Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Unhung Monday morning, Nesters!

Just posted yesterday evening, but there are few things I love more than an Un-hung Monday morning.. The week in front of me and I'm ready for it. Actually a bit tired as I awoke at 1am and couldn't fall back to sleep.. but otherwise good.
Ava, that sounds like such a lovely time with your daughters! Well done putting that desk together! We had a similar experience a few weeks ago with an armoire.. almost killed it! You must be saving LOADS of money by not smoking! I know I am by not drinking! I'm not "saving".. I never do.. but I notice I have way more money than I used to. I much prefer buying concert tickets, going out to dinner, etc. If I'm adding conservatively, I've already won 300 euros by not drinking.. Good for you on the new nutrition plan! We just made a smoothie for my youngest's school lunch and she was a bit disappointed with the taste of the celery.. I may have added a bit too much..:happy2: So are you not drinking any coffee for 8 weeks?
Reinforcement, Kensho!:love:
Haha, G-man! I can just imagine..

Big hugs to everyone and a lovely Monday!!

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,Kensho,I must not have understood your post were you worried you were gonna drink cuz you don't feel you have a problem or were you just thinking out loud? I'm confused haha,tired brain LC,yea it's nice to not be hungover but allergies almost make me feel like I am complete with the bloodshot, burning eyes! This "fall" seems really bad for my whole family,I thought we were sick with a cold but maybe it's a combo of both,I've been saving alot of money too,part saved part spent on whatever I want haha,Lav,dunno what you'd have done if they had caught a tuna! I have no clue what fresh tuna tastes like only have had canned and even that's rare,I try to like fish for the health benefits but barf=not for me,they hired another crazy lady at work that they're gonna fire today this is person number 4 in the past year and I'm sure not the last,the "manager" just doesn't seem to know how to pick anyone decent,hope this one goes easy and don't cause any problems,I'm sooooo glad I'm not in charge! Wouldn't need/want that headache,waves to the gang,crazy morning puppy is trying to chew my basket I keep shoes in,it never ends! Have a Fab day and don't drink-its gross.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, All:

Kensho, for sure when we compare ourselves with others is when we get into trouble. When I hear Byrdie's tales I can safely say that I never snuck booze in a hairspray bottle, but I'm SURE I did something she never did. Like G says, it is your own line you create and your own relationship with alcohol that matters. Any ideas what is causing your thinking to drift? It helps me to look back at posts from the early days and my journal from before a quit. NOT a happy camper. Cultivate gratitude, think of all you've gained (for example, I've heard you talk about your presence with your kids)! What do you need from us to stop feeling drifty??

Mr. G - glad to see you pop in with pearls of wisdom. I hope you're doing well.

Lav - send that rain my way. As usual, we really, really need it here.

I'm sure I've saved money, but more than that, I've saved calories! I can eat more delicious food without gaining weight - so stoked about that!

Happy SOBER Monday.

Pav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yes, Pav, the hairspray bottle was a classic. EVEN knowing that hiding it that way, and gulping it in my closet wasn't enough to make me stop. I knew it was bad, but I was too afraid of being without it to quit. Just the THOUGHT of being without made me scared. I told myself I would just quit some time in the future....not NOW.

I believe that if you are dependent on AL, you are best served to abstain. The quantity is irrelvant. I didn't start out drinking a bottle and half of wine, my tolerance increased over time. I started out drinking only occasionally. Then more occasionally. Then daily. The more daily. I knew I had a problem at two drinks a day. It's only a matter of semantics, I was an alcoholic (or problem drinker) from the beginning (and I knew it). I think we all know in our hearts of hearts what our truth is. Normal drinkers don't give AL a second thought. They can quit with NO problem at all, they can take it or leave it....they don't keep track of how long it's been since they drank, it's just a NON thing. I am very aware of my last drink. I'm aware of what others drink. I do not have control when it comes to AL. I am an alcoholic. My best strategy is to avoid it at all costs. Moderate drinking is considered 7 units (drinks) per week for a female. I blew past that in my late twenties.
If you are happier not drinking, then don't drink. That's what I'm doing, so far, so good. 3197 AF days...and counting! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pauly, just thinking out loud. I don't always word things well. I haven't drank, but have thought about it more than I used to. A person made one comment concerning me belonging here and my alcohol voice took it and ran with it. The voice was just waiting in the darkness for a crack, and that comment, as benign as it was meant, was a crack that the voice totally took advantage of and it told me, "See! You really could be a drinker... " I did not drink - but I have not completely sealed that crack off yet, so it lurks in the shadows and regularly tells me lies like, "You weren't as bad as many alcoholics," or "You don't really fit, so you might as well drink". The crazy thing is that I KNOW that wasn't even the point of the comment, and I really respect those it came from - I just let it get into my head. Further evidence that it is just waiting for a green light of any kind to weasel its way back into my head.

Since then, I have had that little voice sitting on my shoulder whispering to me from time to time, saying "You're not really an alcoholic... your life wouldn't really fall apart if you drank," just like that cliche of a devil on one shoulder. Good thing is that on the other shoulder the other side is saying, "Your life is so much better," and "you hated being a drinker," and "You know better than that other AV voice". When I first quit drinking, I fought that voice all the time - but the pain I felt from drinking was much more recent. NOW, 22 months since my last drink, I haven't spent enough time remembering the reasons I quit, in painful detail.

Sorry to post so long, but it has been a problem with me since this summer. I had sealed that voice off - and now it lurks. That's all. And I think what I have to do is go back and maybe read old posts and try to remember all the reasons I quit. It's like I KNOW in my brain that I hated drinking, but I don't FEEL how much it sucked. I need to FEEL how awful it was and shut that stupid alcohol voice up again.

I apologize for calling that comment out again, but I've not been able to figure out how to totally deal with it so I'm just being honest. It is my OWN thinking about it, and I recognize that. Thank you all for being so supportive. I could not do this without you!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I'm really glad you're staying on top of this discomfort you're feeling.. I think reading back on the posts you wrote the first months you were quitting is a great idea! I remember you being on a scary roller coaster, feeling like you were sinking, completely out of control. You were quite unhappy. It does not matter, as Byrdie said above, how much you were drinking! It's how it affected you!
Pav responded to a thread in our stories.. "it's my turn, by 4theboyz".. I read the last few pages and there was a lot I could relate to. There's a great post about Pain and finding ways to keep the PAIN/the reasons we quit drinking in the first place, present in our minds.. as memories/realities fade and change with time.
I definitely don't want to lose sight of my reasons to get out of hell.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION], if a comment I carelessly made is the one that is bothering you, I sincerely apologize. I did not mean to convey the message you apparently received, but that's on me. Communication is the responsibility of the one speaking or writing. I won't try to explain again what I meant because it doesn't really matter. What matters is what you think.

My greatest hope for you and everyone here is to have the peace of mind that many of us have found by deciding not to drink alcohol again. The nagging, intruding thoughts you're experiencing now after 22 months are further evidence (to me) that you indeed should not drink ever again.

Please close that door and embrace without question the life you want and deserve. I hope you find peace, NS

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

NS, I have to agree with your view on AL. Close the door & enjoy your AF life which is what we all really want.
I spent a few years with memories of my drinking days hanging around in the background. They weren’t especially bothersome, they were just there. But now, after all this time I have found the memories have been moved to ‘storage’. I can certainly bring them back if I needed to do so but I don’t need them. I slammed the door on AL 10.5 years ago & I won’t be opening it anytime soon.

Kensho, you have done so well. I think we are all confident that you will keep your quit. Keep doing what. You have been doing, stay here & keep that AL door closed :hug:

I got to have lunch with an old work friend today. I am now watching two very loud little boys, haha! My day is complete.

Hello to everyone & wishing for a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[NoraC]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - I think it's a good idea to read old posts. I think that it really helps to remind ourselves of how we were.
Sometimes it just helps to remind myself of the way it really was. My situation wasn't pretty and I don't ever want to be there again.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

No apologies NS... just shows how manipulative this addiction is. It took what you said and I heard what I wanted to hear. It’s on ME. Wouldn't we ALL like to believe we no longer have a problem, that we’re fixed? Like I said yesterday, nothing you or anyone can say will change the experience I’ve had with alcohol. Beneath the wishful thinking is the sad truth of what my days had become, controlled by alcohol. I Just have to work at remembering it all. Thanks Nora, LC.

Lav, was this a work friend from the medical field? How is your husband doing?

Hope everyone has a good day.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning all:

Mr. G, I've been thinking about this idea:

What other people think is none of my business.

I can so easily get caught up in worrying about what other people think and say. The fact is that when I am grounded and have conviction in what I am saying or doing, I don't worry nearly as much. That grounding and conviction is around MUCH more now that I don't drink. And I LOVE the idea that whatever others think about me is none of my business. I had a recent experience where I was 100% fretting and worrying that other people had misunderstood my intention and me! I got some good advice from good friends and I was able to calm down and see the incident for what it was - a reflection of THEIR insecurity and unfamiliarity with the facts. Anyhoooo - put another check mark in the "what I've gained from being sober" column.

Good to see you pop in, Nora. I hope all is well...

Ava - making furniture can be horrendous or funny - glad you had the funny experience. Again, choosing that lens is crucial.

The weather turned again here and it is HOT again. I am hoping we get rain soon and move on to autumn...

Happy SOBER Tuesday,
Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

late check in for me again.. My mom and I are out in the country with a very good friend of mine.. brought my laptop along 'cause I thought I might want/need to check in with all of you. And though I don't think I really NEEDED to tonight, I'm very glad that I can. I'm glad I have this nest to come home to. It makes me feel grounded right now.. I know that no matter what happens during the day, I can come here and feel ok.
Pav and G-man, those were very timely words.. I went into work this morning and immediately picked up on the unspoken/and spoken! stress that was present. I also learned that I wasn't invited to a special birthday party of one of our co workers on Friday evening.. it was a bit of a strange situation as two people were talking about it as if I was going.. and then one finally asked and I said, no I'm not.. the other, who is my closest colleague knew but hadn't mentioned to me that she had been invited. My first feelings were those of being left out.. but when I was honest with myself, first of all I wouldn't have gone with my mom still being here.. second, I wouldn't really have wanted to go anyway. It was just the not being invited part which is quite egocentric of me.
I love that.. the above.. what other people think of me is none of my business!!

So my friend here drank half a bottle of wine and is starting on the whiskey as she talks to her boyfriend on the phone.. I don't think she drinks enough to feel crappy in the morning.. but I do wonder about her need to drink alone.. especially when she knows about my drinking issues and my mom's history.. ? I think she probably just doesn't want to make an issue out of it..but strange.

Anyway, I'm very glad NOT to have alcohol in my life.
I'm tired as tired can be so hitting the hay at 9pm.
Hugs to everyone.. thank you so much for being here and see you tomorrrow--xx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good to hear from you, LC :hug:. I'm glad checking in here has become a positive experience for you instead of yet another task.

That was pretty thoughtless of your friend but maybe people who truly can take it or leave it just aren't sensitive to what it feels like not to be so carefree. Or, maybe she indeed has a problem. I certainly didn't let many people or events stand in the way of my nightly fix. It is so sad and embarrassing to think about that now but like we've been discussing, it is good to remember where we were and never want to be again.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

What a day. Blech.
It is hard to shrug off hurtful words and actions, I’m still working on that myself. I know that you can’t please everyone. One of the things I just love about sales (not).
AL IS gross.
hugs to all, Byrdie.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still raining here, wish I could share some with you Pav.

Kensho, yes I did meet with a nurse friend yesterday. She’s the only one still working in our circle of friends. If it wasn’t the need for health insurance she would be retired like the rest of us. I feel bad for her, dealing with several autoimmune diseases & still making it to work! Btw, this friend no longer drinks at all due to all the meds sh’s on. Not drinking is becoming perfectly normal & acceptable!

Hi Nora & NS!

LC, friends can be real shitty sometimes. People change & get weird but you don’t have to be bothered by them. Keep on enjoying your AF life & your Mom.

Hello to the whole gang & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav