struggling and need help

[determined]

hi everyone,

i found this site about a month ago and have been reading all of your posts and getting a kind of vicarious support. i am also doing program. i ordered the cd's, bought suppliments and went to see my very suppotive doctor about medication. the first thing we tried was campral. sadly it did nothing for my cravings so my doctor prescribed topamax.

the cd's arrived and i have been listening to them every day, i have also been taking the suppliments and started on topamax a little over two weeks ago. i am up to 75 mg's a day now. sadly however i am still craving alot and somtimes still drinking. i feel quite despairing that it may not work for me. did any one else find that it worked better as the dose increased? looking for hope here? or just other people's experiences of how the drug actually impacts the cravings. does anyone have any advise? i really am feeling terribly sad and low at the moment. the ironic thing is i started drinking this year after years of abstinance where i gave up by sheer will power... where did it go? the will power that is!

thanks for listening ...:new:

[Allie]

struggling and need help

Hi Deterimined!
By the way, love the name! Sorry you are feeling down, but I think as others respond you will find that even working the program perfectly, most of us still struggle on some level. The Topamax and Campral just really help that willpower and with the cravings for most people, but I think for the majority, most still have the desire to drink on some level. Occasionally, some people find no relief from the medication at all, but that is rare. More rare with Topamax. The Campral seems to either work GREAT or NOT AT ALL from what I have seen. Like you, I started on Campral first, and found no benefit. But I have read the testimonies of those who find it eliminates their cravings entirely. So it must have something to do with our different brain chemistries or something!

I have found the Topamax to really CURB the craving to go to excess. It does not change my desire for that initial drink at the usual time, but I find that once I START drinking, I go much slower and stop much sooner, therefore making moderation actually easy for me now. I wasnt sure if you were thinking that Topamax was supposed to take away your desire or craving to drink entirely? It usually does not. It just seems to make you seem satisfied with a MUCH smaller amount, and of course there are those who lose all desire to drink while taking it. I just dont happen to be one those blessed FEW! LOL!

Are you noticing a reduction in the amount you are drinking? Do the supplements and the Topamax make your decision to quit or cut back easier than going it without them? I wasnt sure if you were trying to quit completely as in the past, or just reduce your amount to one or two drinks a night or whatever you choose to be healthy and moderate for you.

My advice would be that if you are finding it overwhelming to quit completely right now, that I think as you get to a higher dose on the Topamax, it will get better. Many people just have to find the "right" dose for them, and then it clicks. Also, maybe setting a goal of moderation would be more attainable right now if the desire is still to the point that it is making you feel like a failure with the program. I would hate to see you get discouraged and quit altogether if maybe moderation is the better option to begin with, and then when you feel in control of the amount, then maybe go for total abstinence if that is what your ultimate goal is? Just some thoughts.... There are lots of great people here who have success stories, and they may not all be quite the same, but stick with us! Sounds like you are off to a great start and I bet as you get a little higher dose on the Topa that you will notice a big diff. That's what happened with me anyway!

:welcome:
Allie

[YoungAtHeart]

struggling and need help

Hi, Determined!

Many people find that the real benefit of topa kicks in around 200 mg, and peaks between 200-300mg, at least if you are going for abstinence. I found that I could easily cut my drinking in half at 100-150 mg, but I wasn't really able to go for abs until 200 mgs. I struggle at 200 mg., but it's a balance for me between abstinence and the "topa-dopa" effect. Try not to be too discouraged yet. You might be one of those who doesn't have the difficult side effects either!! Keep the faith!

Kathy

[determined]

struggling and need help

thank you both so much for your replies. i have never talked with anyone but my partner and my doctor about my acoholism before and it feels really good.

i am going for abstinence. i just don't trust myself to drink. when i drink (even on this level of topamax) i drink whatever is in sight. generally we don't have alcohol in the house for this reason.

i have also been feeling increasingly suicidal when i drink... and that ever present sense of sense of self loathing is enveloping me like a fog... so drinking in moderation doesn't really doesn't feel like an option.

the difficulty for me at the moment is just how powerful and constant the cravings are... i guess i just have to bare with it and see how things go as my dose increases. thanks so much for your support - you have no idea how much i appreciate it.

[InnerStrength]

struggling and need help

Hi determined. I also was the type when I started to drink would drink anything available. I am now only at 125 mg topa and i cannot describe the difference even from 100 to 125 - please message me anytime.
Hugs
Jen

[determined]

struggling and need help

thanks jen that's very reassuring...

[gateway]

struggling and need help

allie, jenneh and young at heart have all hit the nail on the head.
i am currently at l50mg. i hope to increase to 200 next week. the desire to drink has decreased each week the more i have increased the topa. I have had a very difficult time getting the stuff however. (literally begging Paul to pay Peter) Just hang in there, stick with the topa , keep increasing the dosage and see if it works- what can you lose? The only 2 side effects i have noticed are the terrible taste and the tiredness - which coffee or tea helps. OH time for my kudzu---------
good luck and keep posting- determined.
gaters

[Whitestar]

struggling and need help

Never keep kicking

Hi Det

Just out of detox for the third time!! lasted 3 hours. however no topa in uk, please please keep trying the odds say we will win in the end my thoughts are with you never give up giving up:welcome: going on holiday soon, hope too see you here when i get back, the very best off luck


Whitestar

[MKR]

struggling and need help

Hi Determined,

Just wanted to add one more piece that I didn't see in your post, it has been a big help to me. Starting at the point of my "drinking hour" go exercise for 20minutes, half hour even. Sweat, feel your heart pump and feel those endorphins kick in. Have a huge glass of water right after that. See if that won't help with the cravings and breaking the habit.

Wishing you the best and Welcome!
Mary

[YoungAtHeart]

struggling and need help

Great advice, Mary!

[determined]

struggling and need help

thanks for the advice everyone... i am going to go for a big walk (without a pocket full of money) at four today and see if that helps... i really feel the support of this community in my little sydney home. thanks to you all.

hugs and thanks. d

[Midnight]

struggling and need help

i didn't even TRY to go alcohol free until 200 mg topa. maybe fear? at lower doses, i just drank less. please smile at yourself for what you have done so far. give yourself a break, allow yourself some time and your body some time to let this happen.

[determined]

struggling and need help

well i had my first good day in about six months yesterday... i am up to 100 now... but i took myself off for a walk at four and listened to my cd when i got home and said my 'this moment will pass' mantra when the cravings hit me over the next five hours and goddamit - went to bed sober!

this morning i feel so proud of myself... i said to my partner... i can't promise that every day is going to be this be that good, but i do feel hope. and boy has that been missing from my life!

thanks to you all

dxxx