Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

No sightings of the runaway chicken today but I'll continue to keep an eye out.
We did come upon a huge flock of wild turkeys today right around the corner from our house. We had to sit & wait while they crossed the road. We estimated about 75 of them!!!! I didn't see my chicken mixed in that flock, ha ha!

Kiwi, Congrats on your 1st AF week :welldone:
That's an awesome accomplishment, keep moving forward!

Inthesky, good to see you checking in & your news is great for you & your husband, congrats!
My kids are grown now but if one of them had ever tried to demand or threaten us for money there would have been a war. Sounds like you have already done plenty financially for her.

Hello to kensho, moonking, wags, narilly & everyone.
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening, Nesters!
Kiwi, congrats on 7 days! Here is your two xheecked salute from us! :butt: keep up the great work, the worst is behind you. If you are like me, I never want to repeat that first week. Great job!
Moon, 3 months is awesome! Here’s to your success! :three:
It took me 30 years of drinking and 2499 days of sobriety to know this; Nothing is improved by AL. Do whatever it takes to break free of this addiction. Hang in! Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Howdy. Long day. But manageable. MOON, thank you for saying those words! Motherhood is my most important honor in life. I know these kids have minds and paths of their own and that I will have bad days, but I feel like I have a huge opportunity to be there for them or not, and be a role model. They need me now and I don’t want to drink that away.

On the note of failing, I have new insights. I have recently realized what is probably obvious to others. The reason I have constantly felt overwhelmed, overburdened and stretched is because I have been. I take on too much. But the last few days, I’ve had my priorities straight: don’t drink, and take care of me. I’ve set realistic to do lists and if the tasks push to the next day or week, then so be it as long as I’m meeting those goals. And I feel like a superstar. Trying to do it all is impossible (though I’ve worn myself out trying!). I’m checking the most important things off and feeling like a success rather than a daily failure. It’s a big change for me and I like paying attention to my needs again. It’s amazing how fast that part goes out the window when I choose to drink.

I ate alone tonight at Whole Foods and both loved the solitude and had fleeting cravings for a drink. Belly is full now and trying to decide whether to attend the event I RSVP’d for or go home to my couch and family. It’s some famous design guy so I’m thinking I’ll drop in for 15 min. Then head home.

Kiwi, 7 days is fabulous. Great work!
Hugs and happy vibes to all.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Kensho, I know I sound like I have stock in the show or something, but The Bubble Hour has a really good show on boundaries. Setting and keeping boundaries isn't just about alcohol directly, but also keeping yourself sane in other ways. I also really enjoyed this blog - This is What 'Self-Care' REALLY Means Because It's Not All About Salt Baths and Chocolate Cake.

Here's an exerpt:
[Self Care] often means looking your failures and disappointments square in the eye and re-strategizing. It is not satiating your immediate desires. It is letting go. It is choosing new. It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others. It is living a way that other people won’t, so maybe you can live in a way that other people can’t.

Lav - that image of a Stella consorting with a group of wild turkeys is making me laugh tonight. Byrdie - right on as usual.

Off to eat and go to sleep!

xo
Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

Pav, at least you have stock in something really good!!:happy2: I always appreciate when you share your favourite podcasts/blogs from the Bubble Hour as there are so many to choose from. Looking forward to reading this one shortly. p.s. I also really like Russell Brand.. he's so funny and so right on imo about so many things and I love how he addresses addiction.

Kensho (and Moon) I can relate a lot to what you said about being a Mom.. and I'm finding that I'm a better Everything without alcohol. What I'm loving the most (and maybe this also has to do with age.?) is that with a clear mind I can step back and look at myself/my actions from a different perspective. I'm actually less critical and much better able to see what I want to change and how to do it.. and then I can even follow through. I'm also much better able to communitcate with others and to find painless solutions for small to medium sized problems (bigger ones will surely come at some point). I feel like the most important thing I can do for my girls is to be there for them.. to be fully present when they need me, to recognize when they need me, to show them strength and confidence in myself but to be honest about the fact that I'm not always! To show them that it's possible to make mistakes and then make amends. I think most parents worry about whether they're doing a good (enough) job..? at least most that I know question it from time to time. And it seems logical that that would be the case while raising/accompanying babies into adulthood! What a job, eh?!
and Kensho, I'm happy to hear you're practicing self care!

Hi Sky! I was wondering about you and was happy to see you were posting on the Rollcall! Well done staying on your path during the difficult times while travelling and meeting up with family! It's great that you have some people who strongly support you.. plus the love of little Ottis! I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your step daughter.. It sure doesn't feel good to be taken advantage of.. and the poor Grandma. Glad she was on her toes enough to say no. Strength to you as you work through this.. Thank goodness, as you said, that you weren't drinking. I was also one to drink and look the other way so as not to have to deal with confrontation.. I still don't like it, but am learning it's necessary! Boundaries..

Kiwi, Congrats on 1 week!!

Time to make Brekkie.. a healthy one this morning!
Wishing you all a good Wednesday.. let's keep the stress at bay.
xx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello nesters,everyone sounds fabulous Moonking,when you talked about the mood swings it really hit home cuz in all my sobriety attempts there's always mood surprises,I'll feel absolutely elated one day then the very next day feel irritated for no reason,or not even wanting to drink but kind of pissed off that I can't it's so weird but normal I guess,wishing you all a great AF day

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning!

I didn’t go to the event. Famous-schmamous. Decided I needed to be with my family, and I was right. Husband is needing a boost - feeling bad about his job right now. And the kids seem to sense when I have the wherewithal (did I invent that word?) to be attentive because when I walked in, they all ran to me and started speaking at once! How lucky am I to be needed?

I get to work from home today, which means that I can work at a slower pace. I am still feeling really tired from this cold junk.

Thank you for the link PAV. I will check that out today.

LC, thanks for your thoughts. I must say that as a non-drinker, you seem wise, self-assured and grown up - in all the good ways! It has been a pleasure watching your transformation. Thank you for sharing and giving such thoughtful advice.

Last thought: I can’t express enough how freeing and relieving it is for me to prioritize two goals - not drinking and taking care of me. As long as I do those two things, I feel successful, and all the other stuff falls into place (or falls off the map because it wasn’t important enough to begin with).

Sending good thoughts out to all.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

PAV, your link NAILS it. Such validation for how I'm feeling right now. I love when she talks about "actual self care" being about "making choices for your long-term wellness" - be it hard or easy, glamorous or ugly. It's asking what we need and providing it to ourselves, because we are the only ones who can truly hear ourselves and provide it. And I like the focus on the whole and long term vs. immediate gratification and indulgence. (though sometimes a piece of chocolate and a nap are just what the Dr. ordered).

Thank you for sharing - printed and put in my folder

[Inthesky]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning all,
I totally agree about self care, still trying to figure out most days what it is that I actually need. I have started a self reflection journal about my day to help me with this. (I learned it in nursing school) At the end of the day I write up feeling/ actions of my day that impacted me. Sometimes it’s just how angry I become when a car cut me off or was driving too slow and my reaction, it’s also can be bringing a friend a Thank you card or going out for coffee. Good and Bad! Then I look at how I could of handled the situation/my feelings better or differently. Like yelling at a car instead of just breathing and putting on music....over sharing at coffee with friend why didn’t I listen and talk more about them. You guys get the point right..it has helped me a lot to be more aware of how my actions affect people around me.
Last night we had a discussion with my step daughter it didn’t go so well she walked out. The situation was handled with tact and understanding on our part this time only because there was no AL involved. I just need to remove myself from her for quite awhile because she is toxic to me and my self care to stay on the path I’m on. (She knows my buttons to push) I am the evil step mom after all!
With that I’m going to jump on my broom and head out to our morning appointment. Lol
Have a wonderful day guys

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

“Nothing is improved by alcohol.” Going to keep reminding myself of that when I have my pity parties, Byrdie. I keep asking myself what the hell the point of a glass of wine is when I go back to my ‘I can have one’ thinking. Why? What in the world does that one glass give you besides the drive for more?

Kensho, good for your for doing some self-care. I think I was trying to use alcohol as my self care and that is exactly the opposite of what it was actually doing. So glad you are feeling successful, what a wonderful way to start every day.

Pauly - so glad that I’m not the only one. Whew, sometimes I feel like it’s just hour by hour!

Sky, I’m sorry you are dealing with that situation with your step daughter. But good for you for realizing the toxic behavior and removing yourself. That whole self-care thing, right?

Today I am working on communication. Last night when I got home I felt attacked by my husband regarding how I load the dishwasher. (Yeah, of all things.) When I feel attacked i immediately shut down and go into, “I can’t do anything right” mode. I then start questioning every decision. My daughter asked for cheese. So I stand at the fridge for 10 minutes deciding WHICH cheese to give her, because I don’t want to make the wrong decision. Then I agonize until midnight about loading the dishwasher while my husband sleeps peacefully and literally never thinks another thought about it. In reality I need to communicate immediately that my husband hurt my feelings (he can be abrasive in his comments sometimes and he doesn’t realize it.) And we need to talk through it, instead of me internalizing it. I get stuck in this stupid internal competition with him. He does nothing wrong, whereas I am constantly doing things wrong. In fact, I can hardly name a thing that I get right. But I’m a person that needs validation (as much as I hate it) and he just didn’t grow up in a household that valued saying “thank you” or telling someone they did a good job or appreciated something, so I know he doesn’t get it. Since I can’t control anyone else, I need to control how I handle the situation.

And again, on a lighter note, I got my queso, but not until today. I ate and ate and ate and ate at lunch until I thought I would explode. Eating feels so good again, I don’t want to stop!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone,
Moon- communication is the key. Talk to your husband. I know it sounds cliche but if you don't let him know he will keep doing the same thing over and over. I know this from experience. I am the same as you where I need some validation for what I do and a 'thank you' goes a long way.
Pav, that was a great link you shared. Thank for that. Funny, I have a salt bath almost every night in the winter, it is one of the most enjoyable parts of my day. It feels even better these days since I am not drinking.

Tomorrow we have a staff party and are going to a brewery and then a beer house. I am not worried though. There will be non alcoholic beverages there, I may have some of their home brewed Root Beer, yum! Going to a party and not drinking is SO normal for me now, its amazing. I used to obsess for days before a party on how I was going to moderate and I had all these strategies on how to implement a moderate drinking plan. It rarely worked and I would end up blacking out at the end of the night, full of remorse and guilt the next day plus I would be SO hungover. I am grateful that those days are gone.

Thank you everyone for helping me to stay sober and accountable- and have the life I want.

xo

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Is it just me or is this week flying by? Geez!!!

Narilly, I am also grateful for this sober life. Keeping my quit has not been a big problem simply because I enjoy feeling so much better. What a concept, huh?

Pauly, habitual drinking is a real thing & a bad habit. The good news is bad habits can be turned into new healthier habits. Reaching for a drink when we feel sad is a learned habit - we can unlearn that!

Moonking, enjoy your food, you deserve to after all this time

Inthesky, sounds like you made an honest effort with your step daughter. What more can you do? Hopefully she will come to her senses & maybe mature a little & realize her expectations were out of line.

Yes, my chicken made an appearance early this morning. Left an egg for us, gobbled up some feed I had left out for her, took a big drink of water then wandered off again, ha ha! She looks fine, I hand fed her a graham cracker, don't know what else to do for the confused girl.
Wishing everyone a a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Moon, when I was about two weeks in, I was having a heck of a time getting my arms around ‘NEVER’. My quit-mate at the time, made an offhand comment, and by golly, it got me on the right path. That weekend, she and her sisters were going shopping and they always stopped off afterwards for a glass of wine. She opted not to go with them this time, she said “Besides, what’s ONE glass of wine going to do for me anyway?” Thats exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time. I had bullshitted myself all I could, reality was now at hand. One glass isnt enough, not then, not now. I am an alcoholic and unless I absolutely STOP drinking, I will be fighting this the rest of my life. That is a ‘NEVER’ I cannot live with. No thanks. That short term gratification is not worth all that long lasting misery.
Celebrating 2500 AF days today. Hallaloooya! THANK YOU, NESTERS! I wouldnt be here without you! Byrdie

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=11704]Byrdlady[/MENTION] Love that quote "Besides, what's ONE glass of wine going to do for me anyway?" After the second or third one, I actually stopped tasting the wine, might've been drinking vinegar for all I know. :eek-new:

[abcowboy]

WOW! 2500 days AF Birdie!! A huge congrats to the lady who gives her heart and soul to the members of MWO!