Newbies Nest

[mightymite]

Newbies Nest

Lav, I know you are right but I am stuck and can't seem to get out. I was so positive when I first started and now I am confused.

Ditto PF. I finished the book and believe it and felt good about it but it seems to be wearing off.

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hey mighty...yes it is lovely here today. Just got in from mowing the lawn, even tho i felt like crap...the fresh air, warm temps and sunshine lifted me a bit. Just wish I could see the bay from here.

Lav I know you are right. Of course the booze brain is telling me that just a little would be more like taking medicine...:H rather than "drinking".

When I was mowing the lawn, I had some thoughts about making new memories. I have bad memories of things that happened around this house/yard when I was drinking. Parties, etc. where I took the booze too far and had big regrets that I would rather forget, but I think there is a reason that the memories stay with me. But now, being outside hangover free, I can make new memories around here. AF memories. I have a couple already including the Halloween Party where I stayed AF even tho others were drinking wine. Wine is my fav, especially red. But when I needed a good quick buzz I headed for the hard stuff. I am sure I will miss wine at some point...

Hope that all made sense. I am tired...not sleeping well, but hopefully the fresh air will help me tonight.

So happy and thankful for the support here! :l

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Don't listen to the mind chatter kids ~ it's just the monkey trying to knock you out of the nest:H :H

K9, I missed say hello to you & congrats on your AF time
A career/job change sounds exciting!!!!
I retired my tired old butt from the hospital just as my son started his last year of college. I had enough cash set aside for his tuition needs. That's when I decided it was time to do something i like doing - hence my embroidery/monogramming biz

[FreeFly]

Newbies Nest

Hi K9

Gonna follow your lead and get myself a calendar with stickers!

Your daughter's right - follow your dreams. Sounds a great idea and I bet it will be so much easier for you now you're AF.

Good luck with the nicotine - I'm going through that one too. Was ok today as my thoughts were dominated with "I don't drink" that I forgot about smoking. Just goes to show it's all in the mind and what a load of nonsense that little devil on the shoulder can come up with

CB

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

oh please please please try to give it a little more time everyone who is struggling!!!

I know there are times along the way where you are so tempted or you don't see any harm in "just little" or you just think "what the hell, I feel awful anyway" but it's all part of the path...honest. You WILL come out of this and be even stronger - and feel better. Everybody's not just saying it because misery loves company - we really made it over the hump - (finally!) and feel strong and so happy! ~ and it's because we have been there...and understand...and (I) just wish that early in this year,I would have ridden out the storm - to see how great it was when the clouds lifted. Then I'd have 9 months sober instead of 6 weeks.

But back then after a few weeks I felt awful. I ached...I couldn't sleep...I had some family challenges come up and get togehers - birthdays - where I had a couple of glasses of wine. Fine. I'm fine! I can do this! I don't get how everyone said that "soon they were back into it even worse than before!" that'll never happen to me!

Well, it did. Not overnight...but it did. And I've seen it again and again with our friends around here.

Please don't lose faith because things were going soooo well and you felt sooo great - and then all of a sudden you don't...try to ride it out - it might take a few days - but if you give in to that voice, you'll never know the confidence and assuredness that waits on the other side...it takes time....plenty of time..,and you're still healing - and still learning. You need that time to be 100% certain in your mind and your heart that you want to be alcohol free....you really can't make an informed choice yet because it's still too soon...and if you give in, then you're stuck back in that hamster wheel.

go back and read the desperation in some of your early posts - or posts of others who are on day one...don't let the memory of how you felt that day fade....that's one bad memory to hang onto. And keep posting about your lack of confidence and wishy washy feelings! It'll help you work through them - because we've all been there and if any of us could go back in time and never take that first drink after being sober for a bit, I think we'd do it in a heartbeat.

[FreeFly]

Newbies Nest

Hiya LolaB,

Thanks for this wonderful post. Since arriving here I've had failed attempts and I don't want another. Good to hear from those of you who've got "over the hump". Well done on your 6 weeks - fantastic. Won't be long to 9 months! Hopefully I won't be far behind

CB

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Lolab, you took the words right out of my mouth! For those struggling around the 2 week mark...this is The Voice in all its glory! It is FIGHTING for its life...all it needs to do is tell you just how lovely a glass of wine would be....DON'T GO DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE! Listen to us! We ARE YOU! We have moderated until we nearly drank ourselves to death! We can not stop at a couple and then not drink for a few days.. it is constantly on our minds. In my business, we call this a CLUE! If you have been a couple weeks without AL and now it's all you can think about?? You might be one of us! I spent a year doing this...look back at my posts! I could rattle off 3 dozen names of people here who I invested time and friendship and saw them go months and years without drinking and then thought they could go back and 'handle' it. 99% of the time, it cannot be done! (someone will always throw some example of someone they heard about...but I'm not falling for that) . If you have ever had a problem with AL you are always going to. It's a wiring issue! The only way to EVER beat this thing is to cut it's head off! Do not drink no matter what! If this were Las Vegas, I'd bet all of my money on AL winning every single time. What a sad fact. I wouldn't trade my quit in now for anything...when I look back and see what I was throwing away all for the sake of a dam drink...it makes me sick. I don't have to have AL to live, and neither do you. In fact, I can't have AL and live...it was killing me...This is for all the marbles, do not give in not matter what.
You are just attending a pity party...they happen. Do not let them get the best of you. Put yourself in the service of others...get your mind off what you can't have and focus on what you can have and what you can do!
NEVER GIVE IN IT IS A TRAP! I promise, no good will come of giving in! (and trust me, I sure tried). Byrdie

[mightymite]

Newbies Nest

Thank you lolab and Byrdie. I know you are right and I will do my very best to not let al win. I am a stubborn person and I don't like losing, ever. Your words give me strength and I will give it more time. Actually, I don't see it even being a choice. I hate letting myself and family down. I think I need to come on here more often and post. At times I don't feel like I have the strength to post my feelings and struggles and try to do it on my own and keep it to myself. Thank you for your words and support. :thanks:

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Hi LolaB and Byrdie - excellent posts. Even on days when you are feeling strong, I think it is then that you need to be especially vigilant - when that totally unexpected urge comes to bite you on the bum!
Well, thought I'd pop in and tell you that I went to volunteer tonight at a drama class for adults with learning disabilities. I used to work for the lady who runs it and therefore know quite a few of the members. But that was about 6 years ago and I hadn't the confidence to walk in and join. Anyway, walked in tonight with a friend who also is in the group. Was very nervous but felt ok within 15 minutes - ended up staying over 2 hours and I am going back on Friday to see how I can help. They are putting on a show for children and need help with costumes, props, etc.
The biggest thing for me was the welcome I got. Most of the members would be Downs Syndrome and they remembered me from 6 years ago. Big smiles and chat - I felt right at home. So glad I went and already feel part of it......
Feel the fear and do it anyway is how I intend to move forward in my AF life. The feeling I came home with tonight is a far cry from how I feel after downing 2 bottles of wine - this is 'real life' and boy does it feel good!

[lilla]

Newbies Nest

Your story is so moving daisy. I will go off and face my day with your final words ringing in my ears.
You sound much younger than me, my regret is that it took me so many,many years living life trapped like that genie in the bottle - what a great analogy, thank you for that byrdlady, I will pull up the visual image whenever I am tempted. Wish everyone a wonderful tuesday.

[ronnie]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,
I had a dream last night that I was going A/F but when I opened the fridge there was a great big bottle of beer and I took 2 mouthfulls and afterwards I was tottally gutted as I was then back to day 1, then I was trying to say to myself that because I did not drink the whole bottle then it does'nt count but I knew in my head that I was back to day one!!!!!
I am sooo glad that it was only a dream as I am now 30 days A/F today......yey......
My next goal is 45 days
You can all beat this, I feel as if my life has just began, I now get respect from my hubbie and my boys....they actually talk to me now....lol but most of all I like myself again and I am looking good....although a little bit more weight loss wont go a miss but that will happen in time...lol
At this moment in time I just cant imaging going back to AL and that horriable life .........
Well I must go and sort my boys out for school
take care all
ronnie
xxxx

[FreeFly]

Newbies Nest

Hi Ronnie - fan flippin tastic! Congratulations. You sound great. An inspiration to me

[lilla]

Newbies Nest

ronnie - let me be the first to congratulate you on 30 days. You are an inspiration to me, also got the school run but running late cos reading all the posts!

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Congrats, Ronnie...very inspiring.:goodjob:

I had one of those drinking dreams in my first week of AF...and that was so startling at that point to think I had to go back to day 1. Can't imagine the nightmare on the eve of Day 30!:upset:

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

CONGRATS Ronnie!!!!!

Great JOB!