Newbies Nest

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi gang

I've not posted much here this (final) time around because there is another thread where we are nearly all in the same time-zone ... but I just wanted to add to something I said 4 weeks ago... I'd quoted Kevin Trudeau "If you want to change some things in your life, you gotta change some things in your life!"....I made some dramatic changes but it may only be necessary to change some relatively small things, never the less, I've had some rough days, but mostly now with my new life, the quit is so much easier with the support of a great friend and in an environment where al is not appreciated and where there is no pressure to drink.

Drinking at social work outings came up into discussion at work the other day and I was asked what I drank... I was pleased with myself for answering "well I don't actually drink" and when pressed I said "You know, I just don't have an "Off switch" so if I have one, I know I'll go way too far so I just don't bother and am happy drinking soft drinks on a night out".

To my surprise, one of the other managers then said "yeah, one is never enough so one is one too many".... don't know if he has had a problem too or not, but that almost sounded like an alcoholic speaking!

So now here I am 4 weeks in and not really missing it at all - an occasional pang every now and then, which I tell my friend about. She reminds me that I am doing really well and that she'd hate to see me fall off the wagon, and why not go down to the shop and buy some chocolate....the pang soon passes.

Anyway just my late night insomniac musings!!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

That was a nice post Tony. Yeah, it is so easy to say ‘I don’t drink’ usually people just accept that and move along. It seemed so overwhelming when I was a drinker to even think of saying ‘I don’t drink’ but once you quit it becomes easier and easier to say. I never would have believed that before.

4 weeks in, keep it up. That is great!
Hey JVon congratulations on the 30 days!

NS, I will slow down and enjoy my coffee in the morning. Thanks for the quote.

Good night.

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

"one is never enough so one is one too many"

Love this quote - I'm going to use this as my standard response from now on when asked why I don't drink. Perfect reply without getting too detailed.

Glad the weekend's here - I'm really knackered - planning on having a slightly less physical weekend than last week's. And because it's Friday night I'm treating myself to a ginger ale!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

There'll be no mela, meta, metat, i say mestastasizing in my brain today. Why? Coz it's only friday pilgrims, not a freakin' low down whackyassed doggawn ticket to boozeville see?!

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone!

Just checking in on the eve before my grand one-night camping trip with three 5year olds 2 babies and 3 moms. It is amazing how much less anxiety I had to prep for this without drinking the whole time I was doing it. In the past I would have drank alcohol to "relax" while I packed. I would of had too much and got distracted and the whole packing process would have taken a lot longer. I also would have anxiety about forgetting something because I wouldn't have been thinking with a full deck.

I have no idea if any of the moms will bring wine. But I am going to say that I did dry January and I'm back on the wagon. Both moms knew me when I was on my sober stint years ago. It won't be an issue. All that stuff is only in my head anyway. No one cares if I drink or not. Anyone who does is weird.

Anyway! I'm almost to 4 weeks. Yay! I've added more to my toolbox in the form of treating myself to overpriced tea and decaf coffee in the evening. I fuss over these little teats and sip them happily.

Hubby came home from a business, boozy dinner last night late. He was quite buzzed when he got home. He hadn't had anything alcoholic for two weeks. I found him annoying but he was actually pretty tame. Drunk people really sound stupid and loud. I know I did. The smell of alcohol was yucky and I kinda just shuffeled him off to bed, waited until he fell asleep and then went to bed.

This is a good sign for me. In the past I would have felt deprived of him drinking and I would have had a bottle of wine by myself at home. In my sober days my depervation would have driven me into an angry feeling at him for being drunk in front of me. Both reactions to these situations are the addict side of me not the real me. I guess I'm meaning to say, I didnt' feel triggered. That is new.

Everyone sounds really good!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

I have had a heck of a day with the AV on my back. I'm amazed at all the lame excuses that part of my brain comes up with. I repeatedly said, No, no, and more no.. (showed me again how much I used to drink at work or directly upon leaving ) then finally left work as soon as I could to finish up here. After the event last night, my boss came in 3 hours later than normal and had postponed most of his meetings today.. I, on the other hand, woke up tired but with a skip in my step and feeling really well.

Tony, good to hear that you're settling in to the changes you've made in your life. I'm glad you just laid it out on the table with your co-workers with regards to drinking... "one is never enough so one is one too many" is certainly the case with all of us here in the Nest..

Kiwi, sounds like a nice weekend plan.. similar to mine! I might do something spontaneously, but there's nothing I have to do. So looking forward!

Choices, have a nice time with the other moms and kids! You are sounding strong and it's great that you're finding the gratitude instead of feeling deprived when your Husband is drinking.. You're right about the addict side of yourself.. it isn't the real you. The real you wants to feel good, to be happy/ self confident, to have energy, to know you are ok, to enjoy the little things in life! Here's to delicious tea and decaf coffee in the evenings..

Hi Narily! You are still who I think of everytime that I say Happy Un-hung "....".. tomorrow will be a happy Un-hung Saturday for sure..

I guess I do have a little plan this weekend.. I want to paint a wall in my kitchen and change the cover on my sofa.. going from dark brown to a light blue. I'm not sure yet how it will look.. but I'm trying to "finish" this place up a bit.. after having lived here a year!

Wishing everyone an easy, or at least manageable weekend.. For those struggling, stop in and write down what's going on. This is such a great place for support and inspiration. I feel very fortunate to have found this Nest.
xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

What I get from that pondering is that I'm not special. I kept trying to say to myself - I am socially awkward; I've had mild depression and moodiness my whole life; my husband drinks; it's Fourth of July; I work hard, I deserve it... In other words, I gave myself a million reasons why my drinking was sort of "different" from others in some way, (as Ava says, any day with a Y in it...) and in reality it never really mattered WHY or what my excuses were, it mattered that I focused on NOT drinking. That helped get me away from the pity party (why me??) and towards working on staying sober. It did help to consider my triggers, but it helped more to accept that I couldn't drink and that I was one of many. I knew I would find support from everyone here. And, GO... You can do this, CER!

I am going to channel some of your good energy today, G. I have a hard day I'm facing at work and will need to stay focused on the positive. Ohmmmmm.

Hi, Tony!

Friday is another sober day. Take good care of yourselves.

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=23019]tonyniceday[/MENTION] - great to see you! congrats on 4 weeks, and on your recent efforts to protect your quit. I bet that felt really good when your colleague made that comment about one being too much. Regardless of whether he has an al problem himself, that shows a level of understanding and sympathy/empathy. Glad to hear your new situation is working well for you, as hard as some of it must be. Drop by again soon!

choices - Not sure if you'll see this before or after your camping weekend, but I hope you have (or had) a fantastic time! There are several of us in the nest who love camping and who have posted about plans for/reflections on AF camping trips. For me, this last and final quit started on the last night of a camping trip, and I've had several AF outings since then. Hope you have a blast, and enjoy the fact that you aren't as frazzled as sometimes in the past.


Just flying through the nest this morning before I head out for a half-day of work. I have several clients preparing for a huge exam on Feb 10, and we're in crunch time now. This work is something I truly enjoy, but it is mentally very taxing even for me as the teacher. I could NEVER have done this work while drinking. Anyway, I was able to arrange my schedule so that I have this afternoon and all day tomorrow off before I jump back in for the final push all of next week. I am going to let my brain REST! Plans include a bike ride and possibly a movie. Has anyone seen Three Billboards?

Happy Friday everyone!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm really liking the Refuge Recovery book and keep finding quotes I want to share with all of you! That would mean retyping much of what I've read so far so I guess that's not really an option. One of his main points is that by the time a person is addicted, the addiction is the source of suffering. I knew that in my heart, but I still kept seeing alcohol as the solution to what had become unbearable suffering.

There are some quotes from the book here but the one that took my breath away was his description of addiction in the preface:

Active addiction is a kind of hell. It is like being a hungry ghost, wandering through life in constant craving and suffering.

That perfectly describes how it felt to me.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

G Man, you crack me up. You are sure a positive fella, its amazing how good we feel when we don't drink.

Choices, you will make it to 4 weeks, no probs..just one day at a time. Its sure nice that you can be sober to hang out with your grand babies. They are lucky to have sober GMa.

Hey Pav- You are special to me

Life, yup, nothing like being UN Hung on a Friday morning or any other morning that is. Saturday's were always a hangover day for me, now I am grateful Everyday I wake up Un Hung. Life, I like the blue couch, it sounds very nice. Blue is my favorite colour. I have blue accents in my family room.

I went out the other night for supper with my girlfriend and ordered a cranberry soda. The waitress brought my drink and I took a big gulp...AAack..it was cranberry VODKA! Holy crap, I pushed it away while I was having a fleeting thought of just drinking it. Sheesh. That ticked me off but I just stayed on my sober wagon and had a great meal with no thoughts of AL. I can see how that easily could have been an excuse to start drinking again but I stuck to my sober guns.

CIA- hope you are doing ok.
JVo- big hugs from me girlfriend.

Have a great Friday everyone. Don't drink today.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi NS! I have been listening to Refuge Recovery, thanks for that!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nest! Its a sunny, brisk morning here. I’m feeling positive. I’ve been productive this week, and had that talk with my friend and potential business partner, and that went very well. We’ve literally been considering this for 15 years. But I had kids - no way I could be a good partner in early parenthood. But I feel we were meant to work together and I’m excited for what’s in store.

Hi Nar. Get out the fur!

G - Man. I just want to say that your words have a certain level of commitment that I’ve not read from you in the past. You are doing this differently this time, and I fully expect you to reach those dreams. You have heart and soul and music and calm and truth - now all you gotta do is keep building that life you dream of. Congrats my friend - you’re doing the work and reaping the rewards.

JVO, great insights into anxiety. I used to get terrible health anxiety. My blood pressure sky rocketed if one of my kids even LOOKED pukey. But I’ve worked on this a lot and the take aways are parallel to what you said. First, I can’t control it - no matter how hard I try. Second, if it hits, and it will, I focus on the fact that all humans go through illness, and most of the time, they gets better soon - so it’s easier to weather it with grace (and lots and lots of self care).

TONY! Good to see you. Glad you have found some local support!! Also happy to hear you put your truth right out there! I have been noticing that more people than I realized have a poor relationship with alcohol.

Choices, I remember trying to do important things while drinking! Ug! How I ever got it done?? I hope you enjoy the woods (or wherever you are going). Nature is so wonderful for our bodies and spirits (and so is the laughter of children)! 4 weeks is right around the corner!

LC, light and happy! Light blue will cheer you up! Tell that AV to climb back in the hole it came from!

WAGS - I haven’t seen any of the recent movies out there. Let me know how it is if you see Three Billboards! I did hear that it was “very good, but not necessarily uplifting - fantastic acting”.

Oh MAN NS! Exactly! A hungry ghost of a person - wandering with only one intention. YUCK!! That’s not living! Great words. When are you going to write a book about addiction?

PAV, I know what you mean that the Alcohol Voice can play lots of tricks on us to keep us in addiction - one of them being that WE are different - have had it harder, or have more reasons, or whatever - and most damaging - because of this, we DESERVE alcohol. I get it!

CER - happy Friday! How are you doing?

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks friend Kensho. I appreciate you taking the time to reflect those thoughts back to me. The feeling is good i have to say :happy2:

Narilly. Cracking you up is all part of the service. Spring is coming.

Pav, how was your day? Hope it went smoothly.

NS, i like refuge recovery because of the core buddhist content. Marrying buddhism philosophy with a recovery path from addiction makes a lot of sense. There's so much tried and true info and sober pathways out there. Some are classic, such as the 12 steps. Some folks cringe at the 12 step program, but if i strip away the rumours, gossip, personalities involved for and against, and i just look at the program and its purpose, it is a great code for living and a solid lifeline for anyone really struggling and lost to grab onto. I'm for anything that works for someone, and so don't rule out any method/practice.

Here is a 44 min. 2014 vid of a talk by a 12 stepper Herb K. I just discovered it, and thought it worth a look. I think Herb makes a lot of sense. Vid quality not 100% but might be useful listening for someone. Take it easy out there.

Way of life - Herb Kaighan - YouTube

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Friday evening Nesters,

It's cold here in Lav-land, heading down to 15 degrees tonight. Apparently the stupid groundhog was right again - 6 more weeks of winter for us!

Jvo, I just looked thru my Kindle app & I can recommend two books that helped me a lot, they may interest you as well. "let Go Now: Embracing Detachment' by Karen Casey and 'Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and Confidence' by Rick Hanson.
I suffered with crippling anxiety for quite some time, it's hard, really hard. The good thing is you can get past it, honestly.

I spent a few hours with the sick grandson this afternoon but was glad to be available for him. This is one of those reasons I maintain my quit!

Tony, Congrats on your 4 weeks AF, glad you are doing well.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening Nest,

Great to hang out with you Nar. You're posts are short and sweet, but they come across as being very happy and content with your sober life. Hugs GF.:hug:

Another good quote NS. You're like a walking encyclopedia. More like a library. Thank you for al of your resources.

Lav, gonna write those two on my book list. I'm still waiting for the last book I purchased. That's why I like to purchase on Amazon with my prime membership. Get it very fast. But good things come to those who wait and have patience I guess.

Tony, you sound great and glad your situation proved to be perfect.

I slept 2 1/2 hours after work. Hubby came in at 6:00 wondering when I was gonna get up. Almost didn't except I need to watch greys from last night. He went out to get us good take out. I still don't wanna go anywhere. Well, I am going out tomorrow evening with girlfriends from work. We are going to see a comedian named Eddie B. And the Teachers Only tour. I saw little blurbs on Facebook and he hilarious. We're going to dinner first and I offered to drive into town. Yep, DD keeps me safe, I'm looking forward to this because I never enjoyed seeing comedians while drinking. Could never follow. Now I can and it's a subject that I'm sure will have me on the floor.

I told my hubby I wanted to go to breakfast tomorrow at Bob Evans also. Haven't been there for some time and I want to treat myself.

Ok. Loooong week and ready to relax. Have a good one.

Jvo