Newbies Nest

[mylife]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nest!

The thing about telling people is that there is such a negative associated with "drinking" that it puts us off asking for help! It really makes me mad sometimes, because a diabetic or someone with any other problem can just come forward and say they have this problem, but with AL, it is associated with shame and weakness or something!

Andrew, my advice is that if you think sharing with your parents will help you, then you should do it. AA firmly believes in telling EVERYONE, I think they feel it will help prevent a relapse. I, on the other hand, haven't really told anyone besides my Husband, that I think I have a problem and I'm not drinking. And I don't think my husband knows the half of it either.

I hope you all have a fantastic AF weekend! I know I will!

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Andrew, a difficult one for any one of us to say a definite 'yes' or 'no' to. You need to look at your best and worst case scenarios and maybe predict what your parents facial expressions, feelings, words would be......how would that affect you and your progress?

At the minute when you slip you only have to look in the mirror - when I mess up I have to watch my three beautiful daughters faces because they live here! The disappointment in their faces....if only I could hide my mess-up and continue on my good path the next day...... But once they see it, I have this warped thinking that I might as well go another few nights since they are disappointed anyway! So is it really a deterrent?!
On the other hand the fact that they know is sometimes good. They know how hard I'm trying and are very encouraging and supportive.
My family know that I went AF for 3 months before Christmas. They did'nt know until I had 2 months under my belt. I said it was just something I wanted to do and that the benefits were so good that I now choose to drink less. I choose not to admit to them or anybody else [except one friend] how bad things really are, mainly because all of them in my opinion, are as bad. I could'nt have them tut-tutting at me - at least I admit it to myself!

By the way, the friend I told.......I find that when I mess up I will ignore her calls and avoid her if I can. Can't face her. I kind of regret telling her - she does'nt drink much. Wish I had kept with MWO as they are the only ones who truly understand.

There is noone more important to me than my children and yet I keep messing up. I reckon the self-hatred after an 'episode' is worse because they know.

I know I'm waffling on here but..........good luck with whatever decision.....[maybe tell a pal who lives in another country and you don't have to face?]......ooops, you already are...us...MWO!

[piper123]

Newbies Nest

I am worried right now as I am feeling the what the hell feeling, I've been fighting the urge since I got off work. My teeth ache also because I am clenching my teeth I hope I can push through this one. I have 5 days as of today. Tomorrow will day 6 I hope. I have to work through this...

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hey Piper - just a few minutes since your post - hang in there - keep typing - go outside and do something - just try to get busy....send me a message back - try to - um what do they call it - urge surf?

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

oh and while I'm sitting here - don't feel like you're rambling or waffling anyone!!! To me? One of the most important things that happened to me was actually to start posting. And to ramble on until I started to figure things out for myself. :-) notice I said "started"...I've got a long way to go - LOL!

Earlier I read a couple of posts by people in different threads who were struggling with less than positive effects from having others "know". One was accused of being drunk when they really weren't. I can understand why so many haven't told others - I haven't either. And as far as AA goes - they want you to tell - but I wonder if their success rate is better than the one from those here who have kind of "anonymous" support and work out their demons internally. I don't know. But either way - it's a personal decision and I won't judge others for how they choose to do this - as long as they keep trying....I know I'm gonna keep trying....:h

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Piper, I'm 'urge surfing' with you! Felt like this last night too so spent a couple of hours reading post after post after post. Really helped remind why I came here and how much I don't want to go back.....

[mimi911]

Newbies Nest

Piper, I know what you are feeling as last night I thought "what the hell" and bought a bottle of wine. I blew 7 days of being AF.

How do you overcome that feeling? It's worse than having a craving and hard to ignore.

Advice would be very appreciated.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters!

Andrew, whatever you decide to do just remember that we are here to listen & support without judgment. Not the same as a face to face but in my book equally effective. In my case I found it better to keep my thoughts & feelings to myself here at home because there was way too much judging going on & no real support. I wish you comfort!

piper, perhaps some nice relaxing herbal tea & some meditation will help you relax. The MWO CDs helped me a lot & I also found some great, free online meditations. Go to The Chopra Center & take a look around On-Line Library | Chopra Center
daisy, take a look too! There's a lot of free reading, guided meditations, teleseminars, etc.

mylife & lolab, great to see you, hope you are well!

Had a nice dinner with my grandkids tonight, I'm happy & oh so grateful to be fully present in their lives

Wishing everyone a comfy & safe night in the Nest. Let's be sure the weekend plans are solid, OK?

Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lav....thanks for you neverending love and support here. I'm doing fine - thx for asking. working through this weekend - made it through Fri night...yea! it's too late for me to be tempted....9 o clock LOL! Be in bed soon!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

sorry...Mimi...you sound very down and that tear on your avatar always gets me! don't expect that you won't have setbacks...maybe that will be your last one - plan on it! OK? Look ahead with a positive attitude...For me? It was better to stop counting consecutive days for awhile and just count the AF free ones...before long, you'll have tons of AF in a row.....

[Andrew from Ireland]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for all the replies, folks. It's just occurred to me that you guys have already helped and been "the person to tell" just by talking about my particular issue here. Reading on here got me through some tough times in the last 48 hours. (It's 2am here and I feel sleepy which is great. Last night I searched the medicine cabinet and found some sleeping tablets which zonked me weirdly until about 7am when I passed out (I think) and slept till 9am. Not fun.)

Anyway, now that I'm feeling stronger I'm swaying towards telling people I've quit boozing but not telling the extent of my problem. Most people don't understand. I think my father would but not my mother. And if I did slip again.....well, when I'm the zone of a binge they'd have to come and physically lock me up to make me stop. Not even the sight of my son has made me in the past. I just get to the stage where I'm too messed up/flat broke to get to the shops for AL. Never again.

Finally, just wanna say I think it's amazing that there is a place where I can post a question and know that there will be so many considered, insightful and thoughtful replies. This is a wonderful place and you're all so great.
Corny moment over, :H

Have great weekends all

[piper123]

Newbies Nest

I am here...I just took my 13 yr old dog for a long walk around a lake next to my house. It's amazing how much energy he has still. He still pulls at the leash for me to run. I just wanted to walk slow and make it last. In the middle of the path we found a baby bird cheeping and looking around. It was the size of a golf ball. black with a little white stripe around it's neck. Like a few others around us we walked around the baby leaving it alone, but I had to go back. I just couldn't let someone step on it or a dog eat it. So I picked it up. It could fly short ways, a fledging, but I walked it up to a small shrub and set it on a perch and fixed it's wings down. Birds don't recognize their babies by their smell, but by sound.

My dog saw it a couple times and tried to go after it and I knocked him in the nose (gently). I went home and put him in the house grabbed a box and drove back and walked to where I left him. It had started to rain. There were three young ladies talking to each other around where I left the baby and one of them said do you know if you pick up a baby bird will it's mother abandon it? I said no, did you find one? And they found the little critter and we watched for a few min. and sure enough two birds flew down on a deck railing, one with a worm in it's mouth, the baby was cheeping and I said let's go, the baby is going to be fine... so cute.

I drove to the market to see if I could find a pot roast marked down, and found a nice cut for 4.77 from 12.00. Two of my triplets are coming home on Sunday, one for a month, the other for the week, and my daughter wants to make me pot roast with vegetables for mother's day. She cooks it in a bag with seasonings and it turns out soooo good. Also got a chicken marked down and two pork chops and two steaks. I don't usually eat a lot of meat, but love to cook for them. Since I am out of work, I just can't go out and buy anything as I please. So it's all in the freezer, because they were marked down because of the date. It will be a fun week to cook for them. I'll probably gain the 12 pounds I lost since they left from easter! They could have come home tonight, but they work at a YMCA sailing camp on family weekends and I know they need the money and love the camp. They went for many years as children. Who wouldn't love to get paid to sail and motor boat? LOL

Well good night everyone, I'll check in tomorrow... thank you lo and lav, mimi and daisy and everyone else you all are the best.

Hugs,

Piper

[sunshinetoday]

Newbies Nest

HI Nest,
Andrew I wanted to reply but have to run off to work. My Best advice, follow your heart, what is right for you may not be right for the next person.
Piper, lovely story. Have a wonderful time with your children.
Byrd, you are such an inspiration.
See you all after work.
I have a PJ party tonight. I have been feeling tempted all week about tonight. I have been having one of these :teeter:
I will check in before I go.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Mimi -
We cross posted so I didn't see your post.

What happened to make you decide to drink?
I certainly understand the 'what the hell feeling' but why choose to drink? Go look in the Tool Box for some healthier alternatives ~ I did. We need to change habits as we go along. I found an online program called Habit Busting which really helped me get rid of negative thinking.......another sef-destructive bad habit.
Don't keep disappointing yourself this way. If you commit to being AF, you can do it

Take care!
Lav

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Goodness - calling all Nesters!!
Where is everyone today?????