Sick of losing everything

[kelleynewman]

Alcoholism has cost me much. My husband, my house, my son is with my sister etc... I can't seem to stay sober. I am now living at a halfway house and working the 12 steps. I still want to run all the time. I have a minimum wage job when I used to make 45K. I don't have the money to buy the cd's on here yet. My doctor prescribed me campral but I am afraid to take it because of the warning labels that it causes fear. I don't need anything messing with my head even more than what it is. I hate this damn DX.

[KateH1]

Sick of losing everything

Hi Kelly and welcome to mwo! It sounds like alcohol has really ripped your life apart. Sorry to hear that. I understand, I allowed alcohol to destroy me for far too long. The good thing is that now there is only one way to go and that is forward.....but that is up to you. There are several people here who take campral with much success. You might want to check out the thread on Medications. I have yet to hear of anyone saying that campral made them feel fearful? For certain alcohol causes all sort of problems, both physical, mental and emotional. I no nothing has made me feel as bad as alcohol did.

I wish you success and happiness.....just don't give up!
Kate

[hippie37]

Sick of losing everything

Hi Kelley

It took me a long time to wake up to the denial I was in over my drinking/drugging. I ended up in a 12 step treatment centre for 3 months which was the best thing I ever did. Frightening, but at the same time liberating. It opened me up to my denial and the delusion I was living in which helped me get honest with people in fellowship after I'd left.

I was probably the last person who would of believed I'd be in fellowship today because I was adamant I could do it alone. I was anti-establishment, anti-authoritarian and a non-conformist anarchist crusty type who hated AA. What I have today is a better life because of AA though. It's tough at times and I make loads of mistakes but I'm honest about it and speak to the right people.

I get odd days myself when I just feel really angry because I don't want to accept things the way they are. It's all part of growing up I guess.

Do what feels right for you over the campral. It's not my place to say whether you should or shouldn't take it. Fear was usually what drove me though and many of my fears I've realised today are unfounded.

Keep looking towards the solution and don't get caught up thinking negatively trying to change the past. I can appreciate a lot has happened and you've lost a lot in your life but dwelling on that is not going to change things. I've gained so much back in my life since I've been sober that words fail me. Having my daughter back in my life just wouldn't of been the same if I hadn't kept working on my sobriety in fellowship. I have such an emotional bond with her today that I just never had before. Change has to come from within you and action is needed for that to happen.

Many Blessings and welcome to MWO
Phil

[Boss.man]

Sick of losing everything

Kelley you have a great post.

Keep the campral handy. But I feel there's no need to take it. Supplements are nice, they help with symptom relief. But no need to do them either.

For sobering up there are two separate tasks:

a) Get sober in the first place. Go through withdrawal, and allow your body enough time to re-establish a metabolism, sleep and energy levels without AL in the picture.

b) Get a long term system to avoid relapse. Alcohol (and every other addiction) captures your emotional centers, thus bypassing the logical part of your brain. It's a lifelong journey to make new mental paths to deny the constant emotional urge to slip.

For a) and b) there are a number of systems. Drugs and 12 steps, meditation, jail, pregnancy, replacement.

For me, the best system was simply persistence. I knew my goal. I still know my goal. I spent a year to get sober. I've now been a year juggling the boundaries. But I know every time I wake up in the morning refreshed and ready, that I'm one more day into my new post-AL life. It's worth it.

Keep going.

[Guest]

Sick of losing everything

Quick question so we know where you are at - are you still drinking or have you some AF days under your belt?

I've some experience with Campral.

[hillsidetime]

Sick of losing everything

Hi Kelley, and welcome. You are not alone, many of us have had our lives ripped apart by alcohol. You are doing a great thing, taking control, and going sober. For me, that was the first step in getting my life back, and I think it will be for you too. Read and write lots. All the best
Hill

[spuddleduck]

Sick of losing everything

hi. just a word on campral. ive been taking it for about 4 months. not sure if it works but i have been mostly sober for 4 months (2 major binges). the only side effect i have had is bloating and diarroeah but i can cope with that if it helps get AL out of my life. i would certainly give it a go.

[wannachange]

Sick of losing everything

Hey kelly, I am very sorry to hear how alcohol has caused this much pain in your life, you made a great step by coming here and admitting it and realizing you need help. Don't despair, keep reading and posting and start from where you are now, I too lost everything that I held dear due to alcohol and thought there was nothing left to go on for, after a while I realized I have plenty of reasons to keep going, starting with myself, seeing the world with different eyes, appreciation for what there is now - it takes a bit of time but once you are determined to pull the root of the problem the flowers will bloom again.