Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, all:

Sounds like a plan, J-vo. Don't drink no matter what.

Happy SOBER Friday, all. No Boozeville tickets here.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest. We saw an awesome band last night, though it was tough on a weeknight because I was tired!! We went with our friends who drink a lot. I saw her "go to the bathroom" several times and I knew the 3 glasses of wine she had at dinner was not enough. I am pretty sure I know what she was doing. She talked about the "mommy waters" she and her mountain town friends have - and I was clueless about what they were. I guess almost 2 years out of the loop is a good thing! HA! I was really glad I am no longer chained to that addiction.

I think the best thing about not drinking is being forced to develop new coping mechanisms. I didn't deal with life - I just drank to alleviate the discomfort. I still have a long way to go, but I feel so much more balanced and resilient because I forced myself to learn how to deal with uncomfortable things. It's worth it, for sure!

JVO, the perfection thing is real, and hard. I think many of us learned it from a parent and it's a hard one to tackle. I think it is repetitively beaten into our brains by ourselves or others that we can "do better", "be more", are "never enough". For as many times as those thoughts cross the brain, we have to counteract it with the opposite. I think it definitely takes some hard work to reverse those unrealistic standards. I consider myself a recovering perfectionist! Keep the alcohol out and over time, it will become easier to deal with all the things that come up! It is true that we have to rewire our brains. Make this your last quit and do this work. Going back to alcohol stops the progress. But once you're over a hump, it feels possible and you'll appreciate your new outlook and coping ability so much!

Note to self: if I ever go through times of doubt again, know that if I wait it out, life will show me again why I quit and reinforce my decision.

Happy start to the weekend to everyone! My husband and daughter have birthdays Sat/Sun, so we will be double celebrating!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I like this John Cleese quote on perfectionism:

“The problem was that I carried around with me a tendency to feel that other people’s respect for me would vanish if what I did was second rate. And while I accept that this “perfectionism” is likely to stimulate the production of better work, it doesn’t, unfortunately, go hand in hand with a relaxed and happy attitude to life.”

That was my approach in school - all As became the minimum requirement to my mind, with anything less appearing as failure. My parents did not insist on this or push me but all that early praise set me up, just like Cleese describes. It definitely is not a happy or relaxed way to live. The sooner we are comfortable with being imperfect, good-enough humans, the better!

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Afternoon all

Well day 3 has been a funny old day....came off a night shift and got home and after a bit of breakfast went to bed. Got up earlier this afternoon and to cut a long story short spent a very frustrating time on the phone trying to get some help...the nhs is SO frustrating but I eventually got an appointment for tomorrow with the Alcohol and Drug Advisory service... then sorted out some stuff for Mum which took ages, and just back from the shop and about to cook...

I was feeling a bit annoyed about how long it took to sort these things and then I thought, hang on, this time last week I wouldn't have even bothered...I'd just have opened another bottle. When I think of it like that, it makes me feel a lot better.

I'm still struggling a bit but I'm confident I'll get through

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hang in there Tony! You will be happy you persevered!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Tony, I called the DMV yesterday to try and get an appointment to get a 'Real ID' I think that's what they are calling it. It took several calls and disconnects, once I got thru, I wrote the number down wrong that the prompts gave me (I wasn't expecting to have to call another phone number) but I finally got through to a person. In true fashion, the information she gave me as to what I needed to bring left me confused. 2 forms of address ID, 2 forms of personal ID, a voter registration card, a W2, a car registration, a birth certificate....good grief. I'm bringing everything I have and hope for the best. The first appointment I could get is for September 26.

I got fussed at from a coworker for giving out her email address to a customer. Go figure. Whatever. No more word from my big deal I'm trying to get....that can't come soon enough.
BIL is adjusting to his new normal. The meds have made him feel lightheaded, hoping that passes. He seems to be in good spirits, all things considered. It could have had a much different ending and we are hearing all kinds of stories where it did. I am so grateful for all the well wishes from my nestmates!
It's only Friday, not a ticket to BoozeVille! Byrdie

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

J, all you have to do is get through the day and keep up with your support. I always made it my plan to do three things each day as i was so damn tired and deprived. Now i just feel so damn tired.

My son came home last night drunk and proceeded to break a blind and trash my kitchen and abuse me. this is the 2nd time he has done this so its got to stop. i lived with al abuse when i was young and i wont live with it now. one step forward and two back. The joy of children! Lucky i have my other childrens support and they are going to speak to him. what he doesnt realise is the life i have now i wont give up, i dont want the life he is living and i dont want it for him but its hard to see there is a life al free when al rules your life. I so wanted a smoke but called my daughter and moved on from that thought. They are such a support.

Today i am getting out in the garden and starting to plant the tomatoes and seedlings for my vege garden. carl will help me of course which makes it more time consuming but definitely more fun.

Lav, how is hubs going? Hopefully it will start to cool down for you now.

Steady and G, a Sunday is probs best for me (sorry i forgot to reply before). Will be in touch.

best get going before all the hungover people of the world decide to do something ha ha.

take care xx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

So sorry you had to deal with that situation with your son Ava I think as bad as it was that we drank it's harder to see our kids do it now

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I can honestly say it’s cooled down here to the point of actually feeling chilly, go figure! I hope this coolness sticks around for a while

Ava, it’s been so long since I have had a kid living at home. If I did have one he certainly would not be behaving like that or I would have tossed his ass out real fast. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Look after yourself & give him the boot next time :hug:

Kensho, enjoy your big birthday weekend. We have that around Thanksgiving with my son & grandson’s birthdays.

Byrdie, we haven’t done the Real IDs yet, haha, sounds ridiculous.
Glad your BIL is improving!

Hello to Tony, Pauly, NS, Pav & everyone checking in today.
I’m going out to play with my chickens for a while since it’s not blazing hot for a change.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[NoraC]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava - I'm so sorry that you are dealing with that. I agree with you about not going to live like that again. Great job on passing on the smokes.

Byrdie - I hope your BIL feels better & better each day. And I hope that you can enjoy your weekend away from that awful job.

Lav - enjoy your chickens and the cooler weather.

Waves to everyone in the nest.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

I HATE that when my alarm goes off on a week day I am sound asleep and in the middle of a dream. Then on the weekends I wake up earlier than when my alarm is set. I am VERY bad at sleeping in - frustrating.

Tony - in what way are you struggling? Craving? Doubting your success? Good on you for making that appointment, and share your struggles - you're sure to get some advice here.

Ava - that is shitty. Sorry. I get very protective of you and want to tell that ungrateful son to get out, but I know that we can't do that with our own kids. Take care of yourself first and I'm glad you have your daughters to talk to.

NS - I love John Cleese. What I hear in that sentence though, is that it leads to better work. I feel like I want my work to be its best because the stakes are high in education - someone else's kids I am responsible for. However, the slight reduction in perfect work will not get in the way of their futures, and I need to take care of myself if I am to sustain.

Sounding great, Kensho. Was your shakiness about your conviction to stay sober? Or were you just feeling sorry for yourself? I'm asking because I get in to that pity party from time to time - this isn't fair, why me? Lav's great advice is to cultivate a practice of gratitude. It helps a lot. I know you're grateful for a lot in your life, and glad you're through the slump.

Lav - yes, enjoy your chickens. How many do you have? Are they for eggs? Is the smell bad? I always contemplate chickens but I am afraid of the smell as our yard is small and close to the house.

Hi, Nora!

Happy SOBER Saturday all, and hi to everyone else.

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Steady - glad to see you, and sorry to hear about your husband's health situation. Maybe a wake-up call? Sounds like he can at least make some changes now and possibly turn the ship around though. Good thing you don't drink and hopefully now there will be two of you!

Tony - pushing passed temptations and arriving back in "glad i don't drink" land is an awesome experience and it should help strengthen your quit. I think sometimes experiencing those temptations and managing them sharpens our tools but also shows us things can be (and ARE) different. Hope the appt helps!

Ava - oh no, that behavior from your son is not ok! I know you know that. I guess like Pav I feel protective of you and all other nest-mates. Sorry to hear you've got such an unpleasant situation to deal with, but I know you'll do what's best for you (and for him, quite frankly). Can't wait to see the pics of newly-groomed little man Carl!

Jvo - it does indeed sound like a plan. Not all plans are complex; in fact, the simplest I've ever heard was: Just Don't Drink. But you've acknowledged some of the underlying issues and come up with alternative ways to frame things. You've got a mid-day regrouping time planned. Now maybe just think about the window of time between the end of the school day and past the witching hour. I've never been a classroom teacher but I've taught in programs that basically served a school pop and had the same daily schedule/rhythm, and those 3 ours or so between the final bell and maybe dinner time were the most tempting times to drink - like "I made it through another day and now I deserve/need/want to drink..." For me it helped to have a safe routine for that window of time as well. What are your thoughts?

Byrdie - sounds like your BIL is doing well, and I'm glad to hear his medical team raised the topic of depression after the experience. Discovering we're in poor health or similar can fee like a deep hole to climb out of (just like realizing we're alcoholics). Sounds like time for him to have a plan as well!


Things have been pretty good in Wagland, just busy. Scores from the July test were released 3 days ago, and that always results in a flurry of updates from former students plus inquiries from potential new ones. I maintain a student roster that pays my bills but also allows me time to live my life. One of the few perks of self-employment is that I can decide not to work with someone if it doesn't feel like a good fit. I've picked up a few new students over the past few days, but I've also declined several and am on the brink of declining one more. My intuition is pretty reliable (in life, not just in this type of situation) and this one guy I talked to yesterday just left me with a funny feeling I can't quite pinpoint. No real red flags, but several blurry yellow ones. I think I even had a dream where I was trying to figure that one out - dream was on a totally different topic but definitely had the flavor of "my brain is chewing on some sort of decision in my life." Unfortunately I woke up before I got to the answer! That's ok - I've promised myself I'd decide by the end of today.


Day off today and gonna go for a nice long bike ride, then come home and enjoy our beautiful (thanks to my wife) backyard. Hope your weekends are all off to fantastic starts!

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Saturday morning,

Tony, thatÂ’s great youÂ’re going to see someone. And I know how frustrating it can be to get appointments but damn, you got a day later appointment? ThatÂ’s pretty awesome. I called for an eye appointment yesterday and canÂ’t go until the end of October. Well, I do believe your sobriety is more important than my eyes, so glad for you!

Kensho, great advice. Thank you so much. Mommy waters? I never heard of that one. Does she mean going to pee or drinking something in the bathroom? I guess we all have those shaky moments and times where we become uncomfortable in our sobriety and thatÂ’s why support (daily) is key. And yes, letting the shakiness pass and not acting on that urge is what we need to do. The addictive voice comes back to haunt even in later sobriety I see, and we have to remember what tools to use to kick its ass.

Thanks for that quote, NS. Good stuff. I need to practice to be the best imperfect person out there, until I get it right!:egad:

Byrdie, when do we have to have “real “ID’s? Glad BIL is doing better!

Ava, youÂ’re in my thoughts, you know. And will keep up with that support and just not drink. My plan.

Pauly, I agree! So much harder when itÂ’s our kids.

Wags, good question. My DH and I rejoined the gym. So we will be going after work (we have very similar schedules) and walking in treadmill and some weight machines. If IÂ’d go home first, IÂ’d never go back out. ThatÂ’ll get me through that time, and give me the opportunity to release the stress of the day. After that, eat, nightly routine, little tv, little mwo and bed! When that doesnÂ’t work, I will come home, close my eyes for half hour, sit in front of tv and go to bed. I guess it depends on how IÂ’m feeling. I will not drink, though.

Hey Nora, Pv, Lav , LC, Belle, G! Have a great day.

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for all the comments and continued support. The counselling session went really well. I am actually really surprised at just how much is going on in and around our town to support those with alcohol and/or drug addictions. I've got my eye on a couple of things, one will be to join in a walk next Friday to a coastal area just on the edge of town which not only gives the chance to meet with others and chat but also to sea seals in the wild. I'm polishing off my camera already! And a great incentive to make it sober to then as they will turn you away if you've been drinking.

They also have an alternative to AA which is more scientific/psychologically based called Smart Recovery which is both physical meetings and online ones so I'll go and have a lurk and see if it's for me.

Also they gave me a couple of pointers as to how to get a same-day Doctor's appointment which I'll try on Monday.

As to my current struggles, I've gone cold turkey this time and not yet got any medication to help. She told me the first 4 days are the worst and tomorrow will be a good day in comparison....may just be a ruse to encourage me through the next 24 hours, I'll have to wait and see.

The session was unhurried and went on for nearly 90 minutes. It was a VERY positive experience and has left me feeling a lot better.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I love John Cleese. What I hear in that sentence though, is that it leads to better work.

But how much better? I’ve often worked well past the point of rapidly diminishing returns. I was glad when in high school our son told me he had decided to be a 94% (low A) student. I had always forced myself to work twice as long for the few percentage points more. Obviously I had no awareness of cost vs benefit, making myself very stressed.