Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good MAE:

I had a great weekend but our power went out and I re-set my alarm for 6pm! Oops. Running out to work, but checking in is such a part of my routine I'd feel weird without it.

Happy MONDAY.
Pav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,

Thanks everyone for giving me a lot of things to think about after my previous post. I'm on day one again (see below)...I'm still working on it. I will not give up. done it before and I can do it again.

I'm back from a weekend away for son's fashion show. It was awesome and I'm so very proud of him. A professor walked up to him after the show and pointed at him and said "You have potential", and invited him to work on a pet project of hers: creating a copy of a vintage gown that she has been working on for years. However, knowing the trouble he might be facing it was such a bittersweet weekend. He's coming home tomorrow for Thanksgiving and I just want to love and protect him.

Lav, we drove home from PA Sunday morning in that crazy snow. Hubby's tires are not that great so it was a white knuckle ride for a while. He's getting new tires today so he can safely pick up son tomorrow if PA decides to have a white thanksgiving.

I tossed out all the AL out of the house...so what does hubby do last night? Bring home a bottle of wine. Shamefully I had half a glass before it seemed that I even realized what I was doing. It seems that I have lost that ability to 'stop' before doing. I just don't know what is wrong with me. I wonder if hubby is testing me bringing that shit into the house. If he doesn't finish it tonight...out it goes.

Due to that even small bit of wine and the anxiety, I slept very little last night. AND both cars are in the shop. Perhaps daughter is not quite ready to be left home alone for a weekend. She (with only a learners driver permit) backed my car out of the driveway to jump start boyfriend (or whatever he is)'s car that broke down in the middle of the street. She's pretty proud of the fact that she knows how to do that. However, when driving back into the driveway I think a transmission cable broke (seems like the same thing that happened in September) and had to leave the car straddling the sidewalk because it couldn't be moved any further despite the posse of guys she enlisted to help push it up the driveway. It must have been a spectacle to the neighbors to see all this action in front of my house at 10:30pm...and clearly myself and my husband were nowhere in sight. Sigh. I'm waiting for the neighbors to report this to me. And I would not be surprised if someone told me that boyfriend's car was parked in front of our house all night, though that would be quite a feat knowing how his parents keep him in line.

With all the car juggling and people shuttling I took the day off from work. daughter has a psych appointment this afternoon and then hopefully I can nap before taking her to gymnastics. Life is such a grind right now.

Goal: 7 days as Lav suggested, and check in here daily.

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

it is witching hour and I swear the beast won't get me tonight.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

No freaky weather today, haha although the thermometer did hit 60 for a minute or two.

Belle, we all know you have a lot going on with your family. Truth is, we probably all have family issues we are dealing with right now. No one’s problems are worse or less important , we all have to deal. I delayed quitting for a long time because I thought (hoped) that my issues would would fix themselves (husband) but it didn’t work out that way. I finally had to decide I wanted to quit, for myself more than anything. Waiting for another individual to want to fix their problem first was just futile. I had to surrender. To save myself, literally.
Make the commitment to yourself to quit, regardless of anything or anyone else. You put YOU first! Tell your husband to keep his wine somewhere else. Mine has a fridge in his garage & that’s where his beer went. I never drank it, I just didn’t want to see it in the house. Give yourself the gift of 7 AF days, you’ll have no regrets, promise :hug:

Pauly, I personally removed my daughter from a shitty boyfriend situation many years ago. I wasn’t about to sit & wait to see how bad things were going to get. But that’s me, I Would much rather be proactive in these situations. An anonymous call to the PD is also an option - just saying. Your daughter & those precious little boys deserve much better :hug:

Wags, I hope the rest of your week is quiet & peaceful now

Pav, hope you weren’t too awfully late for work, Lol

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

I’m so sorry Pauly and Belle, for your family troubles. I wish I could help. Family will drive you nuts.

Hard day at work, glad it’s done.
So glad that I know I will be heading in to the holidays SOBER. That’s one problem I won’t have to deal with. Pretty nice, huh?
hugs to all, Byrdie

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone ... Some of you may remember me and I do catch up on many of you frequently. So proud of your sobriety, how hard you all worked together to be there every day for each other. Reading your many words of support truly brought peace and understanding .

Many of you were very supportive and kind when I posted my story about my son’s struggles with sobriety, so many of you messaged me and gave me hope. This is a heartbreaking saga from beginning to end. How does anyone ever find peace once a child is taken by alcohol addiction. AUD had been a Life long struggle for my son . He was so gifted and talented, and truly loved . He will truly be missed. He was my heart, my only child. He also struggled with ADHD and the COMBINATION was lethal. This is the worst day of my life. All the pain and struggles he endured for so many years I know now that he is at peace and he is finally free. Dear heavenly Father, God Bless him and give him a home where he will always be loved . RIP my dear sweet beautiful son.

[abcowboy]

So sorry to hear about the passing of your son [MENTION=21527]SHADES_of_IDAHO[/MENTION] ...

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning:

Belle - parenting teens is NOT for the faint of heart. I have found it SO much easier to do sober. There is no second guessing myself, even as I am second guessing them.

And as Pauly can attest, it doesn't get easier always. I hope things are ok with you, Pauly and family.

I was talking with my husband about weight loss yesterday and I was talking about the social accountability for quitting booze that seems to work for me. Once I confessed THE TRUTH about my drinking habits to my husband, my therapist and my best friend, I couldn't retract it. They KNEW and I knew (because I asked) that they would always hold me accountable. If I had told my best friend "oh, I had to drink because of this thing that caused so much stress," she would have said, "that's bulls&*t, Pav, if you don't drink you'll be able to handle it better," rather than telling me it was ok. In other words, it was other people in person who helped at first. Of course I got a lot of support here, but if you don't want to hear the truth here, all you have to do is not log on. Now I have people here who would chase me down with a brick, and even if I am at my weakest, I know they won't let me fail. I highly recommend telling people face to face if you can - it really helped me.

A sober holiday is one of the things I am most grateful for. It helps keep me in line. The Thanksgiving Massacre is a thing of the past!

Happy SOBER Tuesday,
Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Shades - I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your son. I can only imagine how difficult that must be. :hug:

Belle - yep, as Lav said you have to decide you're gonna just quit now, while things are difficult. I know you haven't directly said you were waiting for them to get easier but that is often a pattern that delays or derails many a quit. For me I found that changing "but" to "and" was a key change in my internal dialog. I went from, "I want to quit but things are really challenging right now" (which leaves the door open for drinking as a coping mechanism) to "I want to quit andthings are really challenging right now." The latter framing acknowledged that I was dealing with hard stuff, and it also prioritized my quit in spite of those challenges. I truly hope things work out ok for your son, and if they don't, I know you will be there for him. Be sober there for him.


Just a quick check-in for me today too. I have a light week or work :yay: and want to hit the ground running on getting some house projects done and doing some fun stuff too. Will check in again tonight or tomorrow morning.

Happy Tuesdays-into-Wednesdays everyone!

[Nursie]

Re: Newbies Nest

Struggling today- haven’t had a chance to read back too far

Belle- how did you make out last night?
Idaho- I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your son. I remember you. My heart is with you.

Me- I’m struggling today. I have a hair appointment tonight and as dumb as it may sound, I always truly enjoy having the complimentary wine while receiving my spa treatments. I MUST change this way of thinking and need some ideas on how to say no when they bring it to me.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Shades, i am so sorry to hear about your son but he is at peace now. My brother died from al and i was so angry when he died. Why didnt he just stop were my thoughts. Well fast forward that to 5 years later and i wound up nearly like him. Some of us can stop drinking and some cant. He doesnt need to fight anymore but its just so sad knowing that al took a dear life. Take care of yourself.

Nursie, maybe you need to grow your hair! Just remember one wine will never be enough. What do you enjoy about the complimentary wine? The spa relaxes you not the wine. You can get through anything Nursie

Belle, if hubs bring wine home put it out of sight and tell him why and that you will tip the next bottle out he brings into the house. If you arent strong in your sobriety then no one else will do it for you. I have had a stressful few weeks and at no time have i wanted to drink, i would have sold my left leg for a smoke but at 240 days its not worth it. Smoking is a crutch and i have to learn to live life without any, it doesnt help with my stress, it doesnt solve the problem, it gives me more by being addicted again. So i have kept myself busy and the thoughts are going. I know my health is better without them as it is with drinking, i cant imagine drinking again, that was who i was, its not who i am now.

Pauly, i hope you are doing ok now. Good advice from Lav.

Hump day here and having a case of the tireds. Cant wait for a break at xmas time.

takce care xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Shades, I am very sorry for your loss. I know how much you loved your son & always wanted better for him. Take comfort in knowing he is no longer suffering & take care of yourself too :hug:

Nursie, saying no is easy when you really mean it, honestly! I found that out myself & was quite surprised, haha! And remember you don’t owe anyone an explanation for saying No Thank you

Belle, I hope you are OK & your kids are working on solutions for their issues. They’re not babies anymore, they need to take responsibility too. It’s not our jobs as parents to fix all of their problems, even when we think we should. That’s the hard part of parenting.
When my kids were in elementary school our state university offered a parenting class. They pointed out that not all problems are our problems (as parents) to solve. The older the kid gets the more responsibility they should take on as theirs. Made sense to me!

Ava, like you I have encountered many stressful times since my quit but never had the desire to drink. I found it harder & longer to get the smoking thoughts out of my head. I truly understand & you are doing a great job!

Wags, enjoy your light work week, yay!

Hello to Pav, Byrdie, Pauly & everyone.

Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Cowboy Beautiful prayer I will always remember your kindness. Thank you for such a lovely poem.

Thank you all for all your kind words and support. I never wanted this day to come yet I knew it would eventually be a reality.

Your all always in my heart and I hope and pray that you all stay in a place of sobriety and always have support . Your family and friends love you all beyond the moon and back.remember your important your loved and so many need you and depend on you and lucky to be alive. No one can do this alone. Even some with all the support in the world its never enough.

I will be here always.....

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Shades, my deepest sympathies to you and your family. It is tragic, no 2 ways about it. No words of mine can make it better, but please know we are holding you close in our prayers, and wishing you comfort and peace.

I just got my hair cut and colored, they had a tray of brownies out. I just had to say NO!
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle, you got this. You know what you have to do. Cool to hear about your son in fashion... my absolute favorite show is Project Runway. An avenue of art that I didn't pursue, but think is fabulous. Congrats on the compliment to him!

Shades, I am sending you all the comforting thoughts I can muster. I am so sorry for your loss, and am thinking about you.

Nursie, what is it about the wine... a spa IS for relaxation, but also about detoxing and health. Wine does not help with that! Hope you had an enjoyable visit!

Hello to the rest of the Nest. I got through our two day mountain meeting on site - through lots of snow and 4 hours in 20 degrees doing a framing walk! It was fun to be away from home and exhausting. I had a migraine all day Sat and Sun. Yesterday we took the kids to a museum and today I worked. Got enough done to be off through Sunday, and I'm looking forward to that.

I love sleep. And I'm getting it now! We have always gone away for the week of Thanksgiving so it's weird to be at home. It's not as relaxing - as our chores are staring at us - and we had to shovel 15" of snow this am... but it's nice to be at a slower pace.

We have visitors the next two nights and I'm already looking up new mocktail recipes. They all know I don't drink, and that's the only way I can have these gatherings. Like PAV said, once the main players know, there's no room for wishy-washy.

Anyway, I'm grateful to be sober and relatively healthy. Hi to those I missed!