ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

[Accountable for Me]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Has he always felt and acted this way in your marriage?

I am wondering if he is scared you might end up like a couple of your family members as of late? You said that you are suicidal when you drink, right? Your uncle and your brother was it are gone now. One to suicide and one that bled out from drinking?

Although, what he is doing is extreme; fear can drive people nuts at times.

I think it is time to sit him down and demand some privacy. Assure him that you want to stop drinking and are working on that.

[gyco]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

hi lil M i thot id say hi again i hope your today is better,fill us in ,remmember were here for you,

[universal]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Lil M - you answered your own question above - how are you supposed to feel better when you are continually belittled, have no money of your own.........he is trying to control you and I do agree with others that this is the beginning of abuse. If you do love each other, you need to get into some type of therapy together so that you can learn to support each other and talk to each other.......cause the way he's talking to you and treating you is not supportive - nor is it healthy.

Best of luck hon.

[sammys]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Ok I went thru something similar, my other half used to just bitch at me about anything than I cut way, way down on the alcohol and guess what he just kept bitching at me. I in turn turned loose on him everytime he did it, that was kind of bad for awhile but guess what it ended I stood my ground but good. It was a darn miserable time in my life but we are better now tons better. I do not recommend this for anyone but it is what I did. I just got tired of listening to him blame me and when I was drinking so much I thought I was to blame.

Hope you feel better today and don't let him get you down, its what they know how to do and takes some time and change to stop all the drama.

Sammys

[Mohun]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Well, I don't think any of us can pass judgment as we do not know all of the details. That being said, I have no problem with my wife checking my emails and phone and vice versa. I have nothing to hide and neither does my wife.

Also, sounds like you need to make a serious decision about alcohol. It seems like a bone of contention in your marriage.

This is a great place for advice about alcohol, not so sure about relationships though.

[last call]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Why don't you have hubby read some of these posts. Maybe he'll understand things better.

[Aussie Chick]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Hi Lil M, I also agree with Marbella and the others. I don't overly agree with Florida Boy's statement about "You have a decision to make...your family or AL" - (sorry FB), but I think that is a bit harsh and not quite a simple as that.

I know your husband is probably fumbling around trying to do what he thinks he can to stop you from drinking, but at the end of the day he is adding an awful lot of unneccessary pressure to you, by cutting off your wings he doesn't exactly give you much freedom to do any other things with your life either. He needs to focus more on supporting you not monitoring you and trying to catch you out all the time. Maybe he needs to talk to someone to get advice on how to help you, he also needs to realise that he can't stop you drinking - only you can do that.

I hope you two can have a big chat in the next day or two and get him roped into helping you more not controlling you. He sounds like he cares and you love him very much, plus you are trying so hard to quit the AL, really you both want the same thing you are just appoaching it very differently.

AC x x x

[nancy]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Hi Lil Michelle

I advise not letting him see posts. He will just try to control that too.
Sounds like his way of addressing this is by completely controlling you. But he is making you miserable, isolated and trapped in the process, which as someone else suggested, can't be good for your sobriety.

His behavior is extreme but I guess yours has been too, and as Accountable said, the suicide fears are real. But there must be some other solution than controlling you.

Have you thought about couples counseling? Has he ever tried Alanon?



Nancy

[lil.michelle]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Ok ok ok ok people. I hardly drink at all now so that is not why he's like this so please don't tell me to pick my family or drink... I DID that months ago and with a LOT of will power i no longer have a drinking problem. HOWEVER, saying that, i guess it will always be there and i have to much more aware then most people.
Our relationship has become very strong since i started to get control over my drink problem. I'm not completely cured. I do sometimes drink. I know i should as i want to be COMPLETELY AF.

He started taking control of my life when i started drinking heavily. I TOTALLY accept that. He took my cards and my money so i couldn't buy the drink. To be honest, if he hadn't done that i have no idea where i'd be or even if i'd be alive.

Me and my hubby have ALWAYS been very close but we have our space which is why i think we work. We've worked for 10 years so far. I feel we're open with each other and we've always had so much trust that we have never had the need to read each others mails, emails, check phones, call up and check where each other are ect ect. Even tho i'm not happy about him checking my stuff, i have NOTHING to hide so i've told him to go ahead but it does need to stop as i just have no space no life nothing.

His dad is very VERY controlling over his mum, has been for YEARS BUT has got much better. I don't want him to be like his dad cause i can never be like his mum. I have my own personality and i like to have some kind of imput in my life, my childs life ect ect

I had a huge talk to him last night, many tears on my side and he tried to explain why he is doing what he's doing which really doesn't even make sence. If he's worried, he should come and talk to me, not check my phone and emails behind my back. The talk went really well. I'm hoping to see some kind of improvment but we'll see....

Thanx for everyone who understands what i mean and have been supportive! I love you all!

[rubywillow]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Good luck, Michelle. It's hard to give advice based on a short post, and hard to read some of the suggestions if we feel a little threatened by them. From my reading, your husband does a lot of the things mine used to do, and he did it in the name of 'saving me from myself'.Can't be done. I still found ways to drink, I became more depressed because he kept us isolated, etc. Only when I decided to stop, then had to fight him for control of my life back, did I truly understand some of his real reasons for 'taking care of me.' Again, I can't explain this in a short post, but I feel you need to establish your own identity again, with it's own privacy. I have nothing to hide, Hubs and I share everything, and we've been together almost 40 years, so I know what I'm talking about. The sharing , etc. should be mutual decisions.