Newbies Nest

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

QW,
The excursions are supposedly really fun and so many cool sights to see. You'll have a great time, and I'm sure it'll be such a treat being in warm temps at this time of the year. Thanks for all of this recommendations. We aren't able to do that now, but if I keep on this sober road, or should I say since I'll be sober, we can plan these adventures because I'll be healthy enough to enjoy them. At the rate I was going, I don't think my liver or other organs would have made it for too much longer. I've been to Canada about 9 times in my younger years. My grandparents would take us to niagra falls and we loved it. Never made it further, but I'm sure it's a beautiful country. I'd also love to take a Toronto trip.

We also stayed about an hour south of the airport. I can't remember the name but it was three connected resorts. Beautiful, but the time we went was too hot. This is a perfect time to go!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
Great posts going on here, as usual.. I've been reading them in spurts and can't remember everyone/everything I wanted to respond to.
But filling the emptiness is why I drank, too. Just like you said, J-vo, to numb the pain. And then to celebrate, to clean the house, to cook, to wake myself up, to fall asleep at night, to get through discomfort, to deal with work, in anticipation of a dinner party, etc, etc..

Acceptance is so necessary and can be so difficult. Fot me, it's been so difficult to reverse a lifetime of putting myself down.. Seeing myself in a negative light while trying to be who I thought I should be or thought I wanted to be. Now I'm trying to work on taking care of myself as I do my daughters.. speaking to myself as I would to them..Positively, encouraging, lovingly, empathetically.. It's still going up and down and I expect it will for some time.. some days are great others are very unsure.
Coming here, checking in with all of you each day, is becoming/has become a strong part of my plan. A bit like group therapy.. it does help me so much to get things off my chest. And to know you understand.

We're heading off today to fly home. This is always a stressful day as we all feel so sad but are trying to enjoy our last moments together.. I will NOT drink on the flight home.. it's what I have always done. To forget for a while, to make it easier to sleep a bit. Not this time. I am looking forward to getting in Friday evening and being free of the GSR brothers! Of having an Un-hung weekend and time to properly check in and respond to all of you lovely Nesters.. then to attend my Sunday meditation group. I am a strong and healthy woman with a lot to give BUT I can only be the person I want to be if I take care of myself.

Big hugs, strength and love to all of you.

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Sounds like the educational system seems to be about the same across this country, which I suppose is comforting in a way - that we’re not alone.

You’re all talking about vacations and it’s making me antsy! I feel like I’ve spent the last 5 years building up my PTO so I don’t have to take maternity leave unpaid that I’ve skimped on vacations…I can’t wait to build up that time to actually enjoy. I’d love to hit up Australia sometime as well, but I think it will have to be at a time when kids are older and can either go with us or stay with grandma for an extended period of time. Our goal is eventually get back to Paris. Our first agreement was to go on our 5 year anniversary, but with a 1 year old at the time that just wasn’t possible. Now we’re thinking 10…but we’ll have a 3 year old and I don’t know that I can leave for that long or be that far away, so it might have to be 15. That’s OK, because thinking of Paris and NOT drinking wine at this point in my quit makes me very sad. We drank all day over there, but were never wasted or hungover…it was always just the “perfect” amount. But 15 year anniversary (if I can keep my quit) would put me at roughly 9 years sober…anyway, I’m rambling. Eventually we’ll get to Canada as well. Niagara Falls especially! Can’t wait to travel the country in the camper.

Right now my biggest travel plan is Atlanta, Georgia coming up in a few weeks. Any good food suggestions? I’ve never been on a business trip sober. I was the one drinking beer in the airport at 9am, having a few on the plane (because - vacation!) and shutting the bar down at night. Meanwhile, I’m sure my concentration on work suffered. I’m actually very much looking forward to it - lately I’ve been feeling like I can’t get a moment to myself, so for a full 7 days I’ll just have me to worry about. I plan to get up, go to the hotel gym, indulge in a great breakfast and put in a full day at the conference. Waking up not hungover? That’ll feel great. Usually I go expecting to make connections, but something makes me think no one will want to hang out with the pregnant lady, so I’ll have most of the evenings to myself to find something to do. I plan to bring a few good books and take in some attractions (after all, if I’m not spending money on alcohol, I can spend it on fun things to do, right??) Anyway, anyone know of anything fun to do down there? I’ve heard of an aquarium maybe?

I finally decided on a grout color and convinced hubby of a cabinet color, so I’ll be working hard to get those done over our three day weekend. Really close to having a backsplash but sometimes I’ll walk by it and think it’s all wrong.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

NS - I agree that humans want to be connected. Probably why it’s been so hard for me to quit. I don’t know anyone who is open and honest about having a drinking problem in real life. In fact, the only people I know who don’t drink are my in-laws, but we’ve never had a discussion about it. Everyone else I know drinks (for the most part normally.) It’s hard when you feel like an outsider - like the only one who can’t get this under control. It’s made me fall into this “what’s wrong with me?” mindset, which of course doesn’t help. And it also didn’t help that others didn’t see my “problem.” Most would probably say that they knew I enjoyed wine, but it was more of a joke and they’d never guess it was an actual issue. MWO has helped me see that indeed, yes, my actions WERE a problem and like you said, I’m not alone. I don’t know how to correctly phrase it, but it’s been helpful for me to hear others’ stories that really do back up the fact that I cannot drink in any way shape or form…even if my brain keeps telling me I can.

Moon - Aaah. The Pity Party. I threw a lot of them for myself. Why me? It's not fair? What kind of person am I to lack the discipline to be able to drink "normally?" Lav always suggested gratitude when I got like that - it actually helps. What is it I've gained from quitting? So much, from losing weight, controlling my blood pressure, having much better relationships with my husband and kids, taking risks at work I wouldn't have before... It helps to turn the "why me" into "hell yeah!" It turns out we were vulnerable to alcohol, like some others have diabetes (thanks, Byrdie). We weren't weak, we were vulnerable (btw, I recommend Brene Brown's TED talk on that subject). You're not bad or weak.

The other thing that is funny about that line of thinking is that we say "no one probably knew" and "all of the other people I know drink 'normally.'" It is actually quite probable that they DON'T all drink normally, and as a matter of fact, I was able to support a friend through her decision to get sober because I was courageous enough to take the step before she did. You'll be the Pioneer because you're strong, resilient and want a better life. Go, YOU!

Ava, you're a super star. Keep up that LAFQ for cigs. You got this. How's it going with you, Jude?

Hope all of you other returnees are still around. Even if you already drank some, COME BACK. It is worth it.

xo
Pav

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pav (and other long timers) - so how do you counteract the thought, "Surely I can JUST have one glass." I mean, I guess logically I KNOW that I can't - there's plenty of evidence of this - sneaking more every time hubby left the room, putting time limits on myself, being annoyed that I could only "acceptably" have 2 glasses while out to dinner, being disappointed that I couldn't drink when I got home, etc...but part of my brain just keeps telling me, "That was all in the past. You can control it this time. Just stop after 1. No biggie."

I can remind myself of all the stupid things I've done as well, but I'm good at counteracting those things by saying "oh, it was college or oh, it was a party...everyone was that drunk...blah blah blah."

I guess I just have to keep telling myself NO. One day at a time?

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

You can make it a habit to immediately think "I don't drink" before you can even get that thought fully formed in your mind. By the time we get here, we have all done that experiment enough to know it isn't going to work. There is no point in repeating it - and risking an epic fail.

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC, I like this and will try and incorporate into my self talk:

Now I'm trying to work on taking care of myself as I do my daughters.. speaking to myself as I would to them..Positively, encouraging, lovingly, empathetically.

I think it'll be easier as we have more and more af time. Old timers here say self love happens the longer you're sober and I am willing to fight for that. Well, never been much of a fighter, so maybe I'll just welcome it when it happens, cause it's gonna happen for us.:hug:

Moon, NS said it. Been there, tried that. Never worked but yes, our minds will continue to try and trick us into believing it's possible. It sucks that our brains are so stupid when it comes to addiction.

So, the day came and we heard all the principals in the district are being shuffled to different schools. I don't know if this will be a good move, but it can't get any worse. I thought I'd be more upset or worried, but I'm not. Change makes me crazy, but this time, I'm not upset. When we got the email we would have a meeting to discuss changes in the district, I immediately felt pangs of anticipatory anxiety. It didn't get too out of control though. As a matter of fact, my whole physical self feels much calmer, and experiencing less anxiety lately. Doesn't mean I'm happy I can't drink, because at this point, I haven't experienced the feeling of freedom from al, and I'm missing it. Oh well, will continue to hibernate, and I'm glad it's not summertime.

Have a nice evening.

Jvo

[Seeker1]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hang in there jvo!!! Totally understand that term anticipatory anxiety! Very eloquent, haven't thought of it that way. Isn't that getting anxious about getting anxious? I do that! LOL you have given me a good grin. Feels good and healing, thanks. Stick with it, I believe in you...

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters,

It has occured to me often when i look around this joint, the absolute brilliance, creativity, talent, skill, and diversity of everyone here. Look at yourselves/ourselves (ok Pa!). Top notch caring, decent, brilliant people with incredible and infinite capabilities. Yet we cut ourselves down by disrespecting ourselves and getting numb. It doesn't matter why, we all have reasons, some of us might not know why, but that might be for another conversation. I am constantly astounded when i get out of myself/my head, sit back and just take in what is said here. It's just toooo much of a waste to numb such great people and checkout of life. I reckon it's some kind of universal crime of a very sacred nature.

Day (*&^#$%!! here. Raaawkin it.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Enjoyed another way above freezing day today, haha! Big rain coming tomorrow bringing the cold air back with it, boo hoo!

Moon, I learned to ignore that 'you can have just one' message, mainly because it's pure BS
I don't need any more attempts to disprove that, I know it's BS!

jvo, I had a whole lot going on in my personal life around the time I quit, family stuff. I thought my anxiety was just going to strangle me, I felt crippled. I got into doing a lot of reading, listening to guided meditations, the MWO CDs & forcing myself to let go of things & people that I could not change. It's something any of us can do, we just need to be willing to take the leap & trust that everything is going to work out OK.

LC, wishing you a safe trip home!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Byrdiem you sound exhausted :hug:

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Moon, aromd the secomd weekend of my Last and Final Quit (LAFQ), I was having a hell of a time with the bargaining stage of all this. Giving up AL is like going thru the stages of grief. Bargaining had bagged me in the past, I had to find a way to get over this ‘Id give ANYTHING for JUST one’. I had a quitmate, Jolie. She was going out with her sisters that weekend for a day of shopping. She said that they usually stop for lunch and enjoy a glass of wine together. These are the words that carried me thru that weekend and any other time I have felt wobbly-legged. She said ‘Besides, what’s ONE glass of wine going to do for me anyway?’ Dam. How true was that. All in the world one glass does is make us want #2. 2 makes us want 3, and so it goes. Its the 1 that IS the problem. We had a member years ago that said, ‘If only one, why not none?’
Here is a question for you. Would you say that you are an alcoholic? If you are like me, an alcoholic, you know ‘why not one.’ NS said it better than I, but every single one of us here have repeated this experiemnt 1000 times, and 1000 times it has ended the same. This site is full of 9 years of history, you can check it out, it always ends the same. Honestly, if there were another way to have accomplished this peace and serentity I’d have done it. There is only ONE way to live with this disease and that is to avoid AL at all costs. No matter what and no mater who. This is MY life, and if someone else looks down his nose at me because I dont drink? They are the nut jobs, and its their problem, not mine. Your perspective will change a lot once you get your mind wrapped around it. I promise. Close the door and let it go. AL holds no future for us. We are not normal drinkers nor will we ever be. Accepting that will bring you peace, the struggle will be over!

Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie.

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, I haven't read through yet. I ended up finishing my paper at 3 am. Not an all nighter...but I slept most of the day. I am exhausted but wanted to check in and keep posting. I hope everyone is well.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Moon:

Or, as 3June put it, if only one, why not none? As Byrdie wrote, what in the world would one 4oz glass (measure that out - a "serving" is quite small) of wine get you that would be worth the risk of falling down that rabbit hole? I did recently have the realization that NEVER in my drinking days, even in the early on, did I only want one drink. I ALWAYS wanted more. I'm not sure if you read that article I posted from Tony, but he describes it perfectly - spending the evening chasing that brief, relaxed feeling that never comes again. Not worth it. So, as NS says, I just stop that thought. I don't drink. I can't drink and have the life I want, so I don't drink...

Woke with a bad headache - at least I know it is not due to alcohol. But off to work hoping the ibuprofen works en route.

Happy Friday. I reckon I'll listen to Mr. G today and be nice to myself.

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Moon - there were/are a few main ways I ultimately came to deal with the thoughts of "Why not one?" 1) I learned to recognize that it's actually al suggesting this to me, because only al would want a disordered drinker to pick up a drink. As Byrdie said, none of us would ever suggest that to an alcoholic friend. 2) Being completely honest with myself about "why not one." When I'm truly being honest, I know why I can't have one. I know that the lure and temptation of just one drink is really a mirage, a bunch of lies. It never pans out the way it's presented in my head. As the article Pav and Tony mentioned described, it's literally chasing a feeling you'll never really find again. 3) Stemming off that last one, if I'm being totally honest with myself, I have no real interest in having just one drink. I know I have a problem with al, and most of the time I've come to be ok with never drinking again. When temptation does arise, I pull out every damn tool I have to get past it, because it does invariably pass. So yes, one day at a time, but it really has transformed into a place where most days I don't even think about it at all. Hang in there and keep thinking, keep asking. This is your time to lay the groundwork for post-pregnancy, and you're doing it!

Hope everyone has fantastic Fridays - days and eves! No tickets to boozeville around here!!!

[AprilP]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone. My name is April and I’m in eastern US. I am a mommy to 2 beautiful children that keep me going (and going and going lol) everyday. I am 35 and have been an alcoholic for the better part of 13 years. Of course, I quit during each pregnancy and actually managed a good stint of sobriety after my daughter was born 9 years ago. I first “recognized” my problem right before my 28th birthday. I vowed to quit drinking as of my birthday that year. Well, that didn’t go so well... excuse after excuse I kept right on going deeper into my alcoholism. Then my 30th came around and I, again, vowed to quit day after my 30th. Start out my 30’s healthy and sober! YEAH RIGHT! Once again, that lasted maybe 3 days until the withdrawals set in and I said F it and started right back down my road of destruction. I vowed many many MANY times between my 30th and 7 days ago that that was it.... I was done! I joined AA in February of 2017 and managed 87 days sober. Then the voice told me I was good. I could moderate and keep it to weekends only. Well, i quickly went back to daily drinking and hating how I felt every morning. I was a sack of poo! I went days without showering, days without touching a single dish, sitting on the couch from morning until bedtime. It was pathetic actually! So 2 weeks ago I made the final decision that I AM DONE! I’m 35 and not getting younger. My kids are growing before my eyes and I’m missing most of it to a drunken stupor! So I made an appointment with a local NP that specializes in Vivitrol injections. I had my last drink around 8:30pm on Friday January 5th 2018. I started oral Naltrexone 25mg and Thiamine 100mg on Wednesday the 10th. I will be adding Campral as soon as my pharmacy delivers it. I’m all in this go around! I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. So HERES TO MY DAY 7! One week AF! I am brave, I am strong! I’ve got this!
Now, if youÂ’ve made it this far in my rambling IÂ’d like to hear from others who have used this regimen. The Naltrexone makes me feel like poo until I have breakfast and my Thiamine. And even after I still donÂ’t feel quite right. I take it at night because it makes me so tired. This morning I almost felt like I was about to have a panic attack until I got my morning shake and vitamin in me.
IÂ’m excited to be here and share my journey with all of you strong brave lovely teetotalers! 😍😘