Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC, your honesty, open heart, and commitment seem different to me this time, too :hug:. Please don't drift away.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, nesters.
AL is a touchy subject, alright. Only another ALkie really gets it. Well, I will amend that, only another ALkie in recovery gets it. There are plenty of others out there that want us to join in with them, that takes the pressure off them. I was one of those people, if I got others to join in and drink WITH me, it justified my own drinking and I didnt feel like I had such a problem, after all, everyone else was drinking (forget the fact that I was sneaking MORE in the bathroom, plus I was preloaded in order to ‘loosen’ up). I am sober today because it is the right thing for me. My life depends on it. LC, like you say, it is still my #1 priority. Without my quit, everything else falls apart. I am an alcoholic and the only way to live with that is to stop drinking and dont look back. There ARE times when I wish I could join in or even pitch a good drunk, but I push those thoughts out, just like Lav taught me. Entertaining those thoughts AT ALL gets me nowhere so I move on. Thats a strategy that works for me. I change what I can and accept the things I cant....I cant change my relationship with AL (God knows I tried). The funny part is, I am 1000 times happier! Who would have thought? Slam that door. AL sucks. Period. Do whatever it takes to get thru this day.
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you Byrdie.....I really needed this kind of post today. Some days are easier than others.....not today.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Happy Sunday.

Kensho - I'm so sorry you don't have the full support of your husband. That adds another layer of challenge for you. I'm glad you posted here, and I'm glad you made it through the night. I am wondering if you have ever considered couples counseling? Or just sitting him down and explaining things to him. Maybe if he can't buy the concept of forever, he'd support you in a 100 day cleanse ("for now") at least so you wouldn't have to deal with him AND your own stuff.

LC - seeing a counselor/therapist was one of the best things I did for myself. It sounds like you have a good, open friendship. I hope you can work things out.

G - the swing shift is no joke. Take extra good care of yourself during this time.

Jude - Hope your day tomorrow is better - take good care of yourself. Sleep, eat, be nice to you...

More family in town this weekend which means not enough down time for Pav. I will be ok.

Pav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yo Pavi Jude and all,

I will take good care of me Pav, thanks. Sadhana done here this morning = a little self care/me time to kick off my day. Sadhana means 'daily practice'. My daily practice is simple so i can handle the thought of it and hence less BS barriers i put up to avoid it. Sadhana for me is - 6 minutes breathing (meditation starter pack!) then my world famous patented, copyrighted, but of course FREE speed yoga - minimum once through the 10/11 move 'Sun salutations' yoga set. Easy! All done in under 10 minutes. This is my baseline practice every morning, first thing. Sometimes i'll do a longer meditation, or go through the yoga set a couple of times. My purpose with such a short flaky sounding routine is.......'turn up for yourself every morning G man and just do it no matter how you're feeling' (before i even get a chance to get negative! lol). It is the daily turning up for myself that i know is where the gold is, less so any perfect yoga poses etc. there is no right or wrong way. Just turn up, that's ALL that is required. I'm tipping 5000 years of Yogi's and Buddhists saying this works to heal you can't be wrong!

Hang in there Jude. How are you doing?

Kensho, how are you?

Shout out to 2 old friends, Jvo and Lost soul. :happy2:

Monday morning and a brand new week ahead. Go git it.

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

Doing a little better this afternoon....thanks for asking about me Pav and G. It's enlightening to read the posts and advice here. It helps to read about other people's problems, and gives me a reason to get off the pity pot. G... Your posts are always upbeat, and I thank you for that. Thinking about getting back into yoga, but it's been a few years, and I'm not sure that all the parts will bend in the right direction anymore! Pav...hang in there with the family, and take a few minutes for yourself!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Kensho, it is your choice to drink or not so make it your priority and your choice. You will never regret it

LC you sound so positive and as NS says, it is as if something has changed in you, like accepting you cant drink and acceptance is a must with us alkies. In some aspects we are not very bright, drinking being the major one.

Well i am loving life atm, got rear ended yesterday as it was pouring rain, then parked at a park with a coffee to gather myself and the car would not start, waited 2 hours for the road assist and got started and this morning car wont start again. FFS i am thinking but luckily the SO has his mums car so i am going to take that though the only problem is is that her car is flat also. Sigh. Starter motor in mine and hoping battery in his mums. i will get to work but thank god i can now do my own hours so i am not anxious about that aspect. No xmas presents this year for anyone but thats okay with me.

Well best go and wait for the road assist to arrive.

Take care x

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Glad to hear you're feeling better Jude. Plenty of simple yoga stuff free on you tube.

Ava, a couple of squirts of WD40 under the distributor cap and in the ends of spark plug leads can help in this moist weather, depending on the car. But i don't suppose you carry that in your handbag..... A new battery is often the solution. Hopefully all this rain is easing. Good luck out there!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Since you don't drink, Kensho, there's no point thinking about taking shots or what your husband does or doesn't like about your choice. Quit giving your headspace and time to something you don't want, that diminishes your life, and that is actually toxic. What would you say to your child in this situation?

NS, I would say it doesn’t matter what your significant other says - do what’s best for you. And I would say, if he/she is not supportive of this, they may not be the person you should be married to. (That sucks)

Jude58 - sorry you’r having a hard day. I don’t know you but I’m sending you hugs!

PAV - we tried counseling and it wasn’t a helpful situation. We seem to do better when we just open our own lines of communication. I am dreading the conversation so much that I don’t initiate it. If I try to tell him why I don’t want to drink, he tries to talk me out of it, minimizing my self-proclaimed problem. He says I’m making more of it than it really is. This is partly because he never saw the worst of it (I mostly drank alone at night), AND because it makes him question his own drinking. I've given him the gritty details before, but he doesn’t want to hear it, really. If I could just drink one drink every 2 weeks, it would all be good.

I think if I just abstain for a bit and get stronger I will be able to make solid boundaries. I don’t know that I will ever have his full support. And he can be quite manipulative if I let him. Me not drinking is opening a big box of “I have to really get my shit together to deal with his response”. When I quit before and had really great boundaries with him, he ended up choosing me over diminishing my problem - but when I went back to drinking it all went out the window. Have to start over.

Kiwi, thanks for sharing your situation. That was courageous of you. You sound really strong. It’s good to hear that people can get through this.

When I started drinking again last spring, it was partly because I had lots of stress with work and wanted an easy way to relax and escape. Mostly though, it was because I felt a rift between my husband and me. The minute I had a drink on a night out, we were on the same page. I’m not talking sloshed here - just participating in the activities and having a drink. But then it became 2-3, and it became my immediate go to to deal with ANYTHING, including a tequila shot at 4pm every day. Many of those days I wouldn’t have any more throughout the evening, and I justified it by saying, it’s only 1 drink. But who drinks a tequila shot at 4pm? If I saw him doing that, I would say he has a problem. Not because of the quantity, but because of the need and the time and the secrecy. It becomes a secret thing I use to deal with life, instead of talking with him and doing yoga and taking baths and taking days off and sleeping enough and eating well. THAT’S the problem. It sucks. And people don’t understand the problem because they don’t see the evidence. In some ways it would be easier to quit if I had a history of destructive, drunken behavior in public. No one has ever, not once ever, expressed concern about my drinking. Not once. Because I hid it. I don’t wish I had destructive drunken behavior, but it presents a different issue when quitting.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. This is why I have dreaded quitting again. Now I have to deal with this huge f***ing elephant in the room with him and its going to take a special desire to go through pain to get to the other side of it.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

G i have so much crap in my handbag but sadly WD40 is not one of those items. it is the starter motor dammit. i did call work and the dr wants me to get checked out. she says being rammed at a standstill at 40k's could be detrimental so off to the drs i go. God back in the day i would have thought yeah i can start drinking early! Thanks for your sage advice, cars are so not my strong point!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

When I quit before and had really great boundaries with him, he ended up choosing me over diminishing my problem - but when I went back to drinking it all went out the window. Have to start over.

Looks like some hope here Kensho? I believe most if not all of us drink and/or drug to survive life. It's just that the side effects of doing this as a crutch catches up with us and begins to cause damage.

Ava. I forgot about your car accident! Yes, get checked out. You are far more important than any car or work schedule.

I dunno why women don't carry a can of WD40 in their handbags when they seem to have plenty of room........

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We brought the tree in today & have it all decorated already. I am sure this is the earliest tree trimming since we began in 1973. I don't know what the rush was all about but at least it's done, ha ha!!
No chicken stories, they are all behaving & acting like 'normal' chickens once again

Ava, sorry about the accident & the car problems, geez! I hope you are OK & you get your car back on the road soon. Take care!

Kensho, I stayed stuck in a wine haze primarily because of my husband. He was never a happy person & still isn't really.
I had to finally decide to do what I knew I need to do regardless of how he was going to react or behave. You really can't keep putting off your own health & happiness because of someone else's attitude, right? In my case the sh*t hit the fan & we ended up living apart for 4 years. I survived & grew even stronger in my quit. He used that time to get some therapy & figure out why he felt compelled to destroy every little bit of happiness that I found. Sounds like a TV movie plot, but it all worked out. Relationships change over the years & that's not always a bad thing. Do the best thing for you!!!!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Marylou123]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
Checking in on this incredibly beautiful, Super moon night. It’s been a few days since I’ve read new posts and wow, lots gong on. I don’t have time to all now but here’s a bit:

Kensho- sometimes I think the people that love us most have a hard time accepting our reality. Just today I was with mom and told her I was going to a holiday party Saturday night. She wanted to know whose party - I told her a lady I know from AA. (I started going to a woman’s Saturday morning group a couple of months ago.) Mom says, “What’s AA?” (I kid you not!) “Alcoholics Anonymous,” I reply. “You’re not an alcoholic,” she says/shouts. “Yes I am,” I said with a you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me tone. Then mom says, “You don’t even drink!” A big sigh, a recognition of my own gratitude for my sobriety, and the rather sad realization that at 94 she probably won’t even remember the conversation that long helped the moment pass. My advice: don’t give up on the hubs yet. We all change as each of us change. Last Saturday was our 25th anniversary - it was fabulous (three years ago we were 8 days from the divorce being final.)

LC — I think it’s different for you this time too. You’re a wonderfully insightful, and inspiring, woman. My circle of friends has changed quite a bit since I don’t drink anymore. (Moving 1200 miles away helped too.) I’m hosting a Christmas party this year and am really excited about it. My husband is in charge of alcohol but he barley drinks - neither do most of our friends - so maybe just egg nog, plain or poisoned. Plus yummy na beverages, heavy appetizers and a White Elephant gift exchange - which I normally don’t like but I’m even looking forward to that! Clarity seems to make stuff I used to think was boring and/or stupid, fun.

My SD had a beautiful 9lb baby girl yesterday (C-sec). Thanks to sobriety, that relationship has healed too! Can’t wait to meet the little bundle. I knitted two beanies and a pair of booties. They’re a far cry better than then giant pot holder I made when I first came here. :-)

Pav & Ava — congratulations again. I’m breathing down your necks and there’s nowhere I’d rather be. Except maybe in a broken-down car with Ava! You’re awesome girl.

Hugs to all I haven’t mentioned by name. And if you’re reading this, but haven’t joined us yet, please come on in. Life is soooo much better sober.

~ML

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava - I'm so sorry to hear about your car accident. Of course that hits all too close to home for me, but beyond all of that - I'm very glad to hear you're ok, AND, are you sure you're ok? Sometimes injuries from being rear-ended don't show up for a few days. Be especially mindful of any neck pain or headaches. It sounds like your car is still drive-able (from the accident anyway), but then having problems with the starter was probably the last thing you needed. Sigh... Really glad the whole day wasn't worse, but it sounds like it was bad enough. :hug: Yay for at least having a better work situation than previously!

Kensho - I wish I had some sort of magic suggestion to help with your situation with your husband, but of course none of us does. I can see how he might truly not understand how bad things were if you hid most of that from him. But if he had respect for you quit before, it can happen again. I hope you are able to find a way to talk with him, both so that he can more fully understand why you need to quit, and also so that the two of you can find new ways to be together that don't involve drinking.

Jude - sorry I missed your earlier posts, but I'm glad to hear your feeling better. Yes, some days are definitely harder than others. Good job coming here instead of turning to al or some other negative coping method.

Marylou - Congrats on your SD's baby!!! And on your knitting

G - hope the rest of your shift schedule goes smoothly and then you get to relax a bit. Great job sticking with your morning meditation and speed yoga!

Hellos and waves to everyone else passing through the nest today/tonight. So glad you're all here!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy grey, cold and rainy Monday Morning Nesters!

Ava, oh my goodness, what a huge pain with all the car stuff. I would also have no idea and no Wd40 (where the heck do you carry it, G-man?) Thank goodness someone sensible told you to go to the doctor after being rear-ended.. I hope your body is still feeling ok today. What a relief with the new job, dear Ava! I joked awhile ago that I would miss stories about the village idiot.. but I definitely don't and won't. Good riddance.

Kensho, I really feel for you.. We all have somewhat similar experiences, but of course each is individual as well. You won't really know what happens with the relationship with your Husband until you live it and the unknown is scary. And the fact that he isn't supporting you now, when you really need it, is disheartening. But what it comes down to, is that YOU know what alcohol does to you even if no one else does.. and once we know this, deep in our hearts, there's no going back. It's just a matter of time until we've had enough.. At this point you've got do it for yourself, be completely selfish because even if no one else "saw" it, you know.. and in the end you'll be better for yourself, living your truth. :hug:

Marylou, great post.. It's good to read about your experiences with your Mom and your Husband, your friends. Congratulations on the birth of your SD's baby! I had to laugh at the knitting comparison.. mostly 'cause I would love it if someone would knit me some pot holders! I guess I could learn and make some for myself.. What are you giving as a white elephant gift? I've only been part of such an exchange once and it was so much fun.. silly, but fun.

So, I am very happy and a bit tearful with joy to say that today is 30 days for me! I know that 30 days is the beginning of the beginning, but that's exactly why I'm so happy and relieved.. to finally be here. It doesn't seem like a struggle anymore or a count down to something.. These past 29 days have been slow-going in the sense that I feel like I have experienced every minute. It's the first time I can remember living so conscientiously, really paying attention to HOW I'm living. Before, it seemed like I was trying to reach a goal and that at that point something might be easier or better recognized/accepted. Now I feel like each and every day is a building block and if I concentrate on doing the "work" in this way, the result I have on the milestone days will be what I've put into it. And today I really feel like celebrating the beginning of clarity and a better life.. With all of you! Thank you for not giving up on me! And for being so endlessly supportive!