Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

I'm telling you, it sounds like MIL wants you no stay mired in the ditch with her! Your response was perfect!
I was out with a customer once (the one I CANNOT stand!) and I said, No Thanks to the round of drinks ordered. I told him that my Crohns was about 1000 time better if I didn't drink. He persisted....'You ALWAYS drink, what's up?" Oh, come on, ONE won't hurt you!" On and on he went and finally I looked square at him and said, 'It isn't YOUR colon!'. He dropped it and never mentioned it again! He is an asshole....when someone says NO, why would you try and change their mind? Unless, THEY are the one with a problem, too. (that's what I did when I was in it deep....misery loves company). You did GREAT!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Rahul, your PRISON analogy is so appropriate!! It really IS like being let out of prison, what is making us feel uncomfortable is that we are lacking the emotional skills to handle where we are NOW in life. It's as if someone plucked (I said PLUCKED!) us out of one era and dropped us down into another one, (a stranger in a strange land) Trust me, the timelines will come together with time! Your REAL age and your emotional age with catch up! You are experiencing growth!!! You are learning the skills that it takes to cope with life (other than reaching for escape thru a bottle). We ARE a little lost (ok, a LOT lost) the first few months, we don't LIKE the discomfort! I am here to tell you that it all evens out and you will be AT PEACE with your past, present and FUTURE! You will not be uncomfortable and feeling like you are observing from a distance. It WILL all come together! It's a really good place to be, too. It takes TIME. Hang in there, it will all fit! You will be one with yourself! xo

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

So happy that you STAYED AF! Drinking AT others just doesn't cut it anymore! Even SOBER people have shitty nights sometimes! I am so happy that you did not yield to peer pressure.... I am old enough now that I just don't have to do what I don't want to! I have EARNED that! Good for you for speaking your mind and staying the course! B

[Ginger999]

Newbies Nest

Sorry to hear about your night, Cherokee. It's so sad when the people we love fail to support us in the most important journey of our lives. We are all here for you no matter what. Stay close. I hope your asthma settles down and you feel better soon! Great job on your resolve to stay AF!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
Ava, I am trying to get the hang of all of this...the site is SLOW for me....I saw on another thread this isn't the case for others, but it just drags when I change threads and when I post....I hope it all gets worked out. I feel like I'm missing something! (FOMO!!!)

As I was going thru my PM's yesterday trying to clear them out (it said I was over my limit) I couldn't help but notice the PM's that I get....to boil it down...HOW do I get and STAY sober? I guess the easiest answer is 'Don't Drink' but as we all know, you gotta learn the skills to do that. The very best way I know to acquire the skills to get and stay sober is to learn as much as possible about this disease we have. If you will notice that NoSugar, Ava, and Pav GLUED themselves in here....they read and shared anything and everything helpful to them. They posted like crazy! THEY ENGAGED in a community and they have stayed engaged here. Daisy, as your signature line says, the relapse starts long before the drink is drunk....it really does. People start posting less and less....and eventually they drift away. I am here to tell you, the world out there is BRUTAL to us non drinkers. We are constantly bombarded with tv ads, magazine articles, books, movies, sitcoms, friends and family all drinking AL! They do a great job of making it look good, too. It is designed to make you buy and make you want to be like them. You would be hard-pressed to find any piece of entertainment that discourages drinking. I think there is one sitcom on tv (MOM) that goes the other way. This journey takes SUPPORT and lots of it! I'm not saying that if you half heartedly post here morning, noon, and night you will magically make it....you have to put some skin in the game. You have to WANT to NOT drink more than you WANT to. I have seen plenty of folks post all the time and never string a set of days together. If you have the desire to stop, and invest the time and energy to do it....you will do it.

People will do what they WANT to do.
Seems like a simple statement, but it says it all. If Oprah offered you 10 Million dollars to stop drinking for a year, I bet you'd FIND a way to do it....why? Because you WANT that money! It really boils down to what you want....do you want to drink? or do you want to be sober? You can't have it both ways, that ship has sailed. It is a decision....a choice. We all know we can't stop once we start so the key is don't pick up that first one. Our problem isn't the last one, it's the first one. Make the decision. It's very liberating....no more debate....no 'do I? don't I? just decide that enough is enough. I will not drink AL.....NO MATTER WHAT. It really works.

All this from cleaning out my inbox! Hope everyone has an easy Sunday!! Byrdie

[Ginger999]

Newbies Nest

Love the post, Byrdie! Great shot in the arm for all of us. Thanks!

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Posting quickly just now; sorry not to have the time to look back much but needed to at least do my checkin! Byrd, thank you so much for that post and Kensho I love your comment to your MIL, I'm going to remember that one! Good going making it through, as well. I'll be reading back more later tonight; the day is just sneaking past me again and I've really got to get a few things done before it gets later.

Support and much love to everyone here; struggling, starting over, and anywhere else in the journey. :h

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Hi All. Glad my events were helpful to others. I have been accused of being too (brutally) honest before, but in this forum I believe it is helpful for everyone involved. The most interesting thing about this last week for me was that I was longing and wanting for a drink… romanticizing it. Then I smelled it, and got through a tough set of events, and it all came back to me: the pain and problems that come with drinking. In one strange moment, I imagined myself drinking one drink, and all of "what would come next" flooded my senses and disgusted me. I don't ever want to live like I was living. Period. I don't ever want "what comes after."

Shout out to everyone here, working to have a better life and better the lives of others. You all deserve a pat on the back for just being here. Great job!

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Friends,

Kensho, thanks for checking in and letting us know how it went. I was pulling for you. I think you did great, especially what you said to your MIL, WOW! Very importantly, you posted about this event that you were worried about. It is hard to post about something like that, we might feel weak, or not want to "bring others down..." etc. Posting about a situation like that is exactly what this site is for. I have this idea that this site provides two things that are absent from all of my (and most likely most other's) attempts to quit on our own. Those two elements are TOOLS and SUPPORT. You sought out the support you needed at a critical time. Brave stuff there, and kudos to you!

Cherokeer, I'm sorry you had a stressful time, but you really need to be selfish in a situation like that. It isn't pretty but it worked. You extracted yourself from a potentially dangerous situation.

The thing that the both of you did so well is to put your sobriety first. That is just so important. I'm so glad I checked in today to read about your successes.

I hope to check back in later. Great to see everyone posting today. Have a great AF evening.

[JWP]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,

I've been on vacation and unable to get online. However, I'm back and I'm doing well. I had one very bad night right before I left on vacation in which I drank about 5 drinks. I was super stressed out and gave in to the stress. As usual, the drinks didn't really help. They provide the illusion of relief, but not the reality of it. Since then, I haven't even wanted to drink alcohol. I've been drinking ridiculous amounts of coffee though, which is hilariously stereotypical, I know.

Anyways, all is well and I'm still aiming for being alcohol free through the end of November at the very least. Thanks for being here everyone.

Best,
JWP

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

JWP, glad you are right back on board with us!
Switch some of that coffee to decaf green tea mixed with decaf spiced chai tea - seriously good & doesn't keep you awake

Kensho, I have a feeling your experience this weekend helped more people than you'll ever know!

Cherokeer, sorry you had such a bad experience but I applaud your strength :wd:
I don't personally take any BS from anyone least of all people who have been drinking. They all owe you apologies, just don't hold your breath.....
Be as selfish as you need to be while you grow stronger in your AF'ness - they will get over it eventually!

Greetings to everyone & sending wishes for a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Oenophile]

Newbies Nest

Hi there, this is my first post. Tomorrow morning I pick up my Topamax scrip, and begin the journey. Wine has been my best friend for so many years, numbing everything around me. I even got into the business so that I could have steady access to it without the terrible financial setbacks. I'm ready to have a healthy relationship with alcohol (meaning, having a drink at social gatherings occasionally). Not sure when I"m gonna start my 30 days AF, but it should be soon I guess, I'm scared and open to suggestions and prayers.Thanks!

[Hypernova]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;n2512798 wrote: Good morning, Nesters!
Ava has said it before, but if you could possible FEEL what 9 months is like, or if you are on day 1, if you could feel what Day 13 is like, you would stick it out. Yes, there are ROUGH edges and they seem insurmountable sometimes, but once you get over that mountain, the view is incredible. One key behavior is LETTING GO of the illusion that you can go back. THAT is one of the issues that keep us stuck. The difference in DENIAL and ACCEPTANCE is night and day. Stay the course, you can overcome the pull of AL. How? One day at a time. That's what I did....so far, so good! Byrdie

It is so true ~ easy &and hard at the same time. A few years back I went on a 100 mile organized bike ride in some very hilly New England terrain. The first ten miles were up hill and I remember thinking phew, even though I have trained intensely for this it's not going to be easy. So I distinctly remember thinking take it easy and just ride don't let your mind think about mile 90 or you will psyche yourself out and have a miserable day. Turn the cranks and ride. Hill by hill the miles rolled by. Conversations with others and brief rest stops for food and hydration helped with the mental aspect which was actually more difficult than the physical b/c I had trained my body. My mind was the only thing that could have defeated me. I bring this up b/c of the getting over the mountain and wanting to see the view. After struggling up a huge hill it never would have entered into my mind to roll back down the same hill and struggle up again. Yet with AL I seem to be willing to coast back down that same hill over & and over and struggle back up time after time not really going anywhere. I've learned a lot at this forum. If i work my plan & don't stray too far from this board it's doable. So here I am on day 2 telling myself to 'just turn the cranks'. Looking forward to the incredible view. Thanks to everyone for their help along the way. Whether it's one day or one year I strive to be AF.
p.s. ~ on the back of the shirt I received at the end of the ride were the words ~ IT'S ONLY A MOUNTAIN~

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Good to see you back, Hypernova. I love the biking analogy. It's only a mountain! I remember a Yogi Berra quote - "90% of this game is half mental" or something to that effect. It is true that after the physical addiction is out of the way, the mind games take over. We can convince ourselves of just about anything if it means staying drinking. Turn the cranks, and keep posting here - it is a great place to get and stay sober.

Welcome Oenophile! 30 days is a great start to get perspective on your relationship with alcohol. Check out the toolbox under Monthly Abstinence - a lot of great information there, including many 30 day stories.

Nice to end a weekend without feeling like I need another day to actually sleep. Have great weeks, everyone.

Pav

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Thought I'd check in again tonight now that I have a few minutes. Today was interesting. My brother and his family came by the house to see mom without calling first - I'm horrible about people doing that even on a good day. Just do not like visitors when I'm not expecting them. And my nephew tends to get my dog riled up. Not that it's on purpose, just it's better if I know ahead of time so I can get the dog out for a walk first.

BUT I hate feeling like a jerk to family (and no way am I telling them they can't see her just because I live here too and wanted quiet!) so I end up all tangled and cranky while trying not to be. I was stewing about it and thinking about how hard it was going to be not to try to find a way to drink...when I realized there was no reason I had to stay home. I politely excused myself saying I had errands to run, got the dog in the car and went out to the park with a book and got myself something to eat. The AL brain had a moment of "maybe we should get a drink somewhere" but I reminded it that we don't drink and also I was practically in my pj's. By the time I got back I was in a much better mood and they were close to leaving; it wound up being the best solution. And it was also a miscommunication - mom thought they'd decided not to come over so she hadn't warned me. They're a little catch as catch can with it, but she usually tries to make sure I know the plans.

And I'm not sure why, but I just found myself online ordering ecigs. Last time I quit smoking it was using ecigs - not that it was easy, but it's the only thing that's ever worked for me. I wasn't really planning on pushing that any time soon; but I looked at my smokes today and realized that - much like AL - I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm going to go gentle on myself when they get here since I'm not about to risk my AL quit, but I think I can do this. My drinking got to its worst at the same time I relapsed on my smoking quit, and it's always bugged me that I started up again.

Anyway, I'm a little leftover irritable from the day yet - I didn't think so but I can feel myself still kind of tense. But again...it's something I feel like I can handle and it'll pass. Going to hang out here a but longer and then take a long hot shower and count my blessings I think.