Newbies Nest

[Darkest Diamonds]

Satz you don't know me or my "back story" I lost my mum while I was going through chemo, in the last two years I have had three operations,to remove cancer, also chemotherapy and radiotherapy, I went back to work after nine months. I was very strong, most people who had my type of cancer and the chemo that I had do not go back to work ................. but I did, I am a warrior!!

You mentioned my dad having to "worry about me" .....what utter rubbish!! He will never know that I have had a drink. Just so you know today even at the height of this horrendous drinking bout I was still doing things for my dad, I want him to be able to go back to his own house and I spoke to "Age Concern" at length, the lady was very helpful.

Further to my "back story" that you do not know, I was on certain drugs to block oestrogen from my body, my cancer was of the type that liked oestrogen. Before cancer I had waist length hair, my hair was my thing, I loved it. After chemo I lost all my hair. Then it grew back thickly and brilliantly, then it stopped and I got bald patches due to the drug that I was on . I stopped taking that medication as I was living a healthy life. I will never take that drug again, my hair is important to me.

[available]

Morning nest

Not sure i enjoyed logging on and seeing negativity aimed at others today but as we know everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I know that seeing the care shown on MWO is always directed in a positive caring manner and that is comforting to know that others are thinking of you. Nothing will take the pain away or fix what is happening but i do know from personal experience that when i was watching Robert die that the love and caring and support on here gave me some grounding in watching his life ebb out him. For that i was grateful especially since i could not show my sadness to him. It also kept me from drinking myself into oblivion as i knew the next day he would still be dying.

A fellow MWOer lost her mother to ALS a couple of days ago. We all experience pain at some stage and we all deal with it differently, I do hope that she comes back.

Tony i found that near 100 days i thought, well what now? Is this it? It sure was and it only got better and better.

I am helping the man move, came Friday and still here. He is stressed as it is the family home he is moving from, i am here to just be here and help. A lovely drink at the pub last night, well lemon lime and bitters and a great meal. Weekend nearly gone but a very productive one.
I listen and listen and thats ok. it helps.

Well off i go to pack some more. Have a great day and take care x

[Darkest Diamonds]

DD you drank one night. That does not undo all the days you did NOT drink!

Forgive yourself and tomorrow treat yourself to something nice as a reward to the warrior you are.

Thank you, this is a really important point . Actually the drinking has spun out over two nights but I will stop as it is hurting me and also I must always be free of alcohol as I want to stay free of cancer, I know that my cancer was strong,I have to be strong to stop it coming back,

[Darkest Diamonds]

And btw I lost ALL my hair many years ago....was totally bald for 3 years.

It grew back slowly. I understand how it affects emotionally but the experience was positive on certain levels.

thank you xxx

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

DD, I am sorry you are dealing with so much right now.
Give yourself a break, forgive yourself for choosing to drink for one day. Being AF will benefit you & your Dad as well. You can be more available for him with a clear mind & heart :hug:

Eloise, still thinking of you & hoping for some resolution soon.

Hello to the rest of the Nesters & wishing a safe night in the nest for all.

Lav

[Darkest Diamonds]

During the last two years I have gone through a lot. Most of the time I have been sober, thank God.

In the past I was sober for three years and three months, I want life long sobriety

I am not going to post in "the nest" again as during this very critical time when I was really struggling, I felt unsupported..... however Byrd, GMan, Kuya and No Sugar have shown they cared, thank you very much for your love, DD xx I will post in roll call, I do need help! I want to be sober forever so that is the place to post!!

[Darkest Diamonds]

Good evening Nesters,

DD, I am sorry you are dealing with so much right now.
Give yourself a break, forgive yourself for choosing to drink for one day. Being AF will benefit you & your Dad as well. You can be more available for him with a clear mind & heart :hug:

Thank you xx
Eloise, still thinking of you & hoping for some resolution soon.

Hello to the rest of the Nesters & wishing a safe night in the nest for all.

Lav

thank you xx

[Darkest Diamonds]

I have had two days of hell. My life has been profoundly unhappy due to my dad being ill. During the last two days I have been on a bender, but thank God I have still got things in place to help my dad, even though I was drinking I still made lots of phone calls etc.

Now I need to learn to stay sober for life, I need help, I will do it, roll call on here will help me. Satz what you said to me was extremely destructive, quite heart breaking, I am very strong ........ but what you said was crucifying. That is why I am leaving here, I do not want to subjct myself to that unkindness.

[Eloise]

Very sorry to read your post DD. Bless you and sending strength.

[Eloise]

wow, looks like this is the perfect occasion to put the ignore button to use!

That is an incredibly cruel thing to say. For the last two months I have not drunk a drop of wine, during this time every single night I have been awake for two to three hours, during that time I have prayed and made constructive decisions regarding my darling, wonderful father. I will continue to love him, it has been really hard, going to work every day, as a teacher with this lack of sleep and image of dad with his head in his hands and crying. I am not using him as an excuse for drinking, what a wicked and cruel thing to say.

[Eloise]

You have to ignore mean comments around here DD. It is hard, but this site will do you a lot of good if you stick around.
There are cruel humans around, use the IGNORE setting so you do not see comments from those you know have nothing to offer.

I have had two days of hell. My life has been profoundly unhappy due to my dad being ill. During the last two days I have been on a bender, but thank God I have still got things in place to help my dad, even though I was drinking I still made lots of phone calls etc.

Now I need to learn to stay sober for life, I need help, I will do it, roll call on here will help me. Satz what you said to me was extremely destructive, quite heart breaking, I am very strong ........ but what you said was crucifying. That is why I am leaving here, I do not want to subjct myself to that unkindness.

[satz123]

I have had two days of hell. My life has been profoundly unhappy due to my dad being ill. During the last two days I have been on a bender, but thank God I have still got things in place to help my dad, even though I was drinking I still made lots of phone calls etc.

Now I need to learn to stay sober for life, I need help, I will do it, roll call on here will help me. Satz what you said to me was extremely destructive, quite heart breaking, I am very strong ........ but what you said was crucifying. That is why I am leaving here, I do not want to subjct myself to that unkindness.

No need to leave DD. I will not post here again and you will get the support you need.

[Justme Again]

Hi Nesters

Great responses about the 100 days and 6-9 months sober! I was kinda wondering what was happening to me. Not feeling to great, very irretable. My strongest instinct is to CALM DOWN. Make life simple as someone mentioned.
Oh, and the sugar... started buying the big slabs of chocolate. More economical, but then I eat the big slab . Sure it is an imbalance trying to correct itself and that it will pass.

DD - sorry about the situation in your life. Wish you find peace, answers and support. With MWO it can sometimes feel that people don't "get" you. Or that some ignore you. But we are a vast group from all around the globe. Different time zones, cultures, stages of life and sobriety. Also opinions! Take from here that serves you.

Byrd - I worked the WHOLE Saturday !!! That for "finishing up" my second job. And with that busy day I realized it will take a couple of more Saturdays to finish up. Discouraged. Tired!!! Will join you soon with laundry. At least we are at home then??

Eloise - yes, lets get creative while we wait to move for a new job! I bought my town house as a fixer upper. The previous renters punched holes in almost all the doors. Had some expensive plans to make my place really nice, but now back on the cheap solutions. So, I have this plan to stuff the doors with old paper and slips mixed with wood glue, sand paper it smooth and paint over it! Boy, would the next puncher be surprised!!! Enjoy your painting!

Woke up this morning to the sound of rain. Makes winter come around once more, but it is calming and cleansing.

Happy Sunday

[Eloise]

Maybe try and get some extra rest this week Tony?
By the sounds of your posts you have been very busy. Please take extra good care and say no to the things you do not absolutely have to do.
Maybe a couple of quiet days at home with your wife and lots of food will do the trick? When in doubt, eat. I too found the 90-120 day mark challenging. Sort of like, okay am I really going to do this? Will I really not drink again? Ever? I couldn't say it yet, so I stuck with the 'I am not drinking for now" theme for quite a long time.

Hi nest

I read somewhere that day 90 to 100 are really hard. I've not been feeling well over the last day or so and it may be partly that but has anyone else experienced this? And how did you deal with It?

[tonyniceday]

Morning nest

Thanks for the various responses ... I suppose it's inevitable that the "honeymoon" period comes to an end! I think that after the initial detox and getting through the incessant triggers and cravings that these do slow down and maybe there's been a bit of the "pink cloud" for the last few weeks.

Eloise - the idea of taking some time out is great but not really practical at the moment. The temporary summer staff are now going back to university so although we're not, generally, going to be as busy over the autumn/winter, we've got more to do ourselves! We've booked a week in Malta in January to give ourselves something to look forward to (and upgraded to a really nice hotel on the money saved from me not drinking!!!) and hope to still get a week at the caravan next month (I need to go to photograph the "gate"!!!).

Anyway, have a great AF Sunday everyone

Tony