Newbies Nest

[NoraC]

Re: Newbies Nest

I get e-mails from Belle- Tired of Thinking about Drinking

I wanted to share this for anyone that doesn't follow her. I thought it was really powerful.

i can’t decide if i like a new thing, or not, until it’s well underway. i can’t decide on day 3, when i’m tired. i know the first week of anything is hard. for me, being tired makes me hate my life (warning). So we do one hard day. then do another. get some sleep. You make the decision to assess itlater. we can’t decide now if it’s worthwhile, while it’s still hard. individual moments are hard. the collected time is lovely. when you look back on it, you see all the achievements, the friends, the connections, the memories, the honest stuff.

you don’t look back on months of drinking and feel proud. not once. not ever.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I am retriever free, haha!! It's fun to have them for a few days but it's good when they go home, LOL
So that's the end of my 72 hr shift, phew!!

Congrats to the 7 AF day achievers & the 10 day NF achievers, yay!!!
Jude, I also was a member of that quit smoking site & still remember to tell myself NOPE when the occasional thought pops up

jvo, grandma-hood is certainly different in this day & age. I know NS is grateful to be fully present for the kids the same way I am. I can't imagine missing this time with the little ones (and their hairy dogs too), ha ha!

Ava, you're doing it so hang in there. It will get easier & you'll love the $$ you save when not smoking. I use the extra cash to spoil the little ones

Nora, always glad to see you pop in. I think it's normal for our thoughts & moods to change with the seasons, weather, etc. One thing I always remember is that a mood is just a mood, a thought just a thought & we do not have to act on either one of them. I distract myself with something different & the thoughts & moods change - like magic
Thanks for sharing about Belle!

Wishing everyone a peaceful & cozy night.

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi! Its been busy with kids at home - haven't felt like I have a minute to myself to post and read! I'll red back tonight - hope everyone is doing well. Things are good here. I'm feeling a little bored and blah - maybe this diet. Day 34? no-alcohol and day 12 of the whole 30. I'm very tired of eating lettuce! I made a dinner tonight that includes a few officially banned foods, but I figure it's that or drink, and I'm not drinking. So a small reward it is. It's funny - earlier today I was thinking about the "approved" foods like it was a game. Then I thought of wine - and an immediate weight fell over me and I thought, "that's the real deal - the thing I REALLY have to avoid." I do take my food seriously, and I believe in the saying "garbage in, garbage out"... but I also know that having ice cream and cookies is not the same as alcohol for me.

I've been wishing I could drink the last few days - as in - wishing I could handle it and partake. Not sure why. I know I can't. Or I could and struggle, and I decided I don't want to struggle. So I don't drink.

Anyway, look forward to catching up. Good thoughts to everyone.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

A slow, getting used to being back kind of day for me. The sun is shining so that's good. But I feel depressed at being away from my family, knowing that I won't see them for 2 more years. This happens every time we separate, but it's intensifying somewhat as we all get older. I love my life here but at the moment it feels a bit empty. I know I need to pull myself up and dive back into my "dailies" here... I'm tired to the bone though. So today I'm staying inside, eating healthy foods, drinking teas, reading things that ground me, listening to soothing music, trying to keep in mind all the things I have to be grateful for!

I really liked all the posts yesterday about the CHOICE we make for a better life. There are times we want/think we want to drink but even more than that, we don't want what we're left with if we decide to act on it. This is such a powerful tool! J-vo, as you said, weighing out what we want some of the time against what we'll then have most/all of the time! I know I don't want the despair and heartache that was my constant. I also don't want the struggle, Kensho! I want peace of mind more than anything else.

Kensho, I realised I hadn't congratulated you on your 30 days! Well done.. I'm very happy for you.

G-Man, Lav, Ava, Pav, Byrdie, Jude, Wags, Moon, Choices, NS, Nora, J-vo, Kensho..Marylou, all of you taking part in this Nest.. Big shout out and thank you for being here. You all are (next to my hard core decision for sobriety) the number one part of my plan for staying on track. And during the moments I might fail to see reason, you all quickly and surely remind me!:hug:

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

jvo, grandma-hood is certainly different in this day & age. I know NS is grateful to be fully present for the kids the same way I am. I can't imagine missing this time with the little ones (and their hairy dogs too), ha ha!

@Lavande is right about this! Of the many (future) time points at which I told myself for sure I would quit, my kids having kids was one of the Big Targets. Several New Year's Days and Birthdays when I was going to quit came and went but I held on to the idea that my grandkids would never know a drinking grandma. Fortunately I got sick enough of myself well before they were born and was living a contented AF life by the time the first one came along.

I knew I would never care for a child while drinking and that meant my life with grandchildren would become even more of a tangled web of manipulation, lies, and excuses as to why I couldn't babysit or help in another way. The thoughts of not "being there" for my kids and of missing relationships with any future grandkids were among the worst of many I had about being stuck in an ugly addiction. As things turned out, much more than anticipated help has been needed (often at a moment's notice or heaven forbid, post-5 pm!!) and it has been FUN. Every day I'm grateful to be free to enjoy these relationships and know my help is needed and appreciated. It is great to be one of the adults in the room again :smile:.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

I am excited to have grandkids and be present for them! HOWEVER, my own kids are still teenagers, so I better hope that happens in a good 10 or so years... My own mom was a grandmother at my age - I think it would be good to be a younger grandma - should have started earlier myself! Hah.

Even though I smoked regularly, it was one of those habits that just sort of slipped away for me. There were fewer and fewer opportunities for me to smoke, and I just sort of quit. I guess in that case I wasn't vulnerable to addiction for whatever reason. I guess that's how some people feel with alcohol? I am so glad you're quitting, Ava and Jude. So good for you! I do remember when my dad quit when I was a kid. He was a beast. He took up macrame (this was the 70s), and made potholders like a mad man so he'd have something to do with his hands.

Poker night last night. I was the big winner - there's an advantage to keeping your wits about you. No one else was sloppy, but I know my decision making was better by the end of the night... That, and I got good cards.

It is MLK day here in the States. We think about peaceful but determined resistance to racism and other forms of hatred. And also love. And we have an extra day to get our laundry done!

Happy Monday!
Pav

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone!

I didn't post yesterday, and it bothered me that I didn't... But I'm here now. Yesterday I bought a beautiful ice tea pitcher and some new tea. I had a gift voucher, but I also was seeing it as a treat for my first week AF. It's felt really good this week to feel more and more healthy. I also downloaded a few healthy eating books and went to the library for more. It's just fun to emerse myself into reading healthy reciepies and it keeps my mind busy.

I'm finding it really hard to come down from this past year at school. There was so much pressure, and I really did not take care of myself. It felt like I was on a tread mill that was going really fast and I could not keep up. I actually didn't care if I was drinking at all, I totally did it to cope with my exaustion, to ironically relax. I am attempting to set things in place for this next term where I can practice more self care. Luckliy, I have decided to only take one class this semester. I'm excited to heal from a battering of my body.

It seems like it's about 3 when odd thoughts come into my head about not committing to an AF lifestyle. I think this is the time I need to work on most. Possibly journaling, or drawing. Other than that when I wake up and all morning I am just loving my decision. I also am really happy to go to bed sober. I think I'll keep an eye on those tricky parts of the day, I think in the past, those are the times when my mind gets made up to fall off the wagon. I'm unable to care about myself as much as the rest of the day.

I am very much enjoying everyones thoughtful posts. I am learning so much. Thank you!

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening Nest,

Had a bit of an annoying day.the kids need to take these online tests every few months and the wifi kept throwing them off. It was so frustrating! Made me irritable. Or I let myself get irritated, I should say. No MLK day for us. Snow make up day. And we're currently getting a fresh blanket of snow. Hopefully not more than a few inches. This time of year gets to be a drag after awhile.

Nora, I loved this...

You make the decision to assess it later. we can’t decide now if it’s worthwhile, while it’s still hard.

Wow. I really thought about this one. It's so true. It is so hard right now. And that's why it's good to take it one day at a time, and one day we will wake up and have two years and be able to look back and say, yes, not drinking was worth it because of a thousand reasons. We need to have faith in what the old timers say until we are able to assess the situation for ourselves. It's just like losing weight. We have to suffer a bit, not eating our favorites, watching others indulge in your favs and jealousy will inevitably occur, because that's NORMAL. What? Oh yeah, I'm human and that is human nature. Stick to that diet, and in a few weeks you'll start to see results. I already feel positive results after two weeks al free. And I know it's only gonna get better, because I have faith in what these oldies tell me. Apologies for the term oldies, but I only use that in the most endearing way. I wanna be an oldie, too.

Kensho, I have the thoughts, too. But again, why wouldn't we, as we've been doing it for so long, and we miss it. It's a normal feeling and it's going to take time to feel less resentful for something we can't have. (Byrdlady, I took those words from you

LC, so glad you're home, although I know it has to be so hard missing your family. You sound like right where you should be. Strong and ready to continue self care.

Pav, the image of your dad made me LOL. Def needed that today.

Lav and NS, I used to work with a woman who was and is still an alkie. She was a nice woman, well liked, but also known to love her booze. I have her granddaughter in class this year. I asked her how her grandma was doing and she scowled and said, she's drunk all the time, so I don't know. I didn't know what to say, but I thought I never wanna be that grandma where my grandkids have such a low opinion of me. I'd be devastated and filled with embarrassment, regrets, and hatred for myself. Kids don't hold back saying much these days, do they.

Choices, we all drank for different reasons. These are triggers and yours are coping with exhaustion and to relax. People without alcohol addictions don't drink to cope with their problems, and that's why we're here. We will always have those issues, triggers, but we need to learn to cope with them without drink. You're learning new ways just like me, and we need to give it a good amount of time before we become comfortable with our new coping mechanisms. We will get there. What classes are you taking? Is towards a degree? Good luck. I know it can be tough.

Well, snow is still coming down, so fireplace is ablazing!

Night,
Jvo

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well some things are turning around....Today was my interview for a management position in a hotel....a better position than the one I interviewed for last week, and am waiting until tomorrow to hear when the 2nd interview will be .... but too late Marriott Hotels because before I got home from today's interview I had a call offering me the job and I start tomorrow, on my Birthday, of all days... still, at least in the future when people ask how long I've been working there it will be easy to work out!

Happy days and still AF!

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congrats Mario and happy birthday!

[Quit wining]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well done Tony! Congrats!!

And Happy Birthday. We’ve had a few birthdays this month and keeping with tradition, how old are you in Celsius??

QW

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Congrats on the new job Tony!
Wishing you the best

Hi QW!

Choices, perhaps your blood sugar is a bit low at 3 pm causing you to think about AL. The same thing used to happen to me. A snack with some protein is always a better option.

Pav, I was thinking today that if MLK had been able to continue his work this country would likely be completely different. At least we would’t have a president telling others to go out & do a day of service while he’s playing golf.

LC, would moving back to the US be a possibility for you at some point? I know you miss your family here. Maybe now is not the best time considering everything going on.

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Please can I just ask those of you who have me on FB not to mention the new job on there - it will lead to questions from family and friends I am not ready to answer yet!

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well done Tony! Congrats!!

And Happy Birthday. We’ve had a few birthdays this month and keeping with tradition, how old are you in Celsius??

QW

12.7 I believe!!!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great coogly moogly, what a day.
Kensho, Im tired of lettuce, too. I am happy to report Ive lost 3.8 pounds!
Choices, yesterday at 3, I wanted an ice cream cone so bad my mouth watered. I kept imagining that gooey goodness and the nutty crunch texture. Then it hit me, Im sitting here torturing myself, get that thought OUT. I rode it out and was so glad I didnt blow it. Its easy to get the f-its. The long term benefit is worth the temporary discomfort.
Tony, congrats on the new job, and happy birthday! We are so proud of you!
Hope everyone has a peaceful evening! Byrdie