Newbies Nest

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

already in bed so it’s going to be quick. the last few days have worn me out a bit. feeling quite good and strong despite of the exhaustion though.
warmest things to you all,
Jules

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Two days before Easter & winter makes a sudden return. Wind chills & snow flurries & freeze warnings for tonight - geez, not exactly spring-like. Maybe this weather will freeze the corona virus & just wipe it out ~ wishful thinking I know!
Out of necessity my 11 yr old grandson is here today, overnight until sometime late tomorrow. Love having that kid around, he’s good company. His arrival 11 years ago is what prompted me to get serious & quit for good. He’s my hero :hug:

Jane, I cook quite a bit but never getting a day off is getting tiring Lol. Can’t live on PNB sandwiches forever!! Glad to see you

Chances, put your quit plan together now & be sure to cover all your known triggers. It’s a huge help & we all need all the help we can get!
Self pity was a big issue for me so I knew I had to replace it with something positive & gratitude worked like a charm. Make a list of things/people you are grateful for & refer to it often.

Julia, I hope you get some rets this weekend, stay well!

Hello Ava, Wags, Pauly, Pav & everyone.

Wishing a sfae & comfy night in the nest for all. Think I’ll actually go light a fire, why not?

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey Nesters!
Jane, SO GOOD to see you! You are always a welcome sight! I’m so glad you are keeping well!
Chances, the night before I quit, my hubs packed his bags and left me. I had a choice to make and incredibly, it was hard. AL or Hubs. Crazy isn’t it? That’s the power of addiction. I have found during my 10 years on this site, that we are all unique in the same way. A common enemy unites us all.
Julia, I wonder if you’d tuck that post in the Tool Box for safe keeping. It was a winner! I’m so proud of your three months!
I was cleaning behind the toilet this afternoon and a rib popped out of place! I mean OUCH! I was leaning over the toilet and felt it pop. My word is it sore. Sheesh.
It’s only Friday, not a ticket to BoozeVille! :rara: Stay the course, no matter what! Byrdie

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters, I've been away for a long long time. I had this fantasy that I would come back and say that I made it to 30 days sober. Well that is not happening. I can go 4 or 5 days, but then some trigger (usually related to the teens) kicks me into drinking. Hubs has turned into the master chef so he needed sherry for a recipe. doesn't taste great but does the trick. But again, as I wasn't drinking daily, I can barely string a week together. So here I am, tail between my legs again.

My real trigger is boredom, and I barely have any desire to find something to do. I walk sometimes, but since winter winds made a reappearance here, that is cut off for a few days. Online yoga sometimes...and I am lucky that I still have a job and can work from home. Downside is I have to share a very small office space with hubs and his noises and odors (if you get my drift) make it not the best place to be productive.

So I'm back here yet again to be accountable. I am really sick of the mornings I wake up after I drink feeling guilty. bottom like is the guilt is not worth the 'relief' that booze gives me.

And speaking of 'tail between the legs' we did get a new puppy at the end of February. She is a mutt rescued from Puerto Rico. We are waiting on DNA test results because she is such a beautiful dog, if you overlook her huge ears that hopefully she will grow into. I compare them to radar as one is always up when she is sleeping, and listening for any activity. However she is very anxious, and shakes if I drop something, or once I opened an umbrella and she shook for a half hour. I'll post a pic when I can.

Even if it is just reading or saying 'I'm here' I need to do this. yes I've said this 100 times before but I need the force of all of you great people behind me. I need some cheering on as I get very little appreciation from my family. they all have their own lives and things to do. I feel like persona non grata.

sending love to all

...edited to say I need to update my avatar. seeing Piper's picture still tears me up

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Yesterday I neglected to say HI JANE!!!!! So good to see you pop in! I'm sorry you still have to have surgeries, but glad to hear you're on the mend. I DEFINITELY feel like a cook, too. I don't mind, though, as the rest of them are on clean-up crew. Great to see you.

And Belle! I've been thinking of you as I think we have teens around the same ages. My quaran-teen is quite unpleasant at times - I just have to remind myself that in real life we'd see him about 5 minutes a day - he's probably quite sick of us now! He's very great at other times, and I just hold on for those. You got this - no need for cooking sherry. And I cooked for 5 years without booze - your husband can do it, too...

Not much to report here. Doing a lot of exercise this week has helped me feel better.

Happy SOBER Saturday,
Pav

[outofchances]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all. Hope everyone is doing well. Strange day here. In between night shifts and quite bored. But I get to go to work soon so at least that's something. I've got to get a basic plan going - a bit of structure. I feel like I'm in limbo tbh. With everything shut down, I can't make any progress with my living arrangements, and I'm fixated on that. I'm resisting the urge to beg for one last chance - it would be pointless and just cause more upset. I'm keeping a lid on it. emotionally speaking, which isn't healthy. I'm going to have to check to see if counsellors are operating at the moment.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Nice but a chilly day around here. I’m enjoying have one grandkid here despite the circumstances for his visit.
This will be one strange Easter, one that we surely will remember, right?

Chances, yes you do need structure & that is in the form of a plan. I know it’s not so simple right now with social distancing but I think you can come up with some activity, some hobby, a pile of books that need reading, cooking, anything right now to fill in your drinking time. See what you can come up with that will make you happy & not think about drinking. I know here in the US mental health specialists are ‘seeing patients’ online right now.

Belle, glad you came back & I am pretty sure you know what to do. Get that plan out & update it & keep it with you. Let’s make this your last & final quit, no excuses

Pav & Byrdie, hello to you & everyone dropping in later.
Wishing all of us a safe night in the nest & Happy Easter tomorrow if you are celebrating

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

I look so forward to coming on here every day and reading, it gives me accountability and knowing you are all safe and well.

Chances, one day at a time, you have a lot to prove to your family. it took me 6 plus months for my children to believe i was serious in not drinking, i had lost their trust but i had not lost their love thankfully. I watched a lot of you tube videos on alcoholism and looked at each one saying to myself "that could have been me". Instead of me thinking i was invincible i had to realise that al could kill me like it did my brother. Change your thinking, be grateful you have a roof over your head, be grateful you have a job, be grateful you are sober today. Gratitude is an amazing tool to learn on your journey. The only thing you need to focus on is being sober, the rest will come.

Hi Jane, glad your are recovering, its been a long road for you and thank god you dont drink. Oh my Mads, i miss her to bits each day, 16 years was a long time to have my girl. Thank you for thinking of her. I do have Carl now and he's a joy, has a bit of mads in him and a bit of rupey. He is wearing his winter clothes now and some are mads, brings back some lovely memories.

Belle, welcome back and lovely to see you. Are you bored or are you feeling down and depressed? I know in these uncertain times that i really have to push myself to do something some days. I am grateful i have my work and i believe i am holding up the economy by shopping atm. What about your chalk work, that table was beautiful. I have found diamond painting which is putting dots on a picture, that takes me to just doing that, no thinking, no overthinking, just doing. Pav is playing games online, Lav is cooking, Kensho is exercising as is Wags, Jane has become a chef (ha), and the list goes on. We are all trying to find ways to keep busy in these times. Could you google what else to put in with meals except al and give a list to your hubs to use to take away temptation or sit him down and have a serious conversation about how you want to stop drinking but find it hard with the al around. Just take this one day at a time lovely lady, you can do this. I would love to see a pic of your new puppy please.

Kensho, we did have an email off our CEO the other day saying they will be asking staff to come in and retrain when this shit hits the fan here, we can refuse. Our hospital has a lot of staff coming down with it even with all the precautions. I am going in on Wednesday so will have a chat to my boss about helping if needed. The place is like a ghost town now compared to the busy bustling place it used to be.

Well enough waffling, have a great day/night and be safe and take care xx

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pav, i love your post. and the ”dry drunk” is a new one for me that was very enlightening to me, as in: it just fits.

over the last years, my alcoholism was less severe then before. since doing the baclofen treatment I did get back to drinking, but not to daily binging. then it’s tempting to think hey you see, I’ve got this under control. of course compared to the life I was leading before it was an improvement. but i think sobriety is not the only ingredient of recovery.
there is this TED talk that’s called (something like) “the opposite of sobriety is not abstinence, but connection”. i saw that a few years ago on this forum and of course I thought hey see, I’ll work on connection and then my addiction will gradually get better.
I do think that because of the disconnection and loneliness in my life ‘til 10 years ago it was much more difficult for me to get sober, then it is now. Being more of a ‘part time’ alcoholic since then has enabled me to recover from a lot of trauma, and to build up a life. I was gradually feeling I was part of the world. But I’m finding now that true connection, which is connection to myself as well and to others is impossible while still having a foot addiction (I had two feet in of course). while I had built up a life, and even met the love of my life, I was still in a big way not connecting to it. I was still outside. Continued drinking kept me locked up in a very limited parallel universe. and this prevents growth.

i can relate to the thought patterns you described very well Chances. And I must be honest in saying that it wasn’t until I put al absolutely off the table that I was able to start working through them i a profound way, dismantling them, taking responsibility and step into my life without reservation or excuses. that's what i'm in right now and it feels vulnerable (mostly in a good and open way) and strong.

feeling like a persona non grata, it’s what got me into addiction at a young age and still is at the core of my triggers. cynically, addiction has always has kept me locked inside this identity of the outcast. It’s like getting stoned or drunk is casting yourself out in a seemingly self chosen way. I find that I since being sober I have the experience of “I am already here. I cannot be cast out. I can choose who I want to connect with and how, and take my responsibility for this.” This gives me struggles and brings up old pain, but while staying with the trouble I can find my answer to that.

Byrdie, thanks that touched me a lot!

and what you write too Ava. being grateful is something I learned at this forum. it’s such a step out of victim identity. while at first feeling like your giving something up, it’s actually very empowering and freeing.

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yes, Lav I do know what to do. they key for me is never just take 'one' taste of any AL. the first one is the killer because it leads to 50 more 'tastes'. if I can just remember that simple fact, I'll do well. I have to keep it simple.

Here are a couple of pics of my (really my daughter's) new pup "Bonnie". The first one was posted on the rescue site when we fell in love with her. The second is from last week. She is about 4 months old and is losing her baby teeth. Please...no ear jokes. We've heard them all. :happy2:

Bonnie adoption pic (1).jpg

IMG_9702.jpg

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle - glad to see you, tail between legs or otherwise. Stick tight to the nest, post every day even if just to check in - it really does help with accountability as others have mentioned. That is SUCH a cute pupper!!!

Ava - I imagine things will change even more if this virus hits your area harder as they're predicting it might when the weather warms. Sounds like you're thinking ahead and ready to do what's necessary to keep yourself safe but also to ensure people get the care they're gonna need.


Quick fly by for me this morning. I woke with a stiff neck/shoulder (trapezius) and need to go walk and stretch and otherwise warm the muscle up to get it to relax. Hope you all have wonderful days and eves!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Julia:

So true - gratitude and quitting ARE empowering and freeing. And number one is taking that choice off the table. Not whether to drink or not, but I'm not going to drink so what else is there to do in this moment when I would normally be drinking. I do like that TED talk about connection - it was helpful.

I think all people try alcohol for the same reasons. It is a social lubricant, makes you feel like you fit in, depressed, shy, etc. etc. For whatever reason, some subset of us is vulnerable to alcoholism - to becoming addicted to it. I fought that idea for a LONG time, beat myself up for "letting" myself become someone who has to quit drinking. I still can go there if I'm not careful. The truth is, if I look back, I was binge drinking WAY long ago, and have always lacked an off switch that was reliable. The writing was on the wall for a while. I just didn't want to read it.

Hope you're shoulder gets better, Wags.

Happy Sunday, folks. Stay sober.

Pav

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

he truth is, if I look back, I was binge drinking WAY long ago, and have always lacked an off switch that was reliable.

me too. the first time i drank, at a party when i was 14, i immediately drank liquor and got very drunk. from that moment on i binged whenever i had the opportunity.

people, i want to make a statement here so there's no escape: today i've started a 30 day planking challenge. in 30 days i will be able to plank for at least 5 minutes. i would find that very cool. i'm already fantasizing about the planking varieties i will start doing after that.

didn't say this yet (but did think it): happy to meet you here Belle!

hope you are very well dear people.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hoppy Easter, Nesters!
This has been a strange one, no one around at all, this area is usually packed with tourists this weekend. I’m so glad it’s not. We do have 2 neighbors who have second homes here that came in for the weekend. There are 4 cars at one of them. Maybe they all socially distanced for the drive down!

All good here, all things considered. Push the bad thoughts out and replace them with better ones.
Stay safe, sober and healthy! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Easter Nesters,

No big celebrations but we do have memories & hope for the future, right?
I have video chatted with 2 of 3 grandkids so far today & that makes me happy enough

Everyone sounds pretty good today except for Wags - sorry about the shoulder. I can go to sleep feeling fine & wake up with some malady too, why is that? Ha ha! Hope you feel better soon.

Byrdie, no bad thoughts here. I pushed them so far out of my head they’re long gone!!! I have a lot of faith the universe will take us in the right direction, we just need to listen

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav