Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION], it is only b/c you recommended it that I listened to the podcast as I’m not at all a Sam Harris fan and I am so glad I did! It is so informative at what is going on at all levels with addiction, depression, anxiety, etc. It reinforces to me why MWO works. We needed connection and found a supportive community. Hari is pretty anti-social media (for several compelling reasons) but I think it can be great if used correctly. Thanks!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening nesters

i am getting right into this holiday mode though i could cope with sleeping in later but if thats all i have to complain about....

Lav, i dont wear jeans, have a pair in my cupboard but not worn them in 15+ years, might be a tad out of fashion.

j, sobriety is and always will be my first priority, just being grateful when i wake up being sober is so worthwhile, no one is taking that off me, except me.

Pav, i dont click on links but will try tomorrow. My laptop spat itself and im tossing up whether to get a new one or this one fixed. at the moment borrowing other peoples is working for me. I am enjoying the limited technology time.

i had to have my fix of MWO, that is the only thing i miss about my laptop at present and i am not a fan of using my mobile for anything.

take care and glad everyone is well and sober xx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning friends, Ava you enjoy your vacation! I get pissed too when I can't sleep in on off days but that's just my body clock I guess,Pav,I'll check out the podcast,I'm not really a podcast person but I guess I can try it haha, wonder where Life change is? Haven't seen her in a bit I think? I do that get too wrapped up in people then worry when they disappear for a bit,tired this morning so making it brief,waves to all and wishes for a happy and healthy AF day!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Pauly, I've been waiting for [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] to pipe in also. I miss her! Check in, Elsie....

Yes to keeping sobriety in the forefront. I agree, G, out of it all good things flow. I see not drinking as FREEDOM and why wouldn't I work to keep that up. I used to follow Ellie on One Crafty Mother (and also the Bubble Hour). I was SHOCKED when she started drinking after 5 years, and studied her relapse carefully. Staying connected, staying humble, and taking care of yourself seem to be key. Why mess with that formula that seems to work?

Gotta run - So Happy It's Thursday.

Pav

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Beautiful morning, although those damn school bugs are chirping. That’s what my mother in law calls them. They come out in August.

Day 16 here and proud of that. Lots of good things happening. I haven’t had acid reflux for several days now. Haven’t taken a Zantac in 5 days for that. I’m discovering good things everyday.

I have a doc appointment today. Going to discuss lots, ask for blood tests, inquire about my sleep apnea. I’m really worried about that. I’ve read about it, and I don’t want to take a chance on dying, not now when I can enjoy my life and learn to like myself, finally. I have my list of what my concerns are on my phone!

After watching the finale of handmaids tale last night, I got curious as to what life is like for people in North Korea so I read about it. You hear on the news how terrible and sad life is for them. They really have no freedom. I did read that 90 percent of the men drink daily. I purchased the memoir, “in order to live, a North Korean girl’s journey to freedom.” We have so many freedoms that we take for granted. Including sobriety. I won’t take that for granted anymore.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Second day of school and we are getting into the swing. It's a little bit chaotic, but we will get it figured out - always do. I have more work time to myself though, which is nice. I told my husband last night that I'm trying to have a full-scale, full-time career - in 2/3 the time. So I always feel behind. That's partly why I drank, to ease the pain of working at nights. Maybe the answer is to not work so much. Duh. I have trouble giving up anything, but as someone recently said, we can't be everything. Big lesson for me.

I have not feared alcohol as much as I should lately. I have felt an ambivalence and had trouble conjuring up the pain it caused me. I know this is not a good sign. I've been feeling out of control, which is how alcohol made me feel, so it feels easier to have f-it thoughts - even through I'm fully aware that I hated being a drinker. It's time to read more toolbox and relapse in retrospect. I am saying that I am on the edge - only that I have noticed that I'm not yelling "Hell NO!" quite as loudly - and I recognize that as a potential problem. SO I'm saying it out loud instead of fighting with the voice alone, because it edged its way back into my head and I know it will fight like heck to keep wiggling. Hell NO!

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ken, some very smart lady gave me some good advice the other day. Write yourself a letter in detail about all the reasons you shouldn’t drink. Write about what happened to your physical and emotional self when you drank. How did you feel? Compare that to your abstinent life. It’s really worth the time it takes. You’ll have that info right in front of you, and when you get the f-it’s like you are now, you read your letter and remind yourself of why you shouldn’t ever go there again. It never makes anything better. It ruins every part of our being, every cell in our body. Include a pic of yourself when you were under the influence or had been drinking for an extended period of time. Keep the letter and pic safe and pull it out when you get these thoughts.

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

And Ken, you’re recognizing this, you’re aware that you have the f-it’s, so now you can take action and stop that addictive chatter in your head. Right now.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yes, JVO, great idea. I KNOW I chose not to be a drinker for solid reasons, I just don't FEEL why ATM. Some reminders are in order. You're sounding good!!!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

That all sounds good to me, [MENTION=21745]jvo[/MENTION], and I wish I had done that.

Having written and photo documentation of where you never want to be again gives you a great tool to use if you're ever wavering about this necessary but challenging decision we've all made.

I would encourage you, though, not to ruminate about it, causing yourself to relive and re-experience horrible feelings about things that aren't happening now. You want to feel that horror again only if you need to because you're considering moderating, thinking one won't hurt, or feeling out of control and desperate. Freeing yourself from addiction should be a forward-looking, positive experience.

So, write it all out in gruesome detail, learn the lessons from what happened, and put it away -- literally! You don't need to look at a puffy-faced, dead-eyed photo everyday and reread over and over the stories about which you are most ashamed. You will look at the photo and read what you wrote if you need to. And maybe you won't if everyday you notice how much better your life is because you don't drink. Good things are better and bad things are more manageable. That kind of focus helps rewire our brains in the direction we want to go. Staying negative about ourselves can only diminish our self-worth, making it much more likely we'll just give up, thinking we are hopeless addicts who will never change.

I still do that before/after comparison as I go through my days. It's just a normal part of my thinking now. It keeps me sort of aware of where I was (without the gut-wrenching pain of it) and grateful for where I am. I can't imagine risking the precious mindpeace of sobriety.

xx, NS

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey all,
All I have to do to conjur the bad old days is walk in my closet....or look at the ottoman where I used to stash my empties, or look in the back of my filing cabinet where I hid boxes of wine. No, I don't have to look very far to see why I never want to go back to that. Going BACK. If I think about those words, it is so true, I'm going backwards in every way. I wouldn't jeapordize what I have for any drink. Sobriety came too hard (almost didn't come at all!) Mostly what I do is look at my husband. I know that drinking and staying married to him are mutually exclusive, and I love him more than anything....including AL. No good ever came to me with AL and it never will.
J vo, don't you have some AB, maybe you could take a half or quarter of a pill to get you over the hump?

Pav, you are so right about staying humble, I know all too well that relapse can happen to anyone, so I hope I don't take my quit for granted as it only takes a second to undo years of hard work.
Be strong, all. If I can stay sober with this job, I know you can! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=11704]Byrdlady[/MENTION], I think humility is one of the keys to getting this done. It took me quite awhile to check my ego at the door and give up my ideas that I didn't drink as much or as often as others, hadn't suffered the same consequences, never drank hard liquor, ... i.e. wasn't "as bad" as everyone else. I was desperately trying to protect NoSugar's battered ego. But, that kind of thinking, puffing my sad self up by trying to feel somehow superior to people who in this way were just like me, was pathetic and nothing but an obstacle to any chance of recovery. Amounts, frequencies, and types of alcohol are irrelevant. (And, once I had healed enough to see things clearly and have the courage to be honest, I realized I'd been fooling myself about how much and how often, anyway.) My life was controlled by what felt like my absolute need for alcohol and what also felt like my total inability to control it. I was addicted and think I probably still would be if not for you guys helping me face and accept the truth. Turns out I don't need it at all and as long as I have none, I'm in control.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters!

If booze is a problem for me in any way, then it's a problem. Doesn't matter if i drink 2 shots a week on saturday nights only. If it causes me ANY kind of distress or impacts negatively on my happiness, then it is a problem. I remember a former member 'One too many' who would have a shot or 2 as described once a week. She said it was a huge problem for her, as she'd obsess about having that drink all week amid the chaos of running a household with hubby and kids. Didn't look like much of a problem to me, but to her it was a huge crutch/issue/problem that she eventually stopped doing. Only we know. Only i can say. We are the boss.

In other news things are good here but er....a little crazy! :nutso:

take it easy out there.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Yep, I am the boss of me!! No room in my life for AL anymore.
I’m with you NS, love being in control of my life

Warm, overcast & humid here aka bad hair day. Summer is definitely not over yet.
Grateful I can spend a good portion of my day inside doing what I like to do. There is quality time to be had in retirement

Kensho, I think it's completely normal to have high times, followed by low times ~ we’re just human. We are fine provided we keep AL off the table, it’s never the answer. Changing up your routine, the flavor of tea you drink, reading something new & interesting are all great ways to wait out the mood changes. Do something to help yourself but just don’t drink, right?

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

So many great posts and things to think about. Thank you. All.

IÂ’ve written my letter, itÂ’s signed, sealed, and delivered to a special place. I will pull it out as needed. I hope I wonÂ’t need it, but I know itÂ’s there. IÂ’m glad I donÂ’t have to keep thinking of the bad things. It really does bring me down mentally and emotionally. I think itÂ’s time to move forward and onto good thoughts.

Byrdie, i had hiding places. I guess we all did. IÂ’m sure the people that did know I had a problem were my garbage men. Every Thursday morning. I donÂ’t have the ab pills, but at this point, I donÂ’t want anymore pills. I need to lean on you all for support, and believe in myself. I feel really strong, but I know this is only the start and itÂ’ll get difficult. IÂ’m not going to try and fool myself, but IÂ’m also going to deal with those issues as they come, be prepared with my tools and my lovely humans on MWO.

Great points, G. It doesnÂ’t matter how much, or what drink, it matters if it screws with our brain constantly. I know that I couldnÂ’t ever have a clear head, as I was drunk, recovering from a drunk, or worried about the next drunk. What kind of life is that. ItÂ’s not. ItÂ’s just not.

Lots of storms in my neck of the woods today. Hmmm. Sounds a bit like everyday here.

Have a good night.