Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I had a half decent day although it did start with a funeral this morning for one of my husband's former coworker. Bless him, he retired way back in 1982 & passed away just 33 days before his 90th birthday. That's a pretty good long life.

Ava, every time I hear you talk about mum - I just want to reach out & give her a tiny little shove, ha ha!! You have learned to manage her quite well, good for you
I hope every thing works out well for you son in counselling. Enjoy your week off!

Byrdie, eat the ice cream & bake some nice cookies while you're at it too. We're just human & are allowed a little bit of self pity from time to time. I think the trick is to not let ourselves get stuck in the pity party & allow those feelings to grow into somethin worse

Wags, I think it's safe to say that most of us have had to learn the hard way. Maybe it's just as well so we don't easily repeat previous mistakes. At least that's what I am hoping.
Let's all stay put in the nest & stay safe together :hug:

Hello to Pav, ML, moonking, G & anyone I've missed.
Wishing us all a safe & comfy night in the nest!
Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-hung Saturday morning, Nesters!

I am happy to be up and about and ready to take on this day.. with a kitty snuggled by my side and a lovely cup of coffee.. it's nice to read back over the past day and see how you've all been. With all the ups and downs and in betweens, I love that this is a place for honesty and sharing and support. We all understand eachother.. even if we don't have the same experiences, they are at least similar. And we can accept eachother. I think through all of you and through my own ups and downs on this path, I am learning to be more accepting of myself AND then, naturally, of others in my "in person" life. I'm letting go of the need to control everything and everyone.. and as it happens, I'm realising how much it affected my state of mind. It feels sooooo good to let go of it! So thank you all very much..
As Wags said, I need all of you here. When I'm here and honest, I'm Not drinking and doing well.. no matter what else is going on.

Byrdie, I appreciate very much that you show us all sides of yourself. I'm thinking of you and hoping that things with work begin to lean to the other side soon! Hugs to you! And I'm not in any position to give advice.. just thinking (because I also sometimes eat AT something and hate how it feels) maybe it's possible to wait a bit before eating the ice cream, do something else first to deal with the situation/feelings, then scoop out a bowl, make a sundae and fully enjoy it..? I've gotta try that out next time.

Wags, continued love and strength headed your way.. I was thinking of you and Pav as I was hiking because I know you both enjoy it so much.. and you in particular because this trail reminded me a lot of the hiking I did when I lived in Seattle.. I miss the PNW a lot. Do you kayak as well?

Ava, I'm really glad your son is looking into therapy.. and that he has you there to support him. Once again, thank God you're not drinking! That you can show him how wonderful life can be. You're an angel with your other half.. Don't want to get down on men, but most of them I know can be a real PIA when they're sick.. (not you, G-man, I'm sure!).. Have a great week off work and enjoy the sunshine..

Moon, you're rocking the boat with your now 28 days! Love what Ava said.. "do not think of never drinking again at the start as it is too overwhelming, the positive is not drinking for that day, time gives us that gift of accepting never"... I think this is so true. I always make the mistake of, at some point, saying "never".. which seems overwhelming. If I think about it, anything with the words "never" or "always" seems impossible to sustain. You are doing such a great job taking care of yourself now.. and that's all you have to worry about at this point in time. Looking forward to celebrating your 30 days! Let us know how it goes with the doggie search..

Hi to Marylou, Lav, Pav, G-man!

ahh, I have some good news on the André front.. As of Monday at 13:00 he has a private room in a shared home.. where they have addiction specialsts/psychologists.. where he has his own fridge in his room but cooks dinner with others. I was so happy yesterday when I heard, I almost cried. For the most part, he has done such an amazing job getting himself back on track, getting an ID card, renewing his health insurance, bank acct., etc.. About 3 weeks ago (after 4 weeks of coming morning and evening like clockwork) he came in the evening drunk and told me the good news that he had received 400 euros from social welfare.. I told him I was worried he was going to spiral downwards and after talking for an hour he left and didn't come back for 2 weeks.. in that time I'd bumped into him on the street and it was so devastatingly sad to see such an extreme case of what alcohol can do to a person.. I talked to his brother on the phone, who hadn't seen him in 10 years, whose children, 7 and 3, don't even know they have an uncle.. He showed up a week ago Thursday in the evening as if he hadn't been gone, no idea that it had been 2 weeks. I gave him an ultimatum and said that I couldn't and wouldn't be an enabler (I definitely can't help you if you aren't helping yourself) and that this was his last chance.. .. Thank God since then he hasn't had a drink (even though he has money again) and has been taking new steps to get himself in order.. and thank goodness he has a place to go! His brother said he would meet up with him and even help.. but only if he's not drinking and working on sorting himself out. Let's see. Like I've said before, he's such a beautiful person and has so much to give..when he's sober. Like Byrdie always says, I HATE alcohol. and I really HATE the people marketing and selling it..
and on that note, a Ted talk I found interesting by Ann Dowsett Johnston.. she's specifically researching drinking and women..but it applies to us all..
YouTube

Hugs to all flying and stopping by today.

Edit: just after I wrote this post André came by and had been drinking.. I confronted him and we talked about alcoholism and he seems to think he can control it..?! I just told him he should try really hard not to miss this appt on Monday for the new place and he said he wouldn't mess up this one time opportunity. It's like flipping a coin at this point. I was really sad but I know I can't do more than I already have and I'm done. Not with being his friend but with this 2x daily situation and with him storing his things in my flat. It's been very difficult but good for me to have had this experience. It brought me right back to where I was as a child, with my mom, never knowing how she would be when she came home or when I returned from school.. it made me realise that that is how my ex felt..and it might be how the girls have felt, but haven't vocalized. It's a terrible, gut wrenching feeling to (not) know.. you want so badly for someone to be there, to do what they say they're going to do, to have them see what you see in them, to be able to change and then you're disappointed over and over again and finally, at some point, you numb to it. I don't want to be that person ever again. I don't want to be the cause of so much doubt and sorrow.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nest:

Wow, LC. That's such a challenging situation. You're a good person for taking on his support. I hope he makes it Monday.

Hah, Lav. I want to give Ava's mom a little shove, too! You HAVE managed to deal with it well, Ava. Maybe your car will break down on Christmas?

Sounds like everyone else is chugging along. Hope you all have happy SOBER Saturdays. I am in for a long day with work and family obligations. Looking forward to a hike tomorrow morning...

Pav

[Londoner]

Re: Newbies Nest

First day feeling aggravated.

But I can't drink because of the Antabuse.

Also, I've gone cold turkey on vaping too, so extra aggravated.

Day 19 tomorrow. Ride this one out.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters,

LC, I love what you wrote in your edit above. Go for it my friend!

Happy sunday morning to all from over here. I hope all are safe with those hurricanes flying around in the U.S.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Londoner, glad you are hanging in. A good reminder that sober people have bad days too, you are now learning coping skills, this is where growth takes place. Thats what I found, and still find. It becomes very evident how we turned to AL to cope. I hate you are having a rough spot. Tomorrow will be a better day. Hugs to you, Byrdie.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Can't believe it's still so hot, Fall has missed I think, ha ha!
You know it's hot out when less than half of your laying hens bother going to 'work'

LC, I really hope for the best for Andre but the choice is all his. He should be extremely grateful for your friendship & guidance.
You have come a long way yourself & I hope you are proud of your accomplishments.

Londoner, you are doing great so don't give in now. Give yourself a pat on the back & keep moving forward

Hello to Pav, G, Byrdie & everyone checking in tonight!
Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters,
It's a misty, drizzly morning here.. definitely Autumn.. officially ok to see a pumpkin in the kitchen!

Londoner, I've been following your progress on the Roll call and you're doing great with 19, now 20 days. I was wondering if you're getting any in person help with sorting through your issues? I thought I remembered you mentioning therapy or a group you wanted to check out.? Bydie is so right.. now is the time to learn new ways to handle people, situations, your feelings and how you react. I'm happy the antabuse has been working so well..

Lav, sending some cool weather your way! Do you usually get the 4 seasons in your neck of the woods? After growing up in extreme climates, I'm loving the changing of the seasons.. though we notice, as does everyone else, the effects of global warming. Last year we only had one day of snow.. Hugs to you and thank you for your unending encouragement and support!!:love:

Ok. off to pack a lunchbox for a kayaking trip.. going with my best friends for a 2 day trip. The one organizing it has a birthday and she's the only one with current kayaking experience! We'll be following her like little ducks learning to swim. I'm looking forward to the quiet.

Wishing everyone a peaceful Sunday. xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

LifeChange, I admire you for trying new things! Kayaking, yikes! We have new little ducks on a nearby pond, your post is all I needed to show them off! Have fun!
8BFC10DC-077E-4654-867E-DD3E193E8B1E.jpg

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Londoner - as you mentioned and others have echoed, these difficult days are when the true growth and progress occur. Sending you strength.

LC - your edit a few messages ago shows true reflection and insight - to be able to recognize what you are experiencing now and connect that to other times in your life, other people, how your girls might also have felt. I think these deep realizations are part of what help us stay on track - the firm desire to "be" different, to show up for ourselves and for our loved ones. I really appreciate your thoughts - I feel like I grow right along with you! Have a fantastic time on your kayaking weekend. That's one of my favorite activities and I think you'll enjoy it.

Lav - sorry to hear you're still dealing with heat. Thankfully, that time of year seems to have passed for us - we're finally getting some rain which will hopefully help contain and extinguish all of the wildfires throughout the western states. Better talk with those chickens though - they might be organizing a union

Hope everyone has a good wrap up to the weekend!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Londoner - that was a revelation for me. Days still stink, life is hard, I get anxious and afraid. Life goes on. What I have experienced is, in the words of a sober friend, more presence and resilience on my part. I can face the dark, hard times, and get through them. Life isn't all rainbows and unicorns. It's amazing you're at 20 days already.

LC, I admire you also. Autumn kayaking sounds beautiful, potentially cold, and a lot of fun. Looking forward to hearing more about it.

I am in the midst of a food and exercise challenge. I am doing ok, but I feel hungry all of the time. I realized how much of my nibbling and snacking was on salty, crunchy, processed and cheesy foods. It is good to get a perspective on what and how I eat. I passed up homemade ice cream last night - one of the harder things I've had to do. I realized that as with alcohol, with food I am an all or nothing type. If I go by a candy bowl and have one piece, I'll likely come back for five more. It is so much easier not to have the first piece than to resist the subsequent pieces. Same way I feel about booze.

Happy SOBER Sunday. I'm off to enjoy the great outdoors before another family obligation.

Pav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

It was even hotter here today than it was yesterday, crazy!!!!
But I did have a nice visit with my daughter, granddaughter & son-in-law so I am happy

LC, enjoy the kayaking trip! That's something I haven't done in decades & wouldn't even consider now, ha ha!!
We do usually enjoy 4 seasons around these parts but the climate has changed - no kidding!!!

Byrdie, cute duckies. Do you think they would behave if we brought them into the nest? Ha ha!!

Wags, 7 of my 9 hens produced eggs today so I guess the strike is over
I hope you get enough rain to douse those fires finally.

Pav, I am a lot like you in that I cannot eat one potato chip, ugh! I am much better off with none at all!
Good luck with the challenge!

Hello to everyone else & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, and Happy Monday:

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Hope I can readjust my attitude. Otherwise I'll have to leave my door shut at work. :cuss:

Hope you all have a great day.

Pav

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wow, you all sound like such amazing, inspiring people. Those you are helping are very lucky to have you in their lives.

I made it to day 30! Got hubs a glass of wine last night...the smell was so overwhelming it almost sent me over the edge. This is the longest I've been without alcohol since my last pregnancy. It's true that as the days tick by, the less and less alcohol is on my mind. This is a good thing.

We had our first ultrasound and they moved my due date back by 5 days. They said this wasn't cause for concern and actually made me feel a lot better - it means I really only did about two nights of drinking while actually pregnant, instead of more like 5 or 6. And those two nights weren't over the toppers, either. So my mind has been put at ease. Baby (and yes, ONLY one thank goodness) is growing fine and has a strong heartbeat.

Of course we found two pups at the rescue that we couldn't refuse. One is 6 months old and one is 7-8 years old. Are we nuts? Yes, absolutely. My mom was less than pleased (why do I still care at 32? I do not know) and she doesn't get it. 3 dogs, 3 cats, a toddler and a baby on the way? No problemo for this household. It'll keep me busy and happy. And that's what life is all about, right?

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola Nesters,

Great news with the bub, and top news all round Kingy! Congratulations on 30 days booze free. Super duper Hyouuuuuuuuge!

We are the same across the board really aren't we? Ducks, chickens, dogs, cats, humans. Just looking at Byrdy's pic of those ducks. Raising a family ain't too different whoever, wherever we are. There sure is a universal thread running through nature connecting all of us.

Y'all have a ripper.