Newbies Nest

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congrats on 100 days, Londoner! Welcome to the 100 club!

Quit - I know that's one thing that has stopped me from fully accepting my quit, the vacations. My husband and I are planning a trip back to France in the next 5 years and not drinking wine in France? Wah, wah, wah, poor me is what goes through my head. Hoping I'll be there mentally eventually.

Nothing much to report, besides the fact its cold and dark here and another cold has hit our family. I'm trying to force myself to log in here and post every day I can, regardless of how I feel. It really does give me renewed energy that I can in fact do this. It helps me question the nagging neural pathways that are still adamant I can somehow "get it under control." You'd think almost 15 years of binge drinking would prove that I absolutely cannot. Whatever, brain.

Weekends are harder for me to check in as the forum looks wonky on my phone and sometimes I don't have access to my computer. We're getting a tree this weekend (finally!) and I am finishing up what I can on my bathroom project. My goal is to have my winter to-do list done by Jan 1. Since I only have 3 items left on it, I think it will be do-able! Inevitably I'll find something new to want to do. Toying with the idea of creating some shelving in a linen closet we have...but haven't fully committed to it!

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Londoner,congratulations on 100 days I really hope you continue to build on it instead of drinking during the holidays,its very easy to say"I've hit 100 before I can do it again" its not that easy,I've hit over 100 days a few times,gave in and drank now its been extremely hard to string even 40 days together again just don't take them for granted please Moon,I had the same experience on Zoloft,could NOT stop using the bathroom,the girls even used to tease me at work! Plus even tho I was constantly on the toilet I STILL gained 50 lbs in 3 months,you hafta decide what's best for you though and certainly nobody will judge you on your choice waves to the rest of your lovely nesters,ugh kinda ready for Christmas to be over(but then I'll be sad its over weirdo!) Wishes for a positive,productive day for all!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, all:

Thanks for the pep talk, Byrdie. Here's to balance in 2018. Thanks everyone else for your support. G, I like your idea. I'm trying but there are so many issues with her...

Londoner - CLOSE THAT DOOR! Take the antabuse! Take up coffee again! Treat yourself to something else. Don't drink no matter what! I know I was surprised when quitting alcohol didn't make life all rainbows and unicorns all the time. Feeling fully healed from drinking has taken time, and there still are dark, down periods in my life. But alcohol isn't the answer. If you are even suggesting that you "might" drink, that possibility will wear down your resistance. Set yourself up for success. And CONGRATULATIONS! 100 days is a major accomplishment. The "holidays" are just days. We're here for you.

Moon - your to-do list exhausts me just reading it. Maybe you can come for a visit and take care of some stuff around here? PPD is no joke. I'm sorry you went through it. My sister had it very bad for her first baby (wouldn't actually hold her baby for a few days and was almost hospitalized) and she found some balance with the second using Paxil I think. It was a very scary time. Take care of yourself...

Today promises to be a tough one. Two of our key staff are out, so I'll be working double time. I really am looking forward to it being over...

Happy Friday, Nest. No Boozeville tickets here...

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava - Sorry to hear you're still feeling the effects of your accident. Glad your car is at least still drive-able and the young man who it you is cooperating, but the headaches etc are not fun! Have you been referred for any physiotherapy of any kind? I found that PT made all the difference for me, although I wish they would have approved 3-4 more visits. Sending you gentle hugs :hug:

LC - I'm glad you'll be online with us over the holidays as well!

Londoner - first, congrats again on reaching 100 days. In my experience, and from what I've seen of many others going through the days from approx 80-100, those few weeks (and the ones right after day 100) are challenging. Not sure if it's psychological, or if there is some pattern to the healing that is taking place in our brains that makes this time a bit tougher for most people. Regardless, you've taken on a LOT of things to quit and done an exceptional job at that. Big kudos all the way around! Having said that, your al quit is the most important one to protect. Your al brain is already trying to find a crack in your resolve and it will wiggle its way in wherever it thinks it can get some leverage. If you're already picturing yourself drinking over the holidays, that means your al brain has a toehold. The good news is you have AB right at hand, and you can make a decision right now (well, this weekend) that will allow your more rational brain to rule the day over the holidays. Why not just take it and then remove that mental game from your plate? The "fun" your brain is trying to show you that centers around drinking with others over the holidays is a ruse. It isn't authentic. Don't fall for these lies my friend. Stay strong thru the next few weeks and you'll emerge into the new year with almost 4 months under your belt!

Moon - sorry to hear about your struggles with PPD. I've never experienced it, but it sounds debilitating. My only thoughts on anti-depressants is that it's a very individual decision to be made by each person and his/her doctor - hopefully a dr who isn't a "pill pusher" but who actually considers all options. My personal experience from the one period of time they tried ADs for me was horrific. I think we tried about 6 different ones, all had bad side effects that were FAR worse than any depression I might have been experiencing. I actually became suicidal, which scared the sh*t out of me, and then the withdrawal was hell. So for me personally, they are a really bad idea that I would never try again. But I also know people for whom they are either benign or very effective. Go with your own self-knowledge on this and engage the input of a Dr who knows you well.

Pav - good luck today! Hope it all goes smoothly.


Happy Friday to all. No tickets to boozeville here!!!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning all! Running out the door, but I wanted to say that at 8 months sober, I thought to myself... I can drink if I want - I have this so under control that I can quit again any time.

Fast forward 7 months, day 3. ?!? Right Polly, it's not that easy. If you are quit, stay that way!! The holidays are not worth ruining it.

Happy Friday everyone!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

If you know you're going to have to quit again (and I'm pretty sure that is true for anyone who has made it to an online stop-drinking forum), why risk repeating those miserable first days, weeks, and in some cases, months? After quitting at least once, you know full well the hell that awaits you. And if the stories people have shared are true, and I'm most certain they are, it gets harder to do each subsequent time. Anyone who hasn't been drinking for a few weeks is in his or her "right mind". That addicted part of the brain may still be squawking now and then but it is no longer in control. Drinking at this point is not a desperate act that feels necessary to survive, it is a rational choice that is ours to make based on past experience, future goals, and logic. Maybe anyone trying to make that important decision could write out the argument in favor here and get some feedback. It's very possible that taking the time to organize your thoughts and type them out (a job done by your rational brain) will be all that's needed.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ok NS. My reasons to drink (if i were to think this way, based on past thinking patterns) -

- I will get a strong feeling of 'release' and relaxation for about an hour or 2.
- I will listen to and enjoy some old feel good songs and enjoy it.
- i will be in my own fun little dreamworld for a couple of hours.
- I will be able to shut out reality for a couple of hours.

Exercise - what is not quite right with the above thinking?

Out the door to work now. back later. Take it easy nesters.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

I am having that nagging voice, and its saying "you have really worked hard this week and you are now able to take a breather and a breath and let your hair down, (so get a drink)." It's funny because there's no reason I can't do all of those things without a drink. I won't because I don't drink. But there's the voice. Simply a bad idea NS.

Hope everyone has a relaxing night.

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

KENSHO....I hate those nagging thoughts as well, sometimes they can last for days. A friend of mine was pouring a glass of wine for himself tonight and damn, it did look good. I wouldn't have taken much for me to have a glass as well, but as was mentioned in previous posts, it's just not worth having to quit again. It is soooo much harder each time that we attempt it. Been there and done that. Push those thoughts out of your head, it's just the monster talking and he'll go away eventually.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hang in, eva’body. Those are just thoughts!
These days, I look forward to my evening bubble baths os setting aside some time to do exactly what I enjoy (baking). Or planning an indulgance like some ice cream or a bakery cupcake. Funny that, after I eat those things, I have GSR! But not nearly like I would if I were drinking.
There are always going to be some rough edges to navigte but we can do it! PUSH FORWARD! Hugs to all, TGIF!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters from frozen-land,

Plus a fresh 2 1/2 " of snow that I didn't need or order, ha ha!!

Kensho, don't listen to the voice in your head, it's pure BS & we all know it for sure
I used to go right into gratitude mode when those thoughts popped up & it worked. Run a list of things you are grateful for since your quit & chase the thoughts away

LC, I hope you have arrived at your destination safely!

Greetings to all & wishes for a safe night in the nest for everyone!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!!

I am soooo happy that I brought my laptop and can check in with all of you!:heartbeat: This Nest has become a place of habit, every morning and every evening and afternoons if necessary.. and (along with my daily gratitude book) I have already been able to fall back on it for support. Thank you ALL!
I'm very fortunate to have supportive family.. I'm also from a split up home and we spend half the time with my Mom and half with my Dad.. My Sister is next door to my Mom and there's no drinking there anyway (my Mom hasn't had a drink in 20+ years) and they know my whole story.. I'm at my Dad's now and for some reason I haven't opened up completely to him. Last night we were cooking dinner and my Stepmom asked if I wanted a glass of wine.. I said, No, I'm good.. she asked, if you were having one, would it be white or red? I said, actually I'm not drinking anymore. I decided a few weeks ago to quit.. and she said, aren't you feeling so much better? YES!!! I am. I realised that they don't care at all.. my Dad was already drinking brandy when we got home from shopping around 530.. he didn't offer me anything. He's only concerned about having enough for himself. He isn't in good health and continues to drink even though quitting and losing weight would greatly improve his quality of life.. Both of them had god awful, really disgusting wine breath by 7. They are showing me exactly who I don't want to be.

Lav, I'm keeping my list of gratitude going strong! We're in AZ and have all our usual hikes, shopping, food things planned.. no room for drinking, and especially not for being hung over or having the GSR'S! ps I think you did see us flying over!

Pav :hug:.. I agree with what Kensho said! I am so grateful for you all, the people responsible for giving our kids a good education in school. For those people who really care. It's so important for all of us to have balance with life and work...of course we need rest and time to take care of ourselves if we want to give our best at work! I hope you will find a way to get the support to do that. Have a wonderful few days off..

Kensho, how are you? I found it (and still do!) so annoying to have thoughts of drinking and urges come to me when I was/am! so certain that I don't want to drink anymore! It still happens that I can be feeling great, confident, having just written down why my life is so much f****** better sober.. and then out of nowhere, bam!.. but I am remembering now that they are just thoughts! We absolutely don't have to act on them.. and (as was so often said in posts the past couple days) if we take drinking completely off the table in our minds, the urges usually disappear quite quickly.. it's when WE give the thoughts any sort of leverage that they continue to bother us.

Londoner, Congrats on 100 days! Great work.. Pop that Antabuse! As the others have said, and as you know from past experience, it SUCKS to start over. I'm right there with Pauly, as proof that it gets more difficult each time. And as Byrdie said, There isn't anyone here who was happy that they decided to drink again. Not one person. It's all about regrets.

Ok, Lovelies.. I have a time limit and it's up!:happy2:
I want to reach out and give all of you a huge Hug.. and wishes for a nice weekend.
See you this evening.. xx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Simply a bad idea

Yep, and no point paying attention to it. Of course, it is accompanied by uncomfortable feelings of want or deprivation but many thoughts we have cause us to feel things that we may not want to feel. The apparent physical reaction doesn't make the bad idea any more real (or less bad). And the less attention we give it, the less of a physical response we have. I think that's why the super-quick "But I don't drink" works for me. It cuts off the thought before the accompanying feelings have a chance to take hold.

Ok NS. My reasons to drink (if i were to think this way, based on past thinking patterns) -

- I will get a strong feeling of 'release' and relaxation for about an hour or 2.
- I will listen to and enjoy some old feel good songs and enjoy it.
- i will be in my own fun little dreamworld for a couple of hours.
- I will be able to shut out reality for a couple of hours.

Exercise - what is not quite right with the above thinking?

I'll give it a try, G :smile::

- I will get a strong feeling of 'release' and relaxation for about an hour or 2
... which will be followed by hours (or days) of mindless drinking with feelings of remorse and regret instead of release and relaxation. Followed by having to quit again. Logical mind does the math and decides not to go there.
- I will listen to and enjoy some old feel good songs and enjoy it
... Logical mind knows that it is listening to the songs in a relaxed state that increases your enjoyment of it. While booze is admittedly the fast track to that state, there are other, healthier ways to get there.
- i will be in my own fun little dreamworld for a couple of hours
...2 hours just isn't worth the cost. Plus, will you gain even a couple hours? At this point, my logical mind tells me I will be feeling worried and guilty the moment I start drinking. I'm not convinced anything about it will be fun.
- I will be able to shut out reality for a couple of hours.,
...Your reality is yours and yours alone, created by what you are thinking about. Booze can shut down our conscious thoughts, effectively shutting out reality. Or, you can let go of the negative thoughts that make reality tough to bear - and that can be for life, not for a couple hours.

I'm so glad this is how you used to think, Mr G, but not anymore :hug:!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

GREAT job with G-man's exercise NS!

Yep, I'd go along with all of what you wrote. My main reaction when I read the reasons was:

a) the list of reasons not to drink is much longer
b) not really reasons at all, but illusions and propaganda pitched by an al brain trying to gain a foothold
c) the music can certainly be enjoyed without the al, and in fact, that is where the true enjoyment will come from
d) the overwhelming relief and gratitude that will be felt deeply the next morning when I realize I did NOT drink far outweighs any illusions my al brain so desperately wants me to believe.

I picture al as a shady salesman standing in a dark alley, calling out to me as I pass by on the adjacent street. "Pssst... hey, you wanna buy a watch?" al asks, opening the sides of his trenchcoat of course and trying to lure me in with all sorts of bright and shiny things that appear to be gold but are in fact nothing but tarnished goods and cheap imitations.

Sorry al, but I'm not falling for your ruses!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Right around this time three years ago, while I was still drinking heavily, I went out for an evening paddle with my outrigger canoe team. It was a big holiday event with dozens of paddlers in several boats - paddling out under the moonlight to see all of the local boats and ships that traditionally decorate themselves with christmas lights. I was drinking so badly at that time of my life that I would start to feel withdrawal if I went more than 10-12 hour without a drink - I literally had to drink every few hours to keep the hand trembles and "jumping out of my skin" feeling at bay.

I knew the evening paddle event would take a few hours, plus the time to drive there and back. I can remember having to calculate how to time my drinks so that I wasn't driving impaired and yet also wouldn't get thrown into withdrawal while on the water.

I'm so grateful to be in such a different place now, 3 years later. I think if I hadn't stopped drinking, I might well be dead.

I'm also grateful for memories like these - very powerful and frightening memories that keep me glued to my quit. I need to keep the very real danger of al at the forefront of my mind. Not that I think about it every day, but just that I do not let time soften the edges of some very difficult memories. I mentally attach these dark times as mandatory costs I'll inevitably have to pay again should I ever be tempted by "just one" drink. No thank you. I will choose life and living, even when it's hard or uncomfortable it doesn't come close to the bottom of the pit I've managed to climb out of.

Thank you nest. I could have done this without you, but I'm sure glad I didn't have to!