Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

There is no good answer to schools - everyone is "demanding" something different. There are petitions, rallies, etc. for and against opening school. And any solutions or compromises offered are unacceptable to many people. I personally think that we can do it safely if we think about doing it differently rather than all or nothing. We'll see.

Sorry for the bad weather everyone. Our summer weather is generally bad the other way - cold, damp and foggy. I'm tired of that myself.

Good to see you pop in, Pauly. Hope all is well.

Not much to add today. Happy SOBER Sunday.

Pav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Happy to have had an afternoon visitor, my younger grandson. He’s 9 now & much more pleasant than he used to be, haha! I will have to take him home soon.

Wags, thanks for the words re schools. I feel fortunate that my kids got thru during ‘normal’ times & I am not facing the current crisis. My kids graduated high school in ‘95 & ‘99. We barely had real email back then let along online teaching. Haha. I can’t imagine what he schools would have done if faced with Covid. There truly is no single right answer.

Pav, I’ll take your cold, damp & foggy weather any day after enduring this disgusting heat & humidity.
I hope all of the kids get a chance to experience this school year in a way that is best for them

Sending hellos to the rest if the group & wishes for a safe night for all!

Lav

[STEADFAST]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congratulations on your four years, Wagmore !

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest. We did our camping trip and it was fun. I felt rusty, but slept pretty well (LAV, I brought an extra egg-crate pad I had to go under my normal sleeping pad. It was bulky, but weighed almost nothing!). The fellas sipped scotch at night, and I could smell it. My husband hates scotch, but he drank it and complimented the guy who brought it... because I know he would have drank most anything to keep his buzz. Backpacking doesn't allow for much booze because it's heavy! I longed for it a little.

Part of that was that I was really mad at my husband. Long story short, he's not being supportive or caring about my celiac diagnosis. I have always been an "I'll take care of myself" kind of girl. But when the possibility of MS came up on some of my medical tests, I imagined for the first time being sick without a husband who would care. Not that I'm planning to become very sick (or enjoy doting of any kind), but if something happened down the road, I am not confident he would extend the care for me that I would to him. And that makes me really sad. I want to be *loved*. Sigh. We had a hard conversation last night. He says he doesn't enjoy being around me much any more because I'm boring and "complicated" (with my eating needs). I told him that I was sorry that my desire to be healthy is impacting his good time, but that it is hard for me too. There are other issues I brought up, but I said we could 1. keep talking and working on things, 2. get therapy, or 3. separate. I told him that I was not going to throw my heath away for him. UG. So I am sad. Now would be a terrible time to separate. We really ARE on different paths now... I am wanting to evolve, and have some quiet, and be simple, while he wants to revert to his childhood ways, play loud music all the time (including now... grrrrrrrr), and pack everything under the sun in his backpacking pack and then ask me to help carry it back because it's too heavy.

I've never been at such a crossroads before. I don't want to revert or get less than the love that I deserve. Wondering if we can find a common path. I'm not sure I want to grow old with this man. And that's really scary.

PAV, you're the second teacher I've heard from regarding the possibility of re-opening safely. I appreciate your opinion on that front. I'm sure you are in a really tough spot now! I appreciate you!

Off to plan the day, coffee is drained. Hope everyone has a good one.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nester's near and not so far,

Sheesh friend Kensho. That is a tough spot to be in. I hope things work out for you all. A saying comes to mind - 'it'll work out one way or another'. True, but probably not very helpful! Safe travels mi amiga.

Pav, week off? what r u up to? I reckon you should be in charge of running schools in America.

Big waves to evabody. A working tuesday here for me. Still winter here, appx. 12-14 C today. Take it easy out there.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still roasting here, ugh! Even at nearly 7 p, the ‘feel like’ temp is 99 degrees. Who needs that?
I bit the bullet today & ordered 15 new day old chicks to be shipped, they’ll be here in a few days. My current flock consists of mostly 2 1/2 yr old chickens who are done (pretty much) laying eggs. They will be moving to a farm down the road for ‘retired chickens’, haha. The rest of the flock is 1 1/2 yrs old so they’ll be sticking around for another year. I have to get busy & gather up the nursery equipment & get their new home ready. Fun times . Also got my hair cut so that helps my mood a whole lot!!!!

Steady, good to see you!

Kensho, you probably remember my story about my husband packing up & running out without saying a word 15 months after my quit. He was out of her for exactly 4 years & in that time I never got any explanation from him but I figured it out for myself. He didn’t know how to cope with me after my making radical improvements (quit drinking & smoking) & established solid relationships with the grandchildren. He didn’t know how to do any of that so he ran out on a 37 yr marriage. I figured his depression had taken over him & it sure did! It took 4 yrs for him to decide that he wanted what I had & he returned. What I’m saying is some men feel threatened when we make these changes although there’s really no reason. Taking control of our lives by kicking the addictions is something they should be proud of us for doing but they don’t always feel that way. I didn’t allow his actions to derail me, they probably strengthened my quits if anything. Try not to worry too much about future events, stay focused on the now. That’s how I got thru all that upheaval & here we are still married, 47 years last June. You will be oK, remember that :hug:
Good choice on the egg crate mattress. I have my dog sleeping on one too!

Hello to G & all the Nesters.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!
Long time I haven't posted.. no good reason except summer, laziness, slow site (though it seems back to normal now!) and not much to say..:happy2:
Still not much.. but...
WAGS! Big (belated) Congratulations on 4 years of real and true freedom! I'm so thankful for your support and wonderful advice/suggestions. You've got two feet firmly planted and I'm very happy for you. How nice to have had a weekend to yourself without all the stress of bingeing, hiding, lying, etc. etc.. What you described reminded me of how I used to be with my ex.. he worked out of town a lot and as soon as I knew he was "gone" I'd start my bender.. I'm happy for you and your wife that you've been able to make the changes you needed to make to sustain your relationship.. it sounds postive, strong and supportive:love:

Lav, great post above! Relationships are so complex and multi-layered, aren't they? There's a part of me that has wished that I could have figured things out with my aforementioned ex.. but I've come to realize that we didn't have any sort of real base to our structure. From day 1 our relationship was based on a bottle of wine.. and in the end, we had a pretty good run of "patchwork family support".. but we couldn't really communicate/find common ground without a buzz. Sad, huh? For me, the consolation is that he is still a great step dad/friend to my girls, I have a good relationship to his son and our kids have gained siblings.. so it was still worth it in the end.. With regards to chickens.. my BF(best friend!), with the 4 new chickens was convinced that hers had some sort of chicken flu (which is something that can be immunized against but she wasn't sure hers had been) because they seemed to have some nerve disorder where they couldn't walk straight and would tend to just sit after a few steps.. long story short, it ends up that she was feeding them pellets that were too rich and they were gaining weight at a speed their poor little legs couldn't handle.. sort of like factory farm chickens, I guess..? Poor little friends. Seems like they're back on track and hopefully they can recover...


Kensho.. I'm really sorry and I send love and strength. You are in a very difficult situation.. It's been quite a long time that you've felt you're growing apart/going down different paths.. and I do think this "midlife crisis" and how people decide to deal with it is very real.. I hope you'll find a way to communicate, understand each other. I can't remember if you've done couples therapy or have someone you can both talk to? It's necessary to be able to change and evolve (which you are and have been doing) and to have a partner that can love and support you during these times. :hug: You're such a strong woman! You will work through this all and figure out what's best for yourself and the kids.. xx

Shoot.. I knew it would take forever for me to post..
Have to make dinner for my youngest before her Ultimate practice..

hugs and love to you all! Byrdie, NS, Pauly, Julia, Nar, Gman, Pav, Ava, Steady,.. everyone stopping in today..

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

SO quiet in the nest these days. I wonder how we could divert any newbies here?

Kensho, such a tough spot. My husband and I went through a really rough patch when our kids were little - maybe your kids' ages. We ended up going to therapy which in my mind was to figure out how to gracefully get a divorce even though I didn't say it at first. It took a while but we weathered that storm and we're still here together. But I do know many couples who don't weather that storm together, and that's ok, too. It does seem odd that your husband isn't excited about your getting healthy and quitting drinking - maybe he needs to look into a mirror first? Anyway - good luck and I hope you get the solution you need.

Good thing there is a retired chicken farm! How long to chickens live? 99 at 7pm is WAY too hot. Even though Covid is the immediate threat, climate change is the scariest threat of them all - I hope you get some relief.

Not much else to say. Off to enjoy the trails socially distant from a friend - with masks when we pass someone. Keeping it safe out there...

Happy SOBER Tuesday,
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Peeps. All is ok here. I all of a sudden have a lot of work, so I am keeping busy. Grateful to be earning enough.

Congrats on your new flock LAV! That sounds fun! Are they like pets for you? Do they all get names, other than the great Stella, of course?

Thanks for everyone's thoughts on relationships. I did a little exercise where I wrote down the things I really love about my husband, and then the things that I really don't like. Then I weighed them. Turns out, when I'm not angry and focusing on the bad, there's much more that's good. But that doesn't change that I have a few non-negotiables that will have to be worked out to stay, and one of them is that I get support for reaching for health and growth. It is very clear to me that he doesn't want to do this for himself... so I understand his point of view. He's rejecting changes because he knows he probably needs to make them. But I'm not going to put up with anything less than support for health. It's really stupid. SO we have some work to do, but I don't feel all is lost unless he stays a bone-head. We will see how important "we" are to him.

In the meantime, I have plenty to keep me occupied, including finding gluten-free treats. All of a sudden I'm missing things like croissants, and tortillas. The GF options are just not the same.

LC, great to see you! Glad you are doing well and that your past relationship has left you with gifts even though it has ended in its previous form.

PAV, there are a few Facebook forums that I participate in occasionally and it might be a good way to offer our Nest support. This place really does have something special. A mixture of gentle kindness and no bullshit. I haven't found a match anywhere else!

Hope the quiet people are doing well!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Happy to report it’s a balmy 84 degrees at the moment ~ tolerable! Maybe prayers to the weather gods really do help, haha!
Just received a text that the chicks have shipped, so they’re on the way here from Iowa. I hope the heat isn’t too horrible for them. The PO usually calls me extremely early in the morning once they’ve arrived & I go & pick them up Baby chickens make me happy!!

LC, good to see you! Summers are all about laziness I think, LOL.
Relationships are complex, every one of them different. Looking back on what occurred here I would have to say the most important thing I did was to ‘let go’ of any visions/plans I had for us as we grew older. I basically gave up on him because it’s just senseless beating a dead horse, right? I decided to be happy & live a good life with or without him being around. Took him long enough but he finally got the idea. We can’t make people do what we want them to do, obviously! But we can change our thinking
About the chicks - when i order them from this hatchery I do pay to have them vaccinated against two things that will kill chickens quickly. The feed is different for the age levels. The first 3 weeks they essentially get ‘baby food’. Then until they start laying around 51/2 - 6 months they get a fast growing feed & once they start laying they get layer feed designed to boost egg production. Sounds a little crazy but it works well & keeps them healthy. I know people who raise chickens for meat & they have to be careful the birds don’t put too much weight on too quickly & hurt their little legs. I hope your friends chickens are oK.

Pav, I think that different breeds of chickens have different lifespans. I’ve had a few that made it close to 7 years but I don’t usually keep them that long. We give the older girls to our Amish neighbor. He says they are good eggs sitters, haha! I hope the trails were enjoyable for you today!

Kensho, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he’s rejecting changes. That is exactly what was going on here as well. I still say stay on your path to health, it’s the best thing for you. It’s likely when he sees you happy & healthy he will want that for himself too :hug:
All chickens here become part of the Stella collective - it’s just easier to remember haha!

Hello to the rest of the gang & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

LAV, I love your attitude about most everything in life. You make me feel like it's all going to be ok. Thank you for that.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - my heart goes out to you. You've definitely mentioned having the sense that you and your husband have been growing apart several times over the past few years. From what I recall, a lot of what you've heard from his is some variation on the theme of "you're not fun anymore now that you aren't drinking" instead of the support, encouragement and other positives toward the changes you're working hard to make. I wonder if deep down he's less than 100% happy with himself and he perceives your changing goals, needs and behaviors as some sort of negative reflection on him. Almost a jealousy in some ways, like when people shoot down others' dreams because they secretly don't have the courage (or strength or discipline or...) to pursue their own goals or dreams. I am NOT saying that you're doing anything that gives him this message, other than possibly removing the validation he might get from you drinking and partying right along with him (which is not yours to carry by the way). I don't know -- there are tons of possible psychological angles on this, and who knows which (if any) are at play. You've taken some great steps to analyze/list the positives & negatives, and to recognize health is non-negotiable. If you're both game to participate, counseling could be a really useful step even if the outcome is that you decide to part ways. I'm sending you sympathy and empathy during this very difficult time.

Lav - hooray for the chicks! I think I've learned more about chickens from the last few pages of posts than I've learned in total through the entire rest of my life Glad it's cooling down at least a little bit in your area.

Pav - hope you had a great time on the trails with your friend. I think you're right that schools can possibly be open by doing things differently, and that likely won't look the same from one school to the next. I hope whatever each school or district decides, that we have the best possible outcomes in a world where people have very different opinions and needs. I was talking with a few teacher friends the other day about how this could be a golden opportunity to re-envision what schooling looks like in the U.S. I'd love to see what other countries who are farther ahead on the virus have decided/created, if nothing else just to get ideas.

LC - great to see your update and to hear your thoughts on several things. Don't worry, you aren't the only one having trouble posting as often now that summer heat and lazier days have settled in here in the northern hemisphere. I imagine Ava and G are having similar challenges in the winter to our south. In an ideal world I'm on here every day, but for some reason lately I've had trouble getting more than 2-3/week. And it's all ok


Well, suddenly I'm very tired so I'm gonna wrap up for now and get this posted. Hellos and waves to everyone!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening nesters

Wags, a happy 4 sober birthday. So proud of you and all you have achieved over that time. Who would have ever thought that life could be so much fun not drinking. sending you hugs.

God it feels like years since i posted but have been so busy at work and just tired. i think the stress of work, covid and life has gotten to me. i did have a lovely telehealth apt with my psychologist and she stressed making time for myself, so today i took carly for a nice long walk and then had a 2 hour nap. compared to the 4 or 5 hours sleep i am getting i feel like a new woman. i have to realise i am not superwoman so i am going to have 3 days off next week for me and try really hard NOT to look at my computer.

Carly had to go to the vets the other day, still unsure of what is wrong but he wanted to rip your throat out if you touched his tummy. the vet had the audacity to tell me he was round and overweight. Oops, too many covid treats so now no treats and lots of walks.

Kensho, thats sad to hear about your hubs. Why is it the grass is always greener on the other side and then one realises its not. Focus on you and the kids and stay strong.

short and sweet for me tonight, im getting a migraine, my neck is no better after remedial massage and a chiropractor so now up to a 2nd new pillow that i just ordered.

take care everyone xxx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

I think we cross-posted, LC. Nice to see you check in.

Ava, does Cardi walk with you and Carl?? He's not the only one who needs to stop the Covid diet... I hope he's ok.

Those poor chicks in the mail! That makes me laugh to think about the postal workers encountering live chicks... My friend with chickens who lives in NY gives them frozen watermelon in the heat.

Happy SOBER hump day.
Pav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Netsers,

Pav, we just finished cutting up a humongous watermelon for the chickens. I now have two 2 gal bags of watermelon slices stored in the garage fridge for them. They only have so many ways of staying cool because they don’t sweat like us so watermelon helps cool them off

Ava, I was told my dog was overweight a while ago. So I started a walking program so we could both lose a few pounds. She lost 3 & I lost nothing, haha!!
Taking good care of ourselves is more important now than ever. You do whatever you have to do!!

Wags, now what are you going to do with your newfound chicken knowledge? Ha ha!!
I knew nothing about them when I started my chicken project 16 years ago but I have learned a lot. It’s a good hobby actually & I get to share eggs with everyone
You take care too!

Kensho I am mostly stubborn, Lol
Growing up with 3 brothers, no sisters & a nasty father figure made me toughen up pretty fast. I am just not going to be taken advantage of especially by the ones you trust the most. It’s self-survial really but that’s OK. You keep on taking care of you & I bet the rest will work itself out :hug:

Nothing else new here, still hot & I’m hoping the chicks don’t melt on their long ride. I’m ready for them whenever they do arrive.
Wishing everyone a saf enight in the nest!

Lav