December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

[Davie Souter]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Hi all,
Posting from work so said I'd just pop in and wish you all a very good and prosperous 15 December.

DS

[dill]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

"Many a good man has failed because he had his wishbone where his backbone should
have been."
--Unknown

Hello All,
This quote struck close to home for me. I will work on strengthening my backbone!

SD, I hope you are feeling better! Did you get in to see the doctor?

LBH, I think you described to a “T” the day we had The Cable Man over. I should have taken notes. Perhaps one day they’ll design a female friendly remote? As it is, I must hope that Mr. Dill and I continue to enjoy the same types of TV shows and movies as he is the one that works the thing. As for subtitles, yes, it is good to be able to see them…read them…understand them….remember them…

Lav, I can’t believe Mr. Lav hasn’t talked you into a big screen TV yet. Maybe Santa will bring him one for Christmas!

Red, your Christmas memory sounds very nice. Hold on to it and remember that person who could enjoy the simple freedom of being sober! I continue looking back. I remember walking out to the back of our property evenings when I was just a girl, looking for my Dad who could be found working in his garden. I remember just being with him as he looked at this tree and that plant. It was the evening (witching hour for me now) after he would get home from work, and there was never a thought of alcohol, of course, I was just a child. I had a feeling of “togetherness”. Alcohol robs me of that feeling and isolates me.

Mighty, you sound good and busy. AF evenings really are the best.

Dill - glad the cheesecake was a hit -- I understand what you mean about the back and forth of 'sort of' AF...I have found that it really is more exhausting than just saying 'no'!

Cyn, you are so right to call it ‘exhausting’. That’s exactly what it is. And not worth it. Tonight I will follow your lead and take a nice soaky bath.

Hi, Davie! Peace and strength to you!

Today I will be AF. No party this evening and no wine in the house. That is a comforting thought to me. I prefer my evenings AF.

[stirly-girly]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Dill - that is the most profound quote I have heard in a very long time. Thanks so much for sharing it with us...
Stirly

[Lavande]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Good morning all,

Very foggy here on the East coast - I think rain is on the way, it's still 41 degrees!

Dill, looks like you showed great strength & restraint last evening - good for you! I have to agree with you - it's much easier to avoid AL all together......I'm all for the easy way, would rather not be bothered!

Greetings to cyn, DS , Stirly & all who drop in this morning!

MM, I have a small home based embroidery shop - my retirement from Nursing career. Just two machines, my two hands & one (now) AF brain......this tim of year is very biusy getting Christmas orders out. But, I can go to work in my PJ's if I need to I've been taking Monday & Wednesday afternoons off to watch my grandson while my DIL is in class - fun, fun!!

Wishing everyone a terrific Tuesday!

Lav

[ladybirdheart]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Good Tuesday! Since it is Tuesday, Red, I hope things at work don?t throw you around. I should have strong day here. Your memory, Dill, of what you once did in the ?witching? hours before you discovered alcohol reminded me of my own times before I became addicted. I had forgotten that I actually used to love that soft, ending time of day I now associate with anxious craving and ?just getting through?. I?ll take it however it comes now as it beats anything alcohol has to offer me, but in the long run I think it will be essential to my hopes of enduring recovery to gradually build something new and rich to look forward to at the end of the day. Have a good one. Has anybody heard from Lil? It is concerning. Hi Cyn, Davie, Lav (rock on, Chief), MM, Styrly, and all! Love, Ladybird.

[cyntree]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Morning all!
Reading the beautiful memories you've been writing, it seems like we've found another really important 'thread' in our AF weaving....as LBH says, how to handle the 'witching' hours of early evening. Especially in winter with the early gathering dark, those moments seem to be a potent time for decision-making....

For me, rituals (the right ones!) can be a saving grace; I'm trying to resurrect 'tea time' as a coping mechanism for myself - loose tea, brewed in a favorite pot, fragrant, with some sandwichy snack....since much of my drinking has been low blood-sugar based, I'm trying to stay ahead of the curve and eat something decent, before the alcohol-sugar monster kicks in. Also, I'm thinking of taking up my knitting again - maybe busy hands really will save me from the devil's work? Anyway, some ideas...it would surely be nice to enjoy evenings again.

Davie, Dill, Lav, Stirly, Red, MM and LBH - glad to hear from you - hello to all who are yet to come - strength to all! ODAT!

I am also concerned about Lil - any news?

[lodestar]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Hi all former november navigators and new december determination-ers! While I've not been posting, I've been keeping an eye on the goings-on here and thinking of you. It is great to see everyone fighting the good fight.

I have been very reflective this month and decided to spend some time with myself and not posting as much. The "pink cloud" has faded somewhat, and I am left to live life without the brand spanking new feeling of sobriety and the high that it brings. It's okay though, just different. I don't think I've ever been here before. I know I haven't actually.

I am still AF ~ almost 7 weeks now. Hard to believe. I am not planning too far ahead and am finally learning the meaning of ODAT. I've always loathed that phrase for some reason. It just sounded kind of cliche to me and I also thought of it as "ODAT~sure...isn't that just a way to drink tomorrow?", but today I think I'm getting the importance of it now in a different way. For example, I had a difficult day or two workwise last week. I didn't think ODAT per se...I just said in my head, "I'm not gonna drink through this discomfort. I can handle this discomfort tonight." Each time, I woke up the next morning and was glad I maintained AF and took care of myself in a healthier way. While the phrase still rubs my brain the wrong way, I appreciate how it works. For me, it is getting through uncomfortable moments by doing something other than drinking alcohol.

Man, I didn't even know I was thinking that until I started writing to you guys this morning. Perhaps I should be prioritizing writing during this time? Duh.

Here's another thought that's creeping in...I think I'm trying to temper my need for pats on the back for remaining AF. Why is that? Is it hard to accept that I deserve to feel proud or have people recognize an accomplishment? Am I afraid of being an imposter ~ like my current AF status somehow says that I've made a commitment to an AF life (which I haven't)? This last part especially resonates deep within me, as I look back on those words. That must be a big part of it. I feel betwixt (sp?) and between...not a "drinker" and not committed to lifelong sobriety...but knowing I won't drink today or tomorrow ~ knowing I can commit a day ahead...but not knowing when/if I will ever again...

I know, deep thoughts, right? I feel myself wanting to apologize for rambling on about this. Hmmm, wonder what that's about.

Thanks for listening and I hope everyone is keeping safe today. I'd better hit send before I lose my exposed nerve.

[stirly-girly]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Lodestar - huge congrats on being AF for almost 7 weeks!! You do deserve a pat on the back - many in fact. It is a big accomplishment in the world of alcohol. While you may not be able to commit to lifelong sobriety, you may be able to commit to a healthier lifestyle than one of drinking every day or at least more often than you/we should. Best wishes on your journey..
Stirly

[mighty mouse]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Good afternoon determinators,

Hang in there Dill, Good Job using all the club soda. We all know this month is a tempting one. Have that nice bath this evening and no stress trying to control anything tonight.
I'm staying AF also. Do you check the remember me box when you log on? I used to lose alot of threads before I started doing that,

Hi lodestar, It's good to ramble. It's such a process we all need to reflect on. I wish you could bottle that high that new sobriety brings and take it when you need it for extra stength.! Expecially in those witching hours that LBH mentioned.

Hi LBH, Cyn, SG, Davie, Lav and anyone else I missed. Need to go shopping.
Sending everyone much love and support. MM

[Hartley]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

lodestar;775435 wrote: Hi all former november navigators and new december determination-ers! While I've not been posting, I've been keeping an eye on the goings-on here and thinking of you. It is great to see everyone fighting the good fight.

I have been very reflective this month and decided to spend some time with myself and not posting as much. The "pink cloud" has faded somewhat, and I am left to live life without the brand spanking new feeling of sobriety and the high that it brings. It's okay though, just different. I don't think I've ever been here before. I know I haven't actually.

I am still AF ~ almost 7 weeks now. Hard to believe. I am not planning too far ahead and am finally learning the meaning of ODAT. I've always loathed that phrase for some reason. It just sounded kind of cliche to me and I also thought of it as "ODAT~sure...isn't that just a way to drink tomorrow?", but today I think I'm getting the importance of it now in a different way. For example, I had a difficult day or two workwise last week. I didn't think ODAT per se...I just said in my head, "I'm not gonna drink through this discomfort. I can handle this discomfort tonight." Each time, I woke up the next morning and was glad I maintained AF and took care of myself in a healthier way. While the phrase still rubs my brain the wrong way, I appreciate how it works. For me, it is getting through uncomfortable moments by doing something other than drinking alcohol.

Man, I didn't even know I was thinking that until I started writing to you guys this morning. Perhaps I should be prioritizing writing during this time? Duh.

Here's another thought that's creeping in...I think I'm trying to temper my need for pats on the back for remaining AF. Why is that? Is it hard to accept that I deserve to feel proud or have people recognize an accomplishment? Am I afraid of being an imposter ~ like my current AF status somehow says that I've made a commitment to an AF life (which I haven't)? This last part especially resonates deep within me, as I look back on those words. That must be a big part of it. I feel betwixt (sp?) and between...not a "drinker" and not committed to lifelong sobriety...but knowing I won't drink today or tomorrow ~ knowing I can commit a day ahead...but not knowing when/if I will ever again...

I know, deep thoughts, right? I feel myself wanting to apologize for rambling on about this. Hmmm, wonder what that's about.

Thanks for listening and I hope everyone is keeping safe today. I'd better hit send before I lose my exposed nerve.

I know exactly how you feel. I hate cliches but this one happens to have some merit. It's a lot less daunting to deal with just the immediacy rather than dwell on the past or worry about the future.

I can't drink alcohol. If I do, I will die. If I project that into "I can't ever drink alcohol again" it's quite overwhelming and introduces so many "what ifs?" If I concentrate on "I won't drink today," I find it gives me an element of control.

Today I finally admitted to myself that there is no hope for my marriage. It's dead and the only person responsible for that is me. It's funny but I haven't been in denial about my alcoholism for two years now. I have been in denial about my marriage. Everytime I've sobered up, I expect things to return to normal after two weeks, as if nothing ever happened. Now that is the true mark of an alcoholic. Just wish away the hurt, broken promises, emotional abuse and neglect. It's the most painful thing as I adore her, but the inability to move on is undoubtedly a major part of my relapse problem now. I have to accept it and I'm making a real start on that.

I feel terrible writing this. Her cousin is passing away as we speak after the most painful six-month fight against cancer. He's riddled with tumours up his spine. We don't expect him to last the day. He's 42 years old. I need to support her as she's devastated - I just don't know how.

There - how's that for laying it all out there?

Take care all.

Stay safe.

[dill]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Lodestar, congrats on 7 weeks! That is indeed awesome!

Cyn, I have started knitting a scarf. It is a good diversion, at least for me.

LBH and Cyn, I have not heard one peep from Lil since her PM telling me she would have to be away for awhile. She didn't want us to worry that she was off line because she is drinking. That is not the case. I will let you all know if I hear anything. Let's keep her and her family in our prayers and hope she manages to post soon.

Hartley, I am so sorry that you are at such a low point. Things will improve for you if you continue to be AF, but unfortunately it is not a magic bullet. I wish you strength. You need it right now. But even if you are correct and your marriage is beyond repair, your can still be a help to your wife by being fully present, the kind of presence that being sober brings. Do it for yourself as well.

Hi Davie, Stirly and MM!

[Hartley]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

dill;775591 wrote:

Hartley, I am so sorry that you are at such a low point. Things will improve for you if you continue to be AF, but unfortunately it is not a magic bullet. I wish you strength. You need it right now. But even if you are correct and your marriage is beyond repair, your can still be a help to your wife by being fully present, the kind of presence that being sober brings. Do it for yourself as well.

Thank you. It's a long story - but then isn't everyones?

Fortunately, I don't do self-pity.

[dill]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Tomorrow is the official start to the 3rd week of December. Whoever gets here first, go ahead and start the new thread.

[Lavande]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Evening friends,

I'm usually not the first one here in the mornings - I'll write myself a note Dill - just in case!

Lodestar, 'pat' 'pat' 'pat' on the back for your 7 AF weeks That's great news, good for you! I remember having that sort of 'let down' 'now what' feeling myself after a while. But, if you wait patiently - your future will become clear to you, really! I also worried about the same things you mentioned, but not any more! Hang in there, you won't be sorry!

Hartley, I am sorry you are dealing with so much all at once. All I can think to say is please don't make any major changes or decisions right this minute. Right now just try to be the best supportive friend you can be. My heart goes out to that young man & his family, that's very tough. Be good to yourself so that you are able to be supportive.

Greetings to LBH, cyn.......hey, where's Sooty? I don't know anything about Lil either.
Greetings to everyone else that drops in tonight.

Wishing everyone a good night.

[cyntree]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 2

Evening all - I have to keep plugging away at work tonight, so this will be quick, but the level of honesty is so touching on the boards here tonight that I wanted to quickly say thank you.

Lodestar - you DO deserve all those pats on the back - it's been awhile since I had 7 weeks under my belt, but I do agree with Lav, you can ride out the less-than pink feelings you're having - it's just another wave to cruise on while you take good care of yourself.

Hartley - I second Dill and Lav - AF helps us to be present, for ourselves and for others...sometimes it feels like an awful lot to face, but staying in your skin will give you strength. I also agree that taking care of yourself is the key to being able to be supportive. Remember what they say on the airplane - "put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others".....

Peace to all -