Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good MAE all,

Wags - that sounds like a good trip to take. I think I am ready for some traveling myself...

Nar - I went to a daytime party yesterday. Interestingly, though I would consider it a big drinking crowd, very few people drank much. Many people I know as big drinkers were mostly not drinking. This made the party significantly more fun for me than a night time party with the same people as I was talking to sober people who were more coherent and interesting than they usually are. I had a very good time, actually, and left just as the people who were drinking were starting to get annoying. I was home and in bed at a very reasonable hour! I now think that daytime parties are my favorites!

I have another party to go to today. I am realizing in my older age that I am introvert AND extrovert. I need time to be alone and in quiet more than I realized (or perhaps it is just aging?), so two parties in one weekend is too much for me. They are both for very important people in my life, so I really don't want to miss. I'll live with this terrible problem to have - too many parties!

Happy SOBER Sunday, all.

xo
Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Un Hung on Sun- LOVE IT!

Well, we are having our party today. I am looking forward to it. I am the same Pav, I feel like I am an introvert and an extrovert. I love my alone time but then again I love talking to people. I am a real relationship builder. It is interesting how we keep learning about ourselves.
Sorry about your problem of Too many Parties

Wags- way to go! One year is comin' up, oh yeah!

Don't drink today.
xo

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Not a single party for me this weekend but I don't mind. I'll be having all kinds of fun watching my grandsons tomorrow

Wags, I hope you have a safe trip & always keep your precious quit foremost in your mind. We will help you celebrate 1 year very soon!

Narilly, hope your party went well.

Pav, you're the party animal in the nest this weekend, ha ha!
I really don't have the energy for back to back parties anymore - yes, that is due to aging!!!

Hello to Byrdie & everyone.
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=23544]Piedmont[/MENTION]

Welcome back! - You had some good AF time behind you before. I salute you for coming back here on your "day 1" and you know we are all behind you as you get through these early days - same thing again - get all the help you can in these early days, and keep on posting on here - it really helps to keep you accountable.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning everyone, we had a nice block party yesterday. There was a lot of great food and lots of Booze of course. At the end of the evening we were sitting around and my AL brain was telling me 'you could probably have just 1 glass of wine' and I started thinking that I could probably have a glass and then quit. But you know where that leads...after the 1 glass last night I would have started slowly to slide back into the old ways of drinking and that would bring all the rest- blackouts, hangovers, bruises, relationship problems, self loathing.
Anyway, I thought of you guys and having to come here and say I drank- thank you for helping me to be accountable and not drink.

So this morning I am more thankful that ever to wake up Un Hung. Whew. I think next time I will leave a little earlier from the party. The problem was that I was the organizer and so I ended up there a bit late.

If anyone has some tips on how to stay sober in this situation please post them!

Oh, and Piedmont, keep posting, we are here for you.

Thanks and don't drink today.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nar - So glad to hear that you resisted that little voice of temptation and didn't drink at your block party. It's harder when you can't leave early and use that as a strategy. I think what you did - essentially playing the tape forward - is one of the best ways to respond to the voice. I've almost always had luck with my mandatory 15-minute waiting period where I'm "not allowed" to drink until at least 15 mins have passed. Usually 15 mins is all it takes for that temptation to pass. If not, my personal rule is to enforce a second 15-min waiting period. Essentially, I make myself stall until the urge or craving passes. It can for sure be hard to enforce all of that in the heat of the moment so to speak, so I make sure to practice it whenever possible, even with non-al things, and I think it has really helped.

Pav & Nar - I also find that I've become more of an introvert & extrovert combo as I've gotten older. Or at least I've gotten much better at recognizing my introverted side and both owning and honoring those needs. I actually have a keen interest in this topic - as a self-employed trainer and teacher, one of my focus areas has been around topics such as leadership styles, team building, and other "soft" skills used in workplace settings. I've used and been trained to deliver several personality assessments such as the Myers-Briggs. I don't totally buy into any one model, but I do find it fascinating to reflect, explore, and try to gain insights into things like personality types.

Lav & Byrdie - I think the trip will be good overall, and I'm glad I'm thinking ahead to prepare for and/or avoid certain aspects that are likely to be unhelpful. My quit is my top priority. I've already lost too much to the people who hurt me - no way I'll drink at them and give them another minute of my time. Fortunately for me, I was sober for many of the years I lived in this town, and so I don't have strong drinking memories (or lack of memories) associated with being there. No favorite bars/pubs, no happy hours, no liquor stores I used to frequent. Actually, I'm not sure I even remember where they sell liquor in that town (or state, for that matter). Nope, it was a place where I generally lived a very active and outdoor kind of life, so at least those triggers won't be a problem.

Piedmont, Tony, G, Ava, Susie - glad to see you!

Waves and hugs to everyone else - have fantastic MAEs fellow nesters!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks Wags, the 15 minute rule is great advice. I will put that in my toolbox. It would have been way too easy last night to drink. We were sitting outside in the dark and so I could have drank without being noticed at all. My neighbours were trying to finish their wine because they bought a bunch of organic wine and it was going to expire soon.

We are all going to face tough situations like this, we can't live in a bubble so I guess we just have to learn to deal with them and get through without drinking. The 15 minute rule is good and so it the One Day at a Time saying. It makes it less overwhelming to stay sober. Just stay sober today, this helps me.

Wags, that is cool that you are in training and teaching. I have taken all those tests and I don't buy into any one model either. Very interesting.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Tony, I just realized that our quit dates are just one day apart! Im Jan 20th and you are the 21st! We are quit buddies! So happy for your success!
I can take parties in small doses only. I left the last one at 9:15 and glad I did. I have one next week to honor my walking partner who died in March. I dread it because I miss her so much. I am strong in my quit so not worried about slipping or telling excuses. I wasnt always this confortable, tho. It takes pracrice!
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Day 2 of the heat wave done, 1 more day to go until it breaks - so they say, ha ha!
I am not a fan of this extreme heat & my chickens certainly don't like it either. I have to keep frozen water bottles in their water feeders to help cool them down.
I had a busy day with my 6 & 8 year old grandsons, just as I suspected. I filled a large kiddie pool for them, they had fun

Glad to see everyone planning to succeed with their AF lives. I wouldn't have it any other way!!
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nar - yep, it's amazing how much our thoughts can change in just 15 mins. Seems like that urge to drink would just get stronger, but I almost always find it passes pretty quickly and I'm SO relieved I didn't cave. After the 15 mins (or sometimes a few periods of that delay) I get to bask in the joy, relief, satisfaction, etc of protecting my quit and feeling stronger for it instead of sinking into regret. I've used this 15-min rule a lot and I really do think it gets stronger like a muscle.

Byrdie - that must be bittersweet to think ahead to the party honoring your walking partner. I'm sure you're still feeling that loss quite a bit. Hopefully it will be a warm and loving time for all to remember her, even as you miss her dearly.

Lav - ha, when I first read your post I didn't process it properly and I thought you said that your chickens had fun in the kiddie pool! No there's a mental image that makes me laugh. Hope your heat breaks soon. It seems like you've had several months of almost roller coaster weather in your area.

Good MAE everyone! Hold on tight to your quits

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Tony, I just realized that our quit dates are just one day apart! Im Jan 20th and you are the 21st! We are quit buddies...

I'll take that! Byrdie as my quit buddy... Loving it!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Nar and Wags - when I first came here I got the advice to sometimes take 1 day at a time 15 minutes at a time if need be. Same advice - do whatever it takes to stay sober in that moment. For me it is definitely playing it forward. There is no possible way I want to ever have a hangover again. Ever. I can so easily conjure up that horrible feeling and it puts me off of the idea very quickly. I don't just have to look back at the Thanksgiving Massacre - I can look back at any hangover I've ever had. I can see it in someone else's face and know - red-rimmed and puffy eyes; dry, wrinkly skin; cotton mouth; and general malaise. Why would I want that back again? Just typing about it is making me feel anxious and grateful.

Nar, you know you don't drink. You don't drink. Let that thought float away. NoSugar pointed out that we have 100s of thoughts every day we don't act on. Could you imagine if we acted on every thought? I know you'll be fine, because as I said, you don't drink!

Wags - one of the most insightful trainings I went to was with work colleagues where we spent a lot of time figuring out not so much our personalities as our work styles and how we like to get things done. It was extremely helpful to understand what other people need and to try to realize that as part of a team.

Ok, Kensho, where are you?? I hope all is well.

xo
Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone, thanks for the encouragement in keeping my quit. I will stay on track, like you said Pav, all those symptoms of a hangover is one of the things I hated the most about drinking. AND 'I don't drink!'

Byrdie, sorry about your walking partner. I can only imagine how much that sucks.

Wags, I agree that it is like flexing a muscle. I remember hearing that before at the beginning of my quit. Well my muscle is getting stronger but I definitely have to stay vigilant. Its amazing how the drinking thoughts pop up out of the blue. That is why it is so important for me to keep coming back here and to keep my quit strong.

Stay sober everyone.
Don't drink today.
xo

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Narilly, I couldn't agree more. If seeing is believing, then I believe! I bet you do too. We've seen 1000's of people come thru here and rack up some substantial AF time and then they get complacent and the next thing you know, they are right back to where they were and worse. I played that tune longer than I care to admit! I totally understand how easy it is to not check in....I understand how busy we get and now that I'm sober, I don't need the extra lift every day. In my judgment, this is the thinking that precludes a relapse. Not in EVERY case, but it's the exceptional person that can stay sober without some sort of support. I am scared spitless of starting over, so my butt is velcro'd in with Mr G's Super Magnetic Butt Strips. It might be possible for me to relax now about posting, but why take that chance? I like seeing what my friends are doing! Staying sober is still my #1 priority, so it devote time every day to nurturing that.
Hope everyone has a peaceful evening! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Yep Byrdie, that's why I am still here too
It makes me happy to see others succeeding & moving on in their AF lives.

The thermometer hit 96 degrees today & I have to tell you - that is friggin hot for Lav-land, ha ha!!!
My poor baby birds didn't know what happened. I kept them cool by icing up their water feeder, phew.

I hope everyone finds 5 minutes every day to at least jump on & say hello. I know we all get busy but here I am 8+ years later doing just that
Wishing everyone a safe & cool night in the nest!

Lav