Newbies Nest

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,
I am still studying Lav, it is really good to keep my mind busy. I really can’t believe I was a drunk student last year... it made everything so hard. Last night after checking in here I read some of my old posts as choices and choice. I sound like a different person. I feel really strong in my resolve, the thought of any alcohol near me really makes me feel ill. I’m really happy for that shift, it felt like it took forever! It did take years after my first quit and relapse to finally get to this place in my head. I don’t feel as scared regarding alcohol now. I just know it is really not for me!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav, nothing would make me happier than to unleash the Stella Contingent on those boobs at Headquarters. They need to be mercilessly pecked (like they are doing to me). Bah! Thank you for the offer! You ARE a Rawk Star! Xoxoxo

Edit to add: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KENSHO!!!! Whooop, whoop! Ice cream all around, Im buying!

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello to all the Badass Rawkers on this thread. Keep it going, that is all!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Choices - so glad you're doing well. When I look back and think about all of the things I "did" buzzed, drunk, or hungover, it is a miracle to me. I can't believe how much easier life is to get through it all without that handicap. Glad you're enjoying school.

Mr V, add your name to Badass Rawkers - good to see you pop in. Of course, you too Mr. G.

Wags - I am so excited about your trip. I know that leaving wine alone in Italy would be hard for me - there is so much made of food and wine there - and I wasn't even a wine drinker. Sorry you had to negotiate immediately...

Kensho - Happy Birthday! What are you going to do to celebrate??

Ava - that scenario is so annoying to read. My kids forget we exist sometimes - it is all about them - and I wonder where I went wrong?? I hope they make someone better roommates and boyfriends than they act here... Will it be funny in a week, or still annoying? Glad you get to get away.

I don't know why we didn't think of the Stella Solution earlier, Byrdie and Lav. Book a flight for them, stat.

I have a pretty unscheduled weekend for which I am extremely grateful. Time to get some laundry done, catch up on sleep, and get out on the hills.

Happy SOBER Saturday,
Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

It's great to hear you're doing so well, [MENTION=22540]Choices[/MENTION]. I agree that you sound like a much different, happier, and more content woman. [MENTION=24196]Rava[/MENTION], please keep coming back. As long as you are trying, there is the opportunity for your thinking to change at any moment. Being here can help you be open to it :hug:.

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yep! Life is much more manageable now without so many hungover setbacks and doubt. I’m quite reflective at the moment and it is good to look back at my journey through old posts with a new outlook. Gosh it took a long time for me to “get it”. I knew it all along, but for sobriety to gel into my everyday reality was quite a marathon. I think the biggest shift now is not fear of ever drinking again but total discust for the substance alcohol and not discust of myself... or feeling bad about myself because alcohol had such a grip on me. If that makes sense? I am just grateful I am out of its grip and free.

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I have been down out last night with stomach flu issues and actually spent the night on the bathroom floor. Feeling week today and just having jello, ginger ale saltines. Taking it real easy. Go back to the surgeon Monday so hopefully will get better news. I have not had any drinks and while feeling so bad I dont want to drink. I just wanted to check in and say thanks for listening!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Aww Rava, a stomach bug while recuperating from surgery just stinks. Sorry you have to deal with that now.
Take good care & please stay close to the nest :hug:

Choices, I am still amazed at the grip AL had on me as well. Even after all this AF time the thought of ever putting myself in that situation just freaks me out. I take a moment every single day to say thanks to the universe & everyone who helped me along the way. Gratitude is one powerful tool

Kensho, Happy Birthday to you!!!!
I hope you have a nice weekend & do something to celebrate

Byrdie, most of my current flock are young women but I do have a few older ones who know the ropes, ha ha! I'm sure they could be ready to roll on a moment's notice!!!

Grateful that the weather seems to be turning toward the cooler side for the first times in what seems like the longest & hottest summer EVER!!!
It really doesn't take much to make me happy. I am avoiding doing any gardening or outdoor work of any kind right now until I get an idea of what is causing the allergy stuff with me but I can still step outside for a few minutes. I am busy getting ready for a big craft sale next month - fun times!
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest. HAPPY FALL TO US IN THE US

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Rava, so glad to have you back in the nest where you belong!
I can see why you wouldn’t want to take OxyContin for too long! - although I have taken Vicodin successfully for awhile after two fairly recent major surgeries.
The stomach flu is the last thing you needed on top of it all, but at least it does have the nice side effect of helping to keep one sober.

[MENTION=22540]Choices[/MENTION], how wonderful that your little daughter gets to be raised by a sober mother! I like the shift in your thinking towards alcohol.

[MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION], that’s too bad that your son can’t be more considerate of you, and especially given your history with alcohol, you’d think he’d especially want to be considerate. But he’s young so, busy with his own fun and not really thinking beyond that. You must be tempted to chuck him out!

Byrdie, the only good thing to come of that hurricane is that you probably got a couple of extra days off of work!
That’s sad about all the devastation around town, and how the evacuation was personally expensive for everyone.

Lav, are you still on low-dose prednisone?

Mr. V, I thought you were Mr. G!

Pavati, I get what you are saying about the difference between guilt and shame. I feel some shame too that I, combo of didn’t and couldn’t, stop this alcoholic trajectory earlier. Glad you’re getting a good catch-up weekend and some hiking in too.

KENSHO, early morning swim meets, a world I’m very familiar with! Except no swim meet this weekend during high school swim season, because it’s Homecoming.

This day last year, as I was escalating to a new level of more out-of-control drinking, was the day of one of my worst drunks. I decided to have a a glass of wine to relax me before the “photo shoot” gathering with the other parents before the kids went off to the Homecoming dance, but accidentally had way more than one glass. Then had several glasses at the home hosting the gathering; then in my inebriated state back at home (I was home alone) I ended up deciding to have a beer, which turned into more, and I blacked out.

Today I stayed completely sober and declined any wine or beer at the home of the hosts. It was totally fine for me to mingle with the other parents and take photos of my daughter and her date(!) and friends without it. And, I agree with Pav on this one: why are we serving wine & beer to the parents before the dance when we expect the kids to stay sober for it?? So, go me: I like the new me this year much better!

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Rave, I hope you feel better soon and your flu lifts, it sounds just awful.


Slo, What a difference a year can make! Go you! I am glad you felt comfortable and liked the "new you," what a great place to be!

My worst drunks always include a blackout at the end and memories of very physically debilitating hangovers with a smack of self-hatred and shame over what I either did or didn’t know I did. Yuck, I’m so happy those days are in the past. I love being able to trust myself now. That was too hard when I was drinking, and my intentions of only having one or two drinks in social situations always turned into much more. I’m so relieved that compulsive feeling is gone.

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters. [MENTION=19596]Slo[/MENTION], so glad your homecoming this year turned out so much better than last year. Losing control is the worst and so humiliating. I’m up early this morning and able to drink coffee so that’s definitely an improvement. I am sure of one thing and that is, there will be no obsessing over drinking today. Yes the stomach flu has taken care of that desire. Hope everyone has a good Sunday. Good to be here.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-hung Sunday, Nesters!

Glad to see you back in the Nest, Choices! Congratulations on your 8 months of freedom and of your accomplishments with furthering your studies..:happy2:

This is just a quick accountability check in for me as I wait for my taxi.. I'm heading to the country (where my good friend now lives) with two other girl friends to celebrate her birthday. I almost cancelled because I'm fairly sure they'll be drinking into the new day (which people like to do here..the midnight toast, blahblahblah). I didn't want to cancel because I was worried I might drink, but because I don't want to be around it at all any more. But I know my friend having the birthday is really down about many things and I want to be there to support her.. and these girls know I don't drink. And maybe they won't drink too much, after all tomorrow is Monday and we're all getting older. I'll see how it goes and how I feel and if need be, I know I can say something. They'd probably even appreciate it.

Speaking of birthdays, Happy belated Birthday, Kensho!!! Hope you're having a nice weekend.

Good for you, Slo! Now that I'm not part of the "drinking parents" crowd, I'm hyper critical of it and the message we're sending our kids.. especially as they get older and actively search for their own ways to deal with emotions, hormones, relationships, boredom, etc. We need to be positive role models! I could throw myself off a cliff at times, for time lost.. but! better late than never. And I NEVER have to go back again. Without alcohol, I can be the mom I want to be, I can support my girls by showing them.. I can take them into my arms with a clear conscience and a clear mind.. (i always think of the mama swans who bring their babies under their wings to protect them)..when I was drinking, I was all talk and no action. How could they believe in me and in what I said when I was showing them something completely different.?
Bringing me to, I am so happy to be here amongst you rawwwwkin', lovely people.
Rava:hug: glad you're beginning to feel better..

Hugs and love to all and see you tomorrow..xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy SOBER Sunday. Just checking in - nothing to report.

Lav - what crafts are you doing? Will you sell them? I, too (because of you), think about how grateful I am everyday. I love feeling in control (of myself if noone else...) at all times. Gratitude works.

Off to get some house stuff done. I ended up working most of the day yesterday which is actually good because I caught up with some things that have been hanging over my head.

Pav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everybody...Back after a stupid long break dealing with life.

Sorry to say that I drank twice...not even to drunkenness, but just a couple of gulps to chase anxiety away. But it was enough to summon the GSR brothers for a brief visit, just enough to remind me why I don't drink. Last time was a couple of weeks ago and here is "why"...as if there is ever a good reason:

1) 2 days after we dropped son off at college. it went really well. but it was hard to get used to not only him being absent from the house, but having all of his friends around to give the house some life. At least the girlfriend isn't around creating nonstop drama and I am learning to enjoy the break from all that.

2) not much after dropping son off from college, I learned (via daughter getting a UTI) that she an boyfriend started having sex. I saw this coming and prepared and educated her as best a possible. He is a great guy, probably the most wonderful teenage boy I have ever met. But he is a year older and has already been in a sexual relationship. however my head fell off my shoulders and rolled across the exam room floor when my daughter admitted to the dr that they did not use a condom. After all these years of sex ed in the school, drilling in condom use...etc. how could they be so stupid????? Thankfully she has been on the pill for a year due to debilitating periods...but still...as I tell my kids "there are a lot worse things you can get from sex than pregnancy". Ugh. so I drank that night. small amount but stupid.

Sorry for all the unloading, but I had to do it somewhere. it has been a few weeks and I have not had the urge to even think of drinking. I am managing the fact that son is away, and daughter has a boyfriend and they have sex. I bought a box of condoms. They are using them now.

So why drink? did any of those two drinking episodes (small as they were) help me in any way? I'm lucky that they didn't start me back on the path...but I needed to get back here to the nest to make sure I stay on the right track.

I need to read back now, but I needed to get this off my chest first. I hope all are doing well and have not been too adversely affected by Florence. Best to all.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola evabody,

Hope you're feeling better Rava. How are u?

Sounds to me like you're doing an incredible job Belle. You pulled yourself up because you know there is more joy to be had in life sober and not numb.

LC, great post. Raaawkin buddy!

Happy birthday friend Kensho!

Day fkn 14! Climbing back and the feeling's good. I sure can be a meathead. Have a beaut week out there.