Newbies Nest

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

My sweetheart died on Sunday.
I am so very sad.

I am posting only because today I want to quit smoking pot again. A few days was okay, but enough now.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

My sweetheart died on Sunday.
I am so very sad.

I am posting only because today I want to quit smoking pot again. A few days was okay, but enough now.

I'm sorry I know those words don't even help but I understand.

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia, I am so sorry about you losing your sweetheart. I lost both of my parents during my nearly 5 years of sober time. And I was so glad I was sober for all of that to be able to say my goodbyes with a straight head. My heart goes out to you. Please keep up the good work you have been doing.

Thank you everyone that has called me out of hiding. I'm struggling. had a long chat with hubby this morning and he is losing patience with me. There are a million excuses I can make for drinking. And it is not every day. But I know I only need to do (or not do) ONE simple thing. Do not take that first sip. There should be no booze in the house and hubby knows that but keeps bringing it in as he thinks he has become the Master Chef or the (Cast) Iron Chef. Cooking is his stress reliever, however there is always some sherry, red wine, etc. or something he needs. I told him he has to keep it out in the garage.

Being called out by a number of people wondering where I have been really shows the love of this group. I want to be like y'all again. I want to say starting today. Why today? Why not today. I find my stress point that tips the drinking lever is when it hits 5pm (also coinciding with the 'witching hour') and I have no dinner plan. I used to be really good at planning a week of meals. Today I do have a plan which reminds me I have to thaw out some chicken breasts.

Thanks to you all for being there and caring. Lately I feel like nobody irl cares. I'm in a dark place right now for so many reasons.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

My sweetheart died on Sunday.
I am so very sad.

I am posting only because today I want to quit smoking pot again. A few days was okay, but enough now.

I'm sorry I know those words don't even help but I understand.:hug:

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

That was a great article, @Pavati. Thanks. This is no time for making political rather than scientific/medical decisions, which I'm sorry to say is happening, at least in the US.

I was furious at Pence, @Lavande. Aside from possibly putting others at risk, he and Trump behave as ANTI-role models. Some people feel awkward enough wearing masks in public without our "leaders" failing to follow recommended policy. I wish Mayo's had had the guts to deny him entry!! I just ordered some Biden fabric for my next set of masks! (I have a Bernina 330 and like it pretty well - I just wish Berninas were 100% metal like they used to be).

@wagmor, I don't know that my life will change much even when we do open up. I have no desire to eat out, go to a party, theater or sporting event, fly, or anything like that. I'm pretty much ok with all of that. The things I really miss and also am uncertain when/if I will do again are: haircut, threading, pedicure, massage. I really enjoy and am happy to pay for those services. I feel bad for the providers who must be totally out of work now. I am looking forward to the time we can more safely visit family. I miss them!

@Byrdlady and @paulywogg, I'm normally morally opposed to Amazon but this situation has made me compromise my principles. A box from them arrives every few days (and at random times - often much sooner than the promised delivery date). I told my husband yesterday that I miss running errands which is pretty ironic considering how much I used to complain about that!

I'm very sorry about your pup, @julia1970. We have a 12.5+ year old golden and I dread again going through what you are going through now. Dogs teach us so much about unconditional love, living in the moment, and sadly, death. He'll always be in your heart :hug:

Thankfully our old dog can still walk because I certainly cannot carry 65# around the neighborhood in a papoose but boy is she SLOW. She sniffs everything which is annoying but since smell is her last fully functioning sense, we try to let her enjoy the world the way she still can.

Thanks for the good news, @Guitarista! I also just heard that one of the anti-virals they've been testing is showing promise. They even discontinued the trial because it wasn't fair to the people on placebo.

I sat in the sun yesterday, too, @narilly. If felt wonderful and we all need to be sure to make our vitamin D (necessary for fighting viruses!) so I gave myself permission to catch some rays.

I'm sorry you feel this way, @BelleGirl:

Lately I feel like nobody irl cares.

Everyone here cares. But the thing is, we can't show you that when you don't show up here. Please don't drift away. Even if you choose to drink, come here and talk about it. Maybe someone will say something that will help you make a different choice. I think we've all been in the miserable loop you're in. The constant internal battle. And constant disappointment and regret. You don't have to live that way. Please use this forum the way it needs to be used to work. xx

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Julia, sorry to hear about your fur baby. Sending hugs. I know when i lost my 16 year old a year ago that here was where i needed to be, i felt i would have done anything to not have to think about her loss but i used my cyber friends as my lifeline to keep me on track.

Belle, pick up the alcohol and walk it to a bin or ask hubs to put it in the garage. i forbid all alcohol in my house and told the family straight - either get it out of my sight or you will be responsible for me drinking. No one understands how al works in our brain except another alkie. They think there is not a problem leaving it around the house but to us it sets off that al brain and boy is that hard to stop. I can relate to feeling no one cares, i think the isolation and lack of contact with others, is making a huge difference to our mental health. Like NS, i miss being able to get my brows done, to randomly shop when i feel like it. My contact on here is a godsend, to check in and not feel alone in all of this, that the whole world is living "the dream" at present.

G, thanks for the link, i saw that before and then lost it. I hope you are keeping well. Yes, i did buy a pram for Mads and she loved it. I should have bought one years ago but i was worried about what others would think, i should have just thought of how happy it made Mads when we went out. A friend of mine with an old dog has it now and she sends me photos of how happy he is on his outings.

Byrd, i bought Carl a carry basket for my bike. A i have not yet ridden my bike and B he is too bloody big to fit in it now.

Pauly, i have thus far bought a new mattress (not delivered) and a dyson (not delivered) plus other stuff that i so definitely needed NOT. I am having issues with Target about my dyson delivery, my click and collect has now taken a month. apparently its in an exclusive warehouse and due to covid (lets blame something) delivery is a little later. You cant get them to reply to anything via phone or email so i went on their fb site, bagged them completely, received my pathetic reply and told them that even due to covid it surely could not take 20 days to get a fecking dyson delivered unless it was coming from china which it probably is. grrr

I have an old friend who i had tried to help stop drinking and he messaged me out of the blue the other day asking if i was drinking again and i said "no, its been over 6 years now". We had a chat and he went off but messaged me again last night and said he had reached out for help to his gp as he had always been so proud of me that i had not drank and if i could do this then he could too. He then asked me to list for him the good things that have happened since i have stopped drinking and was taken aback by the very long list i sent him. As i said to him that writing how much better my life is now is a good reminder to me of why i dont drink, nor want to. He asked if he could message me when he needed to chat and of course that is not a problem. Its nice to feel that someone was secretly proud of me, no one ever was when i drank.

Well if i dont stop waffling now, i never will and i have work. Big hello to everyone. Take care and stay safe xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We made a mad run to Costco today to stock up on things we always get there but some things were out of stock. No big deal, at least I got an hour or two out of the house. Masked people roaming around everywhere, haha! Waiting for some stores to reopen in our neighboring state of Delaware to go buy a new sewing machine. People are after me to make more masks!!

Julia, I am very sorry for your loss. We love our dogs & cats, they are our family. Take care of yourself & stay in touch :hug:

NS, yesterday I was pissed about Pence, today it’s Jared Kushner. These idiots never take a break from disrespecting human lives. 58,000 + dead Americans is not a sign that they did a good job
My old Bernina is heavy as hell, at metal & I know the newer ones are not. I just hope they sew as well and last as long

Ava, Byrdie, Pauly & all the other spenders - my new sewing machine will be my major social isolation purchase, Lol

Belle, I had a little trouble convincing my husband to keep his beer & whatnot out in the garage but I persevered & made it happen. Put your foot down & just tell him, either it’s kept in teh garage or it’s going down the drain!! I’ve never had another issue with him on the subject. I don’t want AL in my house calling out to me, not back then & not even now.

Wags, hope your day was a good one.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a nice night. We’ve been warned about possible flooding rain tomorrow, up to 3” that we don’t even need, geez.

Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends near and not so far,

So sorry to hear this sad news Julia. It's devastating. Try and take care of yourself and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Hiya Belle! Good to see you mi amiga. take back your precious life.

S.B. Hopeful news indeed.

Big waves to y'all. Take it easy.

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

couldn't stop myself last night. i want to be here with the pain and all that life brings. but at the same time, i don't want to be here at all. want to withdraw in time, back, into myself and my memories. this sweet guy, we were so close. he fell madly in love with me, and i with him, at a time when there were no others for me. it was so special and unknown, this experience of sheer love.
i'm resisting going forward. i don't want to leave him. it's though after his last days, a devastating expierience, i'm still in a care freeze, a care cramp. i just want to save him. but he's not there anymore to save.

i don't know how to handle myself. i've smoked so much pot last night, but it didn't get me where i wanted.
i know i was wide awake last week, before this rollercoaster started heading down real fast. i was here and i could manage. i meditated a lot. and i took care of my sweetheart.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters, Julia, it's gonna take awhile and the grief never goes away anyways so just give yourself some slack and grieve, I'm glad you checked in, Byrdie, Winslow would kick my ass if I tried to put him in one of those things haha, NS and Ava you just reminded me I need to attend to my eyebrows! I was sitting in the taco bell drive thru yesterday and pulled the visor mirror down, ugh looks gross! Luckily my bangs cover them up but dang! Ava that sux about your vacuum, the governor here extended this stay at home thing, I have no clue what he's got planned but I'm kinda overit but then again I'm in no rush to get back to that hellhole I was working at!!! I think once there's a plan in place most of these salons will be putting up ads on indeed and I'm gonna apply and this time actually show up haha, my "manager" has been what I thought a close friend for years! I watched her kids grow up and she watched mine grow, we used to hang out outside the shop, she will not text me yet there's a shop group text she posts on and she text Kell the other day and said her friend passed away(opiods not coronaviris) and I text her to see if she was ok, nothing! I was so hurt I text her later and said I thought we were friends, guess I thought wrong take care, I understand maybe she's going thru stuff like we all are but if she's active in the group text and has time to text Kell then I guess she just doesn't like ME, time to pull out my Lavatude and just not care, I can't make anyone like me who just doesn't, anyhoo now I've waffled haha, waves to the gang, much love and wishes for a happy AF day

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia, I am so sorry about you losing your sweetheart. I lost both of my parents during my nearly 5 years of sober time. And I was so glad I was sober for all of that to be able to say my goodbyes with a straight head. My heart goes out to you. Please keep up the good work you have been doing.

Thank you everyone that has called me out of hiding. I'm struggling. had a long chat with hubby this morning and he is losing patience with me. There are a million excuses I can make for drinking. And it is not every day. But I know I only need to do (or not do) ONE simple thing. Do not take that first sip. There should be no booze in the house and hubby knows that but keeps bringing it in as he thinks he has become the Master Chef or the (Cast) Iron Chef. Cooking is his stress reliever, however there is always some sherry, red wine, etc. or something he needs. I told him he has to keep it out in the garage.

Being called out by a number of people wondering where I have been really shows the love of this group. I want to be like y'all again. I want to say starting today. Why today? Why not today. I find my stress point that tips the drinking lever is when it hits 5pm (also coinciding with the 'witching hour') and I have no dinner plan. I used to be really good at planning a week of meals. Today I do have a plan which reminds me I have to thaw out some chicken breasts.

Thanks to you all for being there and caring. Lately I feel like nobody irl cares. I'm in a dark place right now for so many reasons.

Belle,I'm glad you posted just stay here, even if you choose to drink we still wanna hear from you! I came here in 2012 and while I wasn't quite ready to quit for good I guess,I always posted throughout all these years, even while drinking! There were nuggets of info that even my muddled brain picked up on, without some of the posts I read and actually being here to read them I might have never quit during some of those drink sessions and possibly might not have made it out alive, especially after my brother died,I was just in a pit but alot of people came to my rescue! I'm forever grateful to these people here,just read post,read post no matter what! We only want what's best for you and yes we like your company

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Julia - I am so sorry for your loss. As a wise person said, grief is the cost of love. We're all grieving so much these days, and now you have extra. As you stated yourself, getting high does not alleviate the pain - it just prolongs it. You'll have to experience it one way or another. Is your partner supportive?

Belle! So glad to see you. Finding the resolve in the middle of this crap must be tough, but I know you can do it. You definitely have to tell the iron chef to hide his wares from you, at least for a while. He can't lose patience with you while at the same time bring alcohol into the house - that doesn't make any sense. Making a plan sounds like the best thing to do. Alcohol makes that depression worse and becomes a part of the cycle. Make a plan for that witching hour and enlist his support!

Pauly - no matter how much I try with the Lavitude, situations like that still irk me. If you think about it - you don't like everyone, right? So it makes sense that not everyone would like you. That is a tough one for my ego to take. For sure, keep your eye on a new salon if she's being like that. I would think salons would open sooner than other businesses, but I don't know. I guess we'll see what happens in 2-3 weeks in Georgia...

A dog backpack is a great idea. I take my mom's dogs on long walks - the younger one can handle it fine, but more than once I've had to carry the older one. Maybe I'll look into it.

Not much else to say. I had a rough year last year and ended up slowly gaining weight. Now I am stuck at this high point and quarantine (with cooking as one of my favorite outlets) is not helping. I made homemade pizza last night - it was delicious but...

And yeah, don't drink. Thank goodness I don't drink through this. I am so grateful to wake up with a clear head, and not to have the dread of drinking cloud my already muddy mind.

xo
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

MMM, pizza. Sounds so good PAV. I have been experimenting with gluten-free, dairy free pizza and it's just never going to be the same.

I think the idea of a dog papoose is fun if you have a little pup! Are you returning it Byrdie?

Julia, your sweetheart was your pup, correct? Man, my heart goes out to you. I think that loosing our pets may be harder than losing humans. Thinking of you.

Pauly, my neighbor saw me giving my son a (not great) haircut the other day and hinted around that he wanted me to do it form him. Messing up my own child's hair is one thing, but a neighbor that I don't really like? No thanks. Cutting hair seems like such an intimate thing, touching people's heads. I don't want to touch his head. Do you ever feel like that?

AVA, a friend here in the US said she can't buy a quality vacuum to save her life right now. What is it with Covid and a vacuum shortage? Would you consider sharing your list of "good things that have happened since you quit drinking?" I think it could be inspiring! I might start a list myself and post.

Belle, it is not fair of your husband to bring alcohol into the house and then say he's disappointed in you for drinking it. Can you remind him that this is not a "willpower" thing, especially at first? If he's not willing to support you, he sure doesn't have the right to criticize you.

Well, I got some potentially negative news at the Dr. yesterday. She thinks I may have CIRS, a chronic inflammation disorder. It would make sense. And it isn't for sure yet. But it requires pretty aggressive changes in life - even possibly moving if our house or current environment is the cause. I was pretty down. But today, I'm ignoring it and tackling things that make me happy. If it is the case, I will deal with it one day at a time, just like I did with drinking.

Have a great day everyone!

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

yes my man is supportive but i don't want to see him now. i want to be alone. i know it would be better to go to him, but i will only get annoyed because i want to be by myself.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Thursday everyone.

Julia, very sorry about your fur baby. It is really hard, I understand. Just take it one day at a time, it will get better xo.

Ken, eeew that gave me the creeps! I can't even imagine cutting my neighbour's hair, that seriously gives me the willies.I think it is different if it is your job but a neighbour you don't like? yuk.

Pav, I have been gaining weight every week, it is crazy. The Pizza sounds delicious for sure. I am finding it really hard to eat the way I usually do and find myself eating all kinds of stuff I normally would never eat, it is crazy. I think part of it is being quarantined with my 20 something kids who can eat anything they want and my hubby who has a huge sweet tooth. Actually we all have a sweet tooth which means ice cream.

Ava, that is cool that your friend reached out to you. We don't realize how much our quitting effects people around us. I bet you have a lot more fans than him.

Yeah Belle, ask your hubby to hide his booze from you. It is hard enough not to drink without seeing it there in front of you. sheesh.

Lav, I would love one of your masks, do you ship internationally? I bet they work great. Yeah the whole Pence going to the Mayo clinic without a mask was a head scratcher..pretty mixed up messaging there.

Have a good day everyone.
xo