to normal, that is all.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Y’all. Sorry to steal a Texas sentiment Matt, it just rolls off the tongue so nicely! Cloudy day here - lots of ordering to do. Glad I’m not driving around town and can stay in my PJ’s all day

ADP, sorry I missed your 100 - great work! Be proud.

LS, keep trying friend. You will get it. You sound miserable when you drink.

Mr. V, sorry to hear about your flooding. Water is so damaging. Hope you get it sorted out soon.

Ava, I appreciate your words, especially since you've been through this part. The issue is that I am also detoxing now (maybe part of the yuck feeling), and so husband also sees me refuse certain food. He said it annoys him that I’m so restrictive on “everything” in my life. But it's not like I eat grass every day all day - I find my share of treats - just not right now. I have an indulgent personality when I find a vice that I like (i.e. sugar, alcohol), so I try to moderate. That, to me, is being responsible and self-respecting. SO, I got a little defensive with him, then switched to a smile and casually said, “Not sure why what I put in MY mouth affects your happiness…you’ll get over it.” But truthfully, I felt hurt. I guess it’s a sore spot anyway that I’m not a social genius, not the class clown, the life of the party. I am a more serious, contemplative person - always have been. I used alcohol to let loose - that’s a fact. If only he believed me when I say that one is not enough. He truly thinks I could have two drinks a week and keep on my merry way. SO I will view it as, bummer that he is in denial, and he can choose to get over it or dwell on it, but I’m doing what I need to do for me. That includes what I drink, what I eat, if I meditate, when I go to bed. The free-for-all of my twenties isn’t going to take me to my fifties in good health - and I choose health. I will also remember it’s part of the “in-between”. It may not all make sense right now - ok. I’ll go with it. And he can eat whatever the “f” he wants. Right?

Thanks for hearing me rant. I feel badly tossing all my baggage on a plate here, so sometimes I just don’t talk.

Glad this forum is still in tact… the nest has weathered a storm, and I’m very glad. Hugs to all of you wonderful people.

[Susie45]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=9078]Lost Soul[/MENTION] - I know the struggle all too well. The one thing I can say is the more distance you put between you and alcohol, the easier it gets. I have had a good stretch of sober time and they were good years. No regrets! I lost my way but am working on getting my sober life back. I am definitely a happier person sober.
Drinking gives me a very short lived "good" feeling - about 20 minutes. Then the rest of it is guilt and regret. It really isn't worth the 20 minutes.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, mu hubs made a crack about that one time. I must have given him a 'go to hell' look beacuse he has never mentioned it again! Remember, I quit because he left me so a remark like that pissed me off but good. Both of us frustrated that I couldnt just drink like a normal human being. But a couple things have happened over time, both of our expectations have changed. I have now learned to be looser without AL, this took TIME and a lot of it. He understands that AL is out of the question for me. As Narily's byline says, I can have the life I want, or I can drink. How true is that? My hubs can have the wife he wants, or he can leave the one who drinks. Hang in there.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I never was able to login yesterday although I tried a half dozen times, geez.

Byrdie, Congrats on 2300! Nice number
ADP, Congrats on your big 100!! I remember feeling so proud at that point, I hope you do as well!

Kensho, I mentioned this before but my husband was so freaked out after my quit he left for four years. That was entirely his choice, he was scared of his own weird behavior. I had Spent ten years blocking him out & basically keeping my mouth shut. He insisted I stop drinking but wasn't ready to deal with his own BS. It's very convoluted but things have worked out, still married & living together again. This is not the life
I w

[PanhandleKim]

Re: Newbies Nest

KENSHO- I totally understand about being a more serious, contemplative person and drinking to get "loose". The first time I got drunk I was 14 years old and I was painfully, painfully shy. With alcohol, I was able let myself relax enough to at least carry on a conversation or get through social events. My husband, who is naturally a very socially adept person, has had difficulty understanding why I can't stop after a couple of glasses of wine. After 25 years, I think he's finally accepted that I am not a "normal" drinker and never will be. I also understand about having an "indulgent" personality. I have to be very careful with other vices taking the place of alcohol...it's just the way I'm built. It seems to me that you've got a good grasp on what you know you have to do to keep yourself focused and not over indulging in other areas that can be unhealthy. I believe if you stick to your guns, resist what you feel like you need to resist to keep yourself focused, your husband will come around.

Lost Soul - so glad you are posting. Alcohol, to me, is like some crazy song of the sirens. You know it's going to kill you but it lies to you and lures you back with promises that this time will be different. But it never is - the story always ends the same way. Please keep posting and remember we're all here for the same reason. For me there is comfort in knowing that we're truly all in this together.

Goodnight to everyone-
Kim

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Rainy Wednesday morning, Nesters!
Here at least.. and today's as good as it's gonna get until the weekend. Waiting patiently for May's promise!

So yesterday I had the worst headache I've had in ages! Like the worst hangover ever, I felt nauseous and could barely manage to get out of bed. And today it's gone.. The whole time I thought (after i finished feeling sorry for myself!), thank god I don't have to deal with this anymore on a daily basis, thank goodness I don't bring this kind of s*** onto myself anymore.

Congrats on 90 days, Eva! from a couple days back.. Well done!

Byrdie, I think one of the reasons I was so upset about being lied to is that it home. And I'm still not completely out of the clear. I still find myself wanting to stretch the truth or tell a white lie to avoid confrontation. I know that not being completely honest is what has kept me in the cage of alcohol addiction.. not being able to face my life, not being able to look myself in the eyes.. or anyone else for that matter. Not being ok with myself and who I am and thus finding the need to lie. I have to say, it's hard as f*** to face it all after running all these years. Now I'm just trying to take each day as it comes and to focus on the message I'm giving the girls by my ACTIONS.. not my words (because all the lies I told myself and everyone else were just words! my actions of course spoke an entirely different story.)..

Kensho, that's a tough one.. I wish I had some words of wisdom. I know that in night-time party/drinking sorts of situations I was definitely more fun when I drank.. but in everyday life, going to the flea market, out for coffee, hiking, going to the movies, making dinner, playing games with the kids, shootin' the shit situations I'm 100% more fun when I'm not. That's how I feel, at least..and I tend to stick to very small groups or one on one.. I think your attitude is great.. you are right that you are responsible for your health and what goes into your body and you're doing what needs to be done! I can imagine there's also some truth in what Lav mentioned, for anyone who's left to face their own actions when the significant other makes such a big change..hugs to you..

How are you doing today, LS? Don't give up coming back and trying..

So I am doing the same thing today as I have the past days.. not drinking no matter what and no matter who!!! I had a small voice in my head on Monday but I realized I was just tired and very thirsty.. Coming here straight away to find the site closed down sucked! But I had an email from Ava which was so nice.. and I was then very happy that I hadn't acted on my stupid little thoughts.. Threw them right into the bag with other stoopid thoughts!

[Susie45]

Re: Newbies Nest

KENSHO- I totally understand about being a more serious, contemplative person and drinking to get "loose". The first time I got drunk I was 14 years old and I was painfully, painfully shy. With alcohol, I was able let myself relax enough to at least carry on a conversation or get through social events. My husband, who is naturally a very socially adept person, has had difficulty understanding why I can't stop after a couple of glasses of wine. After 25 years, I think he's finally accepted that I am not a "normal" drinker and never will be. I also understand about having an "indulgent" personality. I have to be very careful with other vices taking the place of alcohol...it's just the way I'm built. It seems to me that you've got a good grasp on what you know you have to do to keep yourself focused and not over indulging in other areas that can be unhealthy. I believe if you stick to your guns, resist what you feel like you need to resist to keep yourself focused, your husband will come around.

Lost Soul - so glad you are posting. Alcohol, to me, is like some crazy song of the sirens. You know it's going to kill you but it lies to you and lures you back with promises that this time will be different. But it never is - the story always ends the same way. Please keep posting and remember we're all here for the same reason. For me there is comfort in knowing that we're truly all in this together.

Goodnight to everyone-
Kim

I can really relate to your post Kim. My tend to get addicted to things myself (never drugs!) but alcohol, caffeine, sugar...I feel it is the way I am built as well . My husband and I have been married almost 24 years. He is a drinker himself and has to be careful. For the most part he keeps it in check but he has gone overboard at times, then he reels it back in. I was a very shy child and started drinking in college- it helped loosen me up as well. It just progressed from there. By the time I hit my 40s, I started to realize that it was an issue.
Now I am 51 and am still trying to find myself. I love Byrdie's quote - "I could have a life I want or I can drink". I should hang that on my wall!
Kensho - You have every right to vent! So frustrating when you are trying to do something healthy and good for you and you meet resistance. . I think he will get used to it and come around, like Kim said. It's your body and you get to call the shots. Hang in there!
Happy Hump day everyone! I had a slight twinge of a craving last night but had an O'Doulls instead. Really never was a beer drinker but this did the trick and I moved on.

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Has anyone heard from Mario since the site issues at the weekend [MENTION=9640]Forum Manager[/MENTION] - Mario is usually here every day - can you send him an email confirming his log-in details in case he has lost them?

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - your situation with your husband sounds challenging. I haven't been told that myself, thank goodness - I'm not sure how I'd react if I were. I'm fairly certain I'm actually more fun when it counts the most - the daily things others have mentioned above, like going to farmer's market, working on house projects, taking hikes, etc. I wonder if your husband used to use your drinking as evidence to excuse or support his own choices. I don't want to try to problem solve for you because I don't think that's what you're asking for. My heart goes out to you though. It sounds difficult, and I hope you're both able to find common ground in some meaningful ways.

Byrdie - huge congrats on 2300 days!!! I look forward to reaching that milestone in a mere 2000+ more days

Kim & Susie - I can so relate to what you wrote about having to be careful not to develop replacement addictions or indulgences instead of al. I have some of the same tendencies. Self-awareness and acknowledgement seem to be huge steps in the process. Glad to know I'm not alone in this, but not glad you each also have a similar challenge.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone.
Kensho, that is a tough situation with your hubby. I was a lot of fun when I drank the first one or two and then it all went to hell. After the 2nd one I started to get messy and then would embarrass myself by doing or saying something stupid. My husband saw me hung over so many times and was very supportive when I quit. He decreased his drinking by at least 90% because of my quit. I can't imagine how hard it is for you and I wish I had some good advice. I guess I will mirror what wags said and hope you can find some common ground in meaningful ways. - nice post Wags!

Byrdie- congrats on the 2300 days! That is an incredible milestone!!

I find that I have replacement addictions like coffee and ice cream. I have been having a hard time not eating ice cream every night. I guess it is better than drinking AL so I cut myself some slack. I try to only have it a few times a week, its a work in progress.

A few of my posts got lost on the weekend, bummer.

Have a great sober day everyone.
xo

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening, all!
Tony, I wish I knew how to get in touch wirh Mario, I will check with the army thread and see if they know how to reach him. You are right, he didnt miss a day! Good eye!
SSD congrats on your 100 days, that is EPIC! :llama:
Stay strng, nesters! Byrdie