Hello everyone, going into day 9 AF. I have never never never been this far before! Far out, feels powerful, but at the same time that bloody little lurking monster in my head is still there. I have a script for Topa, would that help the monster to go away? I'm a bit reluctant to start on the meds, don't want to end up on the 'downer' track and have a depressive battle going on;(been there too). Headaches have gone, but my head still wants to explode. There's obviously a fight goin' on in there!
I know I am capable of getting to 30 AF days. I set little achievements for myself, like getting to double figures. Then half way. Then day 20. I continually say to myself that I've gone this far, why blow it now? I have no idea where this strength is coming from. I've always been such a slack arse, weak willed person. But I'm appreciative of the shift in my awarness, I'm not really gunna question it.
Since June I've been reading a passage every morning, yes EVERY MORNING. goes like this
" I intend to see; I want to see; I expect to see.
No matter who I am talking with, no matter who I am working with,
No matter where I am, no matter what I am doing,
I intend to see tha which I want to see."
I don't remember where I picked it up, some alternative mag I spoze. I didn't understand it, and still probably don't. But I've been saying it every morning, sometimes out loud, (if know one else is around, ha!) and any other time it strikes me. At the time I had no intention of going AF, but I think it has helped to bring me here, to be AF. I keep it on my fridge.
I do not wish to abstain completely. I'd like to be a mod. So once my 30 days are done, my next challenge will occur, and thats going to take some work!!!! Any tips from moderaters?
take care one and all,
much love Pen xx
I know I am capable of getting to 30 AF days. I set little achievements for myself, like getting to double figures. Then half way. Then day 20. I continually say to myself that I've gone this far, why blow it now? I have no idea where this strength is coming from. I've always been such a slack arse, weak willed person. But I'm appreciative of the shift in my awarness, I'm not really gunna question it.
Since June I've been reading a passage every morning, yes EVERY MORNING. goes like this
" I intend to see; I want to see; I expect to see.
No matter who I am talking with, no matter who I am working with,
No matter where I am, no matter what I am doing,
I intend to see tha which I want to see."
I don't remember where I picked it up, some alternative mag I spoze. I didn't understand it, and still probably don't. But I've been saying it every morning, sometimes out loud, (if know one else is around, ha!) and any other time it strikes me. At the time I had no intention of going AF, but I think it has helped to bring me here, to be AF. I keep it on my fridge.
I do not wish to abstain completely. I'd like to be a mod. So once my 30 days are done, my next challenge will occur, and thats going to take some work!!!! Any tips from moderaters?
take care one and all,
much love Pen xx
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